Shut the fuck up you dirty fucking faggot
Worst life contest
Josiah Clark
Aaron Fisher
I had my best anal sex in '09 just before notch came out with minecraft.... I was sitting at a starbucks in downtown los angeles in a gimp suit and drank some coffee with laxatives I added, when i met 2 bald-headed men in leather jackets and leather boots... At first i thought they were neonazis. But after going to the toilet i was proved wrong... those men came in tucked me up the wall.. At this point I thought theyre going to beat me up .... but they started kissing me instead... it was so hot. Anyways we had hot anal sex and I squirted all over them with my diarrhea shit while they fucked me in the ass.... It was so good that i fucking squirted out of my ASS.... My gimp suit was all dirty and their leather jackets were dirty too... but it was the best sex I had.
Ian Thomas
Blah blah blah you're a gross faggot
Owen Myers
>ugly, fat (with big man boobs)
>horrible eyesight
>lisp, which has crippled me socially
>stuck doing a degree for something I don't care about at all
>takes 2 hours on public transport to get to campus
>the family next door have started bouncing basketballs outside my window all fucking day, which will only get worse once the quarantine ends because more kids are going to join in
>both siblings are loud and childish
>need to go over to my dead grandparents house to find silence, but it doesn't have internet and I don't have a good mobile plan
>absolutely zero motivation to improve my life, attempts last one day
>have bad anger issues and either hit myself or my computer to vent that anger; have wasted thousands on new computers
The worse one is the basketball bouncing. If you've ever lived near a dumbass family that plays basketball you understand what I mean. Before I at least had comfort and silence in my own home but they've taken even that away. I'm struggling to accept that I'll be listening to this shit for the next few years, and this is only the start of it. Tip for robots buying homes: never buy near a school or else you'll need to deal with this shit all day and be surrounded by stay-at-home mums gossiping with each other in their driveways all morning and afternoon. My only hope is that they die from the virus. I'm hopeful because apparently the kids have asthma and all kinds of other things and the father smokes, and they've been playing with other kids and families all the time so the chances they get it are decent
Lucas Ortiz
>normies
>this board
What do you mean
John Moore
Sounds like a reasonable age to go. Tbqh if you aren't successful at age 30 your chances are gone and you might as well neck.
Robert Ross
He was successful. He was set for life and living in an island off the coast of Puerto Rico.
Sebastian Phillips
>5'6
>male
I win
Aaron Morgan
>5'4
>male
>not gay
I am more winner
Grayson Ramirez
I knew by my careful upbringing I was doomed to some kind of horrible fate.
>be me
>get infected with the virus
>hydroxychloroquine is replaced with some kind of cultural rebrand by PacSun where they use real seawater
>the virus turns out to be a worm and not a virus at all and I begin to shit in my gimp suit
>think this is fine I'm just shitting "the virus"
>my brainstem plenum falls out me backside
>another gimp says something about the plenum joke about gimps and I wake up a vegetable
>noises are now so loud without my brain stem that I feel footsteps in my asshole of passing nurses
>they are running around because of the corona virus but can tell I'm agitate so they do what that thread earlier today was about fucking synchronized swimming in a hospital
>think that feels good but my lack of a brain stem makes it feel bad
>I stand up but someone decapitates my body with a 16 body car attached to a railway that is guided into a hospital to continue a cycle of decapitating herding gimp immunities