I started browsing Yas Forums 2009 when I was 23. Now I'm fucking 34. Where did all the time go bros...

Read them anyways, maximize what you got. Lift weights, find a girl who's less than 4'11" or taller than 6'2". I rarely bother with girls who are taller than me, I don't ever want to look up to a girl who's taller. They're available for that reason, and there's the genes for your tall kids. Also lift weights, I mean lift weights, they like that shit and they will touch your arms. Also look at how weak most guys are now, so lift weights.
>I need to join the military bros
Not if you live in America. Don't identify with an empire that hates you.

I've been browsing for the same length of time as you OP, except I'm 32 now. During that time I've had several girlfriends, had sex with a lot of women, and now have a long time girlfriend, have bought a house, we have a 2yr old daughter and another baby on the way. Life is pretty great.

I moved out on my own when I was 19, so that's probably your main problem. Get out of your parents house you fucking loser.