They say there’s no cure for coronavirus and I say “Cheer up pal, I’ve been living in isolation with an incurable disease for 20 years- my wife!”
They say there’s no cure for coronavirus and I say “Cheer up pal...
Brody Morris
Josiah Anderson
>wipes sweat from brow
Noah Sanchez
>trying to spice things up in the bed room with my wife, see, i ask her to leave me breathless, she hands me some bat soup....COOOOF COOOF
Jayden Robinson
What's the deal with coronavirus? Is it Corona? Is it a virus? Who knows? I'm sick of it! Call me when they bring back Millervirus. Same great taste, but less killing!
Michael Cox
Had to go see my doctor, you know my doctor, Dr Vinnie Boombatz. He told me he's seen six cases of Corona this week. Yeah, and two cases of Tecate, a case of Dos Equis, he's having a fiesta. My wife said she's doing social distancing. Social distancing. I said, "Yeah, well then tell those black guys to get out of our bed." I tell ya.
Adrian Green
that's tim allen
Noah Sanders
no respirators i tell ya, no respirators at all
Jason Long
Say this in under 15 seconds and throw in some weird voices, and it's Robin Williams.
Joshua Morales
You're in a risk group if you're addicted to
SSSSSSSSSSS-MOKIN!
Ayden Clark
jack and jill went up the hill
each were six feet apart
jack fucked Jill with a pogo stick
till Jill blew a wet fart
Ohhhh
Eli Green
>having a wife
zoomers will never understand
Brody Morgan
Based
Dominic Gonzalez
So, uh, get this. Latest news from China is that they've finally found patient zero. The infamous, ol' fella who actually ordered the bat soup and started all this damn craziness. Good news, though. Zee Ro, is said to be survived by his children Hee Ro and Uu Ro.
Joshua Wilson
Coronavirus take my wife please! I send her to the grocery store hoping she catches the disease but turns out she's immune!
Caleb White
Pretty good desu
Ian Young
nice
Isaac Mitchell
Ryder Perez
I'm gonaa fix this one, free of charge for you, pal.
>This week, the world has been in the grips of the deadly CoViD-19 virus. Or, as it had previously been known....you guessed it, Frank Stallone.
Michael Scott
My girlfriend can’t buy TOILETPAPER ....
>awww...MY GAWD... this is like... SO STUPID...
....because a guy in China didn’t cook his BAT SOUP enough...
>*squeeee squeeee squeeee...*
This thing was FLAPPING AROUND in the BROTH like a third grader during swim lessons
>*sploosh pfffllbbblbbttphh SQUUEEEE SQUEEEE MOMMY pfshhh alblub blub!*
Ohhhh get back in bowl! Get back!
>*wuuuBAM! SMACK! squeee squeee!*
Matthew Ross
>NIGGAS BE TALKIN BOUT CORONAVIRUS, CORONAVIRUS. CUH-RONE-A-VY-RIS. NIGGAS BE UP IN HERE, LIKE "I WASH MY HANDS." NIGGA, THAT'S WHAT YOU POST TO DO. WHAT YOU WANT, A COOKIE? NIGGAS BE DRINKIN' BLEACH. BLEACH! NIGGA, YOU DEAD NOW! YOU IS DEAD NOW! YOU DEAD! "YEAH, BUT I DIDN'T DIE OF NO CORONAVIRUS!"
Luke Torres
im not creative enough to come up with one of these
Eli James
WHO BLOODY COUGHED
Luke Howard
Fellas I gotta tell ya, the other day I head on down to Sneed's Feed and Seed store. My wife, she says to me "I miss Chuck". No respect, I get no respect I tell ya
Grayson White
underrated
Wyatt Robinson
So my wife is panicking over this whole coronavirus thing.
>Jim, we’re quarantined, we have to stay in the house all day, just eating canned soup and chef boyardee in our pajamas!!
I’m like... that’s what I was gonna do this month anyway. Welcome to Jim’s typical Tuesday, sister!
>oh my goooddd... he made fun of a deadly pandemic...
