Avoidant personality disorder

Anyone else do awful shit to others in order to escape the feeling of being either rejected or hurt by people?
It's mostly gotten me in trouble.

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I am a big Coleric. So I really know this feeling. I mostly talk shit about them or straight up bully them. I am 21 now and have no singel friend I wonder why?

I tend to reject people before they get a chance to reject me. It has hurt both me and them a lot.

No, I just ghost them out of nowhere. I guess that hurts them, but I don't do mean shit to them.

I was diagnosed with AVPD last year. I thought I was schizoid but it turns out I do want relationships I am just insecure and anxious as fuck. I used to be mean in order to get rid of people but I felt bad so I have being doing . There has been about 15 people in my lifetime that I have formed friendships with and did this to. I ended up getting super anxious once we became closer and I start to think they secretly hate me and just leave. I do not think I will ever have a stable friend and will probably always live in this never ending cycle of self-inflicted torture.

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How do you stop this btw, apparently some people can help other people out of this.

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I guess you just need to become more confident since the root cause is insecurity.

Is there something i could do to help someone else though? I think there's a way but i don't know how.

Diagnosed with AVPD a year ago but I think it's somewhat wrong. I'm more along the line of schizoid, but maybe a mixture of both. AVPD people have desire for relationships, I don't.

I ghost when someone starts to like me for some reason. I don't know why, if I did, I'd change it because I'm so alone and want friends and gfs. I'm such a fuckup. I feel like I'm gonna lose everything about myself with people in my life. I only talk to safe people like siblings and cousins I've known my whole life. I'm about to ghost the first girl I've ever kissed and cuddled because I'm scared she'll start to like me more.

Helping someone with AVPD is difficult. As cheesy as it sounds, they are the only ones that can help themselves. You cannot convince someone to become more confident and open up to other people. I suppose you can just be nicer to them and prove them wrong. AVPD people are occupied with the fear of rejection and likely suffered an incident that triggered this reaction from a young age (bullies, family environment, rejection). Show them some kindness. It's all they really want.
Do you ever feel anxious towards others? My therapist told me this is what separated the two because AVPD falls under the anxious category of personality disorders.
I know this feeling too well. Having people like me is a very uncomfortable feeling because I do not feel worthy of it.

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personally i really like getting genuine compliments and feeling like people actually like me

>It's mostly gotten me in trouble.
This. All I really had to do is ask for help to avoid getting into trouble but I feel so inadequate and like an unwanted burden to everyone around me that I'm terrified of the prospect. This feeling consumes me everyday and it's really hard to cope with. Probably the root cause of my loneliness.

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Yea i'm not sure if i can do anything, i think other people can so it really is my fault in the end.
That sound like the opposite of what someone like that would want.

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>I only talk to safe people like siblings and cousins I've known my whole life.
I don't even talk to my family much because:
1. They think I'm pathetic, this is confirmed from what I've overheard them saying about me
2. Everytime I do talk to them they just complain & yell about how I don't call them
3. I resent them quite a bit

>Do you ever feel anxious towards others?
Hard to say. It's more like when I'm out I'm just uncomfortable. I dislike engaging with others and it bothers me, but I'm not sure I'd say anxious. I'm not afraid to talk to anyone, I just prefer to not. How would you describe anxiety?

>That sound like the opposite of what someone like that would want.
hmm how so?

Aren't you afraid of people liking you or vice versa, out of fear of commitment or being hurt or something like that, i'm my case he also thinks i'm making fun of him or not being serious also.

no people liking me is great although i do worry about being left behind. my fear is opening up to people and them rejecting me proving that i have a bad personality.

>i'm my case he also thinks i'm making fun of him or not being serious also
seeming genuine is important i sometimes feel like people try to manipulate me with compliments

>Avoidant personality disorder
More like pussy disorder

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>I know this feeling too well. Having people like me is a very uncomfortable feeling because I do not feel worthy of it.
What can we do to fix it?

>My therapist told me this is what separated the two because AVPD falls under the anxious category of personality disorders.
nah main difference is the desire for relationships

I'm not sure I want to fix it. I know the way I live is not 'good' per say, and I may regret wasting my youth in anxiety and despair, but I have grown to feel comfortable living this way. I am happiest when I am alone. Interacting with others, although it is something I crave, tires and scares me. It's like I want it but not really. I hope that makes sense.

