I am going to go for a drive tonight and intentionally crash my car and hopefully get somewhat injured...

Girl here. I would not feel guilty about turning a man down for a date, even if he injured himself. If anything I, like most women, would expect for a guy to do this just to get laid and would feel more annoyed than anything.

ROBOTS. YOU ARE NOT WOMEN. NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO TWEAK THE FORMULA, PITY IS FOR WOMEN. YOU CAN'T MAKE A WOMAN PITY YOU INTO A DATE WITHOUT HER RESENTING YOU FOR BEING SPINELESS. SPINELESS MEN WHO WANT HELP FROM WOMEN IN THE REAL WORLD ARE DISPISED?

>If anything I, like most women, would expect for a guy to do this just to get laid and would feel more annoyed than anything.
What the fuck kind of sociopathic shit is this. What if I just really got in a car crash??? You would assume I was just faking it to get with you? I'm not going to literally ask her out, just see if she comes around after her feelings for me become apparent to her when my lfie almost ends. This will make her realize she always wanted me, and she will ask ME out on a date. At least that is the ideal scenario, I might just die which is fine too.

Congrats, that's the most retarded post I've read here this week, and that's saying something.
Real life does not work like your imagination.
Car crashes don't work like you think they do.
Girls don't work like you think they do.
Please see a therapist.

I did and he diagnosed me with Aspergers, I cannot connect to other people and I want to die, I want to never wake up, I don't understand whats so bad about this, another guy at work was in a car crash and all the girls felt bad for him and were talking about him and checked on him, I want to have girls giving me attention, why is that so wrong.

I get the feeling but you're going about it the wrong way. You're going to end up in a wheelchair and that girl won't give a fuck after the first couple weeks.

Then some girl will take pity on me being in a wheelchair and be with me

>tfw crashed car one day after it was given to me for free
>tfw I pocketed the insurance money like a scumbag
>tfw I still haven't lived this down
I'm such a fuckup, every good opportunity given to me I squander it. I fail to make any meaningful progress in life because I'm such a disgrace. I seriously think I have to end it soon, I can't take it anymore.

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You went full retard. Never go full retard

No. Girls don't get with people by pity. They may give you a little bit of attention because "aw you poor thing" like they would a dog, but pity has never gotten any girl going.

Just throw yourself in the nearest river, without your car.

That is the most retarded shit I have ever heard

I've been in a pretty bad accident and that's not how it works at all. People at work will pretend to care for a few days and then go back living their boring, uneventful lives. They never cared about you to begin with, why should they now?

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Girls will like you more if you intentionally ran people over

>They may give you a little bit of attention because "aw you poor thing"
Then I can die happy

That's the stupidest idea I've heard since "let's make a sequel to The Mask without Jim Carrey". You'd really risk getting yourself killed for a date? There are better ways to go about it, user.

>crashing your car to get a date
user... think about this again

OP is one of those people who will do anything to get a girlfriend except actually talk to women. *cough* Chris Chan *cough* attraction sign *cough*

You know, this might not be as bad as it seems. How long ago did this happen? Who gave you the car?

I do try talking to girls, but it's unpleasant for them. I can't keep up in conversations and think of good responses on the fly, its too fast. Nobody laughs at things I say. People end conversations quickly with me and walk away, they sigh and seem annoyed when I ask them how the weather is outside for the 10,000th time because that is all I can think to bring up. It hurts me to know that by speaking to people I am actually making their day worse. So maybe if I almost die people will give me attention and I will feel special, and maybe this girl will realize she likes me because I almost died and she never would have seen me again.

Get a scar on your eye and say you were tortured by some fucking psychopath.

It happened in 2016 when I was stationed overseas. People already looked down on me abd this just made it worse. It's not just that. I keep slipping up and always end up stagnating in everything. Jesus Christ I hate myself so much.

Honestly can't tell if you're retarded or larping as a retard. Assuming you're actually retarded you should discuss this plan with one of your parents first. They might be able to give you some pointers about how to survive a car crash while still achieving maximum sympathy.

Stationed overseas? So you were in the military?

Mate, it's not necessarily about what you say, it's about how you say it. You probably stutter your way through a joke and botch the punchline.

Its not retarded in principle, but yes I am diagnosed with Aspergers. It makes sense to me; when people almost die you realize what they truly meant to you all along, maybe this girl will realize that she liked me all along and that I was sweet to her so she should give me a chance, becasue she would have regretted it if I died and she never did. Then we get to know each other better and she falls for me and she becomes my girlfriend.

>when people almost die you realize what they truly meant to you all along

That's if they already care about you on some level. If she doesn't give a shit now she won't give a shit after you wrap your car around a tree. Seriously dude, you'd risk death instead of just trying to work on your social skills?

OP, as others have pointed out, this is a very dumb idea. It won't work, this is why it's dumb. You don't want the girl you like to ever pity you. Ever. If you've been together a while and you get sick and she takes care of you then that's different.

Better plan is to try and get some pain killers, opiates. Percocet, oxycodone, etc. Take a few at work. You'll feel great, it'll show. Don't take too much or they'll totally be able to tell you're high. When you feel good and get talkative, that's what you need. None of this maybe-kill-yourself-to-get-pity nonsense. Cuz really nobody likes that. Positive emotion (even if it's chemically induced) will easily trump that shit.

Yes, that is a pretty good description of one of my "jokes". I say "jokes" because a lot of the time people can't even tell I am trying to be funny, and so I guess to them it just seems like I am saying something weird and random. Thing is I really like talking to people I am just terrible at it. But I really enjoy being around others and just watching them talk to each other and laugh, I dream every day of making everyone laugh and being witty. Its beautiful to watch others socialize and form bonds.

sounds kinda cringe user, i hate men like you.

That is not a man, don't ever call it a man.

yep I joined out of hs

I think she does care a little, just thinks I am strange. She is very beautiful and likely has many suitors trying to get in a relationship with her.
I am sorry

Retarded scheme just ask her out faggot

This is either the dumbest plan ever as I don't think you crashing intentionally will get you insurance monies, she might just vouch for you to get days off work to recover and you will injured in a permanent way and never live normally again. Or this plan will be amazing and you get a insurance payment, you only suffer fractures or broken bones that will heal and not permanent nerve or brain damage and she feels bad to hang out with you while you recover. But pretty sure the plans gonna fail as car crashes aren't controlled and you don't know if you are gonna survive.

The lengths zoomer men go to just to be SIMPs genuinely makes me feel like a Chad