Kramer: well *slams door* I got corona
*audience laughs*
Jerry: you what?
Kramer: yeah yeah I got it Jerry, the big C, the killer bat flu I got it all baby!
*audience laughs*
Jerry: my god are you sure?! how did you find out?!
Kramer: well I rushed over to the doctor after a chinese man SPIT on me after I took an entire case of toilet paper from his shopping cart
*audience laughs*
Jerry: why are you taking toilet paper out of people's carts?
*audience laughs*
Kramer: Oh Jerry it's a madhouse out there! I mean don't you watch the news?! Half the countries gone berserk trying to get supplies to survive we're like...like..caged birds pecking at each other *imitates pecking birds with both his hands* YAAAH YAAHH
*audience laughs*
Jerry: but toilet paper I mean why that specifically? I could maybe see...canned food or instant noodle soup but toilet paper?
Kramer: well you know….
Jerry: what?
Kramer: geh *montions his head towards his butt*
Jerry: what what what is it?
Kramer: eh..poo poo
*audience laughs*
*Jerry rolls his eyes*
Jerry: oh come on
Kramer: no jerry don't you see? they set us up…!
Jerry: who?
Kramer: *looks around ominously as he gets closer to Jerry's face* the toilet paper industry *tck*
*audience laughs*
Jerry:....what?
Kramer: yeah see they planned it all out from the start..the virus, the paranoia, the media frenzy, see they caused it all to make a couple of bucks oh they conned us Jerry they conned us real good..OOOOH YEAH!!
*audience laughs*
Jerry: are you done?
*audience laughs*
Kramer: what what you don't believe me?
Jerry: well I don't know I mean going to all that trouble it seems highly unlikely-
Kramer: o-alright alright you blind yourself from the truth like the rest of the cattle, but you're only hurting yourself Jerry and when there's a dirty bum that needs wiping and there's no more paper to clean it with you'll know who to thank!!
*audience laughs*
Kramer: well *slams door* I got corona
Larry David? Why are you in Canada?
*jazz bass interlude between scenes*
>Elaine: can't you spare just a single square!?
Uncanny how I could hear Kramer's voice. You're good
kek
Have a bump simply for the amount of effort.
Not bad. Did you steal it though
Pretty good made me chuckle but I don't think you wrote Jerry very well ;^( where is his jokes? It's his show after all
bretty good
noice
>phone rings
>jerry: hold on Kramer I gotta get this. Yello?
>george: jerry jerry! Ya gotta help me! I'm stuck in Chinatown the D train stopped and it isnt coming back for 2 days!
>jerry: uncle leo?
>audience laugh
>george: jerry!
>jerry: why are you in Chinatown george?
>george: well I was taking my parents to an antique shop and well the train is free on Tuesdays, so here we are?
>jerry: why did your parents wanna go get antiques now of all times?
>George: well I told them about this shop on 12th that was having a sale on mid century dining furniture
>jerry: theres no antique shop on 12th. 12th doesnt even go to china town, why are you really there george?
>George:...
>jerry: oh my god you're trying to get your parents infected!
>audience laugh
>george: dont you judge me jerry! Just one cough jerry and the house is mine. I can legally transfer them to the hospital no questions asked. The house will be mine jerry!
>jerry: hold on george. I've got someone else on the line
>george screaming: jerry dont you hang up. Jerry! Jerry!!!
>audience laugh
God I could hear it all 10/10
Upvoted for lost episode "The Pandemic"
>Kramer: eh..poo poo
>*audience laughs*
i applaud you
>jerry: hello?
>elaine: jerry its elanie. I'm stuck in traffic, apparently the bridge is shut down and I cant get through.
>jerry: where are you?
>elaine: well Pittman was freaking out so he sent me to a shop in Hoboken that has masks and hazmat suits and all sorts of medical supplies. Had to snatch the last 10 pack of n95 from some little old man.
>audience laugh
>jerry: Hoboken? Well you can cut through chinatown and bypass the bridge. I've got George on the other line he says he is stuck there, you could pick him up.
>elaine: why is george in Chinatown
>jerry: antique shopping with his parents
>elaine: in chinatown?
>jerry that's what he said. Nothing else weird about out
>audience laugh
>elaine: nothing weird huh? Yeah I believe george isnt doing anything weird.
>audience laugh
>elaine: yeah go ahead tell george I'll pick him up. Oh and is Kramer there?
>jerry:yeah
>elaine: tell him I pick up the biggest thing of elderberry juice I could find. 5 gallons.
>audience laugh
>jerry to kramer: elaine got you 5 gallons of elderberry juice
>kramer: ahh yeah, giddy up
>audience laugh
Pretty good except Jerry is a germaphobe and would have freaked out.
I don't have a square to spare!
I feel like I just watched this episode.
Jerry can eat a dick. He's not funny and never was.
He's always prepped on cereal though.
lol
This fucking thread
lockdown with the anons ain't so bad
no place i'd rather be
>you were there when anons made seinfeld funnier than the jews did
Cut to george and his parents outside a phone booth in china town
>frank: so elaine is picking us up huh?
>George: that's what jerry said
>frank: well where is she?
>george: I dont know dad, she maybe stuck in traffic
>Estelle: Georgey I'm hungry
>frank: see your mother and I have a strict dietary schedule, it's time to eat!
>george: cant you wait? It wont be much longer
>estelle: george I l need to eat now!
>george looks around and sees a dumpling stand. The man working it is coughing
>george: how about some dumplings?
