Does bullying, neglect, and abuse increase aggression...

>What do you do to deal with any negative thoughts you may have?
It takes a lot to annoy me. I just roll with my thoughts and feelings, feel a bit down for a little while and the pain usually dissipates. But if I get one negative thought, such as a woman leaving, I'll also then think about how I was molested and abused etc. Think about every injustice
>What keeps you going?
I honestly have no clue. Haha
>I guess you must be doing alright to a degree, right?
I live with my foster carers still. Surely I'd be a mess if I lived alone

Also to answer your initial thread question. Your boyfriend puts his anger outward. He cannot internalize it.
There was a point where I was like this, I wasn't like it for long, but I found long walks in nature sorted me out

Which last part famalass?

Yes. Trauma like that can mess you up really bad.

Yes it really does.
All of these creates a lot of anxiety, a lot of self-esteem issues and a lot of paranoia which all lead to a TRUCKLOAD of frustrations. When you feel powerless in front of everything that goes wrong with your life, you tend to see every of your problems as a massive mountain to climb that, most of the time, feels utterly impossible to climb in its entirety.
That leads you to believe there's nothing you can do and you grow massively angry because of it.
I'm not personally violent per se, but I can be extremelly moody and I can become inconsiderate towards the people that love me. As far as "people with my life experience" goes, I turned out fantastic, but it sure as shit didn't leave me unscathed. I have terrible self-esteem, I'm uncontrollably anxious and, ebcause of that, I tend to be way too self-focused to the point where I start feeling like people just weight me down, but I'm simultaneously deadly afraid of losing them. I tend to isolate myself a lot and I'm easily depressed despite my generally upbeat and positive attitude.
I'm easily salty at videogames too.
So yeah, it does turn people who go through this into aggressive and overly defensive people.

What is your opinion of yourself? And aside from the pursuit of love, is there anything else you hold a desire to do in life?

Oh shit I remember reading your story from another thread.
Man what a ride that must have been.

Why do you have terrible self esteem, why are you anxious, and what do you mean by self-focused? And what is your opinion of your deathly fear of losing those who love you?

It might.
But it might also do the opposite.
I experienced all those and now I'm just super timid and kinda unable to get angry. Well I might get angry but it doesn't show outside in a any way. Also I don't really know how to interact or talk with people.
Still, I believe that most of the factors are from genetics rather than upbringing.

Do you hold an opinion to the effect of, I do not have the right to get angry or any sort of anger of mine will not be tolerated? Also, do you hold a fear that people actively gang up on you if you disclose or tell them the wrong thing?

>Aggression
I'm openly passive but the minute I think I have some sort of control I become aggressive and overbearing

I hate that this is my mindset and im trying to change it.
Fuck bullies and fuck shit parents i'm ruined.

I'm not sure I have a definitive opinion of myself.
I'm integrous, call me a bitch and slap me but you're fucked if you challenge something close to me. I'd like to think I'm as honest as I possibly can be given the cards I was dealt, sure, I'm not perfect but I will almost always tell the truth when challenged

From what you've said, it sounds like you have a positive view of yourself. Although what would you consider the worth of yourself to be?

yes, it can have drastic effect on a someone's personality. Likely they need therapy.

I don't if its possible to overcome without, but i imagine there must be more than one way?

I have a similar thing. If I get triggered I lose all my emotions. I still feel like a deep anger but that's about it.

I think it's mostly just out of fear of what other people might think of me if I get violent or angry. And also kinda the fact that I haven't really had that much social interactions that I don't really know how to act my feelings out.
> I do not have the right to get angry or any sort of anger of mine will not be tolerated?
Kinda this too.
And the last part absolutely. That part even makes me unable to talk with my parents about a lot.

Nobody wants to be alone, so even if we don't always appreciate those we have around us like they deserve, it doesn't mean that we want them to be gone either. Even if, sometimes, you feel like people weight you down because upkeeping friendships and family ties take a LOT of time and energy that you have to focus on other people rather than yourself, Being alone is, by far, the most tragic of fates that can befall a man especially if he is part of a social collective that does everything to keep him living.

