Brit/pol/ - THE LOCKDOWN Edition

No Football
No Beers
No Sausage rolls.

NO LEAVING, ITS HAPPENING

Was watching channel 4 news just now. They’ve definitely been prepping this talking point.

eating me daily rations whilst watching

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The ride never ends.

LOCKDOWN JUST FLEW OVER ME HOUSE LADS

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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I'm scared lads. I'm going to die a shitty death by suffocating

Who gives a fuck about London

same mate

just shit myself

It's almost as if mainstream media is working together with people within the Civil Service and ever more the "Intelligence" Services to get particular messages out among the public.

The UK doesn't even have the police numbers to lock down everywhere, even the army and police combo int enough

FIGHT THE POWER
BOOMER REMOVER!

the world will belong to the youth!!
and cats

Build a wall around London

F I V E M I N U T E S

the comfy times are ahead, lads

LOCKDOWN INCOMING

LOCKDOWN INCOMING

THIS NOT A A DRILL I REPEAT

LOCKDOWN

INCOMING
N
C
O
M
I
N
G

he's on right now

Bozzer's on the telly!

I hope I can skin up in time fuck

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>The UK doesn't even have the police numbers to lock down everywhere, even the army and police combo int enough

they can hire from the security industry and on top of that ask for volunteers

im shaking

This isnt comfy

ITS HIM LADS

>Biggest threat

Fuck it's direct to the public not a press conference

Bbc2

It's here lads

Shut up and get to the point you posh twat

Oh god he's talking now
It's happening

lel he's doing it via video feed

The economy is more important than some boomers.

JESUS CHRIST BORIS HAS DECLARED WAR ON FRANCE OVER THE BORDERS

COPE

It will be enforced digitally with tracking peoples phones.

what is that sofa?

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Downing St. look like a tired B&B

GTFO OF LONDON FRENS

GET OUT NOW, DO NOT STAY LOCKED IN WITH THE SAVAGES, TROOPS ON THE STREETS ARE MOSTLY FROM COMMONWEALTH NATIONS INCLUDING NIGERIA AND PAKISTAN

Boris Johnson confirms!!!

he has all the toilet paper!!

>I am speaking to you from the cabinet room at 10 Downing Street. This morning the British ambassador in Wuhan handed the Coronavirus government a final note stating that unless we heard from them by 11 o'clock that they were prepared at once to withdraw their troops from Britain, a state of war would exist between us. I have to tell you now that no such undertaking has been received, and that consequently this country is at war with COVID-19.

Everyhing will be fine lads

lockdown incoming

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Not live?

Serious businesss, pre recorded for media...

OH SHIT HE JUST GOT SNACKBAR'D LIVE

OH MY GOD!!!!
IM SHOUTING

CAPTCHA FUCK OFF!!!

AAAAAAAA

LOCKDOWN CONFIRMED!

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HAPPENING

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>ARE PRESHUS ENNHS
well that didn't take long

We are going to war with china lads.

>using weed

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reminder that lockdown didn't help the chinese. they welded people into their homes and burned hundreds of thousands of infected per day. it didn't even slow the virus down.

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Theresa May couldn't have handled this.

wasn't chernobyl kinda bigger happening. this has been a slower burn

FUCKING HELL IT FEELS LIKE ONE OF THOSE BROADCASTS BEFORE A WAR STARTS

a sofa?

Nonce

the UK has millions of citizen jannys waiting to tell on people

MAXIMUM HAPPENING

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not sure why everything is lit in yellow, does look a bit 1940s

Then don't carry a phone....

it's right in front of the fuckin door that wot it is, why would you put a sofa infront of a door

/cvg/ predicted this

WOW

Stay home spastics.

We lockdowned brehs

nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

gonna kill myself lads

L O C K D O W N

WE ARE LEAVING

soundcloud.com/manilaice711/tears-for-fears-everybody-wants-to-rule-the-world-12-inch-extended-mix

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no no no noooo

Witnessed.

THE TIME HAS NOW COME

Based we can go for a walk

>stay at home

Make me bitch.

HOW CAN I GO BUY WEED

STAY HOME CITIZEN
GIVE UP YOUR FREEDOMS CITIZEN
COMPLY CITIZEN OR ELSE

They wanted this

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Just say NO

MAXIMUM HAPPENING

THIS IS IT BOYS

LETS GO

just heard a tank roll past omg

THE POLICE WILL HAVE THE POWERS!!!

