In your own words, explain your mental illness

I cant stop hitting things its not anger but yes im not sure why just spasm. Not very bad

I have posted here a lot about it

Depressed, bored, fucked-up piece of shit.

sleeping on my bathroom floor writing on my walls pulling my fingernails off

please tell me more about it if you will

I am not ill, Society is ill. While society is "sane", I am above sanity. Not below it.

Unable to feel emotions, lack of interest, supreme boredom, never felt love or connection to other humans in my life
Tfw you can sometimes relate to a dog or other based animals but humans are just so utterly fake and poisoned

Also swallowed the black pill long ago, tho I know that just by my looks i could probably get a 6/10 gf (until she knew who I was, through the social persona I am forced to become)

I look forward to my death, I know suicide would be devastating for my family so I kinda have a death wish

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I can't do anything and when managed to it feels awful and the end results make me want to die

I have no mental illness I'm just a loser surrounded by mentally ill people

>I look forward to my death, I know suicide would be devastating for my family so I kinda have a death wish
yeah i get that feeling constantly
i just wake up for my familys sake, even though they hate me most days

At peak we had 4 of us before. I had two little sisters before we fused. One was toddler the other was a teen.

One was a defense who would soak all bad things my childhood had waiting for me. The other was a teen version of me who lived my life for a while. Mom says I went dormant for this period.

I am not sure if I am an alter or real. Maybe mom is the real one? Mom says I am the real one. I don't know for sure. Our fusion feels incompletely different. I suppose I am there but my aura is def different.

honestly, i feel that as well

what does your actual mom tihnk about it?

To quote the plebbit, are you literally me? It just gets so fucking hard eventually, sometimes in the dining table I just sperg out listening to them talking and I think "fuck man, I wish I was dead, this is sickening, I'm so sick of this"

Inb4 doomer

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I have told her about my problems but we don't really talk about it. I suppose I am functional enough.

i can never stop thinking about my BMI and how much calories i consume. i only care about results and not how unhealthy my ways of loosing fat or gaining muscles are. it never matters how much i change my body, i still see flaws.

I'm really surprised that got past the robot, tho I saw literally "based" 2 days ago

The absolute state of r9k

I'm 99% sure this is not a larp, and if I'm right you got one hell of a story user

I wonder what it's like, and I wonder if you are able to feel loneliness at any point

not at all

I hear voices on top of all this. You would be surprised how much harder it gets to do things when you don't feel privacy.

that seems pretty bad friend, you should call her up and tell her you love her, and sit down with her

think im just a narcissist with depressive and anxious tendencies

I am not ready for something like that. I can't even tell her I love her. I know she loves me. We just don't have that type of relationship.

i understand, how about something simple like a text asking her how her day was?

No, I don't even want a relationship with her. I feel like she was too passive when I needed her. I don't want her affection anymore.

clinical retardation

i know that feeling user, my mother wasn't there for me when i needed her as a kid either

are you the user that posted in /drugfeel/?

No I don't do anything besides weed

I might love myself so much I can't love anyone else, I dont know if my soul really lives in my phisical body but not in the tranny way.

I have moderate general anxiety, and mood swings. I'm also an undisciplined lazy POS so I can't do anything worth caring about. and finally, I'm so emotionally immature that I can't handle any sort of emotion, positive or negative, and immediately think of feeling/showing any sort of emotion as weakness/mental illness. funny thing is, i believe a world without emotions isn't worth living in.

I have PDD-NOS (atypical Autism), ADD and OCD, along with depression and a family history of suicides and paranoid schizophrenia.

I'm 21 and it... really took a toll on my looks.

Life story and diagnosis. I'd like to say I'm a good boi now

>dad is a violent schizophrenic paedophile from a rough city
>my mum was also violent
>parents moved from Manchester to Taunton in 1981 because racist
>had my sister in '89 and me in '92
>used to beat me, lock me in cupboards and wash mouth out with soap when I was as young as 3
>had to watch and sometimes get caught inbetween parents physical fighting
>mum and dad divorced in '95
>mum took me and sister to Manchester women and childrens home
>met a guy called Frank
>he used to beat me and my sister, swung us by our ears until they bled
>dad set up a meeting and took us to Exeter
>sexually abused me, physically abused me, mentally abused me and verbally abused me
>used to go crazy a lot, heavy drinker. extremely violent
>dropped sister off at cop station in June of '97
>I'm with this crazy bastard until late '98
>go into care
>am withdrawn
>I molested kids when I was a kid (even living with my dad)
>my foster dad cheated on my foster mum so there were a lot of fights there
>foster dad has punched me on occasion
>I tried to fuck foster sister
>killed her hamsters and a dog
>pyromaniac
>thought about mass murder a lot
>thief
>vandal
>I attempted burglary once
>zoophillia
>foster dad rinsed my mum out of 30,000 quid last October and the resulting animosity between them made me fucking worried
>but they renewed their vows for 25th anniversary so whatever
>in 2018 find out paedo dad died in 2015

PDNOS

I can't accept gifts from other people without getting paranoid whether or not they're trying to get something out of it.
I always get really uncomfortable and nervous around birthdays and christmas, I hate it.

