Coronapocalypse Thread

>Because everyone has beachfront property

you steal people from mcdonalds?

i like your technique, cannibal user

steal some gas from an abbo then jesus christ

HEB is the greatest grocery chain on Earth, by a wide margin. Also I installed a bidet yesterday so I'm good.

I have approximately six weeks of food in the house, four handles of various liquor, few dozen bottles of wine, three weeks of firewood (assuming 6-8 hours of fire per day), our house is fairly isolated from random passerby, kids are pulled from school, wife is working remotely, and a three months salary emergency fund in case it gets much worse.

Don’t have a lot of toilet paper but I do have a TON of unmatched socks.

>TON of unmatched socks.
This is a married phenomenon. No explanation, but it's a married thing.

his wife has a sock fetish and secretly wipes her vinegary shits up with them

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I don't actually shit for several days at a time, and when I do I just take a shower. I also keep my area shaved so I don't have shit sticking to my ass hair and making it impossible to get all the way clean

Unfortunately my wife has bowel problems and probably uses 1.5 times a normal person uses.

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I keep a steady supply. 3 months worth. Plus various meats that I've either caught or shot.

So, I'm good.

Food for several months, pressurized reserve water tanks, solar power, several guns, only a couple dozen gallons of gas, enough hard liquor to kill a small village. Watching people in my county freak out is hilarious

I don't have any booze. I don't drink much. I should get a couple bottles.

I've got a box of uncle Ben's rice and two rolls of toilet paper left. How fucked am I?

yes yes
let the liquid jew flow through you

How could you forget the most important of necessities?

I don't have much, but I do have a fuck ton of guns and ammo. I'll be doing a raider playthrough.

My only real addiction is caffeine. I have that covered.

Prepared for a maximum of a 4 week quarantine. Anything longer I will probably have to start robbing people or just get shot and die.

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Three all-wheel drive vehicles, a helicopter, a minigun mounted on an ATV, 1000-gallon tanks of natural gas and petrol, a well drilled directly into an aquifer, reinforced underground storehouses with MREs, canned and frozen food to last up to two years, rifles and ammunition to outfit five squad's, handguns and ammo for up to fifteen people, flare guns, sleeping bags, condoms, nipple clamps and variously sized dildoes and strap-on harnesses, 100 gallons of Lysol, hand sanitizer to last up to fifteen people two years, 10 gallons of Astroglide lube, and six trrabytes of various kinds of porn.

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hes gonna have to trade his tight little asshole for toilet paper soon

I don't get this... Is there a threshold below which you're not allowed to have sex?

I haven't really left my house in over a year so i'm good.

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where's the protein?

I've got the love and devotion of a good woman, two strong sons, and a competent and beautiful daughter. What more could I need?

ill trade one of ur sons for 10 toilet paper
pm for details

big sex

Hahah

8 cans of tuna, 26 cans of soup, mostly beef vegetable and chicken, peanut butter, lots of pasta, plus all meat in the freezer. Also lots of cheese in the fridge.

nice.

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Damn right, when we were stocking up I made sure there was room in the cart for a handle of bourbon and a handle of vodka.

We have food, snacks, shit tickets, and booze to last for 60 days.

Now to beat Resident Evil 2 Remastered, Breath of the Wild, and get through my stack of unread books. See you unprepared fuckers on the other side.

>1 month fresh and canned food
>3 months freeze dried
>whole house generator with 1,000 hours fuel
>well, septic, bidet
>9mm pistol
>rape kit for after society breaks into chaos
come at me nigger

Bunch of idiot white trash and niggers. I hope the fucking power goes out.

Hahahaha

Stay mad that you're out of toilet paper

>Bunch of idiot white trash
Pretty much the only thing I see is that. Bunch of Walmart white trash stabbing each other over toilet paper.

>>rape kit for after society breaks into chaos

It that a forensic testing kit or a package of duct tape and bailing wire?

My wife got pissed at my bulk ammo purchases for range trips. Now that things are going to shit and ammo is up 200%+ she ain't complaining.

I'm on the 4th floor of a condo building. If someone manages to make it past the double security doors to the building and up to my floor, there's only one way into this bitch. Exposed brick interior with a corner at the entrance hallway gives me cover to fire from.

I have plenty of shit paper, nigger. Fucking millenials are such scared pussies.

jokes on them i dont even want the toilet paper

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Sorry to disappoint you, but we're going into lockdown here, the stores are about empty, and I stocked up over a month ago.

That's just going to tickle and make things worse. I'll take two.

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been practicing my slingshot skills, I know of a huge colony of bunnys

Not him, but I kinda figure it's my wife doin some funky shit too... Didn't realize it was a common phenomenon

I like the way you think brother

I NEVER lost socks. GF moves in and it's 2 years of single socks. She's gone and guess what. No single socks. I have NO IDEA what's up.