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NOT A LOCKDOWN

GO HOME IDIOTS

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THE POLICE

P O L I C E
S T A T E

>no change
lmao SAD

PLACES OF WORSHIP

habbening

POLICE

he's going full on 1984 police state

FUCK

MY OFFICE WILL STILL EXPECT ME TO COME INTO WORK

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Get yer leaving home licence

HE'S SHUT THE SHOPS

>PLEASE TELL US WERE NOT ALLOWED TO GO OUTSIDE
>I MIGHT GO OUTSIDE OTHERWISE
>AHHHH

i thought the upholsterer user was here

Shiieeetttt

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This guy is retarded, it should a complete lockdown, NO LEAVING EVER OR YOU WILL BE SHOT.

This is amazing

CLOSING THE MOSQUES

YOU MUST STAY AT HOME
unless
>shopping for basic necessities
>one form of exercise per day alone or with household members
>medical need
>travelling to and from work only when necessary and cannot be done from home

DO NOT MEET FRIENDS
DO NOT MEET FAMILY MEMBERS NOT IN YOUR HOME

IF YOU DON'T FOLLOW THE RULES
THE POLICE WILL HAVE THE POWER TO ENFORCE THEM

TO ENSURE COMPLIANCE
WE WILL IMMEDIATELY CLOSE ALL SHOPS SELLING NON-ESSENTIAL
PLUS LIBRARIES, PLACES OF WORSHIP
ALL SOCIAL EVENTS
>excluding funerals

PARKS OPEN FOR EXERCISE
GATHERINGS WILL BE DISPERSED

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imagine trying to shutdown millions of these guys
goodluck

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>still have to go to work

LET ME GO BOJO!

so i still have to go to work?

It's over Gents. Hope you all stockpiled.

T H A N K S C H I N A

holy shit

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REEEEEE WHY CAN'T I GOING AND LICK DOOR HANDLES

POLICE STATE POLICE STATE

UK IS CLOSED!!!

FUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK

Why the fuck does this apply to the hole country and not just London?

3 WEEKS

toy shop user you're free

this kek

Is this even a lockdown, bongs?

NOT A FUCKING LOCKDOWN...

>You can go shopping
>You can go to work

NOT A FUCKING LOCKDOWN...

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having friends declared illegal

So are building sites staying open or what

HAVE YOU LOICENCE FOR GOING OUT OF YOUR HOME? YOU ARE UNDER ARREST

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nonces can still go and watch kids in the parks, based Bozzer

Entire country

The cunts at the weekend ruined it for everyone.

Not a full lockdown but pretty close to one..

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Wtf the NHS just flew over my house

Only if absolutely essential.

OI YOU GOT A LOICENSE TO GO OUT M8!?

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Stuck in home then for the next 3 weeks then. Bollocks.

Is a garden centre that sells food in the form of seeds "essential"?

It will be boring lads

How the fuck are they going to enforce this?

It's the same in Italy/France.

> tfw I have a huge garden
Suck yo be you, city dwellers lol

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No

>Parks are still Open
POST THE SEEEETHE

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So the borders are still open? What the FUCK am I hearing?

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Better get comfy lads. This is going to be a long one.

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it's the whole country dummy

i'm stuggling to pay attention can someone give me a quick rundown

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NO GATHERINGS ASIDE FROM FUNERALS

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can i go to work at the factory still , im confused?

simp nigga shit

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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Only essential work

Thank fuck i dont have to deal with the inlaws for a few weeks

>>You can go shopping

Wait what? Shops are open?

how long until the chimpouts start?

You must stay at home
Only leave your home for shopping, 1 form of exercise per day, any medical need, travelling to and from work when absolutely necessary
Reject your friends
Say no to extended family
If you don't follow the rules, the police will fine and disperse you
To ensure compliance, we will immediately close all shops selling non essential goods, libraries, gyms etc.
No meetings in public of over 2 people
Parks will remain open for exercises but gatherings will be dispersed
I know the damage this is doing to peoples lives
That's why we've got gibs programs for plebs and taskmasters
If the disease chills, we'll chill
no easy options
many lives will sadly be lost
there is a clear way through
we are strengthening our NHS
do more, stay at home

You should have seen Snowdon this weekend.

Fucking boomers.

N O T A L O C K D O W N

POLICE JUST FLEW OVER MY HOUSE IT'S OVER

No lockdown
As a wagie i seethe

Why are the left so fucking stupid?

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people from London were almost definitely evacuating to places like Snowdonia so as to obey the letter (not spirit) of the restrictions.