Tyler Smith
Ya wanna know what I really hate - somethin' I really can't stand lately, it's these fuckin' baby boomer ASS HOLES who can't stop complainin' about this new virus outta China. They post this absolute bull shit online all over the social media about how we all gotta stay indoors or they're gonna get sick and die in some hospital somewhere and nobody's gonna be able to come to their funeral 'cause they'll get sick too. Well lemme tell ya somethin', if any of these crybabies -- these worthless 401K retirement livin' sacks of SHIT -- died under any other circumstances I can tell you to a certainty that the only money they'd leave their kids would be to cover the cost of their precious little funeral, and sure as shit nobody would want to show up to the fuckin' thing on account of them remembering how much of a STUPID SACK OF CRAP they were! Ya ask me, this virus is the best thing that coulda happened to their kids, now they'll probably be able to afford a home in this fucked up country!
Jaxson Morales
Is this Alexander Gordon Jahans's current form?
Hunter Rivera
Call it any kinda virus you want, my vagina is still itchy and it smells like fish.
Oliver Diaz
based
Hunter Ross
CORONA? Back in my day it was called A PART OF THE SUN OR A BEER HEHEHEHEH. You little wimps. We had to deal with POLIO. Eeeeehhhhhh what's a little iron lung for 20% of the population
Isaac Diaz
I like chips, man. They're crunchy. And salty. Alright....
They told me I should write a coronavirus joke. I did not think of one. Alright...
I think pineapples were cool until people invented knives. They they were like, aw fuck, they're gonna start eating us now.
Jacob Thomas
10/10
Cameron Thompson
That actually sounds like a joke of his
Owen Fisher
i see bitches out here on the streets of Atlanta damn near suckin dick for a bottle a hand sanitizer. What they really need is a botlle of pussy sanitizer for these hoes
Jaxon Jackson
based
Adam Barnes
very good
Jeremiah Butler
8/10
Nathaniel Myers
Coronavirus. They shove a tube down your fuckin throat, make your lungs work with a machine. Fuckin hell. I told you people, we need to start sinking cruise ships, did you listen?
Thomas Nelson
They say there's no cure for Coronavirus. I say, cheer up, ese, I've been living in isolation with my wife. Maybe you just need a little lime with the Corona, homes.
But seriously, what's the deal with coronavirus? Is it a Corona? Is it a virus? Call me when they bring back Millervirus, homie. I see my beaner brothers didn't get that one.
Mi chica can't buy toilet paper, ese. I say, because of the bat? Dee-dee-dee!
I see bitches on the streets of LA saying they need the hand sanitizer. But what they really need is pussy sanitizer, miho. They are hoes, homey!
Gabriel Ross
I hate that this shit joke always gets me
Lucas Walker
Kecked and checked
Connor Clark
>I WAS RAYPED BY THE CAHRONA VIRUS YES THATS RIGHT BATS RAYPED ME
Nathan Brooks
Lmao
Joseph Powell
Why do they call it quarantine? Corona means *round*. Pandemic means *around* the world. They should call it roundtine.
Levi Evans
Mason Young
STIMULUS PACKAGE?! HOW ABOUT A MELONOUS SMASH-AGE??!
Evan Hall
Well done.
Jason Rodriguez
I understood the references
Joshua Wilson
bless you whoever is doing this. brilliance in writing each of their mannerisms
Kayden Martin
Fucking hell, people. That whole coronavirus showed how fucking STUPID most Americans are. ATTENTION ASSHOLES maybe wiping your ass isn't the most important thing in the FUCKING APOCALYPSE. JE-SUS CHRIST, people. It's like you forgot that some strong bull looking motherfucker will just smash in your door and take your toilet paper. You know what else it did? I saw the most INTENSE liberals you have ever seen rushing out the the nearest gun store. THATS RIGHT ladies and gentlemen. It turns out liberals are just as fucking gun crazy as anyone else.
Adam Richardson
Trahmp said that he call it Chynese virus because it come from Chynah.
Justin Walker
spot on. Joe is such a bad comedian lol
Cooper Moore
I love America, what a country. Here you eat fish tank cleaner to cure disease. In Soviet Russia, tanks clean fish disease.
Tyler Powell
They say there's no cure for Coronavirus. I say, cheer up, ese, I've been living in isolation with my wife. Maybe you just need a little lime with the Corona, homes.
But seriously, what's the deal with coronavirus? Is it a Corona? Is it a virus? Call me when they bring back Millervirus, homie. I see my beaner brothers didn't get that one.
