Be 9 year old me

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I will not.

>sixth grade
>was a ring leader to all the idiot sixth graders that thought doing the stupid shit i told them to do was cool
>was cool and funny
>made the class quack in unison when the teacher would turn around
>ANYWAYS
>there was a large field behind the school where we would frolic and play
>grass got long
> got everybody to tie knots in the grass so when you would walk into the grass trap you would trip and fall
>couldmt see the traps cuz grass is too long
>me and a group of ragtags spent an entire 4 days tying these traps
> so on friday got all the kids to run for the fence on the other side of the field to attract the attention of old bitch mrs jane
>she gets trapped
>she falls
>falls hard
> fell so hard her knee was like backwards
>OH MAN
> group of ragtags didnt say anything because sntches get stitches
> she broke her leg because we tripped her in grass traps
>

>be me at 8 years old or so
>get idea for hilarious joke
>pour red food coloring all over shirt
>get steak knife
>go to completely random persons driveway down the street
>lie down, play dead, and wait for them to come home from work
>guy comes up and asks me what the fuck I’m doing
>guy takes steak knife and tells me to get the hell out of there
>never saw that guy or that knife again

seemed like a good idea at the time...

>Be 12 year old retard
>bored one day so decide to throw plums at cars driving past from my roof
> it becomes a game between me and my friend to see who could hit the most cars
>I launch a plum straight through a gap in a car window
>hits an old lady in the head
>she swerves onto the curb and crashes into a wall
>Ambulance arrives and she gets taken to hospital with a neck brace
>i ran the fuck away and never found out if she made it

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>went down to the beach and see kiki
>shes like awwhhh
>im like WHATEVA

Eyyyy speaking of taking out old ladies

>be grade school fag
>mom takes us to the big city for reasons I forget
>walking down the sidewalk
>oh fuck shoes untied
>kneel, tie it, then for no reason decide to spring back up to standing position at maximum speed/force
>at this exact moment random granny had walked up directly behind me and didn’t see me down there
>I smash right into granny and she flies to the ground, bashing her head on the concrete
>granny is bleeding on ground
>cop happened to be nearby, comes and takes her away
>we get back to walking where we were walking cuz fuck it

RIP granny

blumblumblumblumblumblumba-da-blumblum-ba-da-dum

>be me
>moving to new state, no friends
>got my turtle bro so not so bad
>only friend I need
>middle of school year (7th grade)
>take seat next to weird kid in the back
>whatever.jpg
>he's alright, outside of some weird muscle spasms
>sit next to him every day
>begin to warm up, eat lunch together
>talk about games and shit
>comes over one day and sees my killer room with wall of hot wheels, no biggie
>idiot doesn't care
>runs over to my turtle bro's tank
>"Can I pet him?" wide-eyed practically begging
>"Yeah, sure" no big deal
>good time to clean the tank I guess
>tell him to bring turtle outside while I hose the tank
>outside cleaning
>hear a scream
>180 my ass so fast I get whiplash
>"wtf man"
>see him panicking stuck in a weird wrist flick motion like a broken robot or some shit
>wait.jpg
>"WHERE'S THE TURTLE"
>kid's choking back tears
>grabbed him trying to get him to stop spasming
>"WHERE'S MY FUCKING TURTLE"

He was alone for a reason

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youtube.com/watch?v=s1IMovemHwA&feature=youtu.be&t=318

CAUSE THIS IS MY UNITED STATES OF WHATEVER!

>be me in 5th grade
>we get a new frisbee for recess
>the thing is a super hard plastic not flimsy whatsoever
>it flies a long ways due to its weight
>we quit playing catch with it because the thing hurts
>one day me and a buddy decides we are going to launch this thing across the field and outside of school property
>we are about 50 yards away from everyone else playing on the playground other misc. games
>I aim towards the big open field to the south
>launch frisbee
>watch it hurtle towards the field
>slowly starts to turn west
>it headed towards a group of girls prancing around
>hits a girl straight in the back of the head
>I remember her fucking hair jiggles
>she collapses
>teacher runs over to girl and then looks around but no one is even close
>frisbee is forever known as the death frisbee

>be me
>eight
>on playground
>best friend sitting on top of a playground bar
>decide it's a good idea to run under him
>catch his legs as I dice under the bar
>he falls foreward and breaks his collar bone
>freak the fuck out
>get in trouble
Mfw

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Dive*
My autism continues

Where was the turtle

Never found him again
Bitch fucking launched his ass to orbit or something

the next county

>be me
>me and a friend who threw the death frisbee are waiting after school at my house until BBall practice starts
>it had snowed the night before and still hadn’t melted
>we start throwing snowballs at everything
>get bright idea to throw snowballs at passing cars
>we keep missing
>I notice that our snowballs are hitting way behind the cars which are moving fast
>I aim super far ahead of the next car
>throw snowball
>snowball goes into the cars open passenger winder
>guy keeps driving like nothing happened.

