Computer

Computer, simulate a universe in which the reality of me and my starfleet colleagues is a work of fiction. Place us on earth, circa 2020.

Computer, now pipe this universe through the filter Barcley_worstTimeLine2364

disregard safety protocols.

>muh Roddenberry’s hippy shit
Picard has bigger problems than not appealing to snowflakes that couldn’t handle post-S2 TNG and DS9.

use template Sisko3274 for the protagonist

>the borg are now the replicators

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Oh nice computer you got here! Can I have it?

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>it's a Klingon politics episode
>it's a Lwaxana Troi episode
>it's an Alexander episode
>it's a non-Q godlike being who toys with the Enterprise episode
>it's a romance episode
>it's a human looking aliens with some wrinkles on their forehead's politics episode for the 50th time

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fuck VR headsets, where's our holodecks?

>it's a Klingon politics episode
fuck you if you dont like this
discovery is that way ->

does anyone else like to imagine themselves in a holodeck when trying to fall asleep? somehow it makes it easier to fantasize about things for me.

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Don't even try with me, I'm only a moderate fan of star trek and I never cared for the hippy shit either. But I think you should at least be somewhat faithful to an artists vision, not take a giant shit all the fuck over it.
DS9 was it's own thing so I don't really care, even if I did care about the star trek lore, which I don't.
I kind of agree that it has bigger problems than not being faithful to that vision, like I said I don't care for that vision, I prefer darker more realistic stuff in my space kinos.
But Picard isn't really that. Like it's retard tier interpretation of depression and "darkness". Everyone is SOOOOOOOOOOO fucking miserable. Everyone is so depressing, everyone is such an asshole, a drug addicted murderer, whiny, constantly on about suicide. like what the fuck is this.
It's not about being faithful to Roddenberry vision, although I think they should be, especially with Picard which is from shows he actually worked on. That's his character. It's just that it's so fucking dark and miserable and depressing (pointlessly so) that it's actually boring and annoying.
The Road is a good movie. It has a point. There's a reason it's dark and depressing.
Here it doesn't work. At all. It's pointless. Annoying. Boring. Tedious. Poorly done. Miserable.

>Computer, enact impression of American advertising

>It's a Keiko episode

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Fuck you nigger, talking about proxy human politics through wrinkle aliens is the heart and soul of it.

you'd think with how often the holodeck fucks up and almost kills people they'd stop using it. i guess that holopussy is just too good.

>scarab swarms
we necrons now

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I wanted to kill Worf in this episode

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Is there an episode where Picard spends the whole episode in his 1940s detective fantasy?

I mean, I think many people today would take the ability to enact their wildest fantasies with the slight chance of death because you forgot to enable to safeties.

What would each board's fantasy be if they were given the Holodeck for a single day?

>Computer, texture the walls of the Holo-deck with historical file footage of a Bajoran resistance base.
>Computer, load the scanned model of Ensign Ro Laren, with the changes to jiggle physics we just inputed.
>Computer, overlay a cardassian skintexture over my position and generate a whip in Ensign Ro's hand.
>Safeties off, lock all doors, and disable all voice commands.

>>it's an Alexander episode

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have a wholesome girlfriend

>Computer, Load Brie Larson
>Computer, increase scale of Brie Larsons feet by a factor of 250
>Computer, remove Brie Larsons arms
>Computer, increase aggression and libido by a factor of 50
>Computer, Load climbing equipment
>Computer, disable safety protocols

Activate BASEBALL

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They'd all be same. Giving themselves and huge dick and fucking their mom with it.

There's practical uses for it beyond lactose_intolerant_giantess.hldk

>it's a Klingon politics episode
>it's a human looking aliens with some wrinkles on their forehead's politics episode for the 50th time

these are the BEST episodes though

who cleans up the cum after a massive orgy session in the holodeck

Can't the borg survive in space? I could have sworn their was a fight scene in one of the movies that was outside the ship and borg were just walking around. I mean yeah they would have trouble getting back into their cube, but they aren't dead.

>Computer, load up the 4d3d3d3

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If you have sex for the first time in the holodeck are you no longer a virgin?

>it's a Gene's dead so let's have his widow strip down naked in front of the whole cast episode

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>>it's a Lwaxana Troi episode
>>it's an Alexander episode
Absolutely the worst episodes in the series

>it's a Data episode

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>ayo you kids ain't keepin it real, real klingons be violent and shit
wtf worf

my dad was pissed about this episode too but I dont agree.

All worf did was talk and provide information and philosophy, If simply speaking was enough to shatter their "society" then it wasn't much of a society to being with. The romulens act chill but they have the klingons at gun point the whole time and wont even let them sing.

>computer, play “The Thong Song” at max volume through ship intercoms ok repeat indefinitely
There I made this 50 times better

I like when they use the holodeck to help solve a mystery.

