I feel empty.
For a good while, I've felt lonely. I just want someone to hold, someone to love, someone who I can be around and feel like everything's okay. But I can never find that person.
Sorry for complaining to you, I just didn't know who else to say this to.
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I'm right there with you user... Let it out. I came here for the same reason.
Thanks, man it feels good to at least know that im not the only one.
You have... to... learn... how... to... love.... yourself... the... way... you... want.... to... be... loved...
Nobody can read your mind. Nobody can understand the illogical desires you may have. You can. You're the only person that truly can understand yourself. Figure out your desires and work with yourself to fulfill them.
What's illogical about wanting human contact?
Have you ever been hungry but not known what you want to eat and then don't want to eat because you don't know what you want but you're still hungry and you still want to complain even though logically you have no right? That could get on somebody's nerves. But luckily you understand yourself and can appreciate yourself for your complexity rather than being angry because someone else would be angry.
> That could get on somebody's nerves.
But the right somebody would want to get angry right along with you.
When you're comfortable while alone, how does it feel? Do you feel like multiple people interacting with one another? What does it mean to be okay to be on your own.
Being comfortable alone starts with accepting yourself as you are. You don't look at a tree and compare it to another tree. For example, you don't say "oh this tree isn't as tall as this other one!" or "this tree is much wider than this other one". That's because you accept them as they are.
I don't know what you mean by multiple people interacting with one another. I feel like i'm me. I definitely think and want stimulation. There's nothing wrong with wanting stimulation.
Being okay on your own means that you're fine with being by yourself? You've never needed a break from people and enjoyed solidarity?
Some people may be biologically inclined to wanting more stimulation than others. So don't feel bad. It's got something to do with empathy. I can't remember at the moment.
>bootstrap your way into mental wellness
cause theres no structural problems with our society and mental health services. nor the way society and culture function, nor the way the economic system functions. just think happy thoughts...
I'm not talking about bootstrapping into mental wellness. It's just a good step. It's definitely not the fault of the person suffering. But that's all you can control. Now you can drug up but that seems to be more a band-aid solution right now.
Emotional deprivation and social isolation is not momentary loneliness. It is not simple discomfort, something you can "get over" or just learn to accept. It is a trauma to anyone to be that cut off and invalidated. The dimestore self-help book platitudes you're offering here simply do not apply.
The best way to get past this feeling is to force yourself into situations that better you as a person. Exercise is a huge one man. I know you don't want to probably and it's a big pain in the ass, but after 2 weeks of forcing yourself you'll actually begin to crave it.
Also just pursue something you've been thinking about but seem to always talk yourself out of. A better you will naturally attract other people to you as well.
I wasn't it is! I don't know where you're getting emotional deprivation and social isolation from! OP didn't mention that! But if we're talking about that then how do you suggest these problems get tackled. I'm not saying I know everything. I'm just giving my less than a dime advice.
thinking happy thoughts is a band aid solution. tried it. lasts for only so long.
*I wasn't saying it is
Idk where my "saying" went.
I'm not saying repeat a mantra. I'm saying do introspection and recognize where your problems are coming from.
i know where my problems are from. i've done introspection. doesn't make me happier. venting in a Yas Forums thread doesn't require you to tell me to boot strap myself. i'm perfectly happy being miserable thank you very much.
You also have to begin to believe that you have complete agency over your life. Any situation you are in is at least partially your fault, and the solution to your depression is also in your hands.
Push yourself to be better OP, if I was able to do it, you can to.
Well if you're happy then you're not depressed. I'm glad I tried to help.
>well if ur happy ur not depressed
yes. i am just awake at 5am because i thoroughly enjoy it.
You say you're happy to be miserable. Now you're saying you're not happy being miserable. Well which one is it? How do you feel?
Okay loneliness is a tough one to give advice on other than "meet enough people until you find someone who sticks" what about other problems?
Are you secure in your finance, fitness, and future?
Know the feeling OP. Got diagnosed with depression and anxiety at the beginning of the year. Now I've lost my job and insurance and have no way to pay for my meds. Hope things get back to "normal" soon.
Pic related.
Do you understand where anxiety and stress comes from?
I'm not allowed to get a job until next year, I'm not overweight but I'm not too active, and i have no clue about my future. so I don't think im secure in any of them.