You have to show somehow that you recognize her flaws and still like her in spite of that. She will be worried that once you get to know her you'll "see how much of a piece of shit she is" and reject her.

I have no idea how to stay in touch guys, someone help me...

I hate being alone, I like the people I talk to but after a while I just stop responding, I just don't know what to say, I don't know what to talk about, I don't know how to keep up a friendship and I hate that because I used to be a social person up until a shitty break-up ever since then I've grown further and further apart from people.

This whole thread is extremely relatable. I agree that, when it comes down to it, I do like getting compliments and attention but I hate feeling like I'm soliciting them in any way.
When people are nice to me I tend to get really suspicious, and wonder if they have some ulterior motive or are manipulating me in some way. It just feels so unbelievable that anyone would genuinely have anything nice to say about me. I certainly don't.
I think the root of the problem is that, by my own standards, I am really boring and unattractive. If anyone tells me otherwise I feel like they're lying to me because I can clearly see otherwise.

You either become a lone worlf volcel or a hermit incel.

A break up made my avoidant personality even worse and I developed agoraphobia. Things have been getting better for me lately though. Find a nice person to talk to where you can mutual give each other in the friendship. Don't force yourself to keep talking to the person if you guys can't really click though.

It has left me with almost no human connections left. I do everything to avoid looking pathetic or stupid so I cut people off or act like a dick to self sabotage on my own terms.

I think the root of the problem is that, by my own standards, I am really boring and unattractive. If anyone tells me otherwise I feel like they're lying to me because I can clearly see otherwise.
Exactly. I have rejected girls interested in me in the past, even though I am interested as well, out of sheer suspicion. They were objectively attractive and felt the same way about me too, or so they say. I feel kinda bad when I think back to that moment. Seeing the looks in their faces taunts me the most. Who knows what could've been had I been more confident and let them in. Instead, I just acted as if I was disgusted by them.

Mostly just ghosting or declining invitations to things outright. Would make up bullshit excuses the majority of the time, as I didn't want to make everyone feel awkward with my presence. Most my friendships evaporated after college after avoiding contacting for months and months. Months quickly became years.

It was easier to pull away by never reaching out rather than continually trying to stoke or throw kindling on the dying flame of any friendships I once had. Any meetings between friends had an awkwardness that was felt by all parties, so the negative or lack of response on my part combined with the feelings of awkwardness resulted in them inevitably stop trying to reach out. They also were moving on with their lives (ie. marriage, kids, etc), so the natural drift apart was inevitable. That drift became a cessation of all contact. When you combine this with a lack of circumstances that force you to meet new people outside of college, I've basically avoided most social contact for several years now.

Never really did mean shit to others, but they might interpret it as thus. I think they mistook my lack of response or declining to events as evidence that I had rejected them or did not like them. Effectively, I rejected myself for them.

I haven't gone to that extreme because I've never had any girls be interested in me. Who knows though, maybe I would do the same thing in your situation.
It's more if I'm talking to friends or whatever, any sort of praise feels very hollow because they are clearly just trying to make me feel better. Like ok you can say I'm not ugly and boring but that doesn't mean anything because you were never going to be romantically interested in me anyway.

Thank you user, it gives me some confidence that people have gone through the same but have gotten better, even if they weren't "fixed" per say.

Were you guys beaten as kids or anything like that? Why do you think you developed avoidant personality disorder?

How did you two even manage make friends while feeling this way? Do you initiate them? The longest friendship I had was about 4 months, but they initiated most of it. I couldn't handle the discomfort and had to ghost them. This was online though. I have never had a friend irl and the idea of going out with friends feels...well, impossible at this point.
I wasn't. I think this comes from being bullied for most of my school years. I would always try and make friends, but I was either rejected or kids stopped talking to me once they got to know me because they thought I was weird. Things progressively got worse, even physical. I had stuff thrown at me, literal strangers come up and laugh in my face or say some mean shit, and kids threaten to beat me up or try to, etc. Eventually about 70% of the school hated me and I was known as "that weird kid". I basically couldn't exist without someone bothering me and insulting me. It was hell. I eventually got fed up and depressed. I stopped going and told my parents to homeschool me or else I would drop out all together. They chose the former. So yeah, pretty sure this is how it developed, and it is usually formed in response to some traumatic event, but everyones story is different.

