My husband is bored and depressed all the time...

I was romantically courted. We'd talk on the phone for like 6+ hours a day, we'd play video games together. He'd write me poems all the time and like yeah always be interested in my attention.
But now he's so so bored with his life and apparently bored with me. So he just stares at his computer like all day and turns down most of my requests for things to do, because it all is "boring".

Try to find a nice opportunity to hold him, try playing with his hair, scratching his back, and tell him how much he means to you.
Tell him you're worried about his well being.

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Not trans, and I am fertile. I don't know if having a kid would be a wise move. I've thought about it to make our lives interesting (and because I want kids) but don't know if that's really really dumb since the marriage isn't going like ideally due to the boredom/depression/whatever.

I think you might need to be a little more aggressive, does he even work? If he doesn't start to man up I don't think this will end well.

Introduce him to Yas Forums.

Yes, we both work at least.
I thought he'd be happier during the quarantine (he often blames his lack of energy/life-motivation on the job) but it's the same since he's been working from home.

This is good advice. He does love massages. Though I'll be honest that it makes me kind of resentful that he doesn't get the same joy from just talking to me. I never ask him for massages- I get extreme joy from talking to him. It's sort of annoying having to do physical labor (massage, sex) to make him light up
But yes, massages do work to make him happy. So maybe if I give him regular ones then he'll be more emotionally interested in me

Maybe go on a trip with him once the time is right and see if the change in scenery changes anything in him.
You could also just lay it all open with him and be honest about it all. You guys are married after all.
Do too and see how he reacts. Try to make him receptional and possibly offer "emotional foreplay", especially on the day(s) leading up to the big talk about his mental health

Having kids at this time is a surefire way to throw your marriage off the cliff and gain regrets for a lifetime. I already saw it happen multiple times. Dont do it

>it's the same since he's been working from home
Maybe he hates his job? Not the place, but like, maybe je lost passion for his current career and everything is now snowballing?

He is probably directionless and has no goals. You had one job user; find a healthy man so that your bloodline will have a promising future. You fucked up.

I think men in general need purpose, Make him put a little more effort into things. He doesn't need to be pampered and told he's special he needs to take more responsibility.

Or, maybe you're getting fat. I mean, if my beautiful wife turned into a land whale, i would be depressed too.

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Sounds like anhedonia. Maybe he's depressed

sounds like he's using heroin. Sublime wrote a song about exactly this, listen to "Let's go get stoned"

heres a idea. stop being such a boring cunt and develop a personality, get some hobies that don't involve relying on being inside your husbands asshole 247

Effort into what? How do I do this? This really intrigues me.

I don't know how to make him have goals that interest him. That's why I had that thought about having kids possibly making his life interesting.

>anhedonia
This may really be it. It's been like this for years. Like he hates video games because he can't find joy in them, but constantly searches Steam for new ones.
Refuses to try most shows/movies because "they all suck". And so on.

You married an unmotivated loser. Congratulations. It's the biggest red flag in the world if your partners main interests or hobbies is just consuming media. It means they don't put effort into anything, which will include you.
Goes both for women and men.

I refuse to be fat. I am scared of pregnancy because of the baby weight and the other aesthetic things it will do to me.
By the way he DOES want sex. I just am frustrated that that's like all he wants from the relationship and it makes me in return withhold since I don't want passion-less sex.

sneak hash oil or small amounts of psychedelics into his food, he'll become super self conscious about anhedonia and the way he treats others and want to turn everything around

If he's depressed he's probably just searching for endorphins.

Tell him that if he doesn't start trying to make changes, like being better when it comes to your sex life or putting the effort into moving forward in life you'll go stay with your parents or some shit. If he's not willing to try improving then it's time to move on.

>By the way he DOES want sex.
He wants sex because he wants the dopamine burst from it. Hes depressed user. Now the question is, do you care enough to try to help? You should go to /adv/

People itt are retarded. Don't immediately divorce someone when they become unmotivated or depressed.

this thread just sounds like the NTR doujin. just cuck him already ffs OP go and fuck ugly dirty old men and get it over with.

I do reject sex all the time and I do tell him why. I tell him I need emotional attention from him.
I talk about how I want us to be romantic (I have even shown him examples) & he says he doesn't understand romance and that romance never really mattered to him.
I also say I want us to hang out more like best friends and that that in itself is romantic. We used to have a best friend dynamic like this which I loved. (he also used to write me love poems and songs, so I don't understand why he's acting like romance is foreign)
ntr doujin?

You sound like a boring frigid bitchy loser. Why not just find him a real wife and introduce him to her and go rescue Madagascar penguins or whatever your "real passion" is.

>we'd play video games together
Why don't you do this again? You said he likes videogames.

