How do I cure my crippling depression and porn addiction

Secret recordings?

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Yeah a number of people who were being abused recorded the abuse so the church tried to make us a two party consent state so the recordings would be inadmissible as evidence.

Jerk off using your other hand

Go outside and talk to girls. Go to conventions to meet new interesting people.

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I'm in a similar position. Considering quitting alkie for a while. Already over using caffeine as it made things far worse. No other drugs.
Also going to doctor for it. But its meh so far

Do you actually believe I'm Jewish/,paid by the jews to spread pro-porn propoganda?

You're still a primate. Social interaction is a physiological need.

Imaginary friends are good for that. Also video games

just one of their coombrained golems