>how do you feel
never been asked before. so thanks.
not as bad as some people, worse than others. i'll put it this way. if im still alive and this miserable past 30, then you'll know i couldn't do it.
You seem to have a hard time understanding the things i'm saying. You have your own perspective and see things through that lens. So, I'll get as specific as I can.
"How do you feel right now at the moment and why do you feel this way?"
Idk is an acceptable answer.
>how do i feel
I feel intense loneliness with no close relationships and dislike of my own character. I also consider this kind of posting online as to be distasteful and i'll be damned if i ever speak to anyone it in person. i am hoping for my situation to change but don't think it will. only answering because why not and its strange to think a person on their pc a million miles away asked me.
My own problems are clearly that i personally am annoying to be around, my lack of action in changing my circumstances and seeking help. I don't lack introspection.
You do lack introspection. You're obsessing over yourself that ain't introspection.
Why do you dislike your character? Why not talk to someone in person about it?
Your not alone, in many ways. The way you feel, they way you've reached out for guidance. I've never suffered depression, or a sense of loneliness so I can't help you on that. I am co-morbid GAD and panic disorder. All these feelings fall into the same category somewhat, what I've learned over the years is medication can be a crutch, and therapy isn't for everyone. There are better ways though, to deal with these things. The only thing is you have to look for them, search for something that will be more then a temporary fix. For me, it turned out to be gardening of all things... and I work with computers, which is odd. It may take time, alot of it, but working on yourself is the most important and helpful thing. Put yourself before everything and anyone first.
same over here, i send you both a digital hug anons
>character
not a pleasant person to be around. i recognise this and attemptto change to have friends because the loneliness is unbearable.
>talk in person
never, ever. i'm a grown ass man and very private. only person aware of this convo is nsa/gchq.
What makes you unpleasant and why do you do it? Do you know about individualistic cultures and collectivistic cultures?
I fucking feel this shit Jesus fuck I thought I was the only one. I always feel like my desire for someone to comfort me is selfish or something. I know exactly what you mean. Every time you get a little closer to someone you start to imagine that they could be that someone. Then you suggest your desires and they seem to be turnt off and your relationship is stymied. I'm in the same damn boat and i want to believe there is hope of reaching shore. I think this is the void religion is supposed to fill, because most people are unwilling to open themselves, forcing a one way relationship with a not-so-real God. So maybe the best play is to just keep going and eventually people like us find each other. Stay strong b/ro
this is introspection by the way. always asking yourself questions. getting to the bottom of it.
>makes me unpleasant
nothing i do on purpose. just act naturally. I'd say a vague dickish attitude (immaturity and annoyingness combined with a slight meanness).
>individualistic / collectivistic
i guess i am somewhat aware of liberal individualistic cultures and their more collectivistic right/left wing alternatives. (not a horseshoe meme)
>for someone to comfort me is selfish or something.
i've rationalised it that if you are lonely and don't tell people / ask for pity you can pity yourself every now and then
Did you know that while you obsess over the embarrassing things that you do that nobody else does? Do you realize that other people obsess over the embarrassing things they do and don't have time to stress over what you do?
no need for name calling
? don't understand.
yes i am aware but i have experience of losing friends / not being able to befriend new people with my natural attitude. Have to walk on egg shells in my interactions to try to not be lonely but that is not a fun way to live. catch 22
I believe a more constructive commentary would be more beneficial to the OP rather then criticism or belittling. If you've come to try and pump some of your own testosterone into him, you might be lacking some yourself.
Here's a video for that. Please watch it.
youtube.com
Going soft on the boy isn't going to help him, Sharon...
i've lived as myself for years, saying fuck people. felt fun in the moment. but not a long term strategy i have found.
Strangely enough, I had many of the same feels. But once I realized that there are no guarantees and that some things just aren’t going to happen I began to feel a certain kind of peace. It’s just me and my dog. And honestly, little man’s the best friend I’ve ever had. And without any family or human friends I feel free. My life is a lot less complicated without the all of the baggage and its nice. I have music, books, vidya and a burgeoning apocalypse to watch and I’m pretty comfy tbh.