I've been diagnosed with OCD and I very much believe I have it, but not in the way it typically manifests. I certainly exhibit typical OCD behaviour to an extent - I find myself having to repeat words until it "sounds" right certain times and I'll have to do certain things in patterns and when I don't I feel uneasy and filled with mental fog - but I think the main differentiation is that to have obsessive thought patterns and random, seemingly unimportant topics take control of my mind like a parasite and never leave my mind no matter what. I've tried to do some Freudian psychoanalysis shit and I guess I've come to the conclusion that a lot of it is, on the surface level, reflective of deeper anxieties I have and have had since childhood. So in general, it's more of an OCD/anxiety hybrid.
Beyond that, I've gone through - what I feel to be - periods of legitimate depression (I contemplated suicide last year) and have often suffer from mood swings, where I can go from being super fucking energetic to feeling like I want to die to feeling angry to feeling existential.
This is probably the best explanation I can give of it.

i kekd.

I cope being an over emotional, paranoid, lazy, depraved failed normie by substance abuse, mainly alcohol.

Im abnormally (I dont want to say irrationally because its a reasonably rational fear) terrified of pain and discomfort

This is bullshit. And I know bullshit.

Thsi is the most based comment i have ever seen on this board

>"Cured' my BPD by taking therapy seriously but the underlying personality traits that cause it don't go away, so I'm at constant war talking down my knee-jerk reactions and ruminations on social situations.
>Anxious but it's more somatic than mental and not constant
>Can hold down a job and friends and keep up appearances of a normal but offbeat dude but I am always just barely taking care of myself and my surroundings

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I have anti social features (drive drunk, break laws, steal from stores, plan how to get things in my mind, fantasize about rape, derive no enjoyment from relationships except for amusement) while also havcing extreme mood swings. It can literally turn from pretty content to sudden despair and apathy in a matter of seconds.

I have a never ending internal monologue with multiple characters. I have a high tendency to disassociate while talking to people one on one. I can't sit still. There is a large void of emptiness inside me. I have constant thoughts of suicide or murder. I have trouble feeling empathy. I can go from super sperg energetic for a few days then I go back to severe depression.

>diagnosed with ocd
My OCD in the past used to be way worse since it was all about me caring too much for hygiene, washing my hands a thousand times per day but i found a way to cope with it.
However OCD is still here and i find myself obsessing with things too fucking easily and i just cant ignore it or control it, i don't feel calm when i see something until i post it on most of the dms in my discord and go on a full essay type of big rant/explanation about something that is bugging me or that i find interesting. This generally results in me losing friends and people ignoring what I'm talking about because they don't care and i even have a chad friend that gave me your typical chad advice:
>just dont obsess over it bro
I'm always obsessing over something and talking about it over and over again until my mind finally feels at ease, it takes months until i stop obsessing over something and then finally change the subject to something else. Because of this type of behaviour i'm seen as obnoxious in many communities, people just out-right hate me for my behaviour and call me names/ridicule me.
Hell I honestly don't even care anymore that people might ignore what I'm saying, i still fill my friends DMs with shit Im currently obsessing with.

I can't connect to other people socially, even seeing my family is really awkward. I'm badly depressed and don't function without pills.

I have
Depression
Ptsd
Pretty sure i have assburgers
Avoidant personality
Also i am really bad at talking to people

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I have bipolar disorder type I

>be me
>in the 8th grade
>been feeling like absolute shit for 5-6 months, constantly thinking about suicide
>suddenly as summer kicks in i start to feel really good
>i felt super confident and full of energy all the time, i could go multiple days without sleeping and still function very well, i also starting doing very well in school
>that feeling of being confident and full of energy all the time leads me to make some really retarded decisions (which i won't get into)
>essentially makes me think im the greatest person in the world and absolutely no one can tell me otherwise. i
>after doing something really fucking stupid, the amazing feeling seems to subside (little did i know i the delusions i had were still there - just didn't feel "good")
>following this, i meet with a psychiatrist who diagnoses me with bipolar type II
>the month of august goes by relatively okay, still hanging out with friends and all that
>later, in september, as i was about to begin high school, i started experiencing manic symptoms again
>only this time, they were a lot more intense - i was becoming super paranoid that everyone, even my best friends, were out to get me
>i remember one time where i had just recently gotten a new phone, and i got a text from one of my friends
>i start getting incredibly paranoid that he is someone who is trying to steal my information, and start asking questions like "what is your favourite game?" "when is your birthday" etc.
>over the course of that week, that paranoia became more and more intense, to the point where i would see bugs and literally think they were robots sent by the CIA to spy on my (lol)
>i started having auditory and tactile hallucinations, such as hearing footsteps behind me and feeling like there were bugs crawling beneath my skin, along with intense paranoia
>eventually it gets so bad that im sent to a psychiatric ward, and stay there from what could be either 1 day or a week (i was on so many drugs)

>after my stay, my diagnosis is changed from bipolar II to bipolar I, and after months of trying different medications, i settle with lithium
>been on lithium for many years, am doing quite well now mentally

Also have ocd, obsessed with the number 3. Never taken meds. I've gotten used to it, it's just a part of my life.

I hear voices from within my head

>You just wouldn't get it

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I have exactly this. Do you ever have an internal voice telling you to kill yourself?

Anybody here with schizophrenia? i have some questions i'd like to ask you

I'm a voraphile. Doesn't that say enough?

diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, living with this stuff for over 10 years, what do you want to know?