What's the answer, love, understanding, forgiveness, compassion, that sort of thing, or is it hell, pain, resentment, vengeance. I want to believe in the former, but I'm totally unclear on that actual price of "sin" / moral wrong doings. Is karmic debt like a list of IOUs that you keep adding to every single or day and eventually you have to repay back for each individual morally corrupt choice you made. Is the personal Hell that is created from the amalgamation of all your wrong doings just a state of mind that you have to live with, maybe make peace with and dissolve all the negatives into a more positive state of being, or is the Hell an actual tangible place of immense physical sadistic bloody hot pain that you're going to have to *live* through at some point? Hope makes you want to believe in the former but video evidence (courtesy of sites like liveleak and bestgore) makes me believe the answer is Pain is the final answer and Love is a lie soled based on watching humans torture other humans - if you've seen the funky town video you should understand what I'm saying. Maybe I'm just the fool being played and falling for the game, there's a good chance all this rambling is just jouvenille thoughts that a 4 year old could cook up if they wanted. Maybe I'm just absolutely retarded, stunted, and *evil* and because of my sins I'm already doomed to damnation. Either way, thinking about this sort of thing is more calming than using drugs or alcohol to escape from myself. Do other people want to hurt me physically and mentally, will I have a bloody comeuppance and beatdown, or have I *suffered* long enough being trapped inside my head and ruminating on my sins, and committing much more sins to escape from other sins. I wish I truly knew how other people felt and what they think about, it just feels like without a final answer to this love vs hate thing, I can only trick myself into keep living and I'll never be able to form any true and real bonds / relationships

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I was beaten as a kid and psychologically abused by both my parents and grandma. She was pretty psychotic but I loved her still. Also had to deal with my dad hating me from age 5 because I didn't live up to his expectations. He ignored me my whole life and my mom was an abusive narcissist.
Got bullied by teachers for the way I looked, bullied by minority gangs and I had really bad cystic acne. I was looked down upon by virtually everyone and treated like trash. I didn't take it out on other people though. I just tried pretending I was normal even though I wasn't. Then I came here and started making friends with people. I was still at a really low point and I got used by a lot of BPD fembots. Or fembots that claimed to have BPD. Developed agoraphobia shortly after those strings of events and that made my avoidant personality even worse.
I no longer have cystic acne and things have been getting better after surrounding myself with nicer people. And I was able to get a gf and ask her out within the first week of knowing her due to getting confidence advice from other girls. I still can't really look at people in the eyes though. I can't look at them in the eyes because it reminds me of when I would look at people in the eyes when I had cystic acne. And they would give me disgusted looks back. Even doctors and authority figures. Maybe all that contributed to my avoidance. I was diagnosed with it too of course but yeah

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Wait, that has a name? But yes, I do it all the time. Just recently I hacked into my ex-gf twitter account. Not out of revenge or anything, but because I wanted to see if I could do it. I also tend to dig up shit about people whenever I'm feeling extremely lonely, often taking it very far and putting a lot of time. Thankfully haven't gotten into much trouble yet.

k i'm going to say with someone who most likely is of this persuasion, you need to make sure that you arent a loser first. be someone who is able to produce value, and then be able to communicate that you can do so. it becomes way easier, possible in fact, when you are actually worth anything. ask yourself how u spend your free time. then youre probably not going to be so avoidant because youll feel like you can look people in the fucking eye when u talk to them

I was thrown into circumstances which forced my interaction with other people. Other people were the ones who initiated contact and the like typically. It was mostly through school I met most. In school, you are forced to interact with other students and are locked in with them hours of the day. You usually share classes with the same kids (especially when you are thrown in a gt/ap/scholars program). In college, I was thrown into an apartment/condo type setup and had several roommates I was friends with a few years. I never initiate contact, but I am not as adverse once the ball is already rolling. I always felt like a tag along member of these friend groups, rather than an implicit member of any group though. Not sure if that was just my own insecurities.

Once the circumstances forcing me to interact with these people ended (eg. finished college), the friendships drifted apart naturally (as they should). However, my avoidant/reclusive tendencies led largely to the cessation of all contact. I was friends with many people for years, but I was never close with anyone. I tended to keep others at a distance. Never felt comfortable simply messaging one out of the blue or something and part of friendship is reciprocity.