I see police officers a dozen times in my village, kek.

going shopping tomorrow hope tesco is open

Meh close enough, if it gets worse he only has to knock it up one last gear to the full lock down

>shes too old to save England from martial law and has to remained locked down in a lonely little room
>else the corona kills her

imagine how depressing it must be, knowing you might have to spend your final days in total fucking lockdown.

God Save the Queen

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>country on full lock down just because boomers can't handle a cough

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Is your work necessary?

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this is an actual happening. hes shutting it down

Fuck it I’m heading to the shop right now to buy some vodka

Police and army

was that an earthquake or was it just all the europeans leaving?

Here come the riots

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its not a shop so yeah

GOTTA PUBLIC SPACE VISITING LOISENSE?! NO!??!?!?!?!?! THAT'S 5-TO-LIFE; OF TO THE NIK WITH YOU!

Boris is saving UK

Corona will be over in 5 weeks

we can't go shopping

>think i will just go for a walk today

OI M8 U GOT A LOICENSE FOR THAT?

you're thinking of a "curfew"

Only pharmacies and food stores, everywhere else closes under law.

He's officially closed the mosques. Based Boris!

Well I can't do it from home so...

>Biggest problem is London
>Rest of us have to stay home because these fucks can't wash their hands and insist on living 12 to a flat
Fuck sake

So, what did you think of our Glorious Leader's address?

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That sounds alright desu. Basically my life already.

Should've just locked down london from the start and blockaded the shithole.

Is that it..

what if you are homeless?

I guess I was
WHERE'S MY FUCKING CURFEW?

He should just fucking do it now

Why didn't I get a haircut when I could have...

My hair's already stupidly long.

Habbening cancelled guys. Thank goodness.

Three weeks eh?

Likelihood of some kind 2011 style riot chimp out then?

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I JUST ORDERED A TONNE OF SHIT ONLINE ON EBAY AND AMAZON
FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Fuckin Chinks

I'm hoping
Race war now

The Father of the Nation only wants whats best Comrade.

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thats impossible you need a license to be homeless.

Kek

Implying the police are gonna be able to enforce this against me and my mates messing about on choried 125s

yeah absolute nothingburger mate

hopefully it'll be very comfy tonight lads

Lockdown confirmed i guess

my idea of a perfect holiday tbqfh

I have 2x 900 page doorstoppers to read.

Police: Have you been out more than once today?
No. First time

LOCKDOWN OR NOT CUNTS?

theresa may's long lost sister on sky news live

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ALL LOICENSES REVOKED
>ALL LOICENSES REVOKED
ALL LOICENSES REVOKED
>ALL LOICENSES REVOKED

THESE FUCKING BELLENDS WERE DEMANDING THIS

How long is the lockdown?

he should of made it more like an order, sounds like another suggestion tbqh

That was weirdly comfy.

The most limp wristed lockdown in history

yes Boris is aware of the needs of the gerbil community

>GEE, IT SURE IS BORING AROUND HERE.
>MAH BOI, LOSS OF FREEDOMS IS WHAT ALL TRUE KEKOLDS STRIVE 4!
>I JUST WONDER WHAT CHEENA'S UP TO.
>PRIME MINISTER, CHEENA AND HIS MINIONS HAVE SEIZED THE ISLE OF GIBRALTAI.

Yes, we are now locked down like that gimp in Pulp Fiction.

man that made me horny

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS BITCH FACE???

everyones just going to ignore it tho lol

I'm shaving my head on friday desu lad. Always wanted to and now I'll have an excuse to do it when no one can see. Epic.

>MUHHHHHH RIOT

Stop this fucking meme.
No ones fucking riot in USA or here ...

>i can still go shops
>i can still go for a bike ride
so same old then

BBC detector vans

Same, gonna have a fucking pony tail at this rate, better than kung-flu I guess.

Tfw you work for the fucking nhs and still have to go to work.

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>sister

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>Greggs closed
bongs are going to fucking riot

3 weeks minimum

Can you get sosij rolls delivered?

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Funny how this will still spread due to Pakistanis and Indians. Their "family" consists of three thousand people they know and their uncle's uncle who can get them some cheap iPhones innit bruv?

no end date was given

Of course it's going to happen, negroes are animals and simply don't possess the required self-control.

they shoulda got this bitch on skynews to give the speech

>travelling to and from work
So I go to work and don't do anything? Sounds awesome. I want a virus outbreak every year.

2 PEOPLE!!!
WHAT THE FUCK!!!

has he literally just forced me to quit weed or what

what will your one form of exercise outside be lads?

