I have written a play where albums by female singer songwriters come to life as Drag Queens and attack Fetch The Bolt Cutters.
Characters:
MIMI IMFURST: Fetch The Bolt Cutters
TAMMIE BROWN: Rid Of Me
RAVEN: Geek The Girl
ALEXIS MATEO: Laura Nyro
CHAD MICHAELS: The Kick Inside
MANILA LUZON: Ultraviolence
YARA SOFÍA: La question
Now, enjoy!
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Everyone is in the Interior Illusions lounge. Simply talking. Things get out of control when Eli And The Thirteenth Confession attacks Fetch The Bolt Cutters. After that, it angrily responds.
FETCH THE BOLT CUTTERS Okay, now YOU are going to listen to my lyrics. For ONE HOT MINUTE. This is my problem with patriarch- -
After this response, Eli And The Thirteenth Confession interrupts her.
ELI AND THE THIRTEENTH CONFESSION Act a genius, girl. Act a genius.
Everyone in the room seems shocked, specially Rid Of Me. Fetch The Bolt Cutters then LOSES her mind.
FETCH THE BOLT CUTTERS We-we are living in a world where rockists look at us like we are talentless trannybait-
Rid Of Me then interrupts her again.
RID OF ME Huh! HUH! I’m horny.
As she says this, Little Earthquakes shushes her, feeling almost kind of embarrassed but still laughing.
Eli And The Thirteenth Confession laughs.
FETCH THE BOLT CUTTERS Why are we in this imaginary parade, BULLYING EACH OTHER? I think it’s HIGHLY inappropriate.
Almost everyone in the room disagrees, and they express their disagreement talking over each other. The Kick Inside takes control of the situation, and then screams.
THE KICK INSIDE Everybody SHUT UP!
Fetch the Bolt Cutters is about to break down.
FETCH THE BOLT CUTTERS I did NOT record an album moaning just for this.
Ultraviolence seems offended and doubts her.
ULTRAVIOLENCE Wait, wait. How did you not know how the fans would eat it up if you’ve already recorded The Idler Wheel girl???
Rid Of Me realizes that Ultraviolence isn’t on her level of horny hollywood realness and screams.
RID OF ME OHH!!!!!! Well, COME ON FAKE DEPRESSED SINATRA KNOCK-OFF, TELEPORT US TO COACHELLA ‘67
This response makes Ultraviolence feel very confused. Then she talks directly to the audience...
ULTRAVIOLENCE Is-is this nympho Bob Dylan for real?
Despite Rid Of Me kind of defending her, Fetch The Bolt Cutters starts crying.
FETCH THE BOLT CUTTERS I did not wait 7 years for-
After this she chokes up and stands up, she feels like the world is going to crush on her.
Everyone blames her for creating this situation, except for Rid Of Me, who tries to cheer her up, saying:
C’MON BOLT CUTTERS! CHANGE YOUR THEMES, GO CHANGE THEM AROOOUND!
?
op has lost his fucking mind
And now it’s the perfect time for a break. I have coca cola and popcorn!
Based Rupaul fan
We are back. The situation was seemingly about to end, but Fetch The Bolt Cutters added a comment that absolutely changed everything we’ve known about our characters completely.
FETCH THE BOLT CUTTERS I just don’t think it’s appropriate to talk about shit that had nothing to with anything that’s happened in my life-
wait when did miseducation of lauryn hill get involved
What Fetch The Bolt Cutters didn’t know is that the beast inside Geek The Girl had just woken up.
GEEK THE GIRL Well, guess what? WE DID. YOU, cookiecutter indie singer songwriter album, Fetch The Bolt Cutters, got a 10/10 from Pitchfork. Out of hundreds of phenomenal introspective alb-
Fetch The Bolt Cutters interrupts her.
FETCH THE BOLT CUTTERS Do NOT attack my non-drone fans BITCH
Geek the Girl snaps back.
GEEK THE GIRL From the shit that I’ve seen, you don’t have many.
Is this a new David Lynch series?
Everyone in the room is GAGGING. Because only God know how much Charisma Uniqueness Nerve and Talent it takes to be so frank.
ULTRAVIOLENCE & THE MISEDUCATION Oop—
They really couldn’t help but Oop- at that boiling tea.
GEEK THE GIRL So out of so many abrasive albums, out of so many brilliant lyricists, how did YOU achieve that?
La question then joins the scene.
LA QUESTION: Parce que c’est 2020 baguette
Everyone in the room is laughing even though they don’t know french, but to be fair that was very funny.
Fetch The Bolt Cutters has HAD IT. And walks out of the room, probably thinking how she has learnt a lot about gender roles and will pay another terrible reviewer to talk about her next single.
RID OF ME You wanted pretentious wine aunt? Well you got it now.
And scene. Thank you fellow Yas Forumstants. I hope you had a great time.
Now that the dust has settled, was it kino?
what the fuck is this thread
Drag queens dragging Fiona Apple
I stopped watching this season after Nicki Doll was eliminated, she was the hottest
When's the Botched crossover going to premiere
I’ll be doing the everyone vs serena chacha fight next