Tell myself that I should really get a girlfriend

you're not an actual girl so I don't care

That would be the best way to get either a tranny or a thot looking for fresh orbiters.
Think about it. Would a decent lass contact a creep posting his contact everywhere?
Either find someone decent and add them during a talk or be alone. Those are the only choices for a proud man.
Usually, you won't find decent girls if you know they're girls beforehand.

would a decent girl be trawling Yas Forums for a bf
no ones here because theyre decent people

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Ugh, fine... What's your Discord.

>would a decent girl be trawling Yas Forums for a bf
I said decent, that's the minimum cutoff, i never said optimal.
And someone clearly looking for a goyfriend here is a redflag.
You should just shitpost as you want and add any cheeky cunt you appreciate or find interesting. And then, maybe they're a girl. And then maybe you'll grow attached to each other.
But someone coming out of nowhere and looking for a bf means she want orbiters (or is a tranny).
>no ones here because theyre decent people
I'm just here to banter and pass time.
I'm literally here only when I'm shitting.
Most people (specially discord fags) are humongous retards here but there's still a minority of good lads.

good luck user, tell us how it goes originally

Why not stop doing the things that you think make you boring and retarded?

Used to wonder why all the decent users left this site, but now I realized it's because of your posts.

Because my 'hobbies' of media consumption is the only thing that keeps me afloat, my dopamine receptors are fried and I no longer have an attention span.

Yeah I know this is bait but I don't see why talking to another girl would change a thing

Not bait if I don't say I'm a girl. I just wanna have a quick chat and tell you what's wrong with ya, if that's okay?

What do you mean by keeps you afloat? And why are your dopamine receptors fried in the first place?

i usually add any guys that have a nice conversation with me or seem like theyd be nice to talk to so just... talk to girls here thats it

Can you tell me what's wrong with me instead? Hint its everything

Alright, my Discord is robotanon#2763 then

I've been a shut in for a very long time binging on media obsessively

So why not choose to stop binging on media obsessively, and chose to stop being a shut in.

I've tried several times, I'll go through these phases where I feel strongly that I have to change my life for the better and will adopt all sorts of self-improvement gimmicks and try to work a job and push through my depression and social anxiety. It only makes me feel worse because I don't fit, fundamentally, in society. The days I worked were ones full of suicidal thoughts. I try to learn and it's not that it's hard but it can't hold my focus, it seems pointless. I'll allocate 2-3 hours a day and try to learn something for a few weeks and eventually succumb to my base desires and go back to being a degenerate recluse.

I've tried a variety of drugs in the hopes it'd 'cure' me from SSRIs, anti psychotics, dissociatives, psychedelics, I've tried to get into religion and have read dozens of books around Christianity/Islam/Buddhism but none of it really clicks. I've went into philosophy expecting a grand answer for why I exist as a separate entity in this universe and the only thing that's ever clicked is absurdism.

I've dug a hole for myself, I've been a shut-in since a young teenager and it's only progressively getting worse as I piss in jugs and hoard food to avoid going outside my room. I never used to be anxious but after years of going without real social interaction outside of image boards I'm developing an irrational fear of going outside, I honestly don't know why I bother trying to get a girlfriend as I'll only let her down repeatedely with my own neuroticism.

Sorry for the rant. I don't mean to sound narcissistic talking about myself so much but you asked user.

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It's no trouble, thanks for sharing. But in regards to these phases, you say you only make it a few weeks before you go back, does the desire to go back creep up on you slowly with you gradually giving in, or do you just feel like giving up and going back?

Also, did you consistently work, and did you have suicidal thoughts everyday you worked? With focus, hard things seem pointless at first, but if you keep at them, and gradually improve, they pay off later on.Why did being outside make your depression and social anxiety worse?

Just because you've made a mistake for years and it's a habit doesn't make you irredeemable, though it does mean you'll have to work harder to get out of it than one who was in it a shorter time. And why do you posses this irrational fear of going outside?

I was just like you, except I got my shit together and have a job and don't feel much anxiety in social situations anymore, people pretty much think I'm a normie until they really get to know me and see something isn't quite right. And that something is enough to still keep me isolated. I have no friends outside of work and still no hopes of getting a gf. I'm just too far gone to be able to connect with people intimately anymore. I haven't had a real connection with another human being since I was 10.

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what the fuck do you talk about?
I cant even keep a conversation going with my family

It depends. Sometimes it slowly creeps up on me and other times I'll try something for an hour and give up. I didn't consistently work, the most I've worked was for 4 days and that was after my dad had pulled strings to get me a job at a warehouse. I felt obligated to keep it but almost every waking moment I was fantasizing about walking out or laying down on the track and letting the machine kill me.

I think the reason why it made it worse was that I felt that it was all artificial, unreal and pointless. I didn't enjoy talking to my coworkers when they approached me, it made me feel awful. At that warehouse job they made fun of me behind my back and fucked with my breaks so they'd get to go on more breaks while I worked, the manager was fucking one of the girls and didn't care.

Maybe that's why I feel an irrational fear of going outside. When I go outside people will place expectations on me, they'll expect me to come in to work at a certain time and to play this societal role like a puppet. When I'm not able to fit their expectations to a fit they'll demonize me and mock me. That's why my life is mindless consumerism even though I dislike it, I have no dreams or ambition. I have no desire. I tell myself I want a friend, a girlfriend, to get closer with my family but at the end of the day I'll make a variety of excuses to keep being a hikikomori.

What sort of job did you end up getting and how long have you been working there for?

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Dare I say utterly based, how can I ever hope to recover?

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