We actually should have cancelled all flights out of China and quarantined all people coming in to the country for 2 weeks.
But self defence is racist now.

But we're going to change that thinking now lads.

3 weeks

what is perspective and foreshortening

I'd happily stay home for weeks at a time under normal circumstances but now that it's mandatory I'm going to go for a big walk tomorrow.

>3 WEEKS

LOCKDOWN
ARE YOU FUCKING READY?

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Why are so many britfags tripfags? Literal faggots.

I for one am looking forward to the police enforcing the closure of mosques as they will 100% do it.

What about posting letters/parcels?

That's what I said retard, why isn't it London only, there's like 10 cases in my county yet London has 2k +cases

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WALKING LOICENSE NEEDED

No work for 3 weeks except for essential work ah well you twisted my arm I give in

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I mean seeds for vegetables you plank.

FUCKING HELL IF I HAD ANY OTHER JOB ID HAVE TIME OFF. FUCK MY LIFE

I wont see a single police officer in my town guaranteed

LOCKDOWN
>LOCKDOWN
LOCKDOWN
>LOCKDOWN
LOCKDOWN
>LOCKDOWN
LOCKDOWN
>LOCKDOWN
LOCKDOWN
>LOCKDOWN
LOCKDOWN
>LOCKDOWN
LOCKDOWN
>LOCKDOWN
LOCKDOWN
>LOCKDOWN
LOCKDOWN

it's started omfg

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tfw atomized friendless loner brits inherit the earth

actually kek'd at this

IT HAS BEGUN!

>Work in a supermarket
If they enforce this properly I'm in for an easy 3 weeks at work.

Guys how am I going to pay for food and rent?

Sillybilly
I ordered some clippers 3 weeks ago
My beard and sides is wonky as fuck

Now you are stuck like me :(
Sorry lads

3 weeks looks like

London is the UK, surely you know this now? Other parts are just storage rooms.

>Jobcentre tried to get me to do voluntary work for 6 months at a hospital the other week
Dodged a bullet.

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brainlet detected

Ports and Airports are literally among the least crowded parts of the country right now.

Course. How can they fine you if they don't know how many times you've been out

Not looking forward to pushing trolleys tomorrow lads

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Based.

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my dealer lives round the corner :D

this

While I have plausible deniability I’m buying two bottles of vodka at the paki shop

That’s Muslims, Hindus and Sikhs. Don’t throw me in that group.
>t.poo

Chimpout forecast: London. CRITICAL CHANCE OF CHIMPOUT

>m.youtube.com/watch?v=wnd1jKcfBRE

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please post more TW webms I need it

thanks

niggers are going to ignore this

If theres a young, relatively fit person that needs a bed or ventilator etc that's occupied by some old cunt then they should chuck gramps out tbqhwy

MUH DICK

don't forget the mass graves

oh whats that? you wanted to go to the pub?

problem?

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Well, you could just go out and die.
Then you wouldn't have to.

>Tfw you work for the courts and still have to go to work
Fuck this

shit taste for a happening, good taste otherwise

why are tripfags always autistic

FUCKING HELL
THIS JOURNALIST SLAG ON BBC
BLAMING PEOPLE FOR NOT LISTENING TO BEING ASKED
>IT'S YOUR FAULT YOU'RE LOCKED DOWN GOYS
WHEN THE FUCK WILL THE NORMIES HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS

Usa hasn’t shut down, and your frogs rioted over petrol price increase

There's not a single fucking case in my city and everything closed it's Goddam travesty

Hi britbongs.
Welcome to Lockdown mode.

Neat

We Mega City One now, boys!

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I bought my wife some clippers, she hit youtube and I'm sporting a pandemic kitchen haircut. feels good man.

that's the spirit

JUST

Ultramarathon..... Spend the day outside alone getting tired and eating.

suck cock for it slag

>noooooooooo, you can't have a social life, think of the nurserinos!!!!

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Lmao you cunt

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What is a joke, why are yanks so literal minded, maybe I sould start putting *canned laughter* at the end of posts

journalists BTFO. how will they cope literally not being able to move about

Lmfao

>Jewish Prime Minister bans church and baptisms
What did he mean by this?

>OI MATE YOU HAVE A LICENCE FOR THAT NON ESSENTIAL ACTIVITY?

How are we going to live this down bros?

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lol

NEW

chinks are now based

You little shit corona chan

We are all in this together mate.

