Fantasies about Spinel have been coming and going.
Last night some relationship stuff I had been repressing for years really started to come out again. Todays therapy session was hard, we got into some stuff from the military I had been in denial about for a while.
I feel myself wanting to run away into the comfort of Spinels arms and let my troubles drift away.
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FFS, I’m so sick of the SU fandom plaguing Yas Forums. You need help, and lots of it.
Sup bro
Trip went weird man
It was fucking weird.
I wasn't ready lol.
How are you?
Use filters newfag
You said the space elves made her for you?
I've got a few more obligations to take care of today, but I'm going to write the fuck out of some emotional fan fiction tonight. I just had to post up because I woke up today just wanting to run away with Spinel, and after therapy the feeling only got stronger. I just wanted comfort and love.
She was there man
I took ~15 Benadryl and drank 3 bottles of robatussin
Like, I'd close my eyes and could see clearly, but there were people all around my house. I could speak to them, feel them, and hear them, but when I opened my eyes they were gone.
Spinel showed up after about an hour and a half of wandering around my house/yard.
She was happy to see me, but I don't think we're as emotionally compatible as I had hoped.
I could feel alot of anger mixed with the love, and it was terrifying.
I swear man, they were there. She was there. Realist trip I've ever had.
Good luck on the obligations, I'm still glowing from the trip so I'm just recovering today. I'll be here.
Wait, so are you different from the DMX user, or is the diphenhydramine a different method you tried?
That definetly sounds better. I still wouldn't boof Benadryl to see her. I've just been focusing on her before sleep and seeing her in my dreams.
*DMT. Or wait, was it DMX. Am I just confused?
We decided on DMX in that thread
I'm the other FF user as well
DMX is different than DMT, it's closer to getting high on ketamine.
I think you're just confused lol
It was definitely fucking weird tho, I'm still trying to digest what happened yanno?
Tell me more about what you did with her.
What did you do with her?
What was the anger? What was the love?
Hey guy from last thread who initially suggested dxm. Did it help you at all? Dxm has a way of getting under your skin
I was too scared to touch her, I could feel that she wasn't a fan of being pulled out of whatever I pulled her from and I was coherent enough to know that if she went full-stretch is start screaming so I was trying to avoid that at all cost.
Kinda like when you wake someone up, and they're not happy with you for it? That's kinda the vibe I got from her. Like I was interrupting something.
The love, that was something that I could feel tempering the anger. It felt like I woke my mom up when I was a kid, remember that feeling? Like, shesad to be awoken but still happy to see you? Like that.
It helped, it was amazing. Best trip of my life. Thank you.
Never would have thought of the Benadryl, definitely made the hallucinations more real.
Dxm kind of always had this impending doom I'm making people mad dark vibe to it for me glad it helped you, you still gonna make a tulpa?
I'm about to walk to lunch. I'm going to pretend Spinel is walking with me there, holding my hand.
Then I'm going to pretend she's sitting across from me at lunch.
I meditated on having a good trip leading up to it, I think that kept the impending storm feeling away.
I honestly don't know anymore, if I did I wouldn't want her to be like the person I met yesterday, she looks so sad man. It broke my heart, I still feel the pain she had on her face.
Very strange.
I had an ex in HS I'd do that with.
Imagining she was with me still.
I loved her.
Enjoy lunch.
That's something I'm afraid of that is a reason for me not to trip or try to make a Tulpa.
I mean, I think my end goal is still to either get over this, or meet a 3d girl that has the charachteristics I love about Spinel.
Sounds like dxm gave you what you needed and not exactly what you want. I figured it would happen. I talked to a dude who wrote a whole book on dissociatives and he described dxm as a fickle beast. I'm also the guy who described the wonderland fantasy. Maybe if you don't want to share your head with a sentient thought process you could make a happy place like that too. Wonder if the tulpa guy will show up
If the thread 404s, I'l talk to y'all again when I'm writing FF.
