Coffee: Made
Vegemite: Spread
Bread: Baked
(optional) Cones: Punched
Yep, it's shitposting time.
AUS/POL/ - 10:23am Edition
Josiah Green
Hudson Moore
>The federal government extended suspending mutual obligations for welfare recipients to April 27 to help during the coronavirus pandemic, the ministers office announced on Friday night.
>It means jobseekers will not be penalised for being unable to either attend, or report their attendance, at appointments or activities, payments will be not be suspended and no compliance action will be taken.
>"During these challenging times jobseekers are encouraged to stay job ready and connected to their employment services provider in their local area," a statement from Employment Minister Michaelia Cash's office said.
>Meanwhile, Australia's peak welfare body is calling on the government to wipe all controversial welfare robodebts and pay people back.
>The government has reportedly admitted it will have to pay back about $550 million worth of wrongly issued welfare recovery debts to more than 400,000 Australians.
>The government also expects to lose the class action lawsuit being levelled against the scheme and plans to settle, The Guardian reported on Friday.
>The Federal Court last year found the scheme was unlawful, prompting the government to water it down.
>The automated system matches tax office and Centrelink data to claw back overpaid welfare payments.
>The Australian Council of Social Service says the government's payback figure amounts to about 70 per cent of the $785 million it received from people by August.
>ACOSS chief Cassandra Goldie says the government must repay what it owes.
>"Many of these people are applying for income support or were already receiving income support," she said.
Caleb King
what about coffee and cig brekky
Sebastian Martin
Absolutely
Levi Roberts
This chink pandemic is great.
Kevin Moore
no stage 3 yet, why..
Christian Gutierrez
It's definitely opening eyes, I love it.
Probably red tape i'd say.
Josiah Evans
Robert Hernandez
Aussies and Burgers take on the rest of the world.
Oliver Stewart
Based and morning-pilled gw cunt
Carson Sanders
>We immediately need millions more of this species of human to flood our white paradise.
Joshua Brown
Checked
Nicholas Flores
Oi are online services still delivering dirty phone poster here need a laptop to return to being less of a shit cunt also when can we access super?
Eli Richardson
Who else garn beach today?
Samuel Cruz
Literally know a chink who laid a COVID-19 trap with a 5 cent coin.....yes, a FIVE CENT fucking coin. They truly are the jews of Asia.
Anyway, it's been sitting on a step in the stairway of an apartment building for 6 days now, I can't believe no-one has picked it up yet (the Chink must be even more shocked, I guess he underestimates the difference in jewishness between a full-blooded Chink and an actual human being living in Australia).
One night as I am going up the stairs, I notice the 5 cent coin is there, and it is in a pool of fresh saliva...completely deliberate, there is no spit anywhere else. I get to the top of the stairs and I catch the chink entering his apartment...NOW I KNOW it's you, Mr. Wang.
Then yesterday he is walking past my apartment, and he has NO REASON to at all...unless he is INFECTING MY DOOR HANDLE! My housemate left for work, he must have assumed no-one was home.
You fucking dirty insect.... I wonder if the Australian intlligence agencies are co-operating with other western intelligence agencies and are watching out for chinks who are intentionally spreading the virus. I swear to God I try not to be racist, but I just think they aren't human. Chinks are either aliens or reptilian/human hybrids or insectoids as I have mentioned 50 times.
Beware the chinaman...you don't need to be racist or whatever but just watch out for them...I wouldn't be surprised if they are paid by the CCP to sabotage human beings and they send a photo back of their 'work' and get social credit points so their family can eat 2 rats per week instead of 1.
Be careful fellow humans, we are under attack.
Jace Howard
Domestic is. I recommend metabox.com.au mate
>Starts $1,299.00
or $26.88 per week
Model No: NH58RH
NVIDIA GTX 1050 3GB GDDR5
Intel i7-9750H Hexa Core
15.6" FHD IPS-Grade Edge-to-Edge Matte 60Hz
16GB DDR4 2666MHZ (2 x 8GB)
P1 500GB M.2 PCIe SSD
Features
* 9th Generation Intel CPU
* Alloy Top Cover Construction
* 85% Screen-to-Body Ratio
* Up to 64GB RAM DDR4 2666
* Vibrant Edge-Lit Keys
* Compact 15.6" Form Factor
Eli Perez
I'm not too sure about online services and delivery, the postal system won't be closing down anytime soon though. I think they will give you the option through the ATO/myGov mid april they were saying. My superannuation's website has it up on the front page.
Benjamin Gutierrez
From 32 minutes ago, Electoral Commision of Queensland broadcasting their threats:
The cunt needs to be added to the List. Fucker needs to gat COVID19 and die in fucking agony.
Chase Bailey
Doesn't surprise me in the slightest all insects with no soul
Ryder Hill
She’s currently having her anus blown out by her new hipusband.
