Anyone just wanna talk? hows your day been? anything on your mind?

About 4 days but it felt like a month. I'm not feeling horrible but the world does feel a bit lighter.

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>found a dollar bill in the floor
>realize i might be swarmed with uni shit with no way do everything
I'll live, but yikes.
Cute Megumin btw.

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Day is going well enough.
I'm finishing up my last shift at work for the week, then I don't have to come in until friday next week due to gook virus bringing us down to skeleton crew (Still earning full pay doe)

Im kinda shitty , I stayed in my room all day , smoked 13 cigs today i gotta stop with that shit .

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I don't mind your rant, its interesting to read. I wanted a few questions on what u wrote however.
>i just can't open up enough to keep it going.
What do u mean by this? is this an issue in most of your previous friendships and relationships
also
>i cried when i went to the hospital but when i was told she died somehow i didn't, might be a sociopath
People react differently to death its hard to process and comprehend in a lot of cases. Just because you didn't cry when she died, doesn't mean anything bad.

Were u close at all to who ever died? what was it like where u went?

Corona infected dollar! the perfect trap! Good luck with uni work at least u have +$1 to help u get through it. Thanks it is a pretty cute Megumin.

Sounds good user, what do u plan on doing with the extra time?

Gootecks looking rough in that picture. Same with me, just living the neet life. 13 is a bit much, it shouldn't be too hard to cut down a little. What have u been doing to kill the time apart from smoking?

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Why are you posting megumin? Doesn't she remind you of someone?

Playing vidja (probably minecraft of Dawn of War: Apocalypse Mod) or finishing off some warhammer models and painting them...Been procrastinating WAY too long on em.

got some work done on my final project for semester of uni and now im playing arma 3 with the boys.
very /comfy/ rn

The general manager of my company was giving his bi-monthly update today on Microsoft teams. He alluded toward "staffing adjustments."

It's fucking over lmao. I'm one of the lowest men on the totem pole, too. I don't want to go work in some shitty, manual labor job, sweating my ass off for peanuts again. I need this job. No, please god, NO.

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Im posting Megumin for the most part due to the opening image, didn't plan on posting more but someone said they found her cute so i figured why not.
Sounds like a fun time, never been too much of warhammer fan, but the figures do look awesome. Does it take long to paint them? which ones are u planning on painting?
Nice, i suppose you'll have a bunch of free to do whatever, enjoy!
Rip user, i hope things go in your favor. You must be pretty stressed, best of luck.

Why not tell us about yourself user?

It recently dawned on me that I'm addicted to anime in the sense that I have an emotional dependency on it. I get mild anxiety symptoms when I'm faced with the possibility of a hard drive failure that would wipe out stuff that I haven't backed up in duplicate yet.

More importantly, the fact that I'll never exist in a world as saccharine and good and wonderful and perfect as the anime I watch really gets to me. No matter how hard I try, I'll never have anything that good. Even if I walked out in front of a bus I probably wouldn't be transported to a world that perfect.

Forgot image to response :(
What do u wanna know user? im quite open to sharing.

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Ended up doing around a 45 minute workout while listening to Prodigy today before a cold shower so that's something I feel good about, other than that I've just been pissing around in Mugen, watched a couple of animu episodes and been in a Discord call.

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How are you spending your neet time? Has covid impacted your life in any way?

>What do u mean by this? is this an issue in most of your previous friendships and relationships
it might just be my warped perception on how to move from people who know each other to friends but i have a hard time being me and exposing myself, and in my opinion in order to actually form a friendship you need to expose what's on your mind, what's wrong with you and your mental state, etc

i'll give you an example, after the break up i kept in touch with a mutual who was pretty dope but i haven't talked to her in like half a year now, not because i'm bored with her or anything like that, i miss her, truly, but i don't have it in me to explain to her why i refused to hang out all those times, that reason being that i just feel miserable, i feel stuck and with no way out of the mess i'm in, so i tend to push people away instead of exposing myself and being truthful and honest. now i could fake a smile and force myself out, but honestly i just don't have that in me any more. and it's hard to maintain friendships when your mental state hinders your ability to hang out with said friends, is that to say that i blame it 100% on said mental state? no, i'm an asshole, i know damn well that i'm an asshole, but i just don't find it in me to put in the effort of exposing myself like that ever again, unless things magically turned themselves around once i got into college and desu i doubt i'll make it this year either so.

