I did 4 oxy 30s and drank this today and am barely even intoxicated

if you got any life lines to get clean, take that shit and run with it, once your homeless and an addict you're fucked

Definitely that man
That spoke to me on so many levels.

I can't get help. I simply can't.

Why oxy 30s though? Either they are counterfeit/ "presses" or the value of the drugs you are consuming is quite exorbitant.

Heroin is cheaper and fent even better; at least you won't be homeless (I mean, I could see you getting dead but meh.)

Being homeless isn’t fun. Maybe the drug taking and excessive drinking is the root cause of your circumstance? Might be time to get your shit together and act like an adult instead of a child trying to pretend reality doesn’t exist by blasting your brain & live with poison that will shorten your life.

My brother developed cancer when he was 17 (I was 15 at the time) they give them to him for pain.
He gives them to me out if love, I know that sounds shitty but that's how it is.
They're st8 from the pharmacy.

try putting a 12 gauge in your mouth and pulling the trigger. report back with results.

I was homeless when I was sober
Has nothing

being homeless for 2 weeks while sober because you got kicked out for being a degenerate doesn't mean anything

I’ve been in far worse scenarios and got past all that shit. Stop being a pussy or get weeded out by your own retardation

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>6"3 240, 21
>can't get his shit together.
You're a HUGE fucking pussy. Just kys. Seriously most 12 year old girls are stronger than you.

I lived in my car for 2 months while I tried to find a job (bad background) and finally found one and got on my feet.
I do roofing for 12 hours a day, 6 days a week.
Losing my home bc degenerate roomies (ik I'm a degenerate too but I'm not loud about it)

Do me a favor user, next time you're around a gun, just put it in your mouth and pull the trigger. You'll have fun.

This is true. You're a tall guy with tons of opportunities and you're being a faggot throwing that a way.
5'7 latino manlet here and I'm glad I can at least keep my shit together for the most part

Well, that's how it goes. Some people are physically small but emotionally tall and some are physically tall and emotionally small.
I can't help what happened to me, but I can numb it.

Yeah.. but still dude. I could do a lot with your tolerance and stature. Least I have myself a chubby white girl (for now) and starting a new job. Who knows how long that will last

That's the thing man
I get women, ik this is Yas Forums but I promise I do, this has nothing to do with that.

Thank you for coming, let me say that. I need help. But I don't know how to ask anymore.
What would YOU do with my tolerance, get drunk and high every day? That's what I'm doing. How is what you want and what I'm doing any different?

So actually been in near same scenario and same with the chicks and drugs. I PROMISE you it gets worse. Shame you probably won’t really GET IT till jail or prison. Only thing that did it for me was getting my freedom fucked with. And if you’re like me when you get fucked up all the insanity comes out. Either way, remember me telling you IT GETS WORSE when you’re in an even more fucked situation. One love brother life is a momentum game. Accomplish one small thing tomorrow and keep it pushing.

I spent 4 months in county when I was 18
I know jail man
It just feels like no matter how hard I try, I keep getting hammered like a nail.
I NEED the high, I've been contemplating suicide for years, and im closer to that last big shot now than I've ever been
I just want to feel loved again. Not make love, but feel it
I'm literally waifu'd to a fucking cartoons character I'm so pathetic.
One love brother
Thanks for stopping by

Dude we have so much in common from when I was your age. 26 now, just now restoring all the shit I fucked up but actually at the tail end of it. Been in and out of jail. Attempted suicide via knife to the throat, should be dead by all rights. Promise you it gets worse until you’re willing to be kind to yourself. Easier said then done. I still fall way off the wagon but the only thing that gets me back on track before it gets as bad again is taking back small amounts of positive momentum until you start FEELING the results. I still have probs with trying to get that love thru fucking and all it does is make me lose faith in women as more than fuck dolls. Most important thing you need right now and ASAP, is kind people that at first will seem corny. Gotta escape that feeling of being cornered.

Sounds corny but do good deeds for no reason, make entirely new sober friends, daydream about where you want to be and visualize it, visualize the feeling of love for yourself and being open to love from others and keep doing tasks that for, positive momentum no matter how meaningless they seem. You need a full brain rewire. You’ll get thru it brother don’t pull the plug. You got the world by the balls once you learn to own your circumstance and come out a fighter. Promise you. Much love man hang in there

This was literally me 10 years ago, except I was taking 10 30's a day, though I'd mostly quit drinking after discovering oxy and realizing how much booze sucks comparatively and it also ruins the high when mixed... Waking up every morning coated in sweat with a runny nose and antsy legs, fun times...
But I eventually got my shit together.