Chase King
As I said yesterday, FUUUUUUCK
Julian Morris
You shilling for them and got a discount code for me or you just recommending for shits n gigs? Either way cheers for the recommendation I'll check it out
Adrian Allen
who here boycotting chinks? had this slant eyed fuck trying to chink me. read bottom to top. he sent it to me 14 times so i sent that pasta 14 times.
>no so fast chang
Daniel Wright
> ED
“Emergency Department”?
Michael Richardson
I'm pretty lonely fellas. The little human contact I get has completely dried up and none of the people who claimed to be my "friends" ever contact me.
Should I an-hero?
I can't even go out to a cafe or restaurant because they're all "take away only".
How fucked am I?
Elijah Cox
just troll chinks on ebay and do your part to fight rice rabies
Christian Cook
Ah, you’re referring to the low level of supplies on the shelves
Xavier Torres
Yeah, little sister is epileptic and had a bad seizure yesterday. Ended up in Emergency for about 6 hours with a boatload of coofers. I went to school with one of the wardies and he reckons they're about to get smashed.
Landon Brooks
That too, they're just about out of masks and gloves.
Cameron Wilson
My dad just lost his job he hasn't even started in the local council, shits fucked.
When the fuck are we going into Mad Max times?
Sebastian Wilson
lads will china fucking collapse or not
they're vermin
Gavin Lopez
Sebastian Bailey
Stop being a little bitch. Enjoy the time away from others and stop jerking off.
Zachary King
live by chink
die by chink
it could be that way anyway, but i don't know what the jew bucks printing is gonna do
normie aussies have to be the biggest traitors on the planet, and they think it's a shitpost
Mason Cruz
Yep. Brother works in emergency in Queensland and he says they are gonna get fucking overwhelmed when the exponential surge kicks off.
Its been quiet before the storm, but that’s just people scared shitless of being near hospitals. That’ll instantly change when people starting choking to death on their phlegm, and the limited places get saturated.
That would mean triage, selecting younger people for better chance of survival, while sending the older cooofers home to die.
Jayden Gutierrez
Give it a week or so and we'll be at Mad Max 1 level, couple of months 'til MM2, bit longer for Fury Road, probably never get to Thunderdome tier.
Daniel Edwards
I'm not a coomer you unbearable faggot
>just enjoy the time away from others
m8 my entire life is "time away from others"
Blake Watson
nah but have a you for sayin garn
i was gonna go out and get some sun but i feel like being gay and playing vidya
Alexander Gutierrez
Imagine if bottle shops close.
Ethan Hernandez
Fuck the chinks pilfering the Australian supply.
Jace Sanchez
>catching the train today
it's over lads
Anthony Gomez
this is the best timeline ever
Easton Young
Agreed. No one knows if any of the figures are true, so for all we know, they MOAB’d wuhan.
Nathaniel Nelson
We'll make it through this right?
I don't give a fuck about the rest of the world
Australia is probably better off than most right now right?
Landon Wilson
>chinks buy all their medical supplies from australia
>somehow have enough left over to "donate" them to Italy
How long do you think it'll be until Italy realises all those masks that China donated to them were used and thoroughly infected?
Aaron Baker
All government departments are full of absolute retards. The dumbest of the dumb and they're completely non-white.
Our country is not being led in an efficient or clever way. We must replace those that wish to replace us.
Lincoln Green
Thought just occurred to me too as I typed it.
Camden Ortiz
Fucking parasites, the lot of them.
Oliver Sullivan
How many of you fags getting Bannerlord on Monday? They are releasing a day earlier
Adrian Harris
Nah, the Chinks going from 3500 new infections a day (the maximum number of tests they have) to 0 new infections the next is totally legit.
That's how epidemics work.
Brayden Jenkins
Good to see you on shift you lazy fucking cunt.
Luke Cruz
Holy shit you just described my morning exactly!
Levi Butler
The best part about total social shutdown? No more trannie story hour.
Gabriel Robinson
That news report says “don’t go if you feel unwel” they are fucking brain dead.
People are infectious before they show symptoms, to they are fucking retarded we’ll never know how more quickly the shit spreads and overwhelms Queensland hospitals when it kicks off.
Paalacuck is one of the most corrupt bitches.
Jose Ramirez
>When the fuck are we going into Mad Max times?
5 mins after they close bottle shops.
William Jackson
Coffee: Irish
Leftover pizza: Eaten
Cones: smashed
Yep it's time to go back to bed
Daniel Gonzalez
Kek
Grayson Gutierrez
Made this for the missus.
Any big brains have any idea how hard it would be to make an app that scans a product and tells you where your money goes? Seems like every dollar I spend ends up in China
Isaiah Walker
Sup lads. Its user who might have caught the virus and spread it to Israel here. I have been going over my itinerary and small chance I got corona and spread it to euro and Israel.
