Boris Johnson tonight announced a lockdown plan to stem the spread of the coronavirus in the UK as he told the nation to stay at home. People will only be allowed to leave their home for the following 'very limited' purposes:
>Shopping for basic necessities as infrequently as possible. >One form of exercise a day. >Any medical need, to provide care or to help a vulnerable person. >Travelling to and from work, but only where this is absolutely necessary.
Meanwhile, the PM has announced a ban on: >Meeting with friends. >Meeting with family members you do not live with. >All weddings, baptisms and other ceremonies but excluding funerals. >All gatherings of more than two people in public.
The PM said the police will have the powers to enforce the lockdown measures through fines and dispersing gatherings.
To ensure people comply the government is also: >Closing all shops selling non-essential goods. >Closing all libraries, playground, outdoor gyms and places of worship. >Parks will remain open for exercise, but will be patrolled.
The police, or any "health officer" (basically anyone the Government conscripts) can quarantine you for up 48 hours if they suspect you of being infectious in public. Once tested, if not infectious you are let go, if you have Covid then you can be quarantined for 2 additional weeks.
The police can arrest you for breaching gethering rules, but much like when they arrested Extinction Rebellion people, most arrests will never lead to a conviction.
The maximum penalty for conviction under the new laws is a level 3 fine (ie £1000), or in Scotland it's 12 months in prison and an unlimited fine.
There is a fun little power in there quadrupling how long the Home secretary can issue intelligence and surveillance warrants for from 3 to 12 days. And the Treasury only needs a single Lord Commissioner to sign off expenditure, so Boris now has total control of the purse strings (or one of the Government Whips who are ex officio Commissioners can embezzle a fuck load without proper scrutiny).
Ayden Adams
Is there a gov page about how to claim bennies during all this?
Simpsons made some joke about balcony collapse. This will happen.
Lucas Thompson
just ordered chinese
Carson Long
out
OUT
Chase Miller
>Was about to finish uni and get some wageslave job >Global pandemic shuts down society and gives me a few more months of staying inside doing nothing I fucking love those bat eating chinamen
No. Milton Keynes had loads, but when this started they were all magically swept up and disappeared. I like to think right wing death squads, but imagine the council just put them all in a hotel.
Camden Campbell
Have you done any drugs?
Carson King
mfw I can work from home so no holiday fun times for me
Some user has the round down of how they’re funded by some tory peer whose son is the one running it, and might’ve married candence owens.
They’re an astroturfed kosher pysop with very very low engagement and support
Jeremiah Foster
>just started tren cycle 3 weeks ago >broke up with gf for buying pasta beans instead of deenz because tren makes me fucking autistic >really need a shag >phone has died and can't go get it fixed >grindr doesn't work on bluestacks >can't afford to buy new phone because spent all my cash on meat, whey, rice and LSD >now cant even go hang around uni flat blocks for traps and twinks fuck lads im so horny haha fuck haha any cute boys wanna come round for a shag? haha
Benjamin Perez
Be well please
Sebastian Cox
yeah if you think of it, most mongs wont though
Charles Reyes
What a high quality "lockdown" they've set out.
I hope I dont get sacked for this bullshit. Finally found a good firm and this bollocks kicks off.
Landon Foster
I don’t usually say but since you’ve badgered me into talking about it
Drugs I’ve done whilst partaking in British culture such as raves and debating politics and generally being a wasteman:
coke acid 25i-nbome Mdma Pma Mda Various speeds Ketamine Weed Hash Xanax Valium Klopopin Beta-blockers Rhino ket Thc pills Bath salts Solvents Alpha-pvp 2ci 2cb Poppers Mescaline NOS Cannisters
Imagine being such a neek that you’d go through uni not doing drugs.
Any drugs you recommend I do while partaking in British culture such as raves and that?
Also best combo is the classic Calvin Klein, a trusty reliable ol’ friend that’s only physically bad for you, mentally coke comedowns are a doddle.
tl;dr: I fucking love drugs
Joshua Anderson
Just a prank bro.
Nathaniel Williams
that's already happened to me on the 80% boris bennies feels great
Henry Nguyen
Think about it. Dr Who (Dr World health organisation) Daleks (Doing a lockdown equals kill self)
It is obvious that planet earth is under attack by the daleks
Evan Hall
ebay, robafen but make sure you read the label so it's ONLY dxm as an ingredient
fuck off nigger
Dominic Powell
If this is real can anyone give a QRD?
Also how do they get these pieces done so quickly?
