Do you wanna say something but there's no thread to post it in? Say it here, I'll read

i feel sad alone and cornered because i cant do anything about it

I'm insomniac, extreme lonely (talking less than one hour per month with people) and my body feels like shit. i just want to vent. things may become better as soon i manage to move to another apartment.

i miss the wagie threads

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It was a while ago. Here's a brief rundown.
>be low on cash and down on my luck
>get desperate enough to try to rob someone even though I hate doing bad things
>grab a knife and a trench coat and go outside at night
>see a girl slightly shorter than me, decide to go for it
>I try to threaten her into giving me money
>Unfortunately I'm not threatening whatsoever because it doesn't work and she retaliates
>my autistic brain goes into self defense mode and I stab her multiple times, she dies
>realize what I did and freak out
>take her wallet, destroy her phone, hide the body best I can
I regret everything I did then and have no idea what I was thinking. Part of me wishes I could just kill myself but I also know that would just make two people dead for no reason instead of one.

>My new goal is filter out people
Out of your head you mean? Do you have people that keep an eye on you user?

Congratulations! Then, who are you?

No need to apologise dw. It's an anonymous image board after all.
Are you trying to connect some puzzle pieces without being sure if they will all fit in the end? Idk that's how it sounds for me

When all this is done you will be better then ever user. At least you have no distractions!

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best decision ive ever made is to leave this place. actual good people came into my life now. i always thought im supposed to be here given how mentally ill, and pessimistic i am. i thought no one else would understand me while in reality i was being viewed and treated like trash here. its weird that now i literally am with a 9/10 that treats me better than anyone here ever did. fuck this place.
is there anything you'd want to say kind poster?

Seemed rude anyways.
Well, I have connected them already and came to the conclusion that it is not the case, what I thought, but because I'm still very delusional I think I will keep connecting points or things that are not related at all to it, until the delusion is gone I hope.
I cooked some pasta last night/this morning, kind of inspired by you. Always like making the sauce myself, smells really good, too bad I can't enjoy food. Been months since I cooked something. Didn't eat much though.

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Thank you. I don't really care to go to the specifics but let's just say I have one of those crowd dividing personalities.

I met a girl off soc that was really cool. We talked a lot and she really a wonderful person. We had so many common interests and we're so compatible, but I switched jobs. I was working some shitty lower paid job and decided that it was finally time for a change. I got a much better office job, but it changed my operating hours. We used to talk almost every day but after I got the job we could really only talk when I woke up or when she was going to bed. It was my fault that things between us deteriorated, and I wish I would've never gotten that job. I miss her a lot. I sometimes wonder if she's reading through these threads. Although I doubt she'll ever read this I miss our conversations a lot. You were the only person if ever met over the internet that was worth a damn, and I wish you the best.

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I hope things will get better for you soon user, is there a specific reason for this all?

Are you a hikki? You can vent here, that's why I made this thread :)

Desperation can make us do the weirdest things, but I'm afraid living with the guilt will gonna be hard user. Does anyone knows?

>actual good people came into my life now
I'm glad to hear that! We all need atleast one real connection in our life I feel. This place can be very pessimistic indeed and blurr your mind.
>that's kind of you to ask :) but no

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I'm so irritable, I haven't any alcohol for like 2 weeks now. I wasn't drinking much recently, but I can't stand being completely sober for this long.

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>Does anyone knows?
No, I've kept it bottled up since it happened.

thank you. this place indeed completely blurred my mind. i turned shutin and all i did was browse r9k and manage r9k servers. ive never ever mentally sunk that deep. some of the damage seem irreversible, and this comnection might wont work out because of it but im so done being nothing but the notorious bpd cry baby. i can have an actual identity now without r9k.

>Seemed rude anyways
I don't take anything personal here so really, don't ever worry about that. I will also reply later or even not at all sometimes
I recognise what you say and ever enjoy being in that delusion loop.
>until the delusion is gone
Is there anything else that can get you out of it?
How comes you don't enjoy food? Do you also see it as just a necessity to stay alive?

That's okay user, no pressure. Still wish you luck

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can i ask for advice?
or just for your thoughts on something?

Why don't you send her a message?

Is it your own choice to withdraw from the alcohol or....? Staying sober can suck indeed but it clears the mind

>i can have an actual identity now without r9k.
What made you stay that time and even more important, why are you here rn!! (Eeh don't take that in the wrong way lol). What are your plans with your new life user?

Ofcourse you can but don't expect too much please. I'm just another user that doesn't know much but I can give it my best shot:)

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Don't have contact info any more.