>audience laughs
>estelle: I dont know George, the man looks sick
>george: ma ma it's just a commong cold, you know the media is just hyping this up. It's no worse than a cold ma
>audience laughs
>frank: I dont trust the china man. Not since they took the factory to Shanghai
>audience laugh
>george: my treat guys. Look I'll go over there, and buy em you guys wait right here
Elaine shows up in Pittmans car.
>elaine: you guys need a pick up?
unironically one of the better episodes of seinfeld i've watched
need a neuralnet to generate seinfeld episodes from scripts like this lmao
T. Jew
Jerry hates you kikes too
Jerry: Oh, come on!
Kramer: Hypocrite that you are, for you trust the chemicals in your brain to tell you that they are chemicals. All Knowledge is ultimately based on that which we cannot prove.
i appreciate the effort
You forgot the door slam at the end
>george: elaine just wait a moment my parents are hungry. I was just about to get them some dumplings.
Points to cart with man coughing
>elaine: george are you insane!? That man is clearly sick. Dont buy his food.
>george: elaine elaine. He just has cold, it's no problem.
>elaine: George if I didnt know any better, I'd think you were trying to get your parents sick
>George:....
>elaine: get out!! Your sick George, sick! I knew you were up to something. Antique shopping when the city is on lockdown!
>audience laugh
>george: quite elaine. Just be quite and I'll make it worth your while.
>elaine: if you dont get in this car right now george you can spend the next 2 days in chinatown!
>George frustrated: fine. Get in the car everybody let's go!!
>audience la7gh
keke I can hear Frank screaming
Now I want to know how it ends.
Cant wait for the final seconds of this episode
>cut to trunk of Pittmans car
>tiny bat snoozing in spare tire
>bat wakes up and looks directly at camera..... winks
> exit bass line duub dubdoob doob dooob *brass flourush*
>It's a country where you make your own demographic pie, Jerry. We give you the rope, the hood, torch, and you just take all the undesirables and slide em right into the oven! Sounds good huh
Elaine: Darn! There's no more toilet paper!
*audience laughs*
Elaine (to next stall): E-e-excuse me, uh, c-can you spare a square?
*audience laughs*
Sides: split
I'd orate this in my house to (my) family if they spoke English
>If only
>Just be quite
Man this dub is not as good as subs. Maybe if I press something on my remote heeeeere.
>lau7hing
Well great now the fuzz is back. How hard do I have to smack this thing to get a decent picture!
Worthy production.
T.hanks, leaf
Where's Newman in all this?
this is pretty good.... i saved it
Probably selling counterfeit lysol door to door but skips jerry's floor because he wants jerrys apartment
good shit, OP
He joined a militia and they’re poised to raid Keith Hernandez’s condo in Flushing.
Newman is obviously off running a grift with his fellow postal workers, stealing packages containing hand sanitizer and n95s to sell on the black market in preparation for the collapse of civil authority. His story arc intersects with Kramer and they get detained by the National Guard for breaking curfew.
Someone write one with Peterman.
Pottery.
>Hope is killing me!
>My dream is to have no hope.
>flushing
*laughs in kramer*
Alright guys I've got to go to work so I'll give you the plot I was going for
>jerry cancels a date because the woman is Chinese
>kramer and Newman were gonna use the elderberry juice to make a miracle cure and sell it door to door. They are taking advanced orders when somebody mentions the cytokine storm.
>elaine is taking the constanzas home. Frank gets pissed because the car is pack full of medical supplies. He starts throwing them out the window to make room along with the elderberry juice. This sends the city into panic because hazmat suits and masks and gloves were found scattered around the city covered in purple slime.
>during this George's parents let slip that in their will they are giving their house to his successful cousin invalidating George's plans.
>elaine gets back to Pittman and tells him the supplies were stolen by youths. Pittman berates her saying this is why she is never invited to his fancy friday lunches and tells her to leave and not come back until she can repay him
>cuts to pittman sitting down to a meal of bat soup
It was fun fellas stay safe
How are people so creative? I have 130+ IQ and am good at mathematics and shit but there’s no way I could ever come up with stuff like this organically. What the fuck?
I can hear both in my heeeaaad
This was good shit, user.
Jerry IS a like, you fucking dolt.
>calling me a kike because I don't find jerry funny
I bet you think elaine is hilarious too, eh?
That episode is in my head now, it officially happened as far as my brain can tell.
Slight suggested modification: He cancels a date with Donna Chang because he thinks she's Chinese. When he finds out she isn't, he tries to come up with an excuse to get it rescheduled -- and, eventually, is successful at doing so after much pleading.
At the end Donna Chang is shown eating some of the bat soup at one of Mr. Pitt's fancy friday lunches.
Same, I saw it in motion in my minds eye with all the voices matching.
I like it lol
(((Changstein)))
Peterman > Pittman
Brilliant.
That is perfect
Well done, have a (you)
>He cancels a date with Donna Chang because he thinks she's Chinese.
Yeah, I like this. She was either adopted or a divorcee
Yeah, but pittman allows for elaine to be out shopping for ridiculous stuff. If I went with peterman, it wouldve been something about elaine in chinatown trying to buy some type of hat and the chinaman giving her some secret asian cure for the corona virus that kramer identifies as bull semen
Feels
Like
An
Arby’s
Night
Kek'd and underrated.
I need that gif where he kicks the kimble off the table
Not bad
This
SERENITY NOW