Hes gonna trade it to a desperate chick, silly boi

britfag here, I had to glare menacingly at someone today for the last bag of fusili

That's because you have an understaffed store full of lazy nigger employees, and a bunch of white trash hicks, beaners and dindus fighting over hand sanitizer.

Truly, there is a lid for every pot.

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The panic is real, but it's because people are retarded, not because of danger of the disease.
Though that's hardly a comfort when there are riots.

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Sorry again, we're 99% upper middle class whites here. And it's all stores. Which now have to close at 8pm as of today.

You're still white trash for going ape shit.

>upper middle class whites
White trash with enough money to pretend they're not trash.

Still trash.

No typical Yas Forums bullshit here- my folks are in Florida. Usually January to mid-April. Right now I'm gonna advise them to stay there. Right now, there's very little food and it's gonna get worse.

Solar panels, backup generators, water tanks, 6mths dry food, some frozen supplies, seed bank for vegetables, ~1yr dry firewood, fire powered stove, 3 land rovers, petrol & diesel supplies, chainsaws, plenty of rifles & shotguns, a 2 year old german shepherd for security, plenty of entertainment, and a very well stocked bar.

All I need is a woman to enjoy the end of the world with.

I have full cupboards. Been full for a month. Stores are barren. I have no worries. Tell me the problem here.

>All I need is a woman to enjoy the end of the world with.

SHIT! The one thing that was impossible to acquire.

It's like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife.

nigga that thing is gonna get shit all over the place, what's wrong with you

There's plenty of fucking food, idiots are hoarding the shit faster than the understaffed stores can restock it. Calm the fuck down, dumbasses

I agree. I started buying a little more every week for a month and a half. Bought a big bag of TP because I was low anyway and I always buy that in bulk. 24 pack, 2 rolls are gone. Fresh meat is about done at the stores, too. I'm good...just got some fish to grill later.

Even if you dont drink, they're good for barter. After a couple dry weeks, alchys would trade their nutsack for a drink. A bottle of good booze for you, a case of cheap rotgut to barter.

Y2k brought out the crazies too. At least that had a date on it where people could peak out of their holes and see the world didn't end.
Now though, with no end in sight, it's kinda just tension building on top of existing tensions that have been driven harder by interests who didnt think shit through. Now were about on edge, and there's an actual crisis so... it's going to go boom. Even though the crisis isn't as big in proportion to the response.

rope, handcuffs, condoms, ky, towel, plastic bag, gloves

How much for the daughter?

>I'm starving, what should I do
>I know, see that tall condo building over there? I'm going to break in and go not to the 3rd or 7th floor, but the 4th floor and break into whoever owns that unit

Not a bad idea.
100% agreed. I got a little extra cash on hand, and had a little extra food in the house for Y2K, but expected it to be nothing...which it was.

Also, there were crazies around in the imagine 2012 end of the world Mayan shit, too. This, like you said, IS a real crisis. And it's gonna be here for awhile.

You fucking slobs never heard of a bidet? Disgusting.

This is so fucking underrated it’s not even funny. You asshats are the only reason why COVID-19 is serious. It’s not the virus itself, it’s you fucktards that are making society struggle to meet the demands of the people. I hope all of you hoarding faggots get shot for being such retarded, hiveminded shitstains.

i occasionally shove a headless shower hose up my ass, does that count?

Fuckin A!

I have a 9mm, a 12 guage, a thousand rounds of ammo and a 9 inch cock. I am ready.

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The bidet meme sure got old fast

This. I've been doing my shopping like normal but faggots are making that impossible.

Lol choose meee

lets see how you feel when the army are patrolling the streets and guarding supermarkets

>mfw I started buying food and supplies two weeks before everyone else, and never needed to fight some stranger for the last pack of toilet paper

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I just took a big hairy shit. I had to use up all the 1000 rolls of shitpaper I've been hoarding just to ensure my butthole is clean enough

loads of potatoes in my local store, do you fags not know how to peel them or something?

I'm all set and already turning a profit.

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Food panic is mostly in non-America because they're afraid the USA might stop feeding them.

electronics on the top,
smart.

It's been "the end of the world" my entire fucking life. First it was the commies and the nukes, then AIDS, then the hole in the ozone, then africanized killer bees, then runaway greenhouse effect, then an asteroid, then Y2K (religious) then Y2K (computers), then terrorists, then the blue arctic, then an asteroid again, then Sendai, then an asteroid again (again), then climate change again, and now it's the Kung Flu.
I just don't give a fuck anymore.

I'll just go to your house. 9 inches.

you got me

PROTIP- the skin has the most nutrients

It's a $40 toilet attachment on Amazon and people can shut the fuck up about toilet paper.

The people who waited too long*

i'm franticly downloading the guitar course i'm doing on youtube in case the internet goes out