I hope the person I have a crush on actually likes me back and I'm not being dumb and reading things wrong

I see. Then it's fine. You're also another shut-in/hikki, right?
>delusion loop.
So you get delusional? I'm not really understanding things very well.
>Is there anything else that can get you out of it?
Not really, just wait I guess. But they are never truly gone, there are always little remains even at the end of it.
>How comes you don't enjoy food? Do you also see it as just a necessity to stay alive?
Funny enough, because of another delusional/paranoid thing. When I was a kid I was convinced my food was being poisoned, so I started to check all my meals and drinks, started to eat less and less because of this and food even started to taste bad, sometimes even made me sick. Even to this day, as an adult, I barely eat because of this. I like the idea of food, I like cooking my own food, but it all taste bad and makes me sick to the point of throwing up sometimes. I almost never eat something that I haven't prepared.
Do you always cook or you have other people cook for you?

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alright.. if this overwhelms you, you don't have to respond, I'll understand.

i feel like giving up on personal relationships, they just don't make sense to me. why invest yourself into someone who can/will drop you the moment they perceive you as boring? why bother trying to be close to people who you will inevitably disappoint due to not being able to entertain them in the long run? it's like talking to people is a quiz where I get every question wrong, and even if I get some right eventually I'll screw up. i just can't see the point. even if they say they'll stay, people are unreliable by default and will leave the moment they see a better person to be with. it's just human nature. im not angry, i don't hate them, i just don't see the point anymore.

it makes more sense to invest in things that aren't reliant on human nature, like hobbies, for me it's fast paced videogames, so fast I forget who I am and how lonely my life really is. I just end up playing most of the day now, not even bothering to try and reply to anyone. I'm lonely but it makes more sense than investing in something so fragile. when I'm not playing I'm very lonely and sad of course but to me this way just makes more sense, and I can't get my brain to unthink that now. am I wrong for thinking this way? is it right? should I just give up on having close relationships?

all my friendships/relationships are online anyway, I've never had irl friends since middle school. I don't think I want that anymore either.

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Not having friends and not being in relationship was for a long time my problem and I couldn't bear the loneliness, but after a time I realised this is where I start to live. If you have nothing, you know the deal, I think we all have watched the fight club at this point.

I still sometimes think of having friends though.

If I slit my wrists and smear blood all over the walls then maybe people will take me seriously. I don't know. But I think it'd be nice if people missed me the same way I'd miss them.

I'm choosing to not leave the house until conditions appears to be getting better rather than worse, so I don't have any way to acquire more booze, since we can't have it delivered here. I'm making some wine, but it takes about 3 weeks to finish.

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*sigh*
Fine. You're not just a "hypebeast RNG." I take it back.

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Have been a low key hikki now for 2.5 years. I avoid going outside at all cost but sometimes I need to. What about you?
>So you get delusional?
I think I made myself delusion with some things, it never went away after my psychosis but became less the last year.
How comes you have have these delusions and are they paired with hallucinations? Do you always know deep down it's not real or does the "feeling" always win?
>thinking food is poisoned
That sounds kinda intense and I can imagine it has a huge impact on your daily life. In your delusion, who is the one that poisons it? Specific person or company etc?

Don't worry user, you don't overwhelm me. I'm a slow poster sometimes :) I prefer to reply thoughtful instead of quick and kinds shallow. I will start with it now

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thank you user.. don't force yourself to reply, I really appreciate it !

Your post kinda hits me on a personal level since I struggle with the same thing. (Therefore you also shouldn't take my words to serious I feel). I hope you are still here when I'm done, I'm a bit slow now.

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I had a few things in my in mind that I wanted to say but ended up writing like 4 2000 char posts of nonsense in a similar vein to and but more expanded. Until I realized you and I've probably seen this kind of posts a dozen times already, and that no matter how hard I scream I cannot be heard, no one can hear me and I cannot hear others, I don't want to deafen and hurt myself by pretending I have a voice; and that I ended up back to something I understood long ago: ITS ALL IN MY FUCKING HEAD but somehow I always forget that.

Still just making this post to say thank you for taking the time to listen and chat with Anons. Who the fuck I'm kidding, I'll eventually tell you later what I wrote about despite knowing the soulcrushing futility of it, but for now I'm off to cook ramen.

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I'm really lonely and whenever I try to express it I'm just told that I have a rich social life and should be happy, but I just don't get along with people irl no matter how hard I try, I end up finding them grating and I act in ways I detest, so I end friendships quickly.

I want ice cream but I have no ice cream.

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I want to know people that aren't losers, as it is spending time to myself is more productive than interacting with most people I know. Corona is giving me some time to focus on myself and getting my head in order, but I feel empty in some way, kinda like I'm becoming more aware of the world, but by not seeing it all in action, just through the internet, it's like the real world is some alternate reality I'm preparing to delve into. Maybe because I never put effort in to talk to people, I was always thrown together with them somehow, and when I'm working from nothing, it becomes really apparent how hollow of a person I can be.

