>30 years old, never had a gf, never been validated
>99% people have no idea how bad this is
>you're too depressed to get anything done
>people tell you to enjoy hobbies and work
>they don't understand that the only worthwhile thing in life is validation and companionship - because they themselves have that
The only thing that makes me feel any better is knowing at least you guys will never know how bad this feels. I'm taking the bullet for you.
If you find a bee that can't fly, you kill it as an act of mercy. This is because you know that a bee will never have a meaningful bee life without being able to fly and work for its community. It would only suffer meaninglessly.
So why is it that when a man is 30, a virgin, without a fulfilling job and relationships, we just tell him to keep going at it and refuse to let him die?
>the only worthwhile thing in life is validation and companionship
This is absolutely true, but ask yourself: Validation for what? Companionship over what? You'll find that the answer, in both cases, is "activities, passions, and hobbies other than seeking validation and companionship." It's a harsh truth, but people don't want jack shit to do with you if you don't have some level of independence, some basic ability to enjoy life alone. It has to be this way; If our species evolved to just lust over each other constantly for its own sake, well, we would obviusly be extinct.
If you're implying that you have to have an interesting life before attempting to mate, you should realize that most women have no interests beyond eating and netflix.
I have my own company and life is still miserable because I can't get friends or a gf.
Yes, I have my own company and it does not get me laid.
If you're implying that men and women are held to the same standards, you should realize that they aren't. Again, evolution explains this. Women construct the babies inside of them for 9 fragile months at a time. Men provide food and safety. Therefore, men must demonstrate drive and abilities. Women must demonstrate tits and ass and other fertility signals. Unfair, yes, especially now that we no longer live in jungles. But evolution has progressed slower than technology.
What does your company do? How many employees do you have, how much revenue, located urban / suburban / rural or what?
>men must demonstrate drive and abilities
I've had a million hobbies from theoretical physics to boxing and I've still witnessed females go for some low IQ guy who prefers watching football and drinking beer.
My theory is that people mate with someone from their IQ range, and that's all that there is to it. Drive has nothing to do with it, if the other person feels alien to you.
The happy couple thing is a meme, you have to realize that. Most couples are happy together the first few month and then they stay together out of habit.
You can be happy alone, it's not easy to do but for example Buddhist monks have been found to be the happiest people on earth, and they don't have girlfriends
What I want most in life is to click and connect with another sentient being.
It's never happened and most likely never will. My parents are senile and I can't really share any real thoughts with them. They just ask me how I'm doing and I'm supposed to say fine.
I have nobody in my life to listen to me and really care. That's probably why I've stopped trying to succeed in life. Why would I work towards something stupid like a career if there's nobody to care? I don't care whether I'm rich or not. It's not like I have to impress myself.
>Most couples are happy together the first few month and then they stay together out of habit.
This is true, but you normal guys also can't understand the meaning of getting validated at least once in your life.
It's something like graduating high school: it stays and nobody can take that away. If nobody has ever thought you're good enough, it can eat you away.
30yo virgins don't kill themselves because they don't have interesting hobbies, it's because they feel their own species doesn't want them. It's a very deep, innate, instinctive feeling. Even animals sometimes commit suicide if they fail at mating.
I don't know what to tell you, dude. I'm guessing you failed to demonstrate your intelligence and drive in a visible way. On top of everything else I've already said, you also have to have the drive to ask women out when the opportunity is right. And you have to be happy with yourself throughout every interaction with a woman. If the woman senses for a second that everything in your life is secondary to pussy, she will still reject you even if you're a boxing theoretical physicist. You probably failed what I said before: You failed to genuinely enjoy your hobbies for their own sake. You probably dropped those hobbies as soon as you realized they weren't pulling people to you like a magnet.
>Why would I work towards something stupid like a career if there's nobody to care?
This is like the social equivalent of the "why da fuq everything cost money" communism meme. Man sheeeeit, why da fuq won't people be my friend before I've accomplished anything and formed a life and a personality?
>You failed to genuinely enjoy your hobbies for their own sake
I've thought about this thing a lot. How do you even enjoy something for its own sake unless you're autistic or a child?
I feel like the kind of people who genuinely enjoy playing the guitar, for example, more than being with women suffer from a mild form of autism.
And yes I'm jealous of that. I wish I could blindly enjoy something stupid so much it would keep me content for the rest of my life.