so you basically murdered someone

Secret origin of Gamera

did you at least apologized

>be me
>be in kindergarten
>it’s recess and we are all walking towards the playground in a big line
>I find a rock and throw it as high as I can in the air
>a few seconds later it comes down and a kid falls down and starts crying
>years later throw the death frisbee

>be turtle
>stumbling about trying to figure out how the fuck I got in this field
>hear whistling sound
>get hit by frisbee

>frisbee breaks collar bone

>frizbee knocks kills granny

oh look at this, an actual good thread on Yas Forums

>be me 8 years old
>hiking around behind my apartments
>really have to take a shit but hunting for snakes and grasshoppers
>REALLY have to take a shit
>start heading back
>can't hold it anymore
>gotta shit so bad
>look around
>drop pants
>start shitting
>suddenly glass door swings open and old man comes out and starts yelling
>try to pinch off the turd but it's too big
>pull pants up while running and asshole hurts because huge shit log hanging out of it still
>he's yelling at me and following me
>try to lose him by running around the apartment building but he keeps on me somehow
>crying now, run back to my apartment
>run inside and hide underneath my bed
>can hear him talking to my mom at the door
>had to go back later and clean up my own poop

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HNNNGGGGGGGGGG

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will be in this thread

Get off this thread and off yourself

Rolling

fuck

...

get

Here we go baby

get

not gonna happen bucko

...

it's now or never faggots

nah

.

get

fuck

YOU HAD ONE CHANCE AND YOU BLEW IT

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He kinda called it tho

off by 1. you may now kill you're self.

>normie here
explain this roll stuff whats happening

>be me
>8 year old
>Arabic class
>teacher asks me to write exclamation mark on the board
>forgot where to put the dot
>don’t want him to beat the shit out of me so I write it like the letter “i”
>teacher thinks I’m fooling around
>wants to beat the shit out of me
>I quickly tell him I confused the Arabic exclamation mark with the English one
>he doesn’t know a word of English so he believes me
>walk back to my seat like a god

Dude fuck it that sounds like a good ass prank

I played a game in second grade with the "friends" I made in that school. We would go to the b-ball area and chuck rocks over the bug ass fence and try to hit cars. I ended up breaking a windshield and having multiple complaints of teachers finding rocks in their cars. My parents had to pay the fees of the damage (and we were super poor at the time) so I felt crazy bad.. they still bring it up to this day and honestly idk if i ever even broke the windshield or not. As far as i know we were just playing some foreign game

>be 7
>in bath
>chewing huge wad of bubble tape
>take out of mouth
>kindalookslikemysac.jpeg
>this might feel weird on balls
>smash wad of bubble tape on ball
>it won't come off
>yanking at balls covered in chewed gum
>start panicking
>not coming off
>screaming begins
>mom has to smear peanut butter all over my balls to pull it off
>finish bath
Has never came up since

Kek

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Damn that just sounds like nature giving someone a valuable lesson

Eyyo lmao

>be me 6 years old
>grandma watching tv
>falls asleep
>I have to take a shit, but dont know how to do it alone
>walk towards air vent in some lonely corner of the house
>pinch a turd right in the air vents mouth
>the house smells like shit for for at least 2 weeks

Be me in preschool
>cute black chic enters the game
>fuckin talk to that bitch
>hit it off I guess..
Next thing I know its nap time
>teacher reads to the class as they fall asleep like a motherfucking goblin
>teacher makes me lazy my sleepy pad next to her
>fml wtf
>black chic lays hers next to mine but behind the teacher.
>we start making out 10 mins into nappy hour
>mfw teacher was most likely watching the entire time
Btw
Teacher never stopped us
#pumpkinpatchlyf3

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>its the early 2000's
>I'm at the airport with my mOM
>probably 5 or 6 at the time
>indian guy walks past my field of view
>he's wearing a turban
>he has a beard
> I suddenly scream "OH MY GOD IT'S BIN LADEN"
>my mom frantically tries to calm me down and covers my mouth
>my muffled screams catch the attention of people
>but it's clearly not fucking Osama

>be me 16 years old
>it's penis inspection day at school
>we line up to go in for inspection at gym teacher's office
>it's my tuen, im fucking shaking I hate PID so damn much
>cameras set up inside his office filming everything because health and safety reasons
>inspection begins and he's checking my foreskin pulling it back and forth repeatedly
>I squirt drops of white stuff on the floor and he says i passed the inspection
>i leave the room and next kid goes in
>never told anyone about that day until now

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