Well shit I just hit my dad square in the face

so... you punched him because he spilled his coffee?

You got autism m8.

It was the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm not a perfect robot, my patience has a limit.
How so?

It is not autism or trolling. You are enforcing your will on a grown man and in doibg so resort to violence. If you don't think he can take care of himself and does not respond to reason get legal custodianship. If you are denied there's nothing you can do but walk away. You have no right to interfer with his choices in this way. And look where trying to do so lead you.

You'd be happier if you were able to let it go.

Well you can't pick your family, so you`re somewhat stuck with this situation forever. I had a similar situation and it drastically improved (for me) when i moved out.
As far as i know there's only two ways to address conflict: Escalation and de-escalation. What you've done is add gasoline to the whole mix.
>He's got a borderline personality, you cannot reason with him
He's a grown man and that being said it's within his own realm of choices that he choses to do soemthing objectively stupid. It's a bit like smoking - if he choses to you can tell him to stop every single day, show him gory pictures of opened lungs and whatever you can come up with, but hitting him is not the right course of action to change someones mind.
>I'm 120% sure he'll use what happened today against me in some way to in the end win like he always does.
And he'd be right to do that. You've shown that you can`t deal with conflict, but snap and become violent. That's not the sign of a stable human being, so yea - I would use that shit against you. Or better yet - keep my distance - forever. You've permanently stained your relationship, and while you may not care right now you may at some point.

I would suggest you swallow your pride and apologize and pretend for a moment that you're wrong. Tell him that you don't want him to kill himself due to his own carelessness and that you really care about him. Tell him something like how it breaks your heart that he doesn't care about his own health and accepts that he's gonna die early just because he doesn't want to listen to a doctor. (Important: Don`t say: To YOU. This is a matter of power distance, and I believe one of his core problems is that you - who is much lower in terms of social power - tries to dictate his choices.) Whatever you're trying to achieve must not revolve around you. It must revolve around him, or his wive or something.

The second course of action is to plan when to move out. This is a very toxic environment.

You're fucking retarded. Originally retarded.

accept yr dad will never drink water and will die never wanting it
same w my parents, cant fight em over it

I can't do that shit for multiple reasons.
1. He'd have to be taken somewhere else, which my mother will not allow
2. He can act perfectly reasonable or completely insane whenever he wants, so if I get somebody to test him he'll just act like a normal person, then when they leave he goes back to staying in bed all day and coming up with reasons why he cant work or do anything other than whatever he wants

I'm not trying to justify my action today, but he has been abusing us a lot ever since he realized he could. Never hit any of us but he did break stuff, some which I held very valuable on a personal level, just to make his made-up scene look more impactful to whoever was watching. He acts all the time to get whatever he wants.
Our relationship has been stained a long long time ago and multiple times, but I admit I am starting to regret hitting him.

If I could I'd move out immediately, but it's not possible at all not now and not anytime soon.

Thing is if he doesn't drink water he gets the kidney problems ( or gets to have a valid reason to act like he's having kidney problems ) so he can have the doctor come over and give him some drugs that he likes.

I'm thinking I should just give up and let him manipulate everybody around him, it's their fault for falling for it, but at the same time I don't want him to live like this, I want to fix him

>It was the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm not a perfect robot, my patience has a limit.
have some self restraint

You can't fix someone who doesn't want to fix themselves. Just stop speaking with or doing things for him, if other people want to help him kill himself that's their business

I'll wait and see how he's acting when we both calm down, and I'll decide then on what to do.
I hope he changes somewhat because it's fucking hell to live with him. The best times in this house are when he's asleep. If he's up it's time for some psychological warfare with no rest
Fun fact for you guys: his older brother and older sister are just like this and maybe worse, his sister's daughter (my cousin) solved this by moving thousands of kilometers away from her home.

>I'm thinking I should just give up and let him manipulate everybody around him, it's their fault for falling for it,
This is the mature thing to do at this point.
>but at the same time I don't want him to live like this, I want to fix him
As I said, he's a grown adult. If he doesn't want help or change his ways its time to try and reduce the damage he's putting on you. I know this sucks hard but you may actually want to try and get help breaking free from this. Chances are you are codependent simply so used to the abuse you can't see a clear picture.
If you can't help your father (and it sounds like you have tried) help yourself (it sounds like this is very urgent). I don't mean to be a dick, really. I just don't want you to live like this. Don't give up and don't reason why you have to continue abusing and being abused. Get help and get out.
Godspeed.

*codependent or simply

I see exactly what you're saying, I appreciate the advice and your kind words.
At the end of the day there's much worse things to have to experience in life, this sucks but I won't fall into self-pity, it's nothing compared to some other families.
I can't really ignore him though because I love my mother (she's a saint) and he knows this so he just makes her do whatever he wants. It's late, she has a real headache, and is tired from a long day of work? It's time for him to cry that he needs some painkillers from the pharmacy in the other town, stuff like that.