This is an age old dilemma of which came first, the chicken or the egg. Now in the form of which came first
>got a balanced life so I got a girlfriend
or
>got validated by girl so I got a balanced life
As of right now I've never met a guy who's been able to live a happy life without women.
People who say shit like that should just dump their gf immediately if life alone is as wonderful as they say. Why do they have gf's if you don't need one?
>others tackle harsh realities with their gf
>you tackle them alone
How dare you normies claim being alone shouldn't affect your mental state
Being alone is fucking awesome. I guess that's why I have a gf and can't live without one, and when I break up I get a new one immediately.
Still I think being an incel must be great and I brwose r9k so I can tell incels how lucky they are
I feel physically ill when I see people like this person blabbering about having fucking hobbies so you can be loved. Hobbies are not what gets normal people into relationships. Fucking listen to how ridiculous you sound. Normal people get deemed good enough to mate with by someone, that's how they start a fucking relationship. How big of a fucking part does the mans HOBBIES play into that?? Not nearly as fucking significant as you are trying to make it seem. Jesus christ. It is like some people do not have the ability to admit that some men are never going to be loved. Its is fact. Its something you cannot deny. This man is in pain and you are basically telling him to start playing guitar and shut the fuck up about not ever being loved by a woman. How about just saying "I'm sorry your life is shit." How fucking hard is that. Give the man a fucking milligram of validation for the pain he feels in his situation. Doesn't he deserve that. Shut the fuck up about god damn hobbies.
>How do you even enjoy something for its own sake unless you're autistic or a child?
I think a lot of men struggle with this. They hit puberty and find themselves swept off their feet caring about this new thing, namely sex. And it happens so fast and so strongly that a lot of men never care about anything else ever again. I myself struggled with this, and my advice is: Just try it. Next time you're chopping some vegetables or some shit, you will find yourself doing it on autopilot, because your mind is elsewhere, thinking about women. Fucking break out of that autopilot and try to focus on the ASMR of chopping some fucking vegetables for a few minutes. Next time you go for a walk, try to have as few thoughts as possible. Try to realize how your consciousness has receded so far back into your own head that you don't even notice the smell of the outdoors anymore. And then fix that. Honestly just try to understand the concept of ASMR in general, I know ASMR is kind of a meme at this point, but really it's a characteristic of the human brain, the ability to get shallow pleasure from menial shit. It's one of the only things in your brain that can compete with your thoughts about sex.
>chicken or the egg
This is very true, after hitting puberty, it's very easy for a man to end up on a slippery slope to eternal inceldom if they don't get sex quickly. Idk what to tell you except the vast majority of men fail to reproduce because of this very dilemma, so just try your best to break out of it.
>Normal people get deemed good enough to mate with by someone
They get deemed good enough because they demonstrate an ability to survive and be happy. You think a woman, or anyone, wants to be the sole source of a man's happiness? What fucking value does a person have if they are incapable of producing joy independently of other people? Essentially, OP is a man who is INCAPABLE of outputting anything unique. NOTHING can be garnered from OP, because OP literally does not have the drive to do ANYTHING except receive attention from others. So what is the solution? Other people give OP attention, and OP sits there and receives it and produces absolutely nothing? OP is expecting charity. OP is being shallow and selfish.
I am not gonna sit here and say "sorry you're so sad OP." Because that's not helpful to him. I'm trying to actually help him and explain something useful to him, because I actually care, faggot
>They get deemed good enough because they demonstrate an ability to survive and be happy.
No they don't. This is your just world fallacy.
The guy you replied to is essentially right though, and you've still got ways to go. It's not uncommon though. I'm surprised that I found ONE person on r9k who understands.
>OP is a man who is INCAPABLE of outputting anything unique
As OP I take offense in this. Like I said I've done a million things in my life and I used to have passion towards them when I was younger, but the inevitable fact I'll never be loved surpassed that. Only people like Newton could be so autistically passionate about something obscure that it overrode their innate need for mating. For a more normal person that's not possible or healthy even.
You don't have the maturity to see the big picture. You're basically saying I ended up a 30yo virgin because I'm not passionate or interesting, yet I'd bet my ass I have more depth to me than most guys who are in relationships.
>You think a woman, or anyone, wants to be the sole source of a man's happiness?
Sorry dude but the irony is that it's still impossible not to lose your will to live if you don't find anyone. You should try 30 years of loneliness if you doubt this theory.