Mi chica can't buy toilet paper, ese. I say, because of the bat? Dee-dee-dee!
I see bitches on the streets of LA saying they need the hand sanitizer. But what they really need is pussy sanitizer, miho. They are hoes, homey!
Nicholas Hill
His comedic success comes from his intense delivery. His takes are very boring but ride the line in this cucked world of liberal groupthink. I used to watch his specials and podcast before it got huge. I'm kind of shocked he is so popular.
Christian Miller
>*masturbates in this thread*
James Collins
Ok that is funny
Evan Sullivan
strangely based
Isaac Lopez
>Record number of people losing their jobs this week as the coronavirus continues it's spread across the country. Another broken record this week: people whining.
Ian Morris
YOU KNOW I'VE BEEN READING ABOUT THIS CORONA VIRUS THING AND IT SOUNDS JUST AWFUL, BUT I THINK THE NAME COULD USE SOME WORK BECAUSE NO ONE SEEMS TO BE SCARED OF THIS THING.
FIRST YOU START COUGHING AND WHEEZING AND SPEWING MUCUS EVERYWHERE UNTIL YOU'RE DROWNING IN IT SO BAD THAT YOUR LUNGS START BLEEDING AND YOU START PUKING UP BLOOD UNTIL YOU ARE GASPING FOR AIR AND FALL INTO A COMA. THAT'S WHY I THINK THEY SHOULD JUST RENAME IT TO 'GOING DOWN ON HILLARY CLINTON'.
Kevin Thomas
Kek
Jeremiah Foster
I like this thread so much, anybody got a patrice oneal?
Brandon Cox
I think he's much more successful as a podcaster and MMA announcer than as a comedian. He probably doesn't have any issues selling out shows now because of universal name recognition but I don't think he was ever that big of a comedy star
Landon Gutierrez
fuck this is perfect
Ian Wright
This is fantastic.
Josiah Murphy
10/10
Eli Sanchez
My girlfriend is this blond Chinese girl.
I think she gave me Corona Light.
Brandon Roberts
The CoViD-19 virus is going to kill millions of people around the world. Absolutely horrible. Unless you're a virus. Then it's just another day in the life, really. Most people who get coronavirus recover. Those who don't, aren't most people. In fact, they're not people, they're corpses. Is that joke offensive to corpses? Sorry. I'm apologizing to some of you right now, just a bit early.
Tyler Ross
>So this one time I got so wasted on a bunch of Coronas and I burped up a bat.
Bentley Gomez
Rodney had the best delivery. Also, Back to School is super kino if anyone has not seen it.
Andrew Carter
BASED
Alexander Gomez
Well done, I'm proud of you
Owen Miller
A woman who was waiting next to me sent her daughter in to grab a carton of eggs as soon as the doors opened... I haven’t seen a little girl run that fast since the Polanski family barbecue 1976 hachachaaaaa
Lucas Taylor
Rednecks do not understand coronavirus. "That's right, I never touch the Mexican stuff. If it ain't got a blue ribbon on it, I ain't drinkin it. Aw hell, who am I kiddin, I just want a buzz."
If you're coughing, wheezing, and dying....you might have coronavirus.
If you're over 70 years old.... you might have coronavirus.
If you're Chinese.... you definitely have the coronavirus.
Not a lot of rednecks in China. They're just red all over.
If you think China is something mee-maw keeps in a hutch and only eats on during Christmas and Easter.... you might be a redneck.
Leo Brooks
>Joe Rogan seethes off stage
Zachary Hughes
I have to say though, this Cornavirus shit has got me worried. Now, I don't want you to be treating Chinese people any different, cause that is racist and that is wrong. BUT it has got me thinking. Cause I think back and I remember, I would see Chinese women, in the supermarket, walking down the street, way back before this shit started, and they were wearing facemasks! I know! And at the time, you see these old Asian women practicing social distance grapefruits like the produce section was on quarantine and think "Relax lady, it's just a Von's, not fucking Outbreak. But now, I'm like SHIT! They knew the whole time!
Anthony Stewart
So yeah... coronavirus... I got the cure for coronavirus right here....
>takes a sip of whiskey
Anyway... I was kicked out of a bar in New York City...
>pauses for 3 minute standing ovation
Thomas White
underrated
Kayden Lopez
kek