When did you finally give in to the blackpill?

I gave up when I finally got a decent handle on my anxiety, got an held down a job for 2 years, self improved relentlessly and still felt the permanent lingering void that's always been there in life. I'm always told how nice, genuine, good and likable I am, how much I do for other people, how I am so loving and wonderful, but nobody ever really makes any effort in my life aside from my family members. I've never been approached by women, and nobody has ever chosen to love me for who I am. The people who I make friends with are always much more selfish and uncaring than I am. I am never worth anybody's time enough to make an effort for.
I have spent this year watching and guiding a depressed younger dude who just needed a confidence boost and some help through his difficulties. I've paid for so many things for him, cinema, etc., I paid for his first date with his girl, I helped him get over his eventual breakup with her.
He didn't even remember my birthday, paid for stuff on my nintendo account (I lent him my switch pre-quarantine) then asked me if I minded a few days later expecting me to just say yes. I don't even know why I try
Being a good person just doesn't mean a fucking thing. All the older women at work tell me I'm handsome and genuine and an amazing person and they wish their daughters would date me, but that was just the most depressing shit I'd ever heard. That just told me everything I needed to know: that I'm not actually attractive to women at all and I'm destined to be some beta provider
Working, having money, being a part of society hasn't made me any happier. I've been happier off discord playing games on my own and not leaving my room.
I don't want to take part in society and I will never, ever be the person I want to be. I am a genetic dead end and I wish I could be free of my family and they would stop loving me and forget about me so I could just kill myself

100 bux says the dipshit who made that rant is also a subpar beta male that has to convince himself that no one ever puts in extra effort to improve themselves because of how unmotivated he is himself. probably a nerd that fucked a fat girl once and now he thinks he's a chad because he's not a virgin. what a bunch of bullshit.

and don't fall for this bullshit. what he's describing isn't the average person's life. most people in high school were just as dorky as you, and most people were lying about getting laid.

sorry, my google doc isnt done being written. havent gone over it. and i thnk i included some stuff that was too personal for here in it. thanks for being curious though

>Be weaker dumber and socially at the absolute bottom of the ladder all through my young years
>Only not kill myself on the prospect that I can just glow up later in life
>The Norwood reaper came from me
>Tell life "gg" and just decide that my life is over once being a friendless shut-in stops being free.

it is a duality

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probably b8 but
>> I've never been approached by women,
Then approach them? Your whole text reeks that your deserved shit because you became a "normie". No you dont deserve shit, women are shit, you knew it before so why do you think it would be different with a mask? You dont love anyone except yourself, why are you bothering your time with other guys when you clearly have failed? Why are you giving him your money and time? To feel better about yourself? Sounds like the gayest shit ive read srs. Im pretty sure you could please their daughter. In talking behind your back and telling how shit in bed you are.

but yeah the brutality of the black pill was hitting me today, i was trying to lift, but reality was sinking in of how absurdly incel i am and how this world has moved on without me and i have no place in it, women are fucking alpha males and basically to society people like me can just kill ourselves, we are the weak to them and they just want us to die.

now i'm just like depressed now, i feel tormented by the dark side of the force, it's hard to plan any future when you feel depressed, i was thinking I could just kill myself at an age like 45 or something when i'm truly old

like...my life is so fucked up...i have no pride left, and the world is just evil and cucks you to death, it's like the evil people in the world are on the side of your depression and it really is all cope, women are vicious as fuck and there's nothing to really to be happy about, i could cope and be thankful but in the real world there's no real value to that.

The rott was already inside me, I just accepted the frame that better manage to explained it.