another part is probably that i'm just afraid to get hurt again, my i became dependant on my ex because she was the only person that really properly knew me, hell she was the first person i ever spoke about the time i was molested as a kid, and the fact that the end of that relationship hurt me real bad probably fucked my ability to ever expose myself at any capacity, at least until i find some way to fix myself

*i think i became dependant

It's part of the sad irony of life that although there are things men just can't really talk to women about, culturally it's taboo for a man to just unburden himself to another man as well. There isn't much room for emotional expression unless with extremely close friends, or anonymous internet strangers.

>close friends
tried that but i either get "get over it, it's been so long" or "u think that's bad well i'm going through x", last one is especially annoying when you try and put in an effort to actually listen to them and be kind and supportive but then they pull that shit on you when it's your turn to get help

>anonymous internet strangers
pretty much how i do it now, every few days i come here or to another board just to find a place to vent, thing is as much as it does help to vent sometimes this doesn't replace a functional support structure, so i mostly come here when i'm having an especially shitty time

Why not just be open and vulnerable with everyone? The right people won't mind. Anyone who runs for the hills wasn't worth your time anyways. Fuck it, what you got to lose dude?

>i either get "get over it, it's been so long" or "u think that's bad well i'm going through x"
I know what you mean; at this point I wouldn't even mind just an awkward silence to show that he's at least tried to process what I've said, instead of immediately brushing it aside.

honestly, again, the ex situation fucked me up, like i said she was the first person i spoke about me being molested outside of this website. that's 3 people in my world who know, me, the dude who did it and her, but the relationship ended with me having my trust broken. i already had trust issues, and after that it became especially difficult to open up, i even tried a psychologist but even with the mindset that i could always just leave and never see her again i still didn't have the balls to open up about much.

when your family life is hell and non supportive, you finally find a support structure and it backfires on you, it really fucks you up. at least that's how i feel, then again i could just be a massive pussy desu

I've been neet for like a year, i was supposed to get a job soon thankfully covid has delayed that for a bit. I just do the usual neet stuff, Yas Forums, music, youtube and maybe some anime now and then.
I stopped watching anime because of this, i'd always feel shit after watching a series. I'd just have this sinking feeling about how dull my life was in comparison. You just have to keep on watching anime, to fill the void i guess, not the perfect solution.
Sounds like a solid day, what anime did u end up watching?
I actually don't really know what to say to this, since its clearly a complex matter. I've cut off people for the same reasons pretty much, i've had that view of what really makes a friend before. I don't know if its likely to reach a friendship like that. Its unfortunate things went they did for u, i wish i could offer some better words, but im not sure i can.

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>You just have to keep on watching anime, to fill the void i guess, not the perfect solution.
Oh boy, am I all about that.

I spent 3 hours watching drawing lesson videos today but didn't draw.

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>which ones are u planning on painting?
I have 3 tactical marines left to do (One primed and base coated the others just primed), then I need to build my predator tank and paint that. The tactical marines I usually spend about 2 1/2 to 3 hours painting, and the more important models I can spend up to 4 hours painting.

What is it that you want to draw? I remember when I was in university whenever I met an architecture student I'd as "what kind of buildings do you want to design?", and almost none of them every had an answer.

I pretty much just draw my waifu. Sometimes other peoples. No plans on making a carrier out of it. I just want to be better for her.

heh, i get exactly what you mean, even a "that sounds terrible" would be enough, sometimes i just need to vent

that's okay, all i really wanted was to vent, just one question, do you think it makes me a pussy/asshole? i keep asking myself that over and over, like am i truly a victim of circumstances or have i just accept living in self pity and misery

Are you trying to be gunjy or something? that megu avatarfagging is in jail now, isn't he?

just found out my ex gf started streaming on twitch. i just remember having a very weird feeling watching her for a minute, talking to some dudes on discord. i dont know what it was. very strange feel.

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If it's hindering you from doing what needs to be done then you're a pussy, if it's causing you to hurt other people then you're an asshole. If you're trying your best to dig yourself out of the hole you find yourself in, then you're just a man. Nothing more, nothing less. Everyone has baggage and we can't help but be affected by things that happened in the past.