Have you ever considered letting that second personality you have fully take over your life, and just running with it?

KEK this thread is literally pic related

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I did but only partly, limited it to the internet then stopped in the moment it was leaking to real life. Learned some annoying parts of human nature such as people getting closer to you just for power or to use me as a weapon against someone for a cheap laugh. Didn't really connect with anyone either, but I got popular.

Not really worth it as that kinda forced me to maintain a pecking order if that makes sense and a small cabal. I was getting paranoid too.

I guess you have to show yourself more and express yourself without fear. Not look for self-validation on other people. And also try to be more honest with yourself, sincere. Not sure with worked for me, but I am slowly learning.

Everyone has that alpha male Tyler Durden thing inside of them but we can't let go. I would be fired within a week, my ego is tied to it.

Well the second personality is a bald villain-esque leader. Like a medieval lord or some other position of unlimited executive power, with a hard but fair leadership style. I like to imagine that people would benifit from the stability and strength I bring.
So how do I become this person when I am currently an anxiety-ridden NEET who lives with his parents and looks like a teenager?

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Yes but its mean and my first personality is too much of a moralfag

My only other personality is a nihilistic looser that hates everything.
I would just become an angry hobo that spends his life screaming at people.

Same way everyone like that became this person, just be born into the right circumstances.

Having unlimited executive power is pretty much impossible.

Kind of. I'm secular, and always was. But for a few years now, I've been toying with the idea of trying out a religious woman. If I cross that threshold, however, I'd have to be secretive to maintain continuity with my overall persona. Problem is, I'm liable to end up in waay deeper shit than I'm prepared to handle.

I already did, unwillingly. According to doctors, this is something that can happen when you go through too many traumas, especially when it's in your formative years. Took me almost 15 years to understand that they didn't actually exist. I am convinced that I have some form of scizophrenia, but doctors say that I definitely don't. It's apperantly a defence mechanism to shield the brain from reality. It fucking sucks that they weren't ever even real, I'd much rather still have them around if I'm being honest. I can't even talk with people about it, I feel so fucking ashamed about it, but at the same time I can't grasp the fact that they're gone, let alone that they never existed, it's the weirdest thing ever.

>they
Wait, are you saying you have been interacting with imagined people?

Yep. From age 10 up until now (also my math sucks, it took me 13 years to realize what was happening)

That is kinda what I did, the problem is that I enjoy to stir shit and having others by my side makes it easier, all because it is all a joke unfolding on its own and it is novel and entertaining to watch that in real time.

There was no harm intended, I was convinced people could shit on each other to make a joke of themselves; then everyone would laugh without taking that personally, those who didn't would be culled.

Such a perfect system in theory, but it played out differently.

As long as we're anons, would you mind telling me how you got onto the idea that they weren't real?

>but it played out differently.
What happened?

The cabal grew bored and started to get closer to each other, to the point they couldn't give and take jokes like before. A lukewarm (instead of fun) feeling was all that was left, some left over it too. Crushed by its own weight.

I dont know, lots of dictators started out as nobodies. Who knows.

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I started noticing a pattern
>feel horrible
>they're constantly there, or if they're not we're texting/calling
>feel better
>can't reach them at all
>the older I got, I realized that they had aged, but not a lot
>towards the mental breakdown that I (finally) had a year ago, their contacts started disappearing, memories were getting "replaced" with what actually happened during my dis. periods
>none of my friends had ever met them, and some of them outright told me (when I was younger) that they didn't exist (but they were just as real as anyone else to me)
>they go back and forth between being at one place to another (for example one of them moved, but was then back in his old house like nothing)
>it eventually clicks
more or less, probably forgetting details, just got out of therapy, and slept like 4 hours with nightmares that felt like they went on for a week, so my brain is kinda done for the day.

He did for sometime, it was very eventful but i don't think that's happening again or that i can do that, it's not how i am anyway so it isn't sustainable or good to me, if i can make do with what i am i think that i will truly be happy then.

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Sounds weird. I'd imagine something like that could happen if I were lucid dreaming during the day, or something. I've tried sleeping on some drug, which made me have technicolor nightmares back-to-back, waking me up after only an hour or so, feeling like I'd slept for days, and was just exhausted from it all.

