Why have you not taken the bidet red pill yet?

toxic chemicals in tap water up your ass crack will give you colon cancer.

I