>because I actually care
Don't even pretend. You don't even care enough to read the mans comments about already having many interests, and still not being accepted. I guess he just has to play that fucking guitar harder and then he will get a girlfriend. Just a few more books he has to read, then he will get a girlfriend. Just a few more trips to the boxing gym and then a girl will finally love him, he will finally be worthy of fucking love because he was x amount of passionate. Its fucking arbitrary. You clearly think this man is a moron, because anyone would be able to figure out themselves that they need to take care of themselves and have a life in order for people to be interested in mating with them. Do you think there is this large portion of stupid lonely men who can't fucking understand that simple concept? Do you actually think you are bestowing them with divine fucking knowledge when you tell them to "get a hoby lel"? Everyone knows this shit. You know how people sometimes just want a single fucking person to just LISTEN?? To just HEAR what they are going through and give a shit?? Nobody does this to lonely men. Nobody cares. You don't fucking care. You won't even fucking let the man tell you what he is actually like, because you interject and replace what he is really like with some fictional character to make your retarded arguments against.
>OP is a man who is INCAPABLE of outputting anything unique. NOTHING can be garnered from OP, because OP literally does not have the drive to do ANYTHING except receive attention from others
Who the fuck are you talking about there? Surely not op, the man who has literally SAID he is not like this. No, he must be wrong, you know him better than he knows himself. Fucking dumbass. You don't care at all.
>when a post is so true it doesn't get a reply
I'm 26 years old myself, bro. So not exactly a spring chicken either. When you were passionate about things in the past, those things could have gotten you the social acceptance you crave. Something went wrong, I'm guessing you did those hobbies in isolation. You need to not only be an interesting person with interests and passions, but also you must have the guts to pursue people and face rejection. Hobbies only maintain relationships, not start them.
Now that you are no longer passionate about them, you have no chance, unless you learn to be passionate again. You can't produce value doing something while your mind is elsewhere.
This is exactly why being forever alone sucks so hard.
Not only are you in the biggest pain of your life, but most people are programmed to be incapable of understanding or caring.
>just go out
>just get hobbies
>stop caring, enjoy loneliness
When I had to visit the employment center I told them I don't really have a huge incentive towards wageslaving since I'm 30+ and unmarried.
They were like
>"uh.. what? being single is normal. what does it have to do with anything?"
Wow. They literally think I can derive my reason for existing from mopping floors at McDonald's, knowing I'll never get any more sustenance to my unique existence on Earth.
People say I'm crazy but sometimes I feel nothing's more crazy and deluded than your average, balanced person.
Maybe at one time, OP was capable of producing value. I am asserting that that is no longer the case, because OP has said he no longer has interest in his hobbies.
Being a shoulder to cry on will not help OP. OP needs to learn to care about himself. Nobody wants a needy puppydog. The world is very harsh for men, and most men fail in life. A man has to be a leader, an independent, to succeed in life. You obviously can't do that if you're dependent on other people.
Lol pretty much this. Happens often with my posts.
>You obviously can't do that if you're dependent on other people.
Every single strong-seeming normie man I've ever met has been 100% dependent on having sex and girls regularly.
They didn't get a girl for being strong. They appear strong because they're happy.
It's a long chain of success starting from high school. They've never been single for more than a year at max, so you never see them stumbling.
These normies would disagree with me. They want to make it seem like their girl is some kind of reward for being so awesome. People have this mental fallacy where they think every good thing in their life was of their own making. People need to feel they're in control, that they're good, that there's justice in the world. None of this is true.
>Happens often with my posts
please do not do that. no matter how often it happens, no matter how much you feel it is true, please do not do that.
>OP needs to learn to care about himself. Nobody wants a needy puppydog.
When are we going to meet the person you are talking about. You don't give a fucking shit about op or forever alone men in general. It probably makes you feel good to invent this pathetic crying neet loser who does nothing except cry for a 10/10 gf and make snide little arguments and insults against him. I bet you just love it. You want the genuinely suffering men to shut the fuck up and go away. And when they break a little because they aren't fucking robots like society wants them to be, people like you give them useless ""advice"" about shit they have known since they were 13. Fuck off. Learn that empathy involves putting yourselves in OTHER PEOPLES SHOES, not just throwing general shitty "advice" at them in the hopes they be quiet.
I'm 32, older than the OP.
I've done it all, had more "hobbies" and interests than I care to name, had a job making way more money than I needed, more friends than I could hang out with, and I know for a fact I provided value to people.
