Is it possible to stop being manipulative?

All my life I've been taking advantage of people to survive and learn. These past few months I've done it quite a lot due to being bored and depressed. I took advantage of mentally ill people. I got them to open up to me just so I can learn about how others struggle and to see if I could fix them.
I'm obsessed with getting people attached to me and couldn't care less what happens to them after I've succeeded.

Recently there is someone I think I care about. Someone who I thoroughly enjoy being around and talking to. I've never felt like this before with anyone else.
It's extremely conflicting to be open and honest with them. I've been doing a good job at it, but why is it conflicting? Why am I afraid to show them the truth? Is it because I'm manipulating them but I'm in denial?
I don't like being manipulative, but I've done it so much in my life that most of the time I'm doing it subconsciously and can't tell if I'm in denial or delusional.

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dumb niggers here arent going to help or know better.. im retarded for making this post

you manipulate people because you need power over them in order to feel secure; without the manipulation, you feel vulnerable and exposed

why would i need power over them? I'd just prefer to help very intriguing people to the point where I get bored. If I have power over someone it's because they've allowed me to. Everyone is capable of being my equal or above me.

it's the change from talking to people you have power over to talking to someone you are vulnerable to
the security you have with them is gone, and you are also extra sensitive to the new person's opinion of you because you like them
the manipulation might have turned instinctual too, so when you don't manipulate, you feel out of your element

I don't feel like I have ill intentions when I talk to people, most of the time it doesn't feel like manipulation at all, but with speculation it's becomes obvious to me that I am doing things that will eventually hurt them. The closer I get to people, the more it hurts them when I leave. It's tedious and I'd prefer them not to care so I can just get information and get out without problems arising.

change before you ruin things with this new person
make amends with your past if you're not too scared, the shame of apologizing will motivate you to stop

I kind of feel this to a lesser extent. I keep myself out of reach from anyone who doesn't interest me to an almost obsessive level, I'm thrilled when they start opening up to me and I get comfortable around them, but once I've arrived at that comfort area, the spark instantly fades and I almost don't care about them anymore. Am I a sociopath?

no, you're just assholes

Honestly, I don't think you have enough background information to fully understand the situation. It's second nature to me, and the question "is it possible to stop being manipulative" is what im more focused on.
for the most part, I don't like people and cant be bothered to make friends with them. I also get obsessive with people, usually those who don't like to talk about their problems so it takes more time for them to trust me. It's nice to get people to trust you but once they are emotionally connected to you, they become somewhat of a nuisance or responsibility like a pet would be.
Unless you have something to gain, what's the point of being close with them?
>Am I a sociopath?
I think everyone is like this to an extent, we are all very selfish beings who hide behind empathy and our drive to not be alone. I think it becomes a problem when you start using people with specific malicious intent to hurt or take something from them, but that can be argued against.

you have to figure out why you're doing this so you understand how to prevent it
there's a reason you do it, whether it's just because you're used to it or what, but i don't know you so i can't say
feeling shame over this can cause you to catch yourself in the act, if it's shameful enough, but this might not apply to you
the biggest problem looks like a lack of empathy, with you treating people like containers to be unlocked and problems to be solved instead of how you view yourself

>if it's shameful enough, but this might not apply to you
I feel empathetic towards people to an extent. I want to help them get through their problems, it feels really good to care about them, get them to trust me, and let me in. At the end of the day though? I don't care if they live or die, as long as they don't involve me when they do it.
>the biggest problem looks like a lack of empathy
I have tried over and over to grasp the concept of empathy but it doesnt make any sense to me what so ever and it seems like a tool people use as an excuse to care for people that they relate to, but not those who they don't relate to.

>let me in
this makes it sound like you're doing it for self-serving reasons (psychological egoism aside)
>empathy
empathy is what happens when you relate to another person, and feel things from their perspective; some people have an easier time of this than others
evolution gave us empathy so we'd subconsciously work together, with the ulterior motive being that it just so happens to help the person who feels it the most, not whoever they're feeling it towards, since evolution is selfish
empathy is a real feeling that we're born with, so it's not fake exactly, but it's not entirely genuine either

is this new person the first person you've been able to at least somewhat relate to?

