Colosseum-fags will never, EVER get Chariot Race

>not being a barbarian chad
>not playing any games you want wherever you want
Get on my level, nerds.

>naval warfare
what?
how the hell did greeks filled the colloseum with water?

wait was this shit real?

Hippofags on suicide watch

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Oh wowoow chariot go ZOOM ZOOM, MUCH better than feats of skill strength and stamina against fuckin lions and leopards

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is this real?
How does a colosseum run it?

>roman colosseum
>greeks

Chariot Race is a good game, no doubt. But Gladiator Combat is objectively superior in every way.

Yeah, it literally was.

>The first naval battle at the Colosseum was held in 80 AD, during the arena's opening ceremony. Emperor Titus ordered the amphitheater to be flooded and had special flat-bottomed ships designed to accommodate for the shallow water.
thevintagenews.com/2018/03/01/colosseum-naval-battles/

Holy fuck, humanity truly peaked with Rome

>hide behind a shield
>spam S1 S1 S1 S2 S1 S1 S1 2 until things die
Wow "skill"

lol dude water is free just get one of the smart ass rope wearing dudes to discover siphon then you get a FREE naval battle

>greeks

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Will we ever get Fall of a Civilization kino like Roma again?

>greeks

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Yeah, coming in real life very soon

As far as we're aware, it's not even the wildest shit that happened in the Colosseum.

>chariot race
>literally ZOOM ZOOM the game
Nobody wants your fucking shovelware tier going-in-a-circle simulator, fag.

>greeks

American education.

Well they invented irrigation, so.

oh my fucking god

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For me it's net setplay with Retiarius

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>This means he would be the best paid athlete of all time, derived from an extrapolation that his wealth would have been enough to fund the entire Roman Army for more than two months, "the apt comparison is what it takes to pay the wages of the American armed forces for the same period."
Yeah bro, since paying a pittance to a bunch of retarded apes is comparable to funding the Roman Army.

>mfw chariot race is literally nascar

>people have been saying this since WW1
>Still saying, "it's right there over the hill"

Nah we're still in the groundwork of the Second American Civil War, needs another century or two.

>hes not watching watch fall of western civilization live

>go to a Man vs Beast match
>it's another ''old diseased boar we found on a hunting trip'' event

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Romans were too stupid to do anything so they hired greeks for mental work

more like RETARDIUS lmao

American isn't civilized tho.

The Retiarius and Scissor are just The Shocker and Undertaker of their time.

Murmillo is the Hogan

Hoplomachus is the Macho Man

kek

Hippodrome has nogaems

>not playing CHAD Scissor

Trax? More like trash, lol

>The most explicit recorded incidents of public sex involving humans and animals activity are associated with the murderous sadism, torture and rape of the Roman Games and circus, in which it is estimated that several hundreds of thousands died. Masters reports: "Beasts were specially trained to copulate with women: if the girls or women were unwilling then the animal would attempt rape. A surprising range of creatures was used for such purposes - bulls, giraffes, leopards, cheetahs, wild boar, zebras, stallions, jackasses, huge dogs, apes, etc. The beasts were taught how to copulate with a human being [whether male or female] either via the vagina or via the anus." Representations of scenes from the sexual lives of the gods, such as Pasiphae and the Bull, were highly popular, often causing extreme suffering, injury or death. On occasion, the more ferocious beasts were permitted to kill and (if desired) devour their victims afterwards.

>Chimpanzees and mandrills, both in fact ferocious and very powerful species of primate: "made drunk by wine and inflamed by the odor of females of their kind, were loosed upon girls whose genitals had been drenched with the urine of female chimps and mandrills." The victims were often virgins and not infrequently young children. One spectacle is said to have included "a hundred tiny blonde girls being raped simultaneously by a horde of baboons."

>you will never get to watch roman porn with your concubine, your twink bro and other patrician bros in the coliseum ever again

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>women being whores and sjws = fall of civilization
That's it? Kinda boring

jesus christ humanity is fucked

this post is so fucking good holy shit

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And such glory is never to be witnessed again

>le america isn't civilized
Hold on, let me get this epic upvote out for you!

I know you really wanted to shit on the american armed forces because you're some butthurt euro but this is kind of cringe I must say

You literally cannot make that shit up.

>Chimpanzees and mandrills, both in fact ferocious and very powerful species of primate: "made drunk by wine and inflamed by the odor of females of their kind, were loosed upon girls whose genitals had been drenched with the urine of female chimps and mandrills." The victims were often virgins and not infrequently young children. One spectacle is said to have included "a hundred tiny blonde girls being raped simultaneously by a horde of baboons."

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IIRC source is some pseudohistorian that write inane shit to sell books to retards.

