Help Me Please I Feel So Alone

>be me
>20 y/o robot
>have single mom
>Spent whole life listening to Fergie and Taylor swift
>Always thought I was transgender, always wanted to be girl
>also want to go to military
>get contracted into the army and go to military collage school rn.
>question why im trans and try to convince myself
>used to act all alpha to compensate for true self
>start becoming more beta and the guys around me notice and call me a gay boy
>get my ears pierced.
>realize I am trans
>Now want to die
>do a bunch of drugs and drink a bunch

I want to kill myself. I am scare to talk to a therapist. I've repressed this for so long that its terrifying to think about my regular life changing. I am fucked with wanting to go into the military but they might drop me anyway for being a fruit. Why the fuck and I so fucked up. Why do I want to be a girl so fucking bad that it haunts my fucking dreams. Im on leave rn and I am smoking non stop and tripping all the time. I am getting more and more suicidal. Im a psychology major too so this even more fucked.

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can someone please fucking help me, I gave up on religion for help and im scared about my life. This is literally my whole life that im going to change but im getting closer to the edge.

Kill yourself retarded fetishist.
You're never going to be a girl. Never.

Im not even a fetishist dude. The only reason why I can relate to trap stuff is because I can relate to having a pp but wanting to get fucked and the will to be feminine. I also like regular porn but I self insert as the female. Don't be so rude please. I think hormones can help me.

You need professional help with stuff like this.

Also surely /lgbt/ would be better for this question

Well, why do you think you are trans? Like what exactly is that ideation built on?

You really need to see a doc to find out if you've got the dysphoria, you say it scares you to find out but it has to be better than this swirling uncertainty.

I've lived my whole life feeling this way. Ive never felt right or liked being a boy. Ive had a bad past in school and I've had reoccurring dreams for year of me as a girls and I always wake up into a depression. when I was a kid I would do anything to femininize myself, including get chubby to have breasts. I wore makeup and cross-dressed too.
but then I could get kicked out of the militayr and then I wouldn't know what to do for a job.

I am actually begging you to stay off this retarded site until you can figure this out, the majority of people are not helpful and are not what you need right now

I don't know who the fuck else to go to. I have always used this place

user, it doesn't sound like you're going to be able to hide this from your commanding officers or peers for much longer anyway, and the military can't point blank kick you out for having gender dysphoria

yes they can. It's called a medical discharge.

Well that blows then but it isn't a dishonorable, do you have the capability to support yourself until the quarantines are over? There will be plenty of jobs available then

So what would happen if you were unable to engage in those behaviors? Like lets say something stopped you from being able to crossdress?

My dad could help me for a while.

I would probably kill myself.

Yeah, here's the thing lad. You're not a drawing in a manga, you will never look like a girl. There is no such thing as "Gender re-assignment surgery", it's just a fancy new name for being castrated and pumped up with estrogen so you grow bitch tits. So instead, do what guys like you have done for literally thousands of years. Go into the military, act like a man is supposed to act, and keep your perverted little crossdressing fetish hidden in private. Some day you may meet a gay man who will think it's cute when you dress up as a girl, on the other hand you may grow out of this weird obsession and become perfectly normal. Either option is better than fucking up your life by chasing an impossible fantasy that can never come true.

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You've gotta get closure on this then, destroying your future with drugs is not tenable

Those are some serious negative emotions, but at the same time is it really benefiting your life? Have you gained anything outside of escapism from the negative thoughts about being born a guy?

fuck you, its not that simple for me you fuck. I've been told im cute/feminine before. Im sure I can pass.

I know, but im lost.

no it's not benefitting my life to feel negative. I haven't done anything really, except work out a bit. I haven't gained anything but pain and fear from hiding my issue.

So realistically. Lets say you could engage in crossdressing and other superficial/short term activities. What is the worst that could happen to your life? Outside of feeling negative would it really be that bad?

user you gotta go to therapy and get diagnosed. You'll be okay but you HAVE to go, and you have to go as soon as possible. It's not gonna get easier unless you do.

t. mid 20s ex-repressor.

The way to not be lost is a therapist/psychiatrist/whatever. Please get help from a qualified person ASAP

I never get breasts and hate my body like I do now. ill feel like im getting older wasting my life. I want to be a girl.

why? what happens when I wait? IM scared to wait. I feel like such a pussy and it scares me to do both things.

Because if you don't know you're trans wanting to be a girl just feels like some imaginary fantasy or dream that you can't act on and that there's nothing to do for, so you stick someplace hidden in your head and try not to think about it. But now that you know, and you know you can actually do something about it, how are you supposed to spend the rest of your life acting like you did before? The more time you spend waiting and telling yourself it'll go away, the more time you'll spend aging into a man and the harder, physically and emotionally, it will be to change that.

Even if you're not trans, the fact that this is affecting you and distressing you so much means you need to speak about it with a therapist.

I'll use your bussy and pretend you're a girl if that will make you feel better

Chances of you having gender dysphoria are slim faggot, but if you're certain you'd regret not being layed in the casket as a trannie, go ahead and pump yourself with hormones.

I agree with part of that comment. Getting diagnosed is A MUST. That being said current models of Gender Identity Disorder are outdated and do more harm than good. I studied under a famous pediatric psychiatrist who not only studied under one of the first sexologist, but he also had one of the first ever transgender patients. (Post surgery) Results show that the those who have transgender ideation tend to grow out of it and live life as normative homosexual men.

Honestly OP, you sound like you need a lot of help. Both with body dysphoric disorder and OCD with transgender themes. I am not a psychiatrist (yet) but I do think you need to see help. I would highly recommend going to clinical psychologist or a sexologist if you can anytime soon. If you a stationed near a town with a medschool then I would take advantage of their services. You'll get the best care there.

fucking kids have nothing else to do so they stay in their heads and convince themselves that they're trans

ugh

This is what scares me.

sure thing

ok, I can see that. I think I might need to see a psychologist or whatever, but I don't know where to start.

>same "I'm a psych student and I'm sure you don't have GD" poster who's in nearly every trans thread
Threadly reminder to not take medical/psych advice from people who don't have a license.