Dumbest thing you've stuck your dick into let me em!

>According to the man I got this image from

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IKR

OH, I forgot to answer your question. Here it goes:

>be me
>13 yo at the time
>want to stick pp somewhere

>shampoobottle.jpg

>stuck my dick in a hair shampoo for men, clear(mint, feels like putting acid on your scalp)
>get hard watching asa Akira doing anal
>my dick starts to feel cold. I also feel it stinging
>try to get it out

>climbinguptreeisn'tlikegoingdowntree.proverbe

>panick
>décide to wait it out since I read on the internet that an érection can't last over 30 mins
>countinue watching asa Akira getting pounded while I wait for my dick to get soft(IQ:1000)

>brother(17) asks to use the bathroom
>lie to him and say I just got in and I'll be out in 30 mins

Ffw 20 min

>"get out, I'm gonna shit myself"
>still hard in the shampoo bottle
>decided to shove the bottle, and my dick, in my pants
>got out
>brother sees my bulge
>"..."
>"..."
>i go to my room and he the bathroom
>get under the blanket
>can't watch porn cus I shared my room with my brother(11)
>got soft after two episodes of bleach(when itchigo lost rokia and sterted to train in the shop)
>took a shower

And that's the first time, and the last time, I stick my dick into weird things (vaginas are an exception)

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I didn't think the flat dick pic would get these kinda response. I guess im a fucking maniac for not really focusing on it and just thinking "haha cbt caused this man to turn his dick into a credit card"

Now this is type of story I was looking for!

Im sorry how didnt you notice it was a dude's shoe

> been on Yas Forums since 2007
> see flat dick
> realize this is too surreal for you
> dead dogs, torture... but flat dick?
> realize you don't belong here anymore

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I'm sure your old Yas Forums ancestors are praising you right now...

Is it time for a new generations of retards to take over?

stuck a qtip down my dickhole and it dried stuck, pulled it out and pissed blood for 2 days would recommend

>2007

I'm calling BS on that, otherwise you'd have seen this pic at least 50 times before.

my ex wife

Ah shit! That the gold i want! Thought you are not putting you dick into something, you put something in your dick

>Qualtät von Henkel

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Dumb for some people. I think its fun at times.

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>be me sexually weird high schooler
>look for things to stick dick in constantly
>found “jackin world” website that gave tips on how to jerk
>put lotion in ziplock bag placed between couch and fucked couch daily
>emptied out banana peel and stuck again between bed and boxspring
>also fuck bed daily
>bed now smells like bananas
>ran out of ideas
>saw the shower drain cover was getting looser and looser
>brightidea.jpg
>remove shower drain lid
>see the drain is a hole
>proceed to lay down and fuck rusty pipe who knows how many times
>drain in my childhood home was probably filled with gallons of my jizz
>to this day shamed by it

That one looks really small, is your dick really that small or you just keeping it cramped. I never used these so im unsure whats normal size for a cage

God damn, imagine if you cut your dick and got tetanus via dick. That would be something!

Not gonna lie. Its pretty small but thats only because im a grower not a shower.

Lol sit the fuck down old fag

Been here since 05-06 ... pretty sure I haven’t seen OP pic before

God damn that could’ve ended badly .

Thats fair, I could probably fit inside too but I feel like ill get hard while doing so and have to wait for it to go down

I do get hard and do have to wait. Im currently going through this situation as i get ready for work. It gets worse as the days go on.

this dumb slut

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Yeah my bad anons. Idk what was going through my mind during those years

Aww fuck I would rape her with a dildo up the ass so my dick remains untainted and she feels the pain she deserves

let me ask you this, is it true that being in chastity for a long time shrinks your dick? I've heard the shrinkage is old temporary.