LOCDOWN HAPPENED. BIG HAPPENING

>Work in sandwich faxtory
>Refusing to shut since its "Essential"
Fuck this, I'm ringing in sick. Like fuck am I risking mine and my family's health for making fucking sandwiches.

>the left are one person

When did Bojo say the measures are going to start?

"it's a nothingburger"

This thread is going so fast nobody will notice im paki hoarding toilet paper too sell on eBay

This will just change the leadership of muzzie communities on the other side of the pandemic to being more hostile with greater resources

I'm fucking onto you, you filthy sand-rat

>mfw when the police brutalise the journalists outside No 10 for breaking the corona curfew

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>survivors is real

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there will be an unholy reckoning against china when this is over, pubs, footie, greggs, all gone. and for what? so chang can have some bat soup. it's not on.

dont say things like that. things like that really piss me off.

This evening

THE ABSOLUTE STATE

They're quite a few people
Who all think and act the same
So it's like one mega bell end
A Bose-Einstein condensate of retards

Oi wot you doin out?
Goin the shop m8

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Kys

How is it a lockdown when we still have to go to work, which is full of people

immediately i think

because disabling parts of your brain is what turns you into a leftist in the first place

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Who thought they could just push this shit through with a fake nothingburger virus?

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HOLY FUCKING YESSS
MY MANAGER CANT KEEP THE FUCKING STORE OPEN NOW THE WANKER
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHHAHAHA
BORIS BUX
BORIS BUX
BORIS BUX

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Don't be a selfish bastard, everyone eats sandwiches.

They need to draft in the strike breakers Thatcher had.

>no. 10 puts it on twitter

I’m coming for your bogroll Gopinder

You still have to go to work m8, and it's the only place people are allowed to go to.

They better supply us a harem each of qt chinese girls

>mass graves can only have 2 people in them

Not gonna make it lads.

Cant drink your tea properly you little british fag?

Be glad youve still got a job user

then you'll get picked up in a truck and set to a factory to become a cyberman

>STOP BEING A SOCIETY
says government elected by said society

I'm a total recluse but I don't see this being at all effective - you would have to shut down every single tube station to stop london termites from mingling. What are they going to do, arrest every single commuter?

GOTTA GO FAST!!

what is an appropriate song for this pandemic in your opinion?

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you can't be evicted for 4 weeks according to other rules, so just spend all your rent money on food.

problem solved!

hahahahahahah
fucking hell

WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE AAAAAAAAAAAAA

theyre probably as shocked as we are at how easy it was.

can i still get a takeaway tonight lads or is it effective immediately

British police are already authoritarian dicks over spoons. They’re just gonna start arresting people walking the streets now

did you literally understand nothing Bojo said lol?

Hahaha thats literally me

the state of wagies cheering on NWO takeover for the sake of a day off lol

LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOO

I bet Croydon will be the first to chimp out

tfw gramps paid for the bed his entire life you retarded twat. within minutes all civilised values been abandoned and old people are being slaughtered by hysterical entitled zoomer generation who haven't paid for anything and do nothing but take from better people who worked harder for longer to give them a better life. feels bad

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Don't forget Saturday Night Takeaway

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>Only allowed to go out infrequently and alone
Sounds easy compared to the last 2 weeks

>tell people not to go out
>people go out in droves
>tell people to social distance
>people press into each others arses and breath down each others necks

he should have told everyone to go out and have fun, people would have stayed inside

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3 weeks
They'll review it after that and then either relax measures or renew/tighten them if it works or not. I'm guessing the number of cases still won't abate

based, luve a bit of mitcehll and webb

Ill settle for nothing less than total war

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>there will be an unholy reckoning against china when this is over

Yessss goyim blame the nasty nassty Chinese for thisss.

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Is you're takeaway made of food? If so, then yes you can.

If your eating non-essential items like clothes or electronics, then probably not.

Did she just place a bowl on ur head and cut around?

one day, that'll be you
remember that post

Lads, its my birthday soon and I was going to invite some friends around for a few drinks… :(

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sorry grandad abdul has 60 years of life ahead of him

On mish to the corner shop. Police car just passed me. I’m gonna make it bros

Sure you can just print your little form saying you're gonna get some food.

That's what the chips are for.

Evens say fuck the police I drive out to my girlfriend's house now

>civilised
Nothing civilised about an older generation living beyond their time and fucking the rest of us. Civilised old people wander in to the woods and accept their fate instead of desperately clinging to the vestiges of life.

Was Wales open to visitors in the first place?

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The way we always have, by issuing licences