I feel that man
You just described me
I think Im trying to develop the waifu thing to compensate for not being loved
Like, trying to use it as the rock in my life
I need a rock man.
I hope the waifu thing works out for me otherwise I don't see myself browsing Yas Forums next month.
I have a hard time eating too, like I haven't eaten in 2 days other than everclear and pills.
What the fuck is wrong with me?

God that's my every morning lol.

I fight for that, but nobody supports me. I only have myself, I've given unconditional love to every person I've ever met and the best I got in return was a quick nut.
I just wanna be held again
Not tryna be pathetic, but that's the way it is.

Anything as a rock that isn’t drugs or alcohol is solid right now. Don’t worry too much right now about that aspect. First thing is taking the blinders off, which means sobering up. I still have benders where I drink and don’t eat for days so I don’t want to be a hypocrite.. the hardest thing to do is gonna be quit the pills, it’s doable. Don’t be a statistic. The way I see it is you’re feeding into the evil pharmaceutical drug slingers and essentially letting them win, and fuck being owned by someone who doesn’t even know my name lol and again, me being a hypocrite, this site is cancer and you know it lol I’d take a break from it just while you get stable. Do whatever it takes regardless of how uncomfortable and awful it will appear at first. It will be a large part of your strength moving forward. Learning what you can withstand can be a gift if you use it as such

It’s what everyone wants. The lengths people go to try to pretend they don’t. You’re fundamental understanding of love is why the world needs people like you man, don’t lose the fight. I can give you all the insight I can but it is YOUR battle. I still have hardly any real support system, I take my love in unexpected encounters. You may not get a rock right away, but you’ll miss the small encounters forsure if you’re fucked up. Gotta get out of the fog man, step 1

>God that's my every morning lol.
My solution was to get on Suboxone for a couple years, but it's ridiculously expensive... And in the end I still had to quit that cold turkey, holed up at grandma's house for three months kicking the bed, screaming into a pillow, shitting green bile 50 times a day, jerking off every 10 minutes, and praying for a death that just wouldn't come, haha...

But you did it. And that takes ACTUAL mental strength. Every addict I know that got clean is a very smart and insightful person, and over time they usually end up financially very well off too. Glad ya kicked it man

lately i've been buying the generic brand of wax beans. i rip off the label, i can't tell the difference.

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Depends for me. I wouldn't be bothered by it but the displacement. I want to die just existing in this occupied space. This isn't freedom. We have laws in place. I wanted to go home. I wanted to go home to my wife. To live in a peaceful setting where I know I cannot die. Will not die. Will not be harmed. Will not be subjected to niggers trying to make judgement correction in all time and space. I WHO AM FIRST.

Thank you user. Your words haven't fallen on deaf ears, but I will say that I've never, in my entire life, been told I was loved. Never. I've never even heard the word "love" outside of "I love this" or "I love that" but I know that in my heart resides a fire that is unquenchable.
I just wanna feel loves man. And who doesn't? I just want to know rhatt life isn't without meaning, and the only way I can do that at this point is with my cartoon character love.
I fell emotionally in love with a cartoon character man, ik it's fucking pathetic but I did. I need her.
How can I get sober when the only crutch I have to ail the aching feet that I have is a fucking cartoon man?
I want to kill myself just thinking about it, but emotionally she's the only person I have
Can that be my rock? Can I develop my own rock like that?
My family is HARD man, emotionally and physically, they'd never accept that. Never. Id be laughed at into oblivion if I told them I love a cartoon.
How can I cope with that?
How?

>I spent 4 months in county when I was 18
>I know jail man
You don't know shit. Fuck around and do some real time before you say "I know jail man" That's where you're headed anyway.

I hope, I pray I'm you one day man.

Thank you user. You brought a tear to a very hard man's eye. Remember that.

What lol?

I feel that too. You aren't alone.

Again man that right now is far less important. That is fear of what others think. The real issue at hand is the pills and negative momentum. It’s your battle man. All I can say is be kind and understanding to yourself, love a fucking cardboard box if it’s what brings you any joy in the dark place you’re in, it doesn’t matter as long as it’s not warping your mind like all the drugs. Deal with the problems in order of importance. You’re in the battle of your life and if you make it out one day you’ll see it very clearly and you’ll get the fucking chills when you think how close you are to sinking. Nothing will give you as much strength as remembering that feeling and knowing that you got thru it on your own. This will either be a slingshot into the rest of an amazing life, or the cinderblock to sink you. You have to choose. And yes it IS a choice. I hope any of this has helped, you seem like a good person. One love brother, I gotta get to bed. Be kind to yourself, this too shall pass

One love brother
I heard you, I hope to be strong enough to follow.
Sleep well.

Why must you turn Yas Forums into a house of lies?

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Unbelievable how much shit I do?
Oh well, sorry.