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i can't keep friends more than 6 month or 2 years if they are really good friends.
Not because i'm autistic or whatever disorder, no i'm just changing so fast that, the me of 6 months ago is by far different than the actual me.
Permanently having to do new friends to forget them later is kinda exhausting and it bring me a feel of emptiness, plus i'm deceiving a lot of people in this process, a lot of people i've met are looking for long term relation either in friendships or relationships and are very good people, i feel so bad each time they say i'm not "true" and i have deceived them

But that's it, i just have to acquiesce things, i can't stand a self who isn't myself. But how can i say to people "i still love/appreciate you even if i changed a lot because it's like that", people won't listen, i'm no more the one they appreciated/loved so even if everyone have a different reaction the end is no more contact, relation dropped into the void of the human memory and life go on.

i don't remember why i wanted to talk here, but love you OP even if my post goes into the void.

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here eat this

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Ooo thank you!
Muted cause not original.

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First of all, I think I understand what you mean based on your words. Sometimes i word things a bit weirdly or messy, just a warning.

You are right with many things you said, people are unreliable and consume connections. We pick and choose, use and throw away. We spend time with someone as long we feel valued and understood. If that person doesn't give us enough attention anymore we look for someone else that will fullfil our needs. So in a way I even see it as a selfish but very human thing we do/need. The thing is, finding the right people can change everything. Probably 99% of everyone you will meet won't be able to form that close connection with you, that's actually worth it. I think it's better to have no friends then just shallow ones that won't accept you for who you are. Till the time you find those people it will be just a trial and error. Which is fine I think since they can teach you what your expectations and boundaries are. I'm not saying it's guaranteed you will find the right people where not every answer is wrong and you don't need to "entertain" them but you need to give people a change. Have high standards and be picky. Look for those people that you truly can connect with and those issues won't exist anymore. You only need one. We all have our flaws but when you meet the right person you will accept that and they will accept yours.

Short answer; people are shit but not all of them. Don't look actively because then you will see things in people that aren't there due to hope and desires. Still keep your eyes open.

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Here's what I believe:

They're trying very slowly to keep us contained in our home for techno-advanced martial law.

>Politicians and the Media hates that people are still going outside for the fuck of it
>People inside their homes continue to be brainwashed by the media scaring the public with rising numbers and blame it on people who went to public areas, work, or vacation
>Mayors and Senators will suggest to keep people "more safe", police must charge people with either a ticket, Prison, or house arrest as punishment for going outside
>This gives excuse for the government to make SWAT teams go around the inner cities and then soon the suburbia
>There will be spy technology invented and produced by phone/internet service companies which is funded by the NSA to give them to the FBI to track people individually like the do in China
>*IF* the virus dies down, they give another excuse to use that technology people "Hey look, our cameras see people committing more crime and killing a targeted group"
>Most people are committing crimes are shoplifters, home burglars, drug dealers, and a few hate crimes
>The media will press more of the hate crimes, despite of the number of those crimes are lesser than thieves and drug dealers because they're outside and broke and trying to feed themselves since no legal income
>Boomers on their dying breaths vote for an administration that keep the police surveilling neighborhoods
>People either arrested, beaten, or charged by cops and pay higher ticket prices for leaving their home 12 feet away from their designated neighborhoods
>More zoomers and some millenials will keep going out doing crimes or just commit riots over police
>Most millennial & Boomers will distance themselves from them and turn more conservatives being dependable to the system despite the market crashing
>Give up more information to the government for them to sell them to corporations to count us like livestock new RDIF technology to control us

Control for WW3

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I do read everything but I'm extremely slow with replying today, I'm sorry user! You won't be forgotten :)

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I am so scared of sex. Ever since I got sexually assaulted as a young teen by my best friends, friend I had for years, anything remotely sexual disgusts me. They all turned into whores, coomers, and they all eventually had sex with each other.
I hate seeing women in public wearing slutty clothing, I hate hearing about women or men having loveless meaningless premarital sex, I hate people watching porn, I hate people who follow their dicks and praise women just because they whore themselves online or w/e.
It's gotten to the point to where my close friends tell me I need to chill, because I'm so obsessed with things being sexual and not sexual.
It's gotten better because of this quarantine, but I had my first panic attack since school closed at the thought that once this is all over I will have to face the person who assaulted me, and all their friends. It's disgusting.

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yikes y'all that's a big original oof from me desu

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Don't be sorry for that user, you give very deep and meaningful replies, quality over quantity is a good thing!

Y'all really need to chill

>Do you always cook or you have other people cook for you
Sorry I overlooked that question. I seriously hate cooking because I don't care about food. I wished someone could do it for me so it would actually taste better.

Why does no one take you serious now user?