Again thanks for the kind works, and hopefully everything will be alright. Have a good day yourself

>If I could I'd move out immediately, but it's not possible at all not now and not anytime soon.
Then you'll have to be strong for the time being. Begin the preparations to move out. Get money, get a job and so on.
It seems like moving out is the best perspective you have at the moment. Living with a tyrant is hell.

if a grown man cant take care of himself you have to let nature take its course.
theres nothing wrong with letting weak people lose.

>omg guyz I just punched my father in the face but I'm a vitctim somehow, pls help ;_;

You're the BPD one you little shitbag, you're lucky he didn't swing back. How about you focus on fixing your psycho lil mind first before worrying about your dad's problems, eh junior?

>Have a good day yourself
Thanks.

Nah, his dad deserved it for being a cunt. OP is the victim here for having to deal with his dad's shit constantly. I would've done worse to him

You should look for organic coffee. Normal coffee is full of pesticides

op everyone can tell its you, you dont have to hide

Not OP, I just sympathise with him. Every son punches his father at one point or another when the father acts all cunty

>Shaking due to your withdrawl symptoms
>Spill coffee
>Son punches me in the face
yeah ur the good guy here

At the end of the day it's still a drug, and it's still not clear water.
His diet is absolutely shit too, he eats these whole-grain biscuits that are fucking unedible to me with how gross they are.
No meat, no eggs, sometimes some milk and that's about the only animal product he consumes.

I went back to the room a bunch of times, at first he was like he's sorry and the hit reminded him of his father and boo hoo sob story moment, then when he saw it was only working with my mother and not me he changed gear and said that he'll remove my inheritance and whatever. He's so fake.

As horrible as it is, if that grown man won't take care of himself, even if he is your dad, you have to take a step back from it. All you can do is try to persuade him, but it sounds like you've tried and he doesn't listen. Get some distance for yourself OP. Don't let him guilt trip you with his bullshit. Try not to get drawn in to shitty little arguments with him. It sounds like his only entertainment in life is causing problems for others. Don't let him wear you down anymore. You might still have to live with him but it's vital you mentally detach from his shit.

His dad deserved it

That's a good way of putting it, thanks for the support user. As soon as this coronavirus shit is over I'm getting a driver's license and I'll look for another job, and work my way to getting the hell out of here.

>I want to fix him

OP, you're a genuine white knight.

thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2018/06/5-signs-you-have-white-knight-syndrome-playing-the-rescuer-in-your-relationships/

If you still have to live there, make peace with him the best you can. But read up on this and distance yourself from him. If he's been pulling his BPD shit on you since birth, you've had no option but to learn how to grow up mitigating all his shit. Think about it, how much of your life has been wasted thinking about him and how not to aggravate him or how to help him? You should be putting your time and attention towards you, not him. I'm going to guess he's in his 40s or 50s, and he still hasn't changed? Some people never will. You don't have to change your whole life to adapt to his shit. I know you're stuck but try to get out of there. If nothing else think how peaceful it will be to be in a house alone, not having to listen to his latest drama or bullshit. Save yourself.

>The best times in this house are when he's asleep

Let him fuck up his kidneys then. He'll have to go spend a few days in hospital.

I'm 23 now and I've grown to the point where I'm smart enough to know what's happening around me, but back when I was 13 or so I really could have used a father figure.
Basically at my age I still dont have a driver's license, dont have a social circle, no girl, no job right now, and overall stunted socially. I don't want to place all the blame on him, just saying how I am right now and I'll let others draw conclusions on whether it's because of my dad or because I'm retarded, which I doubt but is possible.

Oh and about that whiteknight thing, not the case with me at all. It's just because I'm living with him and love my mother, if I could I'd drop him in a second in some clinic

That won't be an easy path for me nor my mother, but yeah I guess it's the best course.
I don't even want to know what kind of revenge he's plotting right now.

>thinking meat and eggs is good

Oh your a retard I see

Go on, I'm all ears.

Then fucking leave it sounds like youre no better than your dad your manchild

No worries user. I had an absolute shithead of a father too. Thanks to everything they put us through we'll at least never be like them. That's good, maybe study the theory part now so you can get your licence more quickly. Good luck man, get out of there and always have a room free for your mom, for when she needs a break away from him.

>I punched dad because he drank the thing I wanted him to drink and spilled the thing that I didn't want him to drink

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If he's sitting there plotting revenge that's all the more reason to pour that vindictive asshole another coffee.

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People are really hyperfocused on the fact that OP punched his dad
So fucking what he punched his dad. Have you never punched anyone in your life? It's not that big of a deal, for fuck sake

Good luck to you as well, and that sucks about your dad, I feel you.

Oh you have no idea how vindictive his side of the family is. My grandfather died over ten years ago and still my dad and his siblings hate each others' guts over the decisions to split the inheritance.
My uncle fought tooth and nail to get the house, and once he did he left it there to rot just to spite my dad.
Nice place in the countryside, could have been rented for a variety of purposes but nope had to show my dad who's the boss.
No wonder he turned out like this when his older siblings are pure poison

If it was a perfectly reasonable event I wouldn't be making a thread about it, that'd be boring wouldnt it?