>tfw born with a lazy eyes
>had some corrective surgeries as a baby
>right eye drifts up into upper right corner and left eye just floats directly up
>remember being in elementary school bathrooms and just watching my eyes drift away

Besides being the fat kid from like age 3 to 16 and being judged/labeled for that (probably moreso in my own mind, I don't know what other people reall saw) I was never really able to make eye contact with anyone for more than a glance until like early-mid 20s because I was afraid people would think I'm a freak. Obviously had other self-esteem issues and absolutely zero confidence in myself so needless to say I never even attempted to interact with girls because my fatness and lazy eyes made me garbage. I turned into a real creeper in my teens aswell, wish I could take back much of the stuff I did. Am I just here for a pity party right now?

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in some sense i believe in parallel experiences but you aren't aware of the hidden world until a shift in consciousness.
anyway your post reminds me of ffx
another composition on the compost pile
hell is the judgement of failure to miss your mark, that's what sin really means, in ffx the main characters life is putting balls into holes.

I've been thinking about all this stuff you just said and it's all tied into your personal life but we will never really know eachother and if we did sin would probably just ruin it for us.

is sin not a deep one?

anyway I always like playing games even now, even if i have to resist the forces tugging on me in a zen way, because with such an active mind you can still find meaning in a place like this, and i lean in for the kiss.

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I don't even know if I have AvPD, but I wish that I could just erase my identity so no one will knoe anything about me. I think mine got worse after trying to help my friends and ex who lashed out at me as they were trying to vent to me.

I hate that they're coping quite well while I end up having the joy and soul drained out of me.

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>I was thrown into circumstances which forced my interaction with other people.
I see. Well, at least you got to experience friendships at one point, even if they no longer exist. That is certainly closer than I and some here will ever get. Do you ever feel regret for pushing some people away? Do you ever miss them?

>is sin not a deep one?

I liked FFX and lots of other story driven stuff when younger, but I mostly just consumed it for fun and NEVER paid attention or moreso was unable to grasp the messages or deeper meanings in things. I'll be 30 next year and I couldn't even begin to understand song lyrics or real human psychological messages in stories until the past few years. My sins are mostly just taking advantage of people, lots of stealing for drugs and alcohol to escape from who I am and what I've done and be at some infantile level of artificial peace with myself. I've stolen hundreds of times and never faced any real physical reprocussions...in other countries and societies than America you'll usually by lynch mobbed and lose a limb for your first theft or two, probably murdered on your 3rd theft. If other people faced that punishment for petty theft, what punishment do I deserve? I've never really done anything physically painful to people though. One time when I was like 7-8 I was out in my backyard and I was just beating up a live pidgeon, smacking it really hard and stuff, it didn't or couldn't fly away, dunno why. My mom caught me doing it and tried to make me understand how the pidgeon felt, and she sat me down at back in a chair and just made me stare at the pidgeon for like an hour. I felt awful, I cried, I was sorry I hurt it, just meaninglessly tormenting and bullying something very small and fragile. Ever since then I've been very careful about not physically harming stuff, though I've been cruel a few times and killed scorpions/spiders n stuff that were in the house. I am filled with many regrets overall, really wanting to learn how to move forward in a positive light if I'm allowed to. I did see the hidden/parallel world once though, it was very shortlived and beautiful, real melancholy experience for me that I kind of took a giant diarrhea on in the end. I try to believe that god defying failure was meant to be a learning experience

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>speaking to people makes me feel exhausted
>still have desire for actual connections
>most people want to talk more than i can handle
>kills every relationship i have or would have
Feels bad.

point of ffx is sin is relative to you
like when i said putting balls into holes, it's never just that you can't simply reduce life to what it literally is, that becomes a religion of it's own.
It's interesting you mention god defying failure like moby dick and ahab, probably where they got sin from as the design...
I had a brother who would torture animals and me for fun and a bunch of other stuff in my life I could mention but time is short...and relative.

water to me represents consciousness, you have jesus walking on the sea of humanity and ultimately judging it, rebuking the waves so to speak.

I think at some point in your life you woke up and like jung said there is no coming to consciousness without pain, it's a birthing process, you are becoming something new.

>I guess that hurts them, but I don't do mean shit to them.
Isn't that contradictory?