I haven't really been the same since, to be honest... Kicking any other junk for a week or so is fine, but Suboxone (or methadone, which is probably even worse than what I went through) is a whole other animal... Three, fucking, months, of 24/7 nonstop torture like nothing else in this world...
Time slows to an absolute stop... Every fibre of your physical body alchemizes into pure agony, writhing and fidgeting as if you're trying to escape your own body (especially the legs), every orifice and membrane that generates mucous or fluid goes into overdrive, your sense of temperature goes out of whack, making you simultanously feel entombed in ice that's on fire, your stomach shrinks to the size of a shotglass making eating anything more solid than yogurt feel like swallowing gravel. Maybe you can sleep to escape it for a while? Forget about it... And yet your mind and body are completely zapped of all energy, so that even standing up out of a chair requires herculean effort... Not an experience I'd wish on my worst enemy.
But after a couple weeks, the zombification that I hadn't even realized was there started wearing off, and despite how awful I physically felt, I would get these rushes of joy at just being alive and having that shit out of my brain, like I was seeing sunlight and green fucking fields for the first time, it was crazy...

Anyway ... good luck.

user, I'd rather fucking OD than feel that rn
Maybe that's the high speaking, but if I felt that way I'd be swinging from a bannister.

Yeah, I did that a couple times. Once on fentanyl, another on an oxy and xanax combo... Sometimes I get the sensation that I actually died and am stuck in Purgatory...
Nobody can talk the junk out of a junkie though, they truly have to want to quit or it's nothin' doin'.
Oftentimes I'd use kratom or handfuls of Imodium as a stopgap though. Loperamide's pretty easy to taper once you've replaced it with whatever...

I think I've known since the day I was born how my life was gonna play out.
I'm not making an explicit threat, but Im ready to go home.

Nah man. Im an alcoholic. On neet bucks. you aint got shit on my piss bottles. Im in an emergency housing building living with people who are just released from prison. there was a fire at my last share house so I got plopped here. My neighbour just got out from a 20 year stint, he's got a nice 187 on the back of his neck and likes to tell me all about the times he's been shot and shit.
Its a nice place but its fucking prison rules here and I am not initiated.

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replaced whatever with it* rather

Why does it have to be a fucking competition man?

Sorry. I just wanted to say I know that feel.

I was addicted to codeine until my state banned over the counter stuff and know what its like to go cold turkey. ten years of belly warming buzz then..... pow!

Don't be sorry.
I understand your pain, I hope it gets better for you man.
I take a small comfort in knowing that I'm not going to have to feel that way for much longer.

I just wrote the most cliche diatribe you could imagine. But here's this.

Give yourself one thing to look forward to.

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Lay it on me man, I fucking need it rn.
That gif was cute btw.

I Just dont want to sound condescending.

What do you actualy want? Love, right?

Give it to yourself. I think people feel it.

Kinda... 'fake it till you make it' type thing. Are you smarter than yourself?

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I can't give it to myself, I never have been able to. I've wanted death for as long as I can remember.
Maybe not true death, but the idea of no pain makes me want it so fucking bad.
which is why I'm developing such an infatuation with a cartoon character.

I can't love myself, I can't. I never will, but hopefully she can. With a little luck, I can get over this with the help of "her".

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What do you like about her?

Do you see something of yourself there?

>the idea of no pain makes me want it so fucking bad

Life is fucking relentless, right? I feel that.

You feel trapped, and its not a fucking phase.

What if I said I loved you? Our balls wont touch so its ok. And love is different for everyone.

Fuck what t.v. and the movies sell you. We dont get a happy ending but that doesn't mean you give up. Life is a struggle. How the fuck do you think we got here? youre ancesters were stronger and smarter than anything else on this planet. THAT is inside of you.

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Won't* typical addict bs.

youtube.com/watch?v=s1IMovemHwA&feature=youtu.be&t=318

I like/love that she can give unconditional love.
I see that in myself, I've given it but never received it.
user, believe it or not but I'm comfortable with my sexuality, being told that I'm loves is all that matters, regardless of gender.

Thank you. That helps.

Sometimes , like now, it just feels like I'm fighting for a feeling that doesn't exist outside of my own heart yanno?
Ive never felt loved. Ever. Maybe that's why I'm so fucked, but I've never been told those words. Not by mom, dad, lovers, or anyone. Never.

I just want that warm feeling that everyone else gets.

Hey, heres a thought, why don't you go up to a cop and grab his gun?
I heard that they'll give you money if you do that.
Fucking kys asshole, I meant it metaphorically, like I can't articulate that I need help un-anonymously.

Whats that saying?

"Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"

Dont romanticise love. Its as cruel as it is benevolent. You can look at it as a chemical reaction or make it seem as its the only thing in the world that matters.

Why cant you turn to your family? Talk to them about something you're proud of. remind them of some good times together. A part of you may reignite.