I hear you. I think it's a bit of both but how are you meant to build a social circle when you don't want to bring friends back to your house or have them find out what kind of life/parents you have. I'm glad you don't think you're a white knight. That shit can be insidious though, watch out for it. I hope you and your mom both get some time to chill out.

Idk that isn't great and all but he should take it out on his siblings not his wife and kid. You'd think growing up with siblings like that would make you want to be a better person. People who get all caught up in thinking about how others have wronged them and taking revenge never seem able to realise that just having a happy life is more important. And they never do anything nice because they're too busy plotting.

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She's the real victim in this, I'm strong enough with my personality now but she doesn't stand a chance. You raise your voice a little with her and she melts like butter, which doesnt sit right with me because she's a very smart woman otherwise.

It was uncanny watching The Sopranos (which to this day I believe to be the one medium with, for the most part, the most realistic and human characters ever written) and seeing the character of Livia in action, that's literally him, guilt-trip crying and all.
Imagine being so predictable that a fucking TV character has your personality down to a T, I'd die of shame

Maybe you should tell her to read the white knight stuff then. She sounds like she's been afraid for a long time. Tbh you should worry for her health, not your dad's health. Stress will kill you faster than anything.

The whole thread is about the fact that OP punched his dad for not drinking water and then spilling his coffee, what the fuck do you want people to focus on? And what world do you live in where hitting people is not a big deal?

I might but I've also been telling her stuff like that myself and it's not really working.
I've always been worrying about her and that's caused a lot of fighting between me and my dad, like when he doesnt want to be somewhere so acts all fucked up and embarrasses her.

>Stress will kill you faster than anything
That is absolutely true. I used to be, and still am actually, obsessed with a good diet and exercise, and when I took the psychosomatic-pill it hit me like a truck. Stress is very real and it will have consequences on your body. It's not just a matter of the body, the mind is extremely important as well
Though some might argue mental states are biological and therefore physical but A: you get what I'm saying and B: nobody gives a shit about that.

Anyways talking about this shit is helping out, thanks for putting up with my blogposting to the people who did

What a fucking meme. Make that fucker some coffee.

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Oh just give him the coffee for fuck's sake. He's a grown man. Goddamn. Quit being neurotic.

Yeah I fucked up, he now has a shitton of ammunition to use against us and I handed it out to him.
Whatever, felt good and now my opinion on his shenanigans is clear to everybody involved.

>And what world do you live in where hitting people is not a big deal?
A world where people are allowed to hit back

Keep trying. It might be because she's been making the best of the situation for so long she actually doesn't feel like there's any way out of it without being a complete failure. Your dad is a piece of shit who has a mental age of 9 and is more of an attention whore than all the thots of instagram. No worries talking about it bro, but you should talk to your mom. Make sure she's OK. Let her know she's not alone. And keep encouraging her to be stronger and see through his bullshit. Maybe Coronachan will come along and save you both.

Fucking beat him and slaughter him OP, it's the only way to be free, when a dragon storms the village the dragon slayer must strike with his shining steel sword. I had to do it with my father, he is a manipulator psychopath. We engage in psychological warfare, he used to win but I figured out his techniques and countered. He will make conflict with me when no ones around and then will bring it up and paint me as the bad guy in front of our acquaintances. So, I started doing the same thing, and exposing his wicked past in front of others. When we clash one on one I'm now able to defeat him mentally so when he tried to assault me physically, I beat him down and now I am on top. Just hit on him and beat on him until hes black and blue, it will feel good and will be a solution for the long term.

His dad never hit him first so how did "hit back"? Fucking megatard ultrafaggot

This is unironically the most based post in this entire thread
Follow this guy's advice, OP. Just fucking kill your dad, or if you don't wanna get arrested, just leave his ass and tell your mom to suck your cock

I would say cut your losses and bail but given you got angry enough to actually hit him because of his attitude you at least care to some degree. That being said, the coffee isn't killing him, the wine is, and a junkie is always a junkie regardless of the addiction. Might be the best course of action to just apologize, make amends and then leave forever.

>Fucking megatard ultrafaggot
Well, that's what his dad should've done instead of bitch and moan like a retard
Not OP's fault his dad is a soft autist who can't even handle getting punched by his son. Father's who can't handle getting hit by their sons shouldn't be fathers at all

He always has the high ground because whenever we're in front of other people (AKA non-family members) he can decide when to strike and how, and I have to react to that quickly.
He's really good at complaining about a person in a way that if that person replies back they look immature and in the wrong, he does that shit all the time.

He proved to me that he cannot even comprehend caring for another person about two days ago. I told him I was going to not give him any wine or coffee unless he drank some water first, and he said to my mother (we were all in the same room) something like "dont mind him, he's young and when I was young I also didnt give a shit about my elders... My aunt was dying and I could not care less, it's the age.."
So with this he proved to me that he thinks
>let someone do whatever they want = you love that person
>stop a person from satisfying their harmful addiction = you dont love that person
It's literally hardwired in his head, I cannot convince him at this point. I see it now.