Well, I dont think I manipulate people per se, but I do like playing cruel jokes on them, e.g. texting my gf (reee) pretending to be my mom and telling her I died in a road accident on my way home just to get a reaction. Probably some kind of repressed emotional baggage from being neglected all throughout my teen years.

Disgusting, take i dont say much but im pre fucked up mentally but i flipped out with my mum in the car when i crashed and would never use it as a weapon.

Hey moon, it's been a while. How come you're never on discord anymore?

I don't use discord because its a dogshit app, you have the wrong person

This is exactly what a girl did to me. Word by word. We enjoyed like three years of online conversations, but as soon as the situation turned familiar and comfortable she became rude and distant for no reason.

I mean, it's me who decided to trust her and give her a chance (she has her own flaws, but I decided to overlook them and focus on all the positive things she had to offer). Our interaction has given me things like extra confidence, but at the same time it has made me more suspicious of others. It's harder for me to trust people now.

If she had just told me the truth... If she had been honest, I would have accepted her and we would have found a solution.

Damn, I still miss her.


>TL;DL
If that person likes you, s/he will accept you as you are. Just be honest, that makes things way easier.

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You have a saviour complex. I fell for someone like you once, and he sent me into a downward spiral after he lost interest in trying to fix me. He was perfectly aware of what he was doing, still does it to this day even though I/other people have called him out on it. The only real solution is to stop seeking these people out, because you can't change who you inherently are. But you're going to keep doing it anyway because you're 'bored'.

People who are mentally ill: stop falling for this shit. Nobody is coming to save us. You have to save yourself. If you haven't learnt the hard way yet, learn from my mistakes.

You're a narcissist. You do not care about these people, stop pretending you do.

Another user suggested you have a savior complex (probably how it is used to refer to superman complex at times), but you don't have this. That other user just was with an abusive dumpster fire of a person. People with that complex tend to have an atlas personality and will perform actions that are harmful to themselves or their own benefits to rescue those they feel responsible for. You are a narcissist who finds abnormal people interesting, you like learning how others tick and then you discard them like rubbish. If you want to change the only way you can is by seeking professional help.

really rings a bell. well I suppose you should at least try to let them know how you feel...

In my case i manipulate people because i refuse to talk about myself deep down. im a victim of sexual abuse psycological abuse and physical abuse. i just want to know everything about someone and them not know anything about me so when things all fall apart like they do its shitty. I dont lie about massive life events like suicide attempts, i lie about things in the moment so they think i understand them and will love me while also creating the perfect amount of distance. i just really love this girl and cant seem to communicate my emotions with her properly becasue ive never sat back to look at them with this amount of detail before and shes made me realise this by pointing out the exact shit that i do.
this stems from mental illness and a shit childhood but my actions are my actions and im owning them now.

lets say i want to make amends in this situation how would go about it

just apologize to them
maybe seeing their reactions will change your heart, or whatever

but what if the reaction isnt what i want it to be

the reaction will not be what you want it to be

The truth will always be better than that "limbo" of yours. At least you'll be able to move on.

i dont want to move on i honestly believe shes the one

Then be honest to her. If she's the one she will accept you.

and if she doesnt? im not they type to move on, i have never felt this ever

No we're all nuts get used to it

Then you'll get a taste of your own medicine. You need to rip this bandaid off sooner or later.

I've been in your situation. Better to risk now than living like a ghost and wasting your life and possibilities of achieving happiness.

she cheated on you and wanted you to initiate break up, retard

im already a ghost and want to kill myself, ive just lied to all of those around me that i wouldnt do it and made them believe it. when in reality im at the point of my life where its either all on her or im done with life. ive done everything, seen everything i want to do, ive done therapy and medication it just isnt me. i just dont know if i cant handle the truth

she came into my life when i was in absolute hell and made me feel incredible, i cant live in a world without that light

but i obvs cant tell her this without her losing it at me lol