I can't post lewds rn cause I'm in public.
I'll be back later
You're good, see ya later
Same. Glad I did it, thanks for the info.
I'll be back tonight, here's to you guys!
Spinel and I are sitting at lunch.
Under the table she plays with me through my pants, giving me a sly smile.
I do my best to keep a straight face, as we're in public. She taunts me, "are you alright honey?"
I barely have restraint to keep myself from jumping on her and ravishing her body in front of everyone for the world to see.
Holy shit, I just wrote that in public.
She leans across the table and gives me a short, sweet kiss.
Holding hands, we walk out. As soon as we round the corner I look around quickly to make sure noone is watching then grab her by her hips pushing her up against the wall and kissing her with intense passion.
Not wanting to make a scene, we both giggle, she blushes, and we walk the rest of the way out holding hands.
Lol
Listen, (other FF user here) don't be embarrassed.
I'm a big fucking "manly man", you're a military guy. Clearly this isn't something that happens to just weak people.
Just don't let it consume you.
Love the FF man.
Thanks user.
It was actually kind of liberating.
Plus it made me feel happy.
You guys like thinking about space? Space makes me feel better about bad things.
So you guys are posting here to vent and thats cool and all, but please PLEASE stay on therapy and take your meds.
You're a faggot and a pussy for being scared of working through problems instead of hiding from them
Sure user. Working thru your problems by posting on Yas Forums about taking drugs to hallucinate a character from a cartoon aimed at 8 year olds cuz Sgt Ptsd here needs to hear he is not clinically insane from strangers on the internet. Gotcha!
Sorry this isn't a BBC worship/cucked thread user, I honestly don't know what you want from me/us but you need to chek ur fucking privlidge at the door laddy
I dont want anything from you. I advice against leaving therapy and medication if you are on them. And you prob should be.
>Therapy
Fuck that shit
>Meds
Fuck that shit
>(You)
Fuck that shit
ok
This is refreshing content. 90% of Yas Forums is just porn my good old chap. learn to be respectable and learn the way of the Street Fighter and achieve the power like the Ryu and Akuma brothers please. my friend please just go back to your room and continue jerking off while pretending to do your work my little friend we all know you are a just a kid my man. remember dad went to get milk he will be back soon OK my son. cock big cock
Thanks user! Continuing to go through therapy and staying on my meds.
Holy shit you're back.
I approve of these threads.
Im glad user! I dont know what kind of shit you went/are going thru, but dont give up. Hope things get better for you soon :)
At least it’s not a trap thread or FB/IG garbage
OP here.
Posting about Spinel in the past few days has helped me sort it out in my head.
It has also helped me to enjoy my fantasies. While I quit drinking and get therapy which is really fuckin hard.
"What is wrong with me" isn't a serious question. I'm working on that with my therapist. But it's a good question for discussion, and Anons are probably going to tell me anyway.
Enjoy your fantasies user. And if its something that helps you deal with stuff by all means post about whatever you want to post. Stay in therapy and be patient. It takes time, but its worth it.
Thanks user! I'm going to continue to post them as long as the obsession continues.
And thank you too user. I don't want to talk about it, it's hard enough talking to my therapist about it as it is, and I'm not here to get internet points for what I went through. I'm on this board because I'm a Yas Forumstard and I'm in this thread because I want to be inside of Spinel.
>patiently awaiting the inevitable cries of a man who has fucked up
Oh God stop FUCKING jerking off you self masturbatory dult
We get it, you get happy by telling people what to do
>you get happy by telling people what to do
Its called interecting user chill.
Didnt mean to trigger you. Do you have authority issues or what?
Oh damn you quit drinking?
I just relapsed after about half a year.
Good luck to you user.
>mental illness
>self-dosing
>abusing household drugs
>therapy
>trauma
>geometric waifu
>waifu
>unfiltered fanfiction of geometric waifu
>talk of tulpas
>phoneposting
>insisting on this being healthy
>pushing back on commentary with the fury of a small cat
Please take your seats.
