I give you, ladies and gentlemen, the new heroes for Marvel! So progressive and modern!
Marvel's New Heroes
Leo Sanders
David Hughes
>A Meme-Obsessed super teen whose brain became connected to the internet after becoming exposed to his grandfather’s “experimental internet gas.” Now he can see augmented reality and real-time maps, and can instantly Google any fact. Does this make him effectively a genius? He sure acts like it does.
Austin Bailey
I want off this ride
Easton Harris
>Psychic Twins. “All twins are psychic, but we’re psychic-er.” Snowflake, a cryokinetic, can materialize snowflake-shaped shuriken projectiles for throwing. Safespace can materialize pink forcefields, but he can’t inhabit them himself, the reflex only works if he’s protecting others. They’re hyper aware of modern culture and optics, and they see their Super Heroics as “a post-ironic meditation on using violence to combat bullying.” They're probably streaming this.
Noah Bailey
>internet gas
Jose Scott
>A teen “living vampire” exposed to Michael Morbius’s blood as a child in a rogue, but life-saving medical procedure. He still ages like a regular kid, but has all the abilities of Morbius. He’s also obsessed with all the music and attitude of a “classic” long-past decades like the '90s, and the '00s. “The world is a vampire…and so am I.”
Evan James
pic related
>when you hear one is called snowflake
>when you hear the other is fucking SAFESPACE and is described as a Jock
Bentley Perez
Christ they have no self awareness
What kind of superhero has a kryptonite of free speech or questionnaires with only two gender choices
Josiah Lopez
Enough.
Landon Parker
>A regular kid scooped up into the world of teenage Super Heroing. Her “magic backpack” is actually a pocket dimension with seemingly infinite space, from which she can pull out useful or random objects—it’s not always under her control. She claims to get her power from god, but “not the god you’re thinking of.”
Justin Taylor
>marvel on death spiral
>suits can't figure out why
>must be because not enough fat feminist super heroes
Daniel Watson
Screentime is probably browsing Yas Forums rn.
Elijah Peterson
Ok which one of you infiltrated Marvel and got this greenlit? This is better than the best troll I could think of
Asher Williams
>“experimental internet gas.”
Magic would make more sence than those 3 words put together
Hunter Fisher
> after becoming exposed to his grandfather’s “experimental internet gas.”
Owen Hernandez
>Spend tons of money making new characters in 2020
Guys, check it out!!!
>Everyone's dead
Luke Smith
>comic will bomb extra hard because coronavirus is killing comic shops
KEK
Jace Scott
>trailerblazer
>is morbidly obese
Christian Bennett
>tons of money
That money likely went to the diversity hires' 6 month vacations and reparations.
Joshua Fisher
This. It's too good to not be a troll
Josiah King
>He’s also obsessed with all the music and attitude of a “classic” long-past decades like the '90s, and the '00s
Carter Price
the artwork is terrible.
the must have hired one of the trannies from /ic/
John Davis
>hey grandpa, what are you-
>BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP
Andrew Martinez
I miss 90s comics with ultraviolence and big boobs
Adam Miller
How did we end up here? Where did everything go wrong? Did the world end in 1750?
Christian Myers
> instantly Google any fact. Does this make him effectively a genius?
> google
> effectively a genius.
No, user, it makes him effectively functionally retarded.
Liam Scott
I fucking hate the fat j*ws orchestrating all of this, this shit will flop anyway.
Juan Cook
>nigger
>magic backpack that stores a lot of stuff
>first looting superhero
>can steal seven packs of toilet roll in a single bound
>has type 4 diabetes
Logan Ross
>The world is a vampire…and so am I.”
What the fuck does that even mean ?
Xavier Edwards
Cameron Russell
>G-GRANDPA PLEASE NO MORE G-FUEL
>BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP
Jason Stewart
What happened to normal comics? I can't even think of a joke for this anymore. This just worries and saddens me.
Julian Cruz
>first gay scene super hero
>hiv positive
Grayson Thompson
I visited tacobell.com, I had internet gas for three days.
Blake Rivera
>90s/2000s pandering
Why is this woke bullshit always marketed to people in their 30? God save us, zoomers.
Mason Morris
Smashing Pumpkins?
Gabriel Howard
No see he likes music from the LONG decades past, like the 90s and 00s.
So like, " The world is a vampire....set to draaaaain.... "
He's quoting music. From the 90s.
That we all enjoyed so much.
Alexander Taylor
Landphil
A fucking mancow
"GOD DAMN BREWERY!"
Blake Carter
Kek
Kayden Wright
Despite all his rage, he's still just a rat in a cage
Brayden Cook
>“experimental internet gas.”
So brazilian fart porn?
Ryder Allen
Dora the explorer?
Easton Thomas
>Her “magic backpack” is actually a pocket dimension with seemingly infinite space, from which she can pull out useful or random objects
¡Ese nigger me robó la mochila!
Carson Cook
None of their PC crap comics sells anyway.
Dylan Thompson
Fucking zoomers
Anthony Murphy
This can't be fucking real?! The the actual fuck is going on? I don't even care about Marvel or comics. How do they themselves not realise the level of shithousery this is?!
Brayden Jones
Will they chop off spidermans constant devil hand?
Dylan Jones
Why does the asian have a slanty mask? Why is the nigress fat? Why is the jew a vampire? Why are those two other niggers gay?
Kayden Lee
It's a vampire kid, that's going to quote musical lyrics from the 90s and 00s a lot.
It makes me want to die. I feel drained just thinking about it.
Thomas Garcia
so a fat nigger Mary Poppins?
Ian Wilson
gotta love the touch of naming the non-binary one 'snowflake'
Aaron Taylor
>Ben 10
>Gay niggers from outer space
>Emofag
>and The Braphog
Nice
Jace Ward
Well, Vampires do drain you of something. In this case, it's your will to live.
Justin Sanders
no, just his cock. Spiderxer makes an appearance in #2
Ryder Gomez
Caleb Hill
The world sucks dick but he suck more dick
Elijah Hall
Her name should have been Avalanche.
Cooper Scott
omg its real.. this looks like something louder with chowder cooked up for april 1st. to "own the libs"...
Camden Long
Don't worry, EVERYONE hates this shit.
They don't even get support from the people they tried to pander to, because they insulted even them with this low effort shit.
Logan Brooks
This legitimately looks like a parody.
Logan Barnes
>How do they themselves not realise the level of shithousery this is?!
I think it's jews and they don't care about money anymore because they have all the money and so they just want to shove this shit at the children and hope they turn trans.
If they can even convince once child to undergo hormonal therapy with these comics then they've done their job.
Like a demonic charity almost rather than a company. You know, like those old Christian videos that tried to teach morality to teenager that never made any money either. But the opposite of that.
Mason Smith
>lootergirl too fat to fit in the frame
kek
Liam Martinez
>if you're white, you're either blind or evil
>if you're a black man, you're a bro
>if you're a black woman, you're fat
Lucas Martin
demonic charity that's an interesting name for non-profit organization.