How big is the cabal?

Out of the billions of humans that have existed, pretty much none of them have been dictators. Go to the lottery instead and retire, the odds are more favourable.

Im in the process of integrating my online persona with my real life persona, and vice versa.

Well, most people dont want to be a dictator. They just want a decent job, a house, a wife and kids. They are usually quite successful.

Oof, my condolences. If I were to do that, I'd risk being smacked, ostracized, prosecuted and more.

Yeah it's like a life-long acid trip (I'd imagine, I've never been on acid) and it's just constant. The nightmares after only 1-2 hours shouldn't even be possible, should it?

In my case, the drug was a dopamine agent which knocked me tf out. Have you done any drugs?

I designed the personality I have now while I was a junior in high school. I've become the main character in a book I never finished, and I can't stop or escape it because I always end up falling back into place.

And yeah my personality is pretty cringe and basically what a 16 year old boy would think someone cool and mysterious is like.

I can't tell if my second personality is the appealing, socially acceptable taxpayer or the cynical intelligent bastard

My mom kinda already did. Its cool she just made some hug box.

The core were 6, occasionally we would team up with other trolls to either "troll" the main community or destroy communities forking from the main one (just like discord idiots does with Yas Forums, except Yas Forums gets shat on instead I guess).

LARPing to get laid?

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I thought about it, and then I decided to confess to Christ that I needed him to move through me because I'm too retarded to figure things out. It's probably one of the better decisions I've made.

this. I wish there was some near me as well. I'm merely virtuous pagan reading alone :-)

No, since I first need either a passive positive net cash flow or initial capital, which i'm working towards the second.

Just weed (which actually helped me a lot to get out of my brain, and made me realize that I actually needed to see someone about all my stuff) but I've been laying off it for quite some time now (I get stuck in it pretty quick, and end up just getting high every day, instead of working on my shit)
nothing heavier than that, though. I will buy myself a bottle of bourbon every once in a while and relax with some music/vidya. Did you take the dopamine agent for depression?

Imagine posting this type of dumb shit like a literal fucking teenager.

Oh, similar to me then. I've spent years being stoned. I felt like it blurred the lines of wakefulness and dreaming, to the point where lucid dreaming is my default when I'm high. No, I tried getting a replacement stimulant, so I could reach my productive sweet spot without being a criminal, but it would appear doctors in my area prefer crime. Ironically, they would have given me it as a kid, if only my mother would have backed off.

The drug that fucked me up into nightmare mode was a one-time deal. Tried going legit again, but got some kind of tiny mystery pill, benzo derivative. Threw the rest of them away when I realized how incredibly it fucked me up. Even the shittiest of hash must be safer than that stuff.

i lost complete control of my personality to a Japanese character i created.

i spent several years in Japan while developing schizophrenia (i didn't know at the time that was what it was). at the time, i was completely cut off from my family and friends back in America. i also had learned to speak fluent Japanese and i only interacted with Japanese people.

now i always had tried to imitate the accent to try to be clearer in my speech but what changed everything was when i started smoking weed and spice in Tokyo.

something about weed and spice really set my schizophrenia ablaze and i completely lost myself in the drug. without realizing it, i became more and more of a stereotypical Japanese character. not only would i talk and express myself like a Japanese person but i would move, walk, blink, etc. like a Japanese person, too.

i was not aware this was happening until i started having severe hallucinations and i was forced to return to the US. when i got back, i smoked weed with my friends and although i spoke English, they said my accent shifted and that my syntax resembled a Japanese person's. they thought i was playing a trick on them and kept telling me to "stop acting Japanese".

when faced with my own American friends telling me this, i started to introspect and realized they were right. i stopped smoking weed immediately but it still took several years before i felt integrated back into American society again.