I dont do extended periods but after only a few days its still normal. I think its only after months of non use that it shrinks.

she wasn't a big fan of anal, took a lot of time prepping, but she liked being raped orally

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I would rape her in her least desirable method. I assumed anal just by looking at her she seemed like the type to hate anal. She does seem like a prude. Like she wouldn't even give a handjob without like 10 dates

Of course someone had to turn this thread into fucking some random bitch.

eh the thread is kinda dead. Unless anyone got more comments on the flat dick pic or dick stories

a vacuum cleaner

> saw it in Scary Movie forgotwhichpart where dude complains that people annoy him while he's "vacuum cleaning" his room and everyone knows he's putting his dick in it
> Don't know what the big deal is
> Decide to try out
> feel kind of pathetic because the whole joke is that this guy is a loser and fucks a vacuum cleaner, and now I do it for real
> hose feels filthy and too small
> build cardboard tube over the hose
> If you let just the right amount of air through, dick gets smacked around super fast while making farty noises because of the air current
> Can't really feel that much because the air cools down the dick
> see something online about cases where people fucked up their foreskin by fucking a vacuum cleaner
> lol idiots
> No idea how that would happen, but it didn't feel that great anyway so it's not worth the risk
> Also, the vacuum cleaner is too loud, and if I keep it running for too long and don't even clean my room for real, I'll be as obvious as the guy from Scary Movie

this. not going to claim I've been here since woodrow wilson's 1st term, but I've seen that shit several times before

I’m rusty drain user from above. I forgot I also did this. I didn’t use the tub though, I remove the tube at the point it entered the bag. Hole wide enough to fit dick in. I know EXACTLY what you mean about vibrating dick and fart sound. Dumped buckets into the vacuum bag. Room was obviously never vacuumed. I wonder how the inside of the bag looked when it was cleaned out now that I thought about it....

I've thought about trying before. Honestly if that shit could work it would put prostitutes outta business

when i was a teen i stab a whole on the side of my foam mattress, put plastic bag, lotion and fuck it, throw platic bag full of cum. repeat.

My ex gf

A didgeridoo.

I attempted this, same thing minus the lotion. Couldn't cum though. Perhaps the lotion would of changed this I also tried it at the top as a was getting a new mattress wanted to try to fuck the old one before it was gone didn't work either thought. Springs were in the way

Lotion is the key. Also you could have just put it between two big couch cushions. Go try it now. Was great for me back in my young and dumb days

I want a million didgeridoos!!

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That I did long ago around later middle school, freshmen year of high school perhaps I was afraid someone would find out thought, like ill leave cum behind. But ya it does work surprisingly well if I remember

i guess it opens up a topic for a follow up thread

strange things you put in your ass

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A pencil, I had eraser in my ass the point sticking out.I called myself a bee. My middle school fetishes were weird

Bruh

imgur.com/b1hSu6P

Drunk fucked a fat chick once got a Bj from another fat cunt while drunk .
A dudes mouth while almost blackout drunk/high. Stopped drinking after that and Im not some ugly fuck desperate in need I just lose all self control when drunk . All good things are three after that you should stop haha. Good times

ya I was extra retarded and a fucking horny freak back then (and still a bit today)

thanks, I laughed way harder at that than anyone should

Also, the finger of a broken off mannequin hand that I found at some dump and decided to take with me for whatever reason

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Keked a bit .
Classic pic old as shit

You do anything with finger?

yes, fingered my ass with it. as you do.

Teddy Bears ... in my preteens ... I would stab my teddy bears in the butt with a knife to make a small hole. Then I filled the hole with lotion or oil and fucked it. Every now and then ... I would feel shame and sew up the holes with my mother's sewing kit. Then I'd be back at it, fucking teddy bears the next day.

For some reason i was excepting you to say you fingered you dick with it.

Ah yes, the old "im done with this fetish I dont need it anymore" and coming back to it the next day. I've done that too many time.

watching toy story made that kind of shit nearly impossible for me.

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My first dog used to fuck his teddy bear in the head . Was funny as fuck that poor guy .