I think this may be someone connected to Sigmund fruend's theories. Especially in the way he hypothesized early childhood causes most psychological problems later in life. So in this case, a lack of parental care or a group of bad friends early on result in op's desire to know that he is accepted and cared for. To bring to light your point of self pity, I think that his desire for acceptence and to be held are stopped by his self pity since he appears less vunerable to anyone who could have comforted him. Although I would be led to believe that it is the pity of others that leads to self pity. What op needs is not someone to hold, but a friend to hug and to cry in front of. Of course the issue is finding someone like that in a world where forming meaningful relationships is becoming harder and harder, especially as you age.
I've spent 99% of my life by myself. Sometimes I don't see anyone for 6 months straight when I delve into my work, except the delivery kid on occasion which I just pay and say thanks to. It is something I've learned, It is something I got over and accepted and now I even prefer it most of the time. I am my own best friend and I have an absolute blast with myself. I love me more than anything in the world and I love the work I do when I'm alone.
Not saying OP should learn the type of discipline and self love I have, just saying it's totally possible and can be healthy.
Well that's where you're fucking up. You don't know who you are. You know your insecurities and use those to define yourself but you are more than that. It's not about saying fuck people, I'll be alone. It's about being true to yourself no matter what. Stop trying to be these ideals and accept yourself for who you are. The good, the bad, the confused, the hungry, the sleepy, etc.
It's possible to be that comfortable with yourself, sure. But OP should strive for what feels right for him.
797 is right.
Tomorrow morning, make your bed. Then do 10 push ups. Write down your accomplishment. Next day, make your bed. Then do 11 push ups. Write down your progress.
Keep going one day at a time. That’s it. Someone will come along and your consistency and confidence will solidified. And you’ll only need yourself. Dangerous combo user, be careful what you wish for. Thank me later
I don't really know who I am sure, sure. But the person i have lived as has been unsatisfying to say the least. i am desperately trying to evolve but i also hate the new guy and it hasn't worked. i don't have many options here.
as an introvert that sounds nice but at the same time horrifying.
That's because you're "trying" to be somebody. You already are someone. Start asking yourself questions and be honest with yourself to figure out who you are. There is no magical fix but exercise, order, and writing can be very helpful in combatting depression.
Do whatever feels right to you user. My lifestyle is certainly not for everyone nor do I want it to be. I don't need confirmation, for anything really.
You're very cool for existing and I appreciate that you do.
>exercise, order, writing
doing all 3. sure they help but its not enough.
>be honest.
sure i am someone but i'm pretty fucking unhappy with that person. i cannot love someone that makes me lonely, miserable, apathetic, depressed and wishing for death. this person is not who i want to be
>i dont need confirmation
never meant to attack you. please keep enjoying yourself lad. god knows enough people don't :)
Just focus on being kind and helpful to others in spite of a lot of people's attitudes and you'll be fine. As long as you prevent yourself from becoming jaded or outwardly dickish then you'll eventually find someone or have more shots at finding someone. Take care man. This one guy is sending out good vibes into the universe for you user.
I don't feel attacked user. Not sure where you got that from. I just mean I'm not trying to turn others into me.
First understand why you do the things you do and who that makes you. Don't be so hard on yourself. Secondly and i'm loathe to offer this because I don't think you'll fully understand it but if you want to be a certain way understand why you want to be that way. Carefully consider if you might already have the capacity. It's not about 'BEING" someone. It's about "ACTIONS" that you want to take more of. If that's the case then you can work on that.
Holy shit. Don’t let anyone fool you here. EVERYONE is insecure and fucked up in the head(one of the reasons psychologists will always have work). Nobody is happy with themselves, but we all have to find a way to cope.
Imagine this... you’ve had X number of years so far wandering and wondering “what if?” When really, you can start LITERALLY RIGHT NOW thinking “why not??” Why not you! Why not try something different. Be whoever you want, or pick up something new. Explore a different part of the city/state/country/world??
I am insecure at times and i've definitely been broken but I am happy with myself. I found self love. I realized that nobody could read my mind so I was going to start fulfilling my own needs and love myself the way I wish someone else would.
If i'm ever curious about a what if I just go and try to do that.
>i don't think you'll fully understand
kek
>why you want to be that way
to have friends, emotional connections and not be so sad.
>capacity
i may or may not. but ill keep trying.
>being someone/ actions to take more of
i don't particularly want to change how i act orginally because i enjoy that but long term it is incredibly unsatisfying. changing into someone else is unenjoyable. perhaps my issue is staying the same but playing a role. so ill just hope that i eventually change into that role.