Despite all my friends and social acceptance, here I am still a virgin.
You have no answer for someone like me, and most likely the OP too. Men like us do exist and don't fit into your basic worldview, some men do die alone and that's a fact of this world. At best all you can do know is say "well you must've done something wrong!", and that's where this exchange will end.
I think normies want to deny the immense pain incels feel because it would cause them grief if they actually realized the magnitude of their suffering.
It's easier to deny it completely to keep their own spirits up.
Kinda like you hear about people being accidentally awake during surgery. You don't even want to imagine their pain. You just go "maybe they didn't feel the whole thing".
what do you mean don't do that?
>that there's justice in the world
I've said repeatedly that the world is very tough on men, that evolution made unequal standards for men and women, etc. It seems to me that you are maybe not just wallowing in pity, but perhaps you are also retarded as well or have a surplus of chromosomes.
I'm not trying to deny anyone's suffering or anything, I am simply indulging in a basic human behavior: compulsively sharing information that I have come to accept and find useful in my life. Humans are built to compulsively communicate ideas. Despite what you all may think, I myself was a social loser as well, even still am, as I am currently in an 8 month dry spell. I was a virgin until 24, I am 26 now. Of course you are going to say "that's nothing compared to 30" but the fact is, even a 24 year old virgin is HIGHLY unusual and pathetic. I was able to dig myself out, which is even MORE unusual. And I am extremely interested in my own unusual story and am always trying to analyze my path through life, what happened, and why. And now I'm just compulsively sharing it with OP, as my fellow human might somehow get use out of it. Try to give my advice a chance, don't just write it off telling yourself that I'm good-looking or was a normie all my life. I really wasn't.
>you are maybe not just wallowing in pity, but perhaps you are also retarded as well or have a surplus of chromosomes
So it's ad hominem time huh.
>Of course you are going to say "that's nothing compared to 30" but the fact is, even a 24 year old virgin is HIGHLY unusual and pathetic
Being an incel has always bothered me but at 30 it just crippled me mentally.
So yeah, I'm thinking what you just said. 24 was nothing. At 24 I was miles apart from where I'm now and that's only 6 years ago. Don't underestimate how much damage turning 30 as a virgin does to your psyche. Besides, 24 is normal-tier in my opinion. What you don't see is that the stress accumulates. It's "yet another year as a loser" type of thing and it just gets exponentially worse every year, it's not linear.
>And I am extremely interested in my own unusual story and am always trying to analyze my path through life
Yeah well we always like to see ourselves as the hero in our own story and our suffering always seems huge to us. Even I do that. The difference is, even if I turned my life around and became a gigaChad at 35, getting your first sex and gf at 35 is so much more pathetic than doing it at 24 that I would still be extremely depressed about it. There's no winning at this point. Even if I got a gf she'd be 40+ or something and I just don't see that as a victory of any kind.
But you aren't feeling anything except for a lack of perceived earned validation, and you interpret that as pain due to the absence of having any visceral trauma in your life to manage. You suffer from smallest violin syndrome, no one genuinely cares about your problems because it's debatable whether they are really problems. Everyone else is either lower on the trauma ladder and even more sociopathically self centered than you are, or they are higher and therefore too preoccupied with keeping their balance to deal with your problems.
Just think about it. What could it mean? Don't give me a (You), just think about it. Seriously, don't reply to this. Just think.
man, just shut the fuck up.
I will user. Enjoy your day.
Nigga I'm almost 28 in a month what do you mean I'll never know how it feels?
>23 years old
>Mixed-raced, autistic level 2 (severe)
>Not depressed at all
>Live a totally isolated life
I'm thinking to kill myself.
This spawn I've been born into is only going to grow more and more miserable until it suddenly and violently ends.
I understand 30 is a big milestone, however, aside from everything else I've said, one other thing I've come to realize is: Your brain will NEVER let you win when it comes to matters of reproduction. Especially if you've spent ANY period of your life as an incel. No matter how much sex you get, you will always regret the sex you missed during your time as an incel. 24 is not normie-tier. The male sex drive kicks in at age 10. That's 14 years I spent wanting sex, seeing my peers get sex, and not getting any sex myself, or even a gentle touch or hug.
