Alright you fuckers, listen up.
I'm in need. A desperate, inhuman need. I recently got AC:NH -fuck off I'm vibin'- and after never having any fucking luck during AC:NL, I decided on something.
I. Need. Ankha.
I've needed her for so fucking long. You have no goddamn idea how bad, how desperate, my lust is for this snooty fucking cat. She won't leave my head. She won't leave my heart. But most of all, she won't leave my fucking boner. This cat is the truest, most yearned-for pussy my pathetic cock has ever desired, and it is growing ever more unhappy that it continues to go unsated.
I was too young, too naive, to get any sort of Amiibo card when they first came out, and now, I have grown weary of paying the price for such a gross mistake. I dream about her. I go to sleep at night, I toss and turn in my bed as I imagine myself in the sweet, stern embrace of my beautiful feline Mistress. I wish to crawl to her. To bow before her on my hands and knees and kiss her feet, submitting myself unto the true Pharaoh and ruler of my island.
I've searched eBay. I've searched Amazon. All of the singular Ankha cards are sold out, and the ones that aren't are $50 or more, something pathetic, non-royalty such as me cannot afford to tribute towards my most lovely lady.
Please, can anyone tell me how to get my lovely Ankha on my island? I'm begging you. I'm desperate. I just need to know what to do. I cannot live any longer without the feeling of my hands and knees on her golden floor, the sensation of my lips on her paws, and the vision of her sitting on her throne above me, arms and legs crossed, leering down at me with just the barest attention of which I surely don't deserve from her.
Help me. Please.