In other words, if you don't understand still: I have a fuckton of issues from getting abused physically, sexually and emotionally, PTSD and the likes because that shit is fucked up and leaves a deep deep scar on you that never heals and even worse than that, the pain that comes from this never healing scar can drive you into fucked up phases of your life where you abuse drugs, treat people like shit, act in a completely self-destructive manner and have no regard for your health and safety. That is how bad this pain gets at times. That's the stuff that throws you down several bottles.
But I turned out alright because, despite all that, I always had at least SOMEONE who loved me and tried to protect and save me. I think that was enough to turn me okay. I don't struggle with making friends and never have, I'm socially well adjusted and charismatic and I can keep my life on a steady track, money, career and all.
Except, the fear is still there, the pain will ALWAYS be there, the regrets, the self blame, the nightmares, the panic attacks, it's still all there and it will always be there. I do therapy for that shit and though it helps me tremendously, it never erases this shit.
It's a lot to process for just one fucking person, so keeping up with friends and family, sometimes, it's downright impossible. I can barely care for myself, I can't afford to care and worry about ALL the people I'm so fortunate to have in my life.

I have a low sense of worth. And a lower sense of worth in the world in general

It's interesting to see someone who harbors the same mindset. I can't say I've completely overcome it, but having friends who can tell if your angry helps a bit. But you have to be willing to accept the possibility that others might get angry in a conversation. Also keep in mind however, that there are laws that prevent violence and protect free speech. People may not always like it, but everyone is entitled to an opinion.

But the ultimate fate of man is to die, whether you are prepared or not, there will come a day when you will lose someone forever. It is your choice how you deal with that fact of life. You can spend your life wrestling with the clock, or you can listen to it, and make the best of the time you're given. And sometimes alone time is necessary for man to collect one's thoughts and reflect, being in the presence of others 24/7 can be taxing. I get that you have a great deal of scars, but you also have a choice in the manner in which you deal with those issues and scars. It's great to see that you're well adjusted, have people who love you, and have a steady life, but do you intend to accept your current state until the end? Fear can be overcome, pain can help you better connect with others, regret is a lesson, nightmares are a projection of fear, and panic attacks are a defense mechanism I'd imagine. I commend you for how far you've come, but do you intend to accept your current struggles as insurmountable?

Why do you have a low sense of worth? And why so the world?

>but do you intend to accept your current state until the end?
>but do you intend to accept your current struggles as insurmountable?
Why do you think I'm in therapy for? Why do you think I turned out alright?
Of course I won't accept it, I never have, but developing a correct attitude, conditioning good new habits in your daily life while simultaneously working to break old, toxic paterrns, it takes a lot of time dude. It takes years. I'm already pretty good, but what I'm talking about is when I'm at my worst. I'm not always at my worst, but, you know how life is. It's tough and it takes a lot of wits and discipline to be steady in life. There's no short path for that, so, sometimes, life takes its toll on you and you fall into old patterns again. This is normal human behavior according to my therapist and psychologist. For instance, when you're an alcoholic, you're always an alcoholic. Doesn't matter that you haven't touched the bottle in 20 years, if you take a sip of a drink, you're down the bottle again. My dad is an alcoholic, my mom is one, I am one, we all acknowledge that we always want to drink and my dad hasn't drinked in 15 years and he's still dying for that beer.
I mean, I'm only human, I get low too sometimes like anyone else. I drink more than I should sometimes, I'm not quite through with this yet, doesn't mean I'm stuck in limbo. I'm just explaining to you that even if you turn out good, it still FEELS that way sometimes. The pain is real bro and it forged who I am. It's not all bad, it made me strong.

However, imagine someone with that pain who never had anyone loving him or care about him. Imagine he never learned to deal with all that. Imagine how THAT guy feels and imagine what kind of shit that guy does.

That's fair, everyone has their down days, but just because you're hurt doesn't give you the right to hurt others. My warning is not to use your past as a justification for choosing to fall back into your old habits, you have a choice in your fall. And I can only imagine how rough the life of one who has been hurt without guidance is, but one could argue that you have a duty to one's like yourself who didn't have anyone to love or guide them to be that guide.

Mostly yes, but it depends on the person how affected they are. I was bullied + corporal punishment back at home, and as a consequence, I've become more calculated, more cold blooded, a better liar, more manipulative, I became a funnier person and developed an unhealthy affinity for weapons. It also taught me to be merciless with my problems, to control my own feelings, to not trust people unless they prove to be trustworthy, and to follow my own interests at a young age. But I didn't become more violent, agressive or angry. So yes, I'd be a different person had it not been for this upbringing, but not necessarily better.

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>Why do you have a low sense of worth? And why so the world?
You read the greentext