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>that one lwaxana + alexander episode

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH

Computer, lock on to Commander Deanna Troi. For the next month, whenever Commander Troi farts, scan the fart and record it the folder "Troi_Fart_Compilation_March".
>one month later
Computer, open folder Troi_Fart_Compilation_March.
>*beep boop* 152 files recorded
Excellent. Computer, combine all files into a single "mega fart" and save as Troi_Omega_Fart_12.
>File complete.
Computer, replace all air in the holodeck with file Troi_Omega_Fart_12. Disengage all safety protocols. Run program.

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It's beamed off and recycled.

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Computer, load up Celery Man.

Lwaxana was based.

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Data's best episode was when Worf and his son were in the cowboy simulation in the Holodeck. Change my mind.

a-koo-chee-moya

>not the Sherlock Holmes and Moriarty episode

computer, load program Riker gravy enema alpha beta 1

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Computer, please show me Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra, and turn the volume up.

>COME CHEER UP M'LADS TIS TO GLORY WE STEER

>computer, remove holographic cum
Even in the future you’re still an incel

Load up supplementary program Riker_Pie_Feeder

Alexander was in it so minus 1000 points, best data episode was when he beat up worf

What's supposed to be happening here? Are they supposed to get into a suit?

>Commander, set a new course! There is coffee in that nebula!

I liked her in the episode with the ritual suicide.

Based.
>tfw the whole album

No it'd only delete the holographic cum but what about the cum of the real people that just ends up on the floor once the simulation ends

Think about it.

>Darmok and Jalad
>at Tanagra
The walls come down, every time

a good lwaxana episode is the one where the ferangi trader turn her and her daughter into sex slaves and piccard starts splicing poems to save them

They were in an alien reconstruction of a shitty novel set in a casino. They were leaving but it just led them back into the casino. I just think it's funny how it's shot since it's clear they just walk all the way around and have to act confused they ended up back inside.

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best episode coming through

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If I remember correctly, a planet made a world for a astronaut in the mid 2000s that wound up on it so he could die in peace and the only thing it could come up with was the astronauts favorite book, which involved a casino.

The enterprise end up visiting that planet and now they're stuck because the entity never intended for the astronaut to ever leave. They find his dead body in one of the suites too.

Every time I think that these posts are getting old some cheeky fuck makes something like this.

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Weren't those two episodes the last ones with her?

Computer, load file DS9_Concentration_Camp_historic.holo, but modify all prisoners to be female. Additionally, increase lust values for prisoners by 5000%. I will be taking the roll of Dukat.

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Post your Favorite TNG Edit.

youtube.com/watch?v=Hfzkgc6r6-A

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>tfw putting together an Enterprise model
>tfw just now realizing that I'm going to NEED to paint the damn thing if I want it to look even remotely decent
Well fuck me.

>borg are literally just copying necron aesthetic now
what the fuck is wrong with nu-trek, I remember the borg having some green in their design but this is just over the top

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It wasn't even a good book, either.

DAMNIT DUKAT

>yfw Picard has just been copying Mass Effect's story.

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>Mr. Barclay, I understand you've been using the Holodeck to indulge in some rather... odd fantasies including my flatulence. Could you please explain why you're doing this? Don't worry, we're all friends here, I won't judge.

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Reminder, in a good timeline Dr.Selar would have still been the main doctor and we would have had this scene with her instead of crusher.

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TNG > DS9 = TOS > VOY = ENT > Shit > JJ Movies > even worse shit > Picard > Discovery

Thinking about it, why would sex slaves and the like even exist in star trek when you can have all the perfect custom sexual fantasies in the holodeck?

I'm sorry, did you mean DS9_Concentration_Camp_fantasy.holo?

Why do I agree with this?

youtube.com/watch?v=Mu2I35ReZ5A

That's not Bridge Buffonary

>Buying models
>Not realizing you need paint
You have no idea how angry I get when I see people playing Warhammer at my small GW with the figures unpainted.

youtube.com/watch?v=zDqq18kqGvs
Vamoose you little fucker

W-well, Deanna, you remember how last month I kept on recommending a lot of bean based foods and telling you how good brussels sprouts are for your health?

The JJ movies aren't bad. Just because it took a different approach to the trek universe doesn't mean it ruined it.

because soul crushing a hologram is not the same thing

Computer. Load up the full package futanari love hotel module.

load up Butter Lettuce Fantasy.

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TOS >>> rest

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I like all of those other then Alexander ama

What's Yas Forums's favorite Trek martial move? The open-palm punch or the twin-fist sledgehammer?

youtube.com/watch?v=UO8WiZab_PI
Truly the role Patrick Stewart was born for.

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>say "Computer, end program" out loud
>nothing happens

Maybe someday

Based. TNG is the best.
The JJ movies still aren’t good tho.

computer i just need something to fill the void

They're ok action flicks.
As insulting as they are to the original series they're suddenly more forgivable since Discovery and Picard.

Double hand swing to the back is essential trek kino.

I also like the rarely used "front kick to chin" though.

Computer, calculate for me the average yearly rate of death of Bajorans during the occupation if their total losses were 15 million dead and the occupation lasted for 50 years

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I don't really put models together, I just really like Star Trek.

youtu.be/3rYMykaNW6s

>data shits all over barkley lmao

Sauce?