Even now, any time I am in any kind of dry spell, I am nearly in a panic. Your sex life is not an on/off switch that, once you get laid, it switches to "on" and stays there. Take it from me: When you're 8 months into a dry spell, or even ONE month into a dry spell, you feel as horny as ever, and your past sex is absolutely ZERO consolation. Your brain will not allow you any such relief.
I am constantly sexually frustrated, constantly worried my last lay was the last I'll ever get. Constantly noticing the wrinkles and signs of aging I am starting to get at age 26. Anything can happen, conditions can always change, to plunge you back into a permanent dry spell. This is what my brain is doing to me, even though I have proven to it that I am socially and sexually acceptable. My brain simply says, "Maybe not anymore." Yours would be doing the same now, even if you had gotten laid at 24.
Sounds like you're saying whatever you can to still hold on to your v-card or whatever. You aren't like us.
Only child molesters are looked down on more unfavorably than late 20's / early 30's virgins. Not even being able to accidently run into a relationship at that point must mean he is legit a failure. It's too obvious nt's can't understand what It's like to be at that point.
Well I have to agree with most of this post.
>even ONE month into a dry spell, you feel as horny as ever, and your past sex is absolutely ZERO consolation
I wrote before that normies are the worst "boohoo no gf" whiners, unlike what people normally think. You seem to be getting what I meant. And this is exactly why I hate it when normies say I'm just fishing for pity and I should fuck off and enjoy hobbies. If one measly month without pussy makes you go boohoo, just extend that period into decades and think whether something as mundane as work and hobbies are going to help when you're that hungry.
This is why I say normies are hypocritical as fuck. They have no right to tell me I should "simply enjoy your hobbies" when they can't do it either.
Just fuck an escort, OP.
I was a NEET until 25 until I had enough of that shit. I will never have a family because of manletism and autism.
BUT I WILL HAVE SEX!
I'm now a wagecuck web developer with an income enough to fuck whores a few times per month.
Sex cures depression. Sex cures anxiety. In the 2 weeks after I have sex, I don't think about it so much. It allows me to focus on other aspects of life.
Went to Vietnam and put my penis in a female, it was a reaffirming experience
this is based as fuck. if you are a 25+ man and refuse the hookerpill there is NO hope for you and you deserve no sympathy.
I think he wanted you to stop bragging about your posts having good quality
I'm not even that guy, I was just confused about the exchange and he goes off being a condescending asshole.
Judging by your post it wasn't as obvious as he thought.
Guys I'm 30 and I have a chance to fuck this 1/5 girl.
The only reason I haven't done so is that I know I will end up being miserable. Right now I think having sex will validate me and make it all right, but in the back of my mind I know I would just go
>oh fuck I did it so late I'm still a loser oh shit nothing changed
It's horrible to realize no amount of sex I have today is going to make me secure and confident again. I'm past the breaking point. Nothing will fix me.
PUSSY!
Fuck ANY girl that you can, because you need those brain hormones that are severely lacking. I guarantee that you will become more of a normie after one lay. The trick is to have sex regular. Even normies who don't get laid and have dry spells become neurotic and shit.
Why would you *ever* fuck a 1/5 when you can fuck a 9/10 escort?
Go to Thailand and find a ladyboy
>it's either suffer deep depression alone or struggle to get regular sex
Sometimes I feel like I just want to cut my balls off so I wouldn't need women.
You retard, if you find a bee that isn't flying it's probably tired and hungry. Mix a little honey with some water and put a couple of drops by the bee so he can drink. Hopefully he regains his energy and flies away.
There is no hope for 30 year old virgins though.
It's better to be gay these days than a straight male.
>You retard, if you find a bee that isn't flying it's probably..
You do realize it was a metaphor? Damn you smartphone kids taking everything at face value
>There is no hope for 30 year old virgins though.
I'm a 30yo vriggin but I believe I'm a megachad in disguise. Just waiting for the chadness to burst out.
>There is no hope for 30 year old virgins though.
I'm a 30yo virgin just entered this thread.
What do I do now if there's no hope?
Hope that you have the autisms that OP talks about.
t. 34 khhv w/ good hobbies that make life worthwhile
Not him but I envy you.
I'm a similar age and even though I do have things I enjoy doing it's really hard to to feel really shitty about myself, I'll never be normal and I'll never have any of those experiences I missed out on There are days where I just do nothing.
>Hope that you have the autisms that OP talks about.
I don't, everything except genuine human interaction feels boring and useless.
And I even have my own company like I stated before.
It's small and just started tho. Not willing to discuss how much I make.