“How to Build a Life”
Is there a formula—some mix of love, work, and psychological adaptation—for a good life?
Psychologists David Lykken and Auke Tellegen estimate that the genetic component of a person’s well-being is between 44 percent and 52 percent.
The key is to cultivate and maintain loving, faithful relationships with other people. One extraordinary 75-year study followed Harvard graduates from 1939 to 1944,
into their 90s, looking at all aspects of their health and well-being. The principal investigator, the psychologist George Vaillant, summarized the findings as follows:
“Happiness is love. Full stop.” People who have loving relationships with family and friends thrive; those who don’t, don’t.
What makes work meaningful is not the kind of work it is, but the sense it gives you that you are earning your success and serving others.
“Money doesn’t buy happiness.” I should say, “Money doesn’t buy satisfaction.” Psychologists call it the hedonic treadmill:
People never feel they have enough money, because they get used to their circumstances very quickly and need more money to make them happy again.
“Don’t forget it: he has most who needs least. Don’t create needs for yourself.”
Don’t obsess about your haves; manage your wants, instead. Don’t count your possessions (or your money, power, prestige, romantic partners, or fame)
and try to figure out how to increase them; make an inventory of your worldly desires and try to decrease them.
Make a list of the attachments in your life you need to discard. Then, make a plan to do just that.
The fewer wants there are screaming inside your brain and dividing your attention, the more peace and satisfaction will be left for what you already have.