>Spend about a month in China, flew around china on chinese airlines and through airports that connected with Wuhan at the time this shit gone down
>Leave China, go on euro tour
>Start feeling sick about 2 weeks after I had left China
>4 weeks after I left China I am on the last leg of my trip, spending some time in Israel seeing all religious sights, ticked all symptoms except lungs fine, didn't get checked because no travel insurance and heard the jews were quarantining anyone who even suspected it.
>Cancelled the rest of my trip and came back to Australia where I basically self isolated (was moving into new place)
>Recovered after about a week.
Whats the chances I had it and not just a random flu? Can they test if you have had it? I am very curious.
Pic related proof of non larp
John Hernandez
GOOD NEWS TO START THE DAY WITH:
DANGER 5 TO RETURN
youtube.com
Nathan Clark
wow
Nathan Torres
i dunno aren't you meant to be dead or something?
Ethan Robinson
The Aussie government wants everyone to get this virus. It is trying to get to 100% infection.
It just doesn't want that to happen in the space of 6 weeks - rather it wants it to happen over the space of 12 to 18 months.
Josiah Wood
>black coffee
>rollies
>leftover snags from last night with hot english
James Bennett
thank fuck
Henry Morales
>he reckons they're about to get smashed.
just wait 2 weeks they say
Joshua James
I caught train in and out of cbd last night and had the carriage to myself for most of it. Was eerie but at least didn't have to share it with any coofers
Christian Jenkins
erectyle disfunction?
Josiah Jones
Get a ps4, join game chat
Andrew Gray
>black coffee
>that's it
Can't be eating more than one meal a day user. You're not gonna survive if you don't start rationing now.
Oliver Price
Nah they reckon most young people can have it and just have mild symptoms. I was pretty fucked though, but not so bad to go to hospital.
Jackson Cooper
Call the fucking police. Tell them what that dirty cunt is doing. If he's one of those cunts on a 14 day lock up, he'll get a $10k fine like that other stupid bitch did.
Meanwhile, while exercising the dog in the front yard this morning, I see everyone is still driving off for a fun Saturday like nothing has changed. Until this thing starts effecting people personally, none of them are going to take it seriously.
Ryder Cook
Super immune
Landon Edwards
To be fair, it actually is "wait 2 weeks" - it's just that nothingburger fags kept shifting the goalposts.
>China hasn't even admitted there's a plague
>China hasn't closed the wet market
>China hasn't shut down Wuhan
>China hasn't shut down everything
>There are no infections outside of Asia
>There are no deaths outside of Asia
>There are no deaths in a first world country
>There are no deaths in a /real/ first world country
>The Western world hasn't shut down yet
>Australia's hospitals aren't overwhelmed by infections yet
you are here
>I'm don't even feel sick
>I'm not drowning in my own blood as my lungs melt
Aaron Stewart
>be me
>have to vote
>go to my old primary school
>memories
>men are all talking about fishing
>women all talking about chink AIDS seem to be paranoid about social distancing, some women have face masks (fucking idiots) men have none
>kids playing in sand pit
>some on jungle gym
>puppers tied up
>walk into voting area
>indoor basketball court
>look up
>4 soccerballs stuck between large I beams and roof
>memories
>old mate sparks up a durry outside
>males have no issue
>females scoff and complain about social distancing
>little kid playing in sand pit stands up
>walks over to his dad (the smoker)
>gives him a hug and tells him he loves him
>women visibly uncomfortable begin squirming as none have children (old roasties)
>voted
>pat old mates black lab pupper and give him some beef jerky
>sense of happiness and joy overwhelms me
I think we're going to be okay gentlemen.
Jaxon Gonzalez
hence the leftovers. i'm pretty well stocked anyways, got enough food, and stuff for about 2 more weeks if need be. baccy i can get from the servo, and booze...well, I can take it or leave it. again, the bottlo is an essential service.
Ethan Foster
Ps4 anyone, might aswell play games while inside
Mason Ward
good stuff
Jeremiah Ross
>So when you turn up, keep a 1.5 metre distance and then quickly go through the process.
When was the last time anyone went to vote and there wasn't a massive queue of wogs breathing all over you?
And whatever you do, DO NOT STICK YOUR HEAD INTO ONE OF THOSE FUCKING CARDBOARD PETRI DISHES.
Julian Scott
Can I please move to Australia, I swear I won't ask for gibs, I'm a chef at a Michelin starred restaurant (currently closed), that has got to count for something, that's got to land me some decent work. I love Australia, please don't tell me you're full.
Not living in Florida but I was born and raised there, we're basically the same. Floridians and Australians are brothers by blood.
Adam Flores
Yeah nah. Iran's been burying children since the beginning. It's just that at the start of an epidemic the frail and elderly have their systems overwhelmed first.
The healthy and the children take a little longer.
Joseph Hall
You can try
Alexander Collins
Who here /novote/?
Kevin Clark
might draw corona chan on it and hand it in
Hunter Cox
Yo, Ausfriends, what does Vegemite and Veeb taste like?