I am asking to be treated with the same kindness that I treat other people with. I never said anything about 'deserving' anything. I know I don't deserve anything, but I feel like it's fair to expect some kind of reciprocation when you do good things constantly expecting nothing in return. I don't love myself at all, I hate myself bitterly. I love my family to bits and I do anything I can to make them feel happy and loved.
Society says that you aren't worth anything and will never be loved unless you fulfill X Y Z. I did those things and nothing changed. I don't think its unreasonable to feel like it sucks when I do all those things and nothing changes.
I get that you're hateful and bitter and nasty user, but I don't think I'm being unreasonable here. you are projecting a lot with your assessment

sometimes i wonder, what is the point of what i'm feeling, and there is no real meaning to it

Okay so just don't self improve is what he's saying? Listen, in the past year I lost 120lbs and moved out of my parents house. These niggers telling you to not even try are probably balding 30 year old basement dwellers. DON'T GIVE UP WE ARE ALL GONNA MAKE IT.

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no we're all in competition for mates and money there is no real us, or we, just what forces us together, there is no real society, just a sociopathic complex where you finally surrender to your rape and in fascism ultimately you see this the cry out for war and death and loss of self, jst for a little pride that was brutally eroded from them by women and bullies and the oppressive force sin society against them, there is no us, you're just trying to dominate the weak as a weak person, so you can say at least i'm not that.

but i agree, if you don't get it you'll be a have not, and that deep edge will fall on you.

You have to be a blackpilled faggot to agree with that image.

I love this fucking meme
>things are going somewhat well for me so we're all gonna make it guys!!11!!
what an ignorant mindset
how many creatures in nature, in a single species, how many of them 'make it'?
there always has to be losers and failures in life, the majority of people are these people. it's so disingenuous of you to say that everyone is going to make it and we can all be happy and successful
great, you lost weight and moved out your parents house
there's probably some user who can't right now because he lives with his mother who he has to care for 24/7 because they can't afford a carer, and who will never experience any joy or meaning in life
no amount of self improvement can fix the lack of joy or the depression that many people have
great! things went well for you
the rest of us...not so much

do you live in christchurch (NZ) . you look like someone I have a vague recollection of.

LMFAO, that whole image is a complete lie

Everyone has to figure out or receive *help* (keyword help) to succeed in life- no one is born genetically at the top.

Chads usually have dads that train them and give them the resources to be Chads.

Many of the wealthiest people I know have THE MOST inherited health problems and disorders I've seen out of any family because of their long histories of familiar and group (wealth/race) inbreeding.
>These moments of bliss are next to impossible to control directly.

A person receiving enough income, who's passionate about what they do, with a close interpersonal circle- I can tell you lives everyday very, very happily. Majority of people lack the latter unfortunately.
>WE ARE ALL GONNA MAKE IT

stop

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>The true blackpill is that life is completely devoid of happiness, and there are only momentary moments of bliss that give an illusion that there is happiness.
If this is the default state for all humans, what do you gain by denying yourself the one medicine that makes life worth prolonging?

>medicine
You mean a remedy that makes life seem bearable
Life, even if it were a perfect fun world full of engorgement and sex and no crime, would fundamentally still be purposeless and there is no way to get the consent of someone before they are born

Fuck bro that is so based

Why does a phenomena like life not having a per-defined purpose make it not worth pursuing?

honk pill is probably the most difficult pill to take but man was it worth it

purposeless pursuit is an oxymoron

So are most of the aspects of our lives, but that doesn't mean making the most of it is a worthless endeavor.

Never. I won't be a fool and say that I shall never fall victim to it, but I'll be damned if I don't go down fighting til the last breathe of who I am escapes my body. I shall push on, in spite of (You), the one reading this, in spite of society, in spite of the person I'm afraid to be, in spite of the person that I am and shouldn't be, to get back to where I once stood and one day know that I shall be again. I have no time for this. I shall fight on until I can fight no more, and at that point, I'd rather accept death than to live as a hateful, nihilistic husk that lives, breathes, fights, and dies for nothing.

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holy based oreginailoali

>most aspects of our lives are oxymorons
I don't think you understand the statement

There is no pursuit; life is not a pursuit