Elijah Walker
this guy lives in the same town as me and I know exactly where he lives because he dox himself on youtube
Noah Rivera
What does this mean if i live in a small block of flats with a communal garden? Will I be allowed to go outside for a smoke or do I have to resort to smoking out a window?
Owen Reed
The virus is a front for the next phase of African Cattle Planet™ since 1789. This phase is about killing boomers (in order to finish off the voting denographics as brown youth will vote for tyranny), cashless society (cash spreads virus goyim!) , bagging patriots and them dying of "Corona", repopulation with "climate refugees" and then preparing of the chipped population where you can't buy or sell without the vaccine.
The virus was never meant to last long or kill us all, just last long enough and kill enough. Pay attention to laws being passed and proposals (in the UK for example they are about to just force through 100 pages of laws in a day and Boris has proposed mas testing so people can prove they had the illness and have recovered).
hopefully boris does the UBI to keep us all happy after a week of shutdown
Easton Rogers
this, haven't been outside in over a year kek
Jordan Hill
So looking forward to Boris bucks, £2.5k a month for nothing
Brandon Barnes
This could actually work out sort of OK. All the sensible old people self-isolated as soon as Boris said he'd do it eventually. Only the stupid waited till the last minute and we don't need that kind of stupid so fuck em. The young went out because they think they're invincible. Most of them are. I'm expecting a spike in cases next weekend because of the idiots who went out on friday night. But most of the young ones won't end up in the ICU. The percentages are quite small, even thought they're present. And as for the middle age farts who just HAD to go out for one last drink, even though being 45 should have told you it'd a bad idea because of that heart attack last year...same applies. Fuck em. If you're too stupid to do the shit you need to do to keep yourself alive, then we seriously don't need you around. You are a drain on society. Well done all the pensioners who went to ground. Screw the ones who didn't. Once you start to look at the picture like this, you see that Bojo's advisors are being clever. They are maxing the NHS load on the young to keep critical care beds down, while getting tech firms to come up with lots of ventilators. Most of these people will survive, whereas if it was middle-aged taking up the beds, like in Italy it would be a granny holocaust. We will be leaner and fitter at the end of this, with a lot of genetic dead weight lifted from the species. Expect a golden age to follow.
>killing people who will be dead in ten years anyway Thick cunt you mate.
John Martinez
Essssss ohhhhhh Veeeeeeee
Leo Reed
>Lady Sovereign
KEK
Christian Thompson
I've been saying it is aliens from the start. First Contact better be worth it I think they'll just help us out then fuck off but I don't think they would consider us worthy to join the galactic order of planets or anything like that
Ayden Watson
just keep an eye out for drones and you'll be okay
Aiden Nelson
>Containment suit wont be here till April >Have enough deenz till August I hate this LET ME FUCKING LARP
Aaron Gutierrez
This is a genuine fear. This whole thing reeks.
Reminder to not get any vaccine offered.
Jeremiah Nelson
so what does he suggest we do about this pandemic? any ideas at all?
Owen Anderson
Why is it the Chinese government? Unlike the fucking idiots in the Republican party, the Chinese managed to stop it. Meanwhile the US is on course for a fucking plague.
Robert Barnes
are you me lol
I even still have to go to work there is literally no difference it's hilarious.
Levi Butler
Deano and the lads are going to fuck us over somehow during all of this aren't they.
Matthew Garcia
My manager was being a dick at work today. I'm apparently a keyworker but I don't want to be there and catch the Wuhan plague. I can probably afford to stay in and play Football Manager for the duration of this crisis. What is the best way to go out?
Michael Hughes
HAVE YOU GOT A LOICENCE TO GO OUTSIDE!?
Jordan Lee
i hope you're right ald
Henry Jackson
Look at that big fat arse id shag her six ways from Sunday
Robert Roberts
Unless you're a freelancer/ employee of own LTD company. Then you're fucked.
Aaron Jones
fucking kek
Joseph Harris
fuck off too reddit
Ethan Martin
did he mean "dont travel to work unless its essential work" or did he mean "dont travel to work unless its essential that you have to travel to work, ie cant work at home"
Jace Turner
>for nothing no there will be a cost
Justin Green
>stopped it >after it killed 21 million people
Jaxson Foster
it's like he wants to penalize people for going into work to do essential jobs.
Noah Gomez
>>One form of exercise a day. This will be an increase for most of you.
Robert Jones
Normalfags gonna go full retard when the cabin fever sets in. It's gonna be glorious.