>I try to believe that god defying failure was meant to be a learning experience

It hurt really, really bad for a while. Like a warm blanket in my brain just eroded into a cold and dull sensation in a matter of seconds, "the holy spirit" if you will, just dissolving and leaving my brain. I'd thought I was pretty awful before at times, but after that light burnt out I spent many days believing I was the most vile thing in existence. Seeing the other side was a very humbling experience but at the end of the day, I bought into a crappy dirty fantasy and ignored the voice and huge blinking neon signs that were telling me I was making a huge mistake. This defiance against "god" made me believe I'd made the ultimate sin and I'd never felt like such a corrupt piece of shit before. For well over a year I told myself "if only I had listened to voice and stopped my *evil* thoughts and desires, what could have been?" It ate me really hard for a while, and still eats at me a little bit. At the same time though, that ultimate sin I'd committed wasn't really tangible, maybe it effected something metaphysically, but it wasn't a sin against another person or something worldly. I spent many sleepness nights contemplating on so many wrong doings I'd done to other people, so so many bad decisions that may have hurt people on a level that I truly cant understand - How bad did I hurt them, do they want revenge for me hurting them? Is the mental prison / self-beating dungeon that I put myself in satisfactory punishment and justice for my wrong doings or will I eventually have to pay more? Even before that spiritual experience I frantically thought about my misdeeds sometimes, but defying what I can only think of as "god" in that spotlight moment really showed me the depths of pure distilled evil nature, and that feeling of pure evil became my new self-identity for a while...I've made more peace and progress with it lately but I'm still anxious about what's around the corner

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but in inverse morality, jesus is a sort of ahab defying the god of this world.

you're like knives and vash from trigun

>speak to a girl from Yas Forums
>she wants to voice-chat
>put it off as much as possible
>eventually go through with it
>it's relatively okay
>speak for roughly an hour
>make an excuse to leave
>hang up
>breathe a sigh of relief
i know that feel user

What I find the most interesting about AVPD people psychologically is that in an absolute cruel twist of fate, on average the people most drawn to suffers of conditions that cause withdrawal like AVPD and SPD are people with conditions where they fear abandonment like BPD and Seperation Anxiety Disorder. Which means everyone suffers immensely.

>What I find the most interesting about AVPD people psychologically is that in an absolute cruel twist of fate, on average the people most drawn to suffers of conditions that cause withdrawal like AVPD and SPD are people with conditions where they fear abandonment like BPD and Seperation Anxiety Disorder.
Why do you make this assumption? There is no way to know if those they abandon even cared at all.

>It's interesting you mention god defying failure like moby dick and ahab, probably where they got sin from as the design

I wish I knew what you were talking about. I think I'd understand somewhat, maybe surface level or a little deeper, what you're saying if I actually read the literature...I'm kind of envious of people that know all the classic and timeless stories while I indulged in almost entirely useless escapism - drugs, alcohol, loot grind video games --- very little creative or philosophical development back then, though I probably wouldn't have understood that sort of thing back then like I'm somewhat able to do now

Either way I'm at a stand-still, I'm sure reading all that sort of stuff would be an interesting experience but, at the same time I have read/watched SOME material like and even though it leads to lots of introspection, it doesn't really get me anywhere. I'm really looking answers and even though these stories are amazing at pondering situations and thought processes, I never really get the answers I'm hoping to find from them

I will say that mindless escapism isn't very attractive to me at the moment but...is what I'm doing here on Yas Forums right now just more mindless escapism? I assume we're having a real heart to heart, mind to mind discussion, but after witnessing the absolute fucking game, and mind readers through the black mirror / live streams taking immediate thoughts from your mind and relaying them back to you even when you've been sitting silence it's just really hard to cope or know what's real. Alls I can really do is try to stay optimistic and try to believe that maybe I will find some answers. I'm not really wanting to turn to drugs or alcohol at the moment, I've been very unhealthy for the past year and this past week of sobriety is really making my thought process and articulation a lot more "capable" than it's been in a long time. It hurts a bit but it feels a lot cleaner

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While playing ffx I was thinking all of life is a form of sleep, and wakefulness is a sort of cult, and that's why there's war. Perhaps i'm too dualistic, but even in final fantasy all you do is kill animals for experience, oh mother, why did you do it?