Feels thread

Feels thread.
Dont be ashamed to share whats on your mind.
In these dreading times we need to be able to express ourselves

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Thanks, brother, I still keep having dreams about this girl who ruined me as a man, and I can't stop thinking about her and the times we had.

She stole everything from me including physical things like money and stuff, and emotional things like my ability to love and compassion, and understanding.

But I can't help but think about her, and what happened, I know it wasn't my fault. She led me on. Yet why do I feel like I maybe even miss her? She is something that I can't stop thinking about. We never even dated keep in mind, she just was a really really good friend, and frankly, she reminded me of the quote, why buy the cow, when you get the milk for free?

Found out rain ASMR makes me feel super safe. My triggers don't fly as far.

I know it's not nice to say but I hope the world economy crashes. I hate how we live in a capitalist world driven by the need to consume shite.
It's also not nice to have pepole dying and scared during this time, so hope all anons and their families are ok.

In the last weeks Ive been in a rigourous pursuit of religion which has as of late violently ricocheted between optimistic buddhism to deep nihilism. I got in a moments notice from deep mindfulness meditation to agonizing depression. From wanting to quit the sauce forever to wanting to become the sauce forever. From being in search of my buddhanature to murdering millions on gta. Fuck it, its stupid but Im not making it up.

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wanted to be a successful gamedev and ended up landing an IT job in the military.
still good, but i spent all of highschool chasing my dream and ideas, and it feels like I failed.
and i don't want to tell anyone because i'm 19
and derived my esteem from being diehard at this goal for years on end.
i just wanted to be creative and have a bunch of fans who look forward to my stuff.

got this small bible with a section that shows pages to read based off how you're feeling or your current issues.
thinking of taking in religion to ground myself in wisdom from people before me
i have a friend similar to me who fell off the deep end
i got close last year and should do better.

also, thanks for these threads.
sometimes i want to talk to others and sort things out online, but i shy away from it because of how toxic boards like this get

I fully understand your situation. But i can say that if a person feels affection and safety in a relationship it really can make you blind. Really sucks to hear that but you need to stay strong and turn that negative energy into positive energy. Its never good to live in the past too long. As for the future you can be confident that you will meet your soulmate that you can feel safety and love with. Be strong user. This is not the last girl u will meet

Thanks, user, it certainly feels like I cannot love anymore, I feel like it will be a long time before I can move on.

But I know I will. It is just not the same puppy love as what I thought it was.

I have been making progress in leaps and bounds considering how ive behaved most of my life, however i continue to lash out at people that love me because i cant hear how much of a failure i am unless im saying it for some reason. I guess im just retarded idk.

Unfortunately we cant control the evolution of our current world. It is impossible to be happy with the world as a human. People in every era wished it would be different

My most overwhelming feels as of late are shame and fear. I feel like I do nothing but disappoint the people I love. Out of all of the people in the world, the ones I've been able to love are the ones I can't do enough for. I can't even look them in the eye I'm so disgusted. I don't know how to fix whatever is wrong with me and I lack the self-discipline to do anything for myself. I can't even do the one task I've been set. I don't care about much else other than that I'm disappointing them by not doing it. I'm supposed to care about it but I just don't, but they do. I should be able to suffer for them if I care about them so much and I have suffered a lot for those I love but then why can't I suffer in the ways that matter? Am I just selfish? I'm not good enough for the one I want to be with forever. I should be able to suffer to improve but why is the only suffering I ever put myself through self-destructive? Why can't I suffer for the sake of those I hold closest to my soul?

I feel so ugly. I just can't get over it. I wish that I was beautiful.

I feel like i really need to kill myself ASAP
Every second i'm alive is wasted really
And i'm running out of time to kill myself. If i won't do it quickly enough i'll end up very very miserable

Nothing is stupid user if you truly see a reason for doing things. If it fulfills you, it helps. During quarantine many people tend to reevaluate stuff and it does certainly help to cope with mental health or other things.

Honestly, we are cursed by our own design, but never let that stop you friend. You have to do your best to look your best, then you move on.

Work on what you can bring to the table, your skills, your passions, your ideas. In most cases outside of social interaction, how you look is not a weigh in on issue.

I understand you probably crave the social interaction. And honestly, I still do as well, but sometimes we aren't meant for those things, but you can meet people online, who are just like you and me, isn't that why we are here?

bury the feels, don't trust anyone, friends do not exist, the only people you'll have around are the people who need you, never trust a woman, NEVER TRUST A WOMAN. Work towards your goals every day.

Why do you feel, you are useless? What makes you feel like you are miserable and time is ending? What makes you want to die?

Please dont predict your future at such a young age. It is never too late to find satisfaction in your career. Many people are late bloomers and fulfill their dreams with 40+years. You are 19! You are hungry for success and I truly believe u can find the happiness that you crave. Also no problem user i like these threads :)

Thank you for this thread user. Been a while since I've seen one.
I have given up on life, not much more to it. I won't bother you with the sob story. When I get my gun license I'll buy a six shot and start playing russian roulette on the first of every month until the year ends.
Let's hope to god I don't see the end of 2020.