>schizophrenia
"Togo Shitcho Sho" ("integration disorder").
Up until this it seemed relatable:
>hallucinations
Auditory or visual? From my perspective, adjusting to a new culture, at the expense of distorting your old frame of reference, seems like a trade off, which may or may not be worth it.

if i didn't have the hallucinations and i was determined to live the rest of my life in Japan, the tradeoff would have been worth it, yes.

i had both visual and auditory hallucinations. one time my friend came over to my apartment and we talked for about an hour before he said he had to leave. it turned out he had never come, it was all a hallucination in my mind.

those hallucinations weren't so bad because at least they resembled normal life. the hallucinations that became demonic and surreal took the biggest toll on me and that is what prompted me to return to the US.

How did you find out he didn't come? Must have been awkward. Demonic hallucinations? Eh, I'd expect surreal, but damn.

i talked to him later and he said he had been somewhere else and couldn't have possibly been to my apartment. when i looked at my texts on my phone, i couldn't find anything from him that said he was coming over (even though i had seen a text saying he was coming over in my hallucination).

everything was very realistic from the text to the knocking on my door, coming in, sitting down, the conversation, then getting up and leaving, closing the door behind him. i wish i could remember what we talked about but my memory isn't very good from that time period.

some of the hallucinations were just maddening. like seeing and hearing this girl i was interested in get gangraped in the alleyway next to my apartment and trying to open the door that led there but it being locked. for a long time i thought it was real and had happened but these days i just think it must have been a hallucination.

That's wild. I can't imagine what it must be like living in a situation where you can't trust your senses. For how long did you smoke until shit started hitting the fan?

HOLY SHIT THELL ME HOW I NEED THIS SO FUCKIGN BADLY

Yes, but I don't want to get arrested and spend the rest of my life in prison.

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phenylpiracetam+choline
weed smoking causes paranoia over time. To trigger it instantly, smoke a lot of weed and take MDMA. EVERYTHING will seem significant. Not a good place to be at all. You will start endlessly over-thinking, over-analyzing and questioning people actions, events and behaviors like micro-expressions that you were previously not aware of and this can get quite out of hand and very burdening.

i'm not sure, i started smoking when i was 21 off and on then i think i was 23 when this all happened.

if what you say is true, i'm glad i never took MDMA. it's already bad enough as it stands. you are right, i see and overanalyze micro-expressions. also i hear the tonality and pitch of people's voices and read meaning into it. it's really annoying when before i was blissfully unaware of it.

as for the paranoia, my questioning of people's actions, voices, movements, etc. became fearful in that i thought people were trying to control me or make me act in a particular way toward them. i thought they would (or at least, could) modulate their voice in a way that would cause me to think they were more masculine or more certain of themselves. it doesn't sound so bad when i write it out like this but when it's bombarding you 24/7 with no end in sight, it really starts to wear you down. i think this stress caused my schizophrenia to become worse.

also, people who are dicks or narcissists or any other kind of aggravating personality type get super annoying when you are sensitive to every pitch inflection in their voice. i happened to stay with a "friend" who is a narcissist and it drove me crazy how he needed to "one up" me in everything i said. he would use the same pitch inflection over and over again to undermine what i had said. i thought at the time he was doing it purposefully but when i think about it, it's probably entirely subconscious and he's unaware he's doing it.

Sure but how?
The guy at the wheel is a huge, confident-less pussy.
How the fuck do I stuff that guy in a barrel filled with cement and drop him in the ocean

I think it is right now.
>13 years old
>ISTP
>play basketball on undefeated team
>become semi-popular class clown
>teachers keep recommending I get a career in their subject
>large circle of friends
>have cyber sex with a new girl every week
>16 years old
>INTP
>addicted to an MMO
>drop out of school
>become a recluse
>friends move on with their lives
>people online are repulsed by me
>diagnosed with depression
>mom stops taking me to see my therapist
>start working to make up for my NEET years
>will make enough money to satisfy my guilt just before my 30th birthday
>decide to kill myself then
>30th birthday rolls around
>can't do it
>cut grains and non-water beverages from diet
>lose 4 lbs. a week
>look at self in mirror one day
>"what the fuck have you been doing all these years?"
I feel like the old me has come out of a coma and is pissed off at how I squandered my life. I'm getting my driver's license and working on getting a better career, but I'm afraid it's too late for me. If any anons read this, just know, it might not be too late for you.