Stanford scientists develop smart toilet that IDs your butthole!

Intense ANAL YSIS

At this rate, I'm pretty sure they're going to develop some sort of sensor that analyses brap's smell as well.

You'll have mandatory butt-hole recognizing toilets in 2030 and you STILL think Ted Kaczynski was wrong?

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Cool, next time im at the self service with alcohol can i just drop my pants and present my anus to the screen for quick id verification.

things have really gone downhill since W televised his anal probe

For what fuckin purpose

>stored in the cloud
user, 'the cloud' simply means 'someone elses computer'

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What if your butthole signature is continuously changing due to hemorrhoidic degradation?

Someone elses collection of servers

He didn't have to kill people to get his point across user

Your point being?

They will also have integrated gas chromatography units to detect any drugs you have been using.. or not using after being ordered to

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AI can easily learn that, though. Read about Reinforcement Learning.

Huh?

would've been another forgotten essayist if he didn't kill anyone.

can we like stop doing shit like this
>let's terraform mars
>n-no user first we need butthole identification + chip

In fact, I'm pretty sure that after they're done analysing your butthole you'll start seeing ads for hemrrhoid treatment or surgery or something like that.

Wrong, if he didn't kill anyone you never would have heard of him.

BBBRRRRRAAAPPPPPsnnniiiffffff...oh yes my dear....sssnnnnnnniiiffffff....quite pungent indeed...is that....dare I say....sssssssnniff...eggs I smell?......sniff sniff....hmmm...yes...quite so my darling....sniff....quite pungent eggs yes very much so .....sssssnnnniiiiiiifff....ah yes...and also....a hint of....sniff....cheese.....quite wet my dear....sniff...but of yes...this will do nicely....sniff.....please my dear....another if you please....nice a big now....BBBBRRRRRAAAAPPPPPFFFFLLLLPPPFFF Oh yes...very good!....very sloppy and wet my dear....hmm...is that a drop of nugget I see on the rim?...hmmmm.....let me.....let me just have a little taste before the sniff my darling.......hmmm....hmm..yes....that is a delicate bit of chocolate my dear....ah yes....let me guess...curry for dinner?....oh quite right I am....aren't I?....ok....time for sniff.....ssnnnniiiiff.....hmmm...hhhmm I see...yes....yes indeed as well curry......hmmm....that fragrance is quite noticeable....yes.....onion and garlic chutney I take it my dear?.....hmm....yes quite.....BBBRRRRPPPFFTT Oh I was not expecting that…that little gust my dear….you caught me off guard…yes…so gentle it was though…hmmmm…let me taste this little one…just one small sniff…..sniff…ah….ssssssnnnnnniiiiiffffffffffff…and yet…so strong…yes…the odor….sniff sniff…hmmm….is that….sniff….hmmm….I can almost taste it my dear…..yes….just…sniff….a little whiff more if you please…..ssssssnnnnniiiiiffffff…ah yes I have it now….yes quite….hhhhmmmm…delectable my dear…..quite exquisite yes…..I dare say…sniff….the most pungent one yet my dear.ssssnnnnniiiifffffffff….yes….

A hot wet curry fart next my dear. The heat from your blessed arse wind has set my nostils ablaze.

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yeah and then they share your info with facebook and tinder and you get suggested matches based on the type of buttholes you like

Imagine going on a walk, go past one of those info screen thingies, it has a profile on you which associated your face and butthole together and bam you get an ad for hemorrhoids for everyone to see.

>boingboing.net/2020/04/07/stanford-scientists-design-a-t.html
what the FUCK?
that was just a plot of adult swim infomercial:
youtube.com/watch?v=DJklHwoYgBQ&feature=emb_title

haha, what? that's a joke from adult swim

youtube.com/watch?v=DJklHwoYgBQ

>He didn't have to kill people to get his point across user

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Then maybe his message isn't worth hearing? Maybe he's just an attention whore that couldn't talk to girls and hated the fact his brother had a girlfriend...
He is still a forgotten essayist. No one knows about the schizo scribbles. Anyone who knows teddy wrote stuff knows he is retarded. Only pol schizos see value in a failed terrorists nonsense.

>16 bombs
>3 kills
160 iq?? haha. Super genius technoprophet? LMFAO
Try F A I L E D T E R R O R I S T

youtube.com/watch?v=DJklHwoYgBQ

these (((scientists))) are looking for melanin receptors and taxpayers are funding it

This fucking infant.

KILLING IS THE ONLY WAY TO GET YOUR POINT ACROSS.

Wake the fuck up. Pain is worse than death and your precious "people" are also animals. Progress is one funeral at a time.

But is it self cleaning?

>Then maybe his message isn't worth hearing?
You're clearly deeply embroiled in pure mainstream culture and media if you think that true and important messages magically rise to the consciousness of the masses.

Dummie retard.

No. It just ANALyses your poop, urine and butthole pattern.

>and you STILL think Ted Kaczynski was wrong?
yeah, the progress of technology cannot be stopped

shut up Carlos

This fucking INTJ faggot from a cold pussy nation of zealous lazy wypipo got ZERO kills during his try at TRACELESS postal package assassinations, din't it?

Surely this is Peak Judaism?

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>implying they need to design some toilet for that.

I'd do it for free

>

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based

No. Peak Joo would be to stick wireless 5G chip into your skull and have a massive, planet scale AI controlling everyone.

Remember that you'd see rosebuds as well. And all other sorts of butthole problems. Would you be okay to look at those too?

A hole-o-gram?

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See. This is why Ted is needed. He could be the Colonel Kurtz of tech, reignin various things in. I'm willing to wager that in a thousand years, shitbowls will be no different than they are now.

there are people (gay men specifically) that willingly photograph that and send it to other gays, so there most definitely already exists some cloud storage somewhere with all of those collected

Someone is sitting on a gold mine then. Good datasets are worth a pretty penny.

Should I tattoo my butt-hole with the writing
"gas the jews"
Should I also tattoo a QR code with the same writing on both cheeks to ensure that the machine will understand the gibberish written around my b-hole
Shall my cheeks be painted with a prussian blue color to be better disclose their position?

turns out the amish were right all along

Whoever buys this garbage deserves to have his butthole on the cloud.

I would be her smart toilet if your know what I mean

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Any way I can see them?

well looks like it's time to start pooping through high res prints of jennifer lawrence.

I don't really feel like having to clean shit from a dozen sensors every week.

What happens when you splatter shit all over the anus camera

>By the way wagie, we'll be installing these new toilet seats that cut your pay by 10 cents per hour for every minute you sit
>The board says it'll more than double our profits! Isn't that great for the company?

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Tough luck. You're going to buy it and enjoy. No choice for you goy :^^^)