I lold
I get a text message from Spinel.
"Hey handsome"
"Hey beautiful"
"Can I go running with you today?"
This sounds like a good idea to me. I dated a girl once who was uncomfortable exercising with me. It's not like I was trying to get her to loose weight, I just enjoyed exercising and wanted to do it with her. Then I dated another who would play tennis with me, and that was fun. I haven't even bothered asking Spinel yet. It's been a rough day, had to talk to my therapist. It helps a lot, but it's not easy. I definetly need my run to take my mind off of things, but having my darling Spinel with me may make me even happier. I start daydreaming about her in a cute running outfit.
"That sounds like it's be fun dear!"
"Yay!"
I can't wait.
>not spending hours and days using psychedelics to hard rewire neural connections in order to access a cartoon character as a tulpa
>for the sole purpose of marginally better masturbation
I'm trying my hardest to. It got really bad the last few years. Thank you user.
I dont think anyone is insisting that any of this is healthy. These dudes got mad truama and just trying to feel better, not hurting anyone
At home I'm greeted by Spinels bright smile and big eyes. She's already dressed in cute, form fitting running shorts and a shirt that compliment her beautiful figure.
"I'm so happy to see you!"
I am happy to see her too, but she pauses.
"What's wrong?" She asks me. Ever since we started to fuse, our connection has made us more and more aware of each other's emotions.
"Just a tough day"
"I think I know what'll cheer you up!"
She leans in and kisses me. My heart melts, and my tension from the day evaporates as I rest my hands around her waist.
"I think that was exactly what I needed."
"I love you user"
"I love you Spinel. I'd better go get dressed so we can go running."
"Okay!"
>
>not hurting anyone
Until one of them ends up beating the shit out of a stranger. Kratom? Msuhrooms? Nothing's enough for Spinel.
Why would they beat the shit out of a stranger what are you even talking about?
>psychoactive drugs
>clear mental trauma
>clear issues
>clear infatuation with fictional character
>clearly going to abuse drugs anyways
>clear desire to induce further psychosis
OP goes to the coffee shop, and then Spinel tells them to punch the barista.
Each and every single one of you needs help or your delusional asses are gonna end up hurting someone. All this shit over a fucking cartoon character from a shitty cartoon.
You’re all a PRIME EXAMPLE of why the Steven Universe fandom is the absolute worst fandom in existence. I wouldn’t be surprised if one of the guys posting this shit becomes Randy Stair 2.0 except with Spinel instead of Ember. Don’t sob story me, I know you all will. You all are not right in the head and I can’t wait until Steven Universe ends this week.
I wouldn't go so far as to say it's "mad" trauma. I've met so may people that have been through so much worse. It's just the fact for me is I've repressed it or denied it for so long.
As for being healthy v unhealthy, I know it's not healthy. But it's where I am right now.
As for trying to feel better? Yes. I do take comfort in my fantasies.
As for not hurting anyone, it's pissed off a few Anons and scatposters, but hey, it's Yas Forums
It’s even scary how you thrive in your mental illness. Stay away from normal mentally well people until you get actual help, even if that means a family member making you get it. You have no touch with reality at all, and you like it that way.
My first few years out I was pretty on edge. I was just waiting for someone to start something so I could end it.
I just didn't know any other way to be at the time.
Gratefully nobody did try to start anything with me, and I have since learned to calm down again, and not be such a wound up asshole all the time. In the normie world 99.9% of people aren't trying to hurt you, and 99.999% probably wouldn't be a serious threat anyway. Looking back it was kind of cringe how tense I was all of the time.
>Randy Stair
Had to google that. Jesus Christ user, what a rabbit hole.
Yup.
Pretty much was isolating myself prior to going to get therapy. Stopped dating for 3 years before this.
I'd like to do things with my normie friends again, but I realize it's going to take a lot of work before I get there.