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It's like a vacuum inside my chest and gut and I have one voice inside my head telling me to drink lots of alcohol to soothe myself and another voice telling me to go out and shoot myself and I'm just barely hanging on and the funny thing is that life isn't actually too bad.

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Its a dumb comparison but If you burn your mouth while eating Pizza u will surely wait till its cool before trying again. But you will not be saying that you never will eat pizza again because u burned your mouth once. Time heals

Life doesnt necessarily have to suck for you to feel like it does. There are many people out there who are loved by many and have a soulmate but still end up killing themselves because they felt alone in this world.

The Learning process never stops in life. Its not like you will stop learning when u reach idk 25. Those people love you. They dont just say it because their intention is it to hurt you. I am not saying it is a good approach but they hope that you can recover from this. Dont rush it. Dont skip steps or you will fall. Go up one steo at a time

Okay I made a thread on this but I really want this answered so I'm gonna post it here too
>meet very fun, caring, supportive and generally nice to be around girl through mutual friends
>we meet in person to cuddle
>it gets a bit more steamy
>my first kiss
>could touch her
>tried to have sex, was a disaster
>couldn't get it in really, couldn't get her off with fingering
>we cuddle afterwards still
>says she's very insensitive down there and to not beat myself up about not getting her off
...
>fast forward today (a few weeks later)
>answers texts only with basic answers. doesn't try at all to keep conversation going
>ask if we're gonna do that again (just the cuddling part because we both didn't like the sex among other reasons)
>"when I want again hehe"

I know this means never. And I'm honestly contemplating ending it rn because I can't see future interactions with women going any better. I really want a big family but I'm not going to get it, is why I'd take this decision. i do want to write a note explaining my reasoning to my family and the few friends I have though, wouldn't want them feeling guilty. I really want to know what you think about mentioning her in it? She pushed me over the edge but is not really otherwise at fault

Drop her user. I dont know her obviously but bitches really enjoy wasting your time. Shes not interested. If she doesnt care enough to respond properly or hold a conversation shes not worth your time.

Basically i'm finishing highschool this year
Theoretically
I don't know if i'll pass the final exams.
But even if i do there's no future for me. Literally i don't know what i could be doing. So even if for example i were to go to uni then i wouldn't know what to study. I'm really bad at everything.
I was thinking about getting a job once school ends but it will definitely be difficult with all the unemployment problems related to current pandemic.
And this way i would end up in some dead end job, wageslaving and rotting.
I really want to get out of home. There was violence there my whole life and i don't want to experience it anymore.
Basically my life lacks direction and i feel like i can't change it. There are so many problems and responsibilities. It would be so nice to leave them and this whole world behind.

idc to be honest. she's as understanding a girl as they get, really accepting. if she drops me like that it's pretty much over anyway. this isn't getting better in the future

>There are many people out there who are loved by many and have a soulmate but still end up killing themselves because they felt alone in this world.
At least I'm not them ha ha

>close female friend of 5 years
>she was a professional mentor to me as well
>we fought at times but always made up
>left last year for her home country
>promised to keep in touch
>left on very good terms
>told me to keep her updated on our work projects and my graduate school admissions
>last heard from her the moment her plane landed months ago

All my messages, even the updates she asked for, were left on read. It wasn't like I was blowing up her chat either, there were a month or more between single messages. I just don't understand. This isn't the friend I remember. I mean I'm 100% sure the friendship was real since she shared things with me that she wouldn't with random coworkers, and we were chatting until the very end.
The worst part is last week, I needed her help to finish part of the project that has her and my name on it, so I asked and it was left on read, as usual. I finally broke and directly asked if everything is OK on her end since it's very unusual for her to blow off work like that (she was always reminding me to "be professional") and it was left on "delivered" though she has been online several times since then. I sent another message last night letting her know I figured it out, wishing her well, and expressing I'm appreciative of what she did to get me into graduate school, but when I woke up this morning, the message was gone.
I just found out through our boss (her former) for that project that she had in fact heard from her, even mentioning that she got my last message and pictures of her new baby (one of the things she promised to send me in our last meeting). The boss told me not to take it personally due to the whole COVID thing, but I just feel so hurt right now. I don't know what I did wrong to deserve this.

Kek, glad to see you havent lost that sense of humour.

Dont mind me, just gonna be here for a bit dumping the feels images i have. You boys keep talking your existential talk

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>my uninterested nerd friend got a gf
im glad but fuck the envy is kind of killing me, im "only" 20 but i geniunely feel like i will never find someone that will love me

I can tell that you did not give up on life. If you really wanted to kill yourself you would have obtained a gun illegally. Sounds harsh but I am saying this to make you aware that you have hope. You can reach your dreams. You can find satisfaction in your life. Killing yourself will hurt more people in your life that you would think