/britfeel/

sometimes i'd wank right behind the bedroom door so if anyone barged in my body would stop the door from opening. occasionally there would be a struggle with the person opening the door while i put away my penis and/or wiped my cummy hands on a tissue. but over all it was a good system.

i probably wouldnt post, be very uncomfortable

recently my posting would be the same. long term i shitposted and liked to wind up people now and again so i would have been nicer. i would still bully poley however

Waheeeeyy don't fall lad

I think it would be hilarious because of how common my name is and how generic I look.

what are some countries that have no travel restrictions are arent in lockdown meaning the pubs are still open? i got two weeks off and want to leave this depressing shithole for a bit

alright james lad

flights are banned lad, you can't fly anywhere

You were a weird lad... i remember getting random boners. Except they were timed like clockwork to happen just before a lesson ended. Hated it. Had to hide it behind my bag and try to re-jig it so it wasnt sticking out as I walked out of class.

*buries a chain-axe into the head of a passing Apu*

also i think someone i knew briefly posts here so i'd probably reveal less despite them being pretty open

if flights are banned why are there still departures from heathrow?
heathrow.com/departures

I discovered the technique of pinching my foreskin before I'd cum so I could deposit it between the bed and the wall. This went on for months. When we came to move house there was a huge yellow orange stain on the wall. My older step brothers came and laughed at it

wonder what it's like having a fist up the arse

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Travel_restrictions_related_to_the_2019–20_coronavirus_pandemic

Mongolia, Belarus, Greenland...

Can't take benzos. Fucks with my fitness and work.

i used to cum on the same patch of carpet in my bedroom. left it all super crusty. my mum noticed after a year or so, i told her i must have been sick there and hadnt cleaned it up properly

>Want to go back to having undeserved confidence and not giving a shit.
cocaine?

only emergency flights innit
you flying off to go to a pub somewhere ain't an emergency

i never ever had boners in school

fucks me off when im having a wee tug and my mum calls me down for dinner, but it's always back to soft by the time i drag my arse out of bed and walk downstairs usually
when i was about 13 ish on a school morning my mum would be angry for no reason and she'd fucking storm in my room and pull my sheets off shouting me to get out of bed and i'm laying defenceless with my morning boner sticking out my boxers

dont get how mums can be this dense lads it dont add up

Did your parents ever talk to you lads about wanking and stuff?

I know exactly what you mean. Cum carpet turns rock solid

Hahahaha what a guess.
Honestly having accidentally doxxed myself before nothing came of it. Hell nothing's happened to Poley.

Hoping you can clear something up for me lad. Yknow when you get the random boners, were you always horny before getting them? Can you have a boner without feeling horny?

cool thanks, think ill go to minsk, head its a great city

My English teacher always gave me a hard on, I absolutely dreaded the possibility of being asked to stand up and read out loud while I had a throbbing erection, every day felt like a death march.

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I still have a vivid memory from year 7 or 8, when I actually went to school, of a getting a woody while everyone was crowded round the front of class for an experiment of some sort. Was behind a girl I had a thing for and to this day swear she knew and was intentionally teasing me with her arse.

Ended up having some impromptu questions for the teacher at the end of class while I let my horny little chap calm down.

not a guess lad.

Should defo go Mongolia lad, nothing bad could possibly happen to you there *sneaks a few bricks of heroin in to your suitcase*

No never
Only saw dad at weekends and he never talked about it

not a peep, never really masturbated with the proper technique till about 15

>lease prohibits alienation
>still feel alienated

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The fucks a chain-axe?

Sometimes but I feel most of them just happened on their own. Also used to get them in the car from the vibrations.

Nope, and they never showed me how to retract my foreskin so I ended up with phimosis and a knobhead caked in crusty dick cheese

why would you smuggle heroin from the uk to mongolia?

/BRITFEEL/ PISSUP WHEN
COME ON LADS
LETS DANCE AROUND PISSED

It's an axe but instead of a blade it has a chainsaw style edge. Like the Chainsword.

warhammer40k.fandom.com/wiki/Chainaxe

Right then, I'm off to the parents. Gonna have a few beers in the garden before the Sun fucks off. Later lids.

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I was 18 when I used the proper technique. Had humped the mattress all that time

my best mate showed me how to retract mine when i was 13, thank god he did

Just hypomania I think. Couple things seem to be going well in life and I get like it. Eventually come back down to reality and fall in this depressive trough again.

Guess it was similar to the only time I ever did coke though.

Payment for the children im importing

>15
thats quite late. i only learned when my mate described it in detail when we were 13.

The first time I retracted mine there was a huge amount of white cheese on it

i'm 21 and cant fully retract my foreskin

will you sneak them into my suitcase aswell?

with the amount of filthy chav slags in england you think there'd be more good amateur porn of them, anyone got any?

That's not normal. Do you get smeg?

The children or the heroin?

yea I know, had a similar mate who bragged all the time about how far he could cum. Always just went along with his weird rants pretending I did the same cause I was embarresed that I had no clue what he was talkin about

did you lads wank together? when I was on a trip with my football team all the boys gathered in one room, watched porn and masturbated together. compared dick sizes and all
(I was in the next side room with another boy who also chose to not participate)

Stretch it slowly in the shower daily

I'm famous so you'd recognise me immediately.

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*starts throwing oranges into a loud juicer in the brifeel kitchen*

Really should get that looked at pal

user SHUT THE FUCK UP I'M TRYING TO WANK HERE

sounds like some fujo fantasy, never heard of anyone doin it myself

*starts hoovering outside anons room and bashing the door with the hoover*

for me it was my primary school French teacher, she was a qt French expat with the loveliest speaking voice you've ever heard and I'm pretty sure all the boys in the class were in love with her plus all their dads once they'd met her on parents evening

Yas Forums is a terrible board. its quite obviously full of underage age lads
same with a lot of board tbqh. most of Yas Forums is shitty

nobody told me about that either but I was still able to figure it out how to clean myself without a fucking instruction manual, I think you're just a mong lad

user are you coming out of your room today its nearly 5 o'clock

well it happened lad, it was my first interaction with porn or anything sexual. I'd never masturbated at the time

i just wanted a friend to cherish but in the end all i got was pain and regret

making friend on this board is a bad idea, plump wasnt thinking of me as his friend but as a tool to pass the time

i understand, friendship relationship is about interest if you dont have any then dont expect it to last but still i thought since it was online it was real, not this shallow

i shouldnt have stopped talking to you because i was jealous of the attention you gave to the other guys, fapping with people is your hobby and i get it i should have been more "open" tolerant

my anger got the better of me, can you forgive me ?

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AHHH NOT THE JUICER I'M GOING INSANE AA AAAAAAA AAaAaaaAAAAHH

i sometimes do that and make a bit of progress but usually i dont care

i don't really know lad i can stick a finger down there and there's nowt on it
i've never seen dickcheese in my life just heard descriptions of it

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Yeah it's awful non stop shite spewed about shit music and shite forced memes

not everyone's foreskin is that tight lad
how come phimosis is so prevalent?

ever question any of them, seems like the kinda thing that would get spread around as a rumor

user with the mum here.

Is that you pingu?

Did that once with a primary school mate watching babestation late at night.

Was awkward and fucking gay looking back on it.