panic attacks, i don't remember what the technical term was, i wasn't really paying attention
it's all about training yourself to think in a different way. noticing when you're going down bad thought paths, catching yourself and stuff. I'll be honest man i'm not really sure. I just keep forcing myself to be positive and it makes the day to day better but the times when things feel bad they're really bad.
also play around with different meds. I was on max adderall and vyvanse for months and felt no change but ritalin has had some effect and that honestly makes a world of difference. I obviously still drift in and out of mindfulness but being able to circumvent motivation and be able to get work done even a little bit has done wonders to my self esteem and outlook on life.
keep trying, the second you stop trying is when things fall apart. especially for people like us. godspeed my brother, i hope you can find your path and i hope it is good