>tfw watching a comfy game of man v beast when the emperor throws you and the rest of the crowd into the arena for man v beasts round 2
Fuck Colosseumfags, I'm a Hippodromechad now

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They had underground irrigation pipes that filled it up from the Tiber Water would stay there for several days as long as they kept the sewer covers on.

>has a guest who is like a bank investor or basket-weaver
>somehow wrenches chimps into the conversation

Windows vs. Linux
In terms of games.

>emperor throws you and the rest of the crowd into the arena

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>going to watch the games without being heavily armed and prepared to fight to the death
GTFO Hippodromecuck, get gud

probably, there's a ton of pseudohistorical bullshit about rome

yeah sure it has naval warfare but the water physics are bullshit and it doesn't represent REAL naval warfare; only infantry cucks can enjoy this shit, i've never seen a sailor who thought the naval warfare was any good in cuckosseum

Rome has a hippodrome emulator that runs Chariot Race better anyway

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fucking amerilards

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they had pipes and pumps 2000 years ago?
I wonder how they were powered, not with electricity I bet.

I dont get it? How can't this thing play a simple Gladiator Brawl?

>Roma's citizens
>tax exempt
>at one time most of the population was living on bread welfare
>dangerous as fuck at night
>supposedly so debased that numerous Roman emperors from Augustus to Diocletian were offended by the city.

It must've been like Tijuana mixed with a sketchy village in Iraqi.

Yeah but did he have a chariot race with Bugs Bunny against a group of aliens?

>Robert Masters
Protip: It's actually bullshit.

>emulating sub-atlantean chariot races
why even bother?

I'm organizing a Yas Forums field trip to ancient Rome. Who's in?

>Hippodrome
>Not ONE hippo race
Fucking dropped

>spectare pugnas artificiosas
>nonne conscribere ad legiones
>nonne pungere hostes romanii
>nonne iacere cum puellis gallis

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>Palpatine imperial palace and Circus Maximus
>PalImpPalCirMax

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en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Archimedes'_screw

Yes
Ill pretend im 5 so you get discount

If Colosseum is so great, why didn't they make a Colosseum 2?

They did for Hippodrome

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>they had pipes and pumps 2000 years ago?
not pipes but aqueducts and waterwheels
>not with electricity I bet.
anything is possible with slave work

trip to itally?
i hope the trains run on time

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>Be a hippochad
>Sit in my teams dedicated section every time, sing our traditional songs, have a strong sense of community
>Entertained by the skill of the drivers and power of the racehorses, marvel at the coordination of the teams
>Make high stakes bets and get paid while bullshitting with my bros

>Be a colossalvirgin
>Sit in the nosebleed section, can barely see what’s going on, can’t hear over the jeering of peasants
>Entertained by gratuitous violence and rape, have to watch the emperor play dress up and larp then clap for him or get killed
>Could barely afford the ticket to get in, wait in line afterwards for 3 hours so I can get a piece of lion meat with an arrow sticking out of it

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Don't tell me you pirated Naval Warfare, you barbarian scum.

You better not fucking ask for donations again, I already payed $5 for the planetarium

just wait until chariot kart comes out. they won't know what the fuck to do and will scramble for people to fill their dingy ass arena.

How did they get the water there?
Where does the water go when it's no longer needed?

Hippodrome 2 is an overhyped pro edition that should have been the base model

>what is aqueduct
>what is archimedes screw

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>tfw diocles isnt even in the hall of fame
fucking shitty sports engravers

>Hippodrones don't know that their 1 game can just be pirated by Field-chads.
>Field Chads even get to have mods to their version
Imagine having only 1 game and it's not even the best version of that 1 game. Colosseum+Open Field Master Race.

Ok that is new to me

Naw. Gladiators were almost literally the WWE of their time. A bunch of muscle bound retards play fighting, almost no one ever dies or get's hurt, and the only "real" fighting they did was against unarmed slaves and criminals.

Chariot race on the other hand was the Death Race of it's day. Think NASCAR combined with MMA. Drivers were allowed to hit eachother with fists/whips, they could crash into eachother, etc. It was actually more common for chariot race drivers to get killed than gladiators. Famously the Chariot race scene from Ben Hur claimed at least one stuntman's life, several horses, and injured like half a dozen others.

Chariot races were the real shit.

Why are Justinian's guards barring the gates?
Hippobros.....

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>unrealistic boob plate that directs blows towards the wearer instead of deflecting them
Dropped.

>mea faciem quod

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imagine trying to top scissor. the devs coded only the forward keys to work with the expansion pack

>Ameridoomed since 1776
kek, Euros are still mad. The saddest part is they make fun of our games by calling them things like Bing Ball Bahoo, but they're really just asshurt because America won't port our games over to metric.

idk, was ancient rome ok with black people?
I gotta be very careful with this time travel shit