Ah that sounds shit, here we can just order it online and within 20 minutes the bell rings. And you better get started then :)

Just because it's in your head doesn't means it's not real, in a sense that it is still your reality. You do have a voice tho, sometimes you just need to talk a bit louder. And thank you! That's very kind of you to say even I'm not doing a good job rn since I reply so slow.

Loneliness and being alone are two different things, people tend to forget that. I hope you will find the right people sooner or later user

SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLIES EVERYONE. I DO READ EVERYTHING.

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I have a secret crush on my friend but he told me a while back while drunk that he used to have a crush on me but realized he didn't actually have those sort of feelings. I only now realized that I'd like to date him so I know it's my fault for only realizing this now

I don't even have anything cool or sad to say i'm just here to observe I guess? You know while i'm here though I would love to say that I really miss Taylor she was dope and probably the only love i'll ever have and uh I hope I get my dream job I guess.Oh! and I think I miss my dead sister but its hard to know because she died before I could even walk so how do you miss someone who you don't even remember? That's fucked up I mean am I just larping to feel any kind of emotion or is it really some lagged grief I can only really process now that I have a greater context of my half baked pre pubescent memories? The worst part is probably that I can't even tell.

I also see it happen, after a few months people are getting bored of each other. I think it's because after a few months we start to drop the mask we wear in the beginning. We will show and see more flaws. It's no ones fault I feel If you discover that the person behind the mask isn't someone that suits you. We like to believe of concepts of people, not the actual person self I think. I truly believe the right ones will stay tho, even after showing/seeing the person behind the mask :)

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That's sounds like shit user and think your strong reaction is normal. I know it's a very standard question but did you seek any help for this? I don't think it's healthy to deal with this alone.

You can say anything that's on your mind user. All kind of things are welcome. I also hope you will get the job! Good luck with that. You can still miss someone that you barely know I think...all is it even the idea of that person being in your life.

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I was a complete hikki for the first 2 years after HS, so maybe like 10 years ago, after that was forced into uni, but dropped out like 6 times. Been a shut-in more like, on and off since then.
> it never went away after my psychosis but became less the last year.
I see. May I ask how your psychosis started and what was it about? You know what triggered? Nice that at least its gotten better.
Well, I have always been delusional since a child because of my mental issues. And yes, there are auditory and tactile and hodor hallucinations paired with deep paranoid beliefs (which makes the delusions worse).
Sometimes you are aware of these hallucinations and they are not real, and about the delusions too, but not always, not often.
>who is the one that poisons it? Specific person or company etc?
Well, it evolved over time. First, I always was suspicious of my grandmas since they were the ones who cooked, then other family members, and in the end, I suspect everyone now to an extend. I try to force myself, but it doesn't always work.
> I seriously hate cooking because I don't care about food. I wished someone could do it for me so it would actually taste better.
So you started cooking for yourself recently or what?

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80% of posts tonight are mediocre fembait crap.

Worst part is that I have no value to create better quality shit.

I need robot friends

life is tiring. i dont know what i want to do with my life since i achieved my one and only goal. doesnt help that this pandemic makes me more depressed because im not really doing anything of value

Dinah Lance and Oliver Queen watch as Poison Ivy went down, unconscious, the hurled apple pulping against her forehead. Harley Quinn now had her full attention on the painter, Billy Kincaid, as he straightened up and adjusted the lapels of his trench coat. The art gallery manager Jessica Fulton looked on in horror, open-mouthed.

Smirking, Kincaid turned his attention to her."Damn it, Jess, what is wrong with you, throwing apples at people?" he shouted. "You know she has a concussion now, right? She probably just got all the math she learned in third grade knocked out of her skull. Have you no decency, woman?"

"D-don't put that evil on !" the terrified girl said. "That was all you! You did that! That was so you!"

"He he he, yeah," the artist conceded, as Harley's eyes narrowed at him. "But Ivy was the only really dangerous one. With her out of the fight, what's the other one gonna do, hit me with a-".

"Yeaaargh!" Harley screamed, sprinting at him and leaping, swinging the heavy wooden mallet down at his head. At the last moment, Kincaid side-stepped, spinning to stand behind her as the hammer-head smashed the tiles of the floor uselessly.

"-mallet?" he finished, with a shit-eating grin. "The answer may surprise you."

more?

Dear X,

I don't know how you feel about me right now but I want you to know that I love you with all my heart. What he did to you does not change my unconditional love for you. When your ready pls talk to me. I understand if you don't feel like you can be with me or anyone, I'm still your friend and I believe you are the strongest women I've ever known. I'm honored to be you friend. I hope I was able to give you something back even though so much was stolen. I'm happy that I could be your healing touch.

Sincerely Z

Throw in some penny plunderer and I'm with you 100% user