How can I help? Massages, verbal comforting, and more sex seem to be the theme so far.
If it doesn't work then what? I'm self-centered here too, like I need attention from my husband... the worst thing will be if I do this and he keeps using the computer 99% of the time

He freaking quits all the freaking video games!!!! I'm not even kidding. I've gotten addicted to 3 different video games because of him and he freaking quit all of them.
It's so hard to get him to be interested in anything. That's why I think that one condition mentioned earlier might actually be it.

This. Depression is a serious thing OP-kun, especially if it drags out continuously for months or years.

You should read this and TALK to him.

Well, games do get boring after a while. You could continuously try out a bunch of new games together.

Depression has the effect of making the person totally emotionally numb.

Not sure if you're reading this (or even a woman) but you need a hobby you can share together. It has to be something creative NOT consumptive. Painting is creative, watching TV is consumptive. Watching tv and playing vidya are consumptive hobbies (vidya is arguably somewhat creative but still mostly just watching a screen) and depressed people gravitate towards them because they require no effort. You need to find something to do: painting, gardening, even just building fucking legos. As long as the brain is actively engaged it will become more happy. The trouble is that depressed people have a hard time feeling motivated to do anything so you have to be the driving force. Go out and buy whatever supplies you need, and then tell him you want to do [activity] with him. He'll say no initially but keep at it and he'll come around. Maybe give him a blowie joey after he tries it the first time; maybe tell him how much the time you spent together means to you. Tell him about what you need from him and if he loves you, he'll try to give it to you. It might be hard because of his mental illness but be mindful and appreciative of the small things he does for you. Maybe he doesn't engage emotionally because he thinks you don't care?

Time to look for high school chads in your area.

No it doesn't, that's just meme depression that bored retards with zero problems get, it turns them into sociopaths. Real depression is highly emotional.

Well, it's emotionally at first yeah, but then after 2 months of feeling the same shit continuously you just kind of go numb to protect yourself.

Does he exercise? If not, start an exercise regimen with him.

40 years and I'm still not numb, maybe you're just too stupid to have real emotions.

>if the change in scenery changes anything in him.
It does. We went to a theme park and it was very romantic. He was away from the computer and we were spending a lot of time outside and of course on rollercoasters. He was really really happy and talks about it fondly.
I don't know how to recreate his happy feelings like that in day-to-day life though. Also I want to emphasize that I have asked him directly about how to make him happier and of course he just says he doesn't know and that nothing makes him happy except sex.

He doesn't hate his job but he hates having a job. He actually speaks with pride about the work he does though and has really nice coworkers. So I know the job itself isn't the problem... It's that he hates having to work. He wants to be a NEET at all.

By the way thank you for helping. I want to see him happy. It's weird and concerning, even moreso now I'm writing it, how he's been so low for years. It also makes me insecure like wondering why I alone can't make him happy like he can make me happy (from just interacting).

I don't know why you are being so hostile user-kun.

How long until you have sex with another guy?

Why the fuck are you not being hostile, loser? Can't even muster the strength to say fuck you to a random dude on the internet? Pathetic.

Thank you. I would very much enjoy doing creative activities with him, especially the Lego idea, so I will try it and I really hope it makes him spark up a little.

>There are a number of different things that can cause emotional numbness. Depression and anxiety are two of the most common causes.
Stupid user.

Ok. Why did you decide to post it here then instead of your facebook or reddit?

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:(

This post is very very original

I can't say I know exactly how your relationship is but by the looks of it your husband seems like he was able to be motivated to do stuff with you because there was a clear goal in mind. When someone has a purpose they can put there effort into achieving that goal. You can see stories of coal miners loosing there job and going on disability and becoming depressed and complacent in life. Depression in men outside of genetic disorders is either on of two things, a lack of meaning or social isolation. If he has become complacent in your relationship and no longer see's the reason for putting effort into you then he needs to be shown that maintaining a healthy relationship takes hard work on his part. While I don't know your situation the same goes for you. You need to have more respect for yourself and stand up for yourself, don't let him use you.

Mild exercise. That sounds good. We should jog. Recently we tried to do bodyweight fitness and that was fun even though it lasted for like 5 minutes. Thanks.

have sex with him, jackass. "a bloo bloo bloo, I don't want it to be emotionless!" you're fucking married, retard. every single action you have that involves each other is emotionally charged, otherwise you wouldn't even be together. holy fuck how are you this stupid?

The most common cause is being a nasty little piece of shit who hasn't been raised right and doesn't believe in anything except what Destiny tells them to believe aka zoomertard.

>withholds sex
>lol why isn't my husband interested in me anymore
You're not the brightest, are you? Fulfill your own marital duties first and then you can start to make demands.

I think realistically if I did this (have sex every time he wants) I'd get ignored like all the other times I'm ignored after sex.
I also find it hard to have non-painful sex when he ignores me beforehand, which he like always does.
Last time we had sex I got myself wet by imagining that my husband was a loser nerd that I was doing a huge favor for. The rapey aspect of it got me wet. I'd rather be turned on by like actual enthusiasm for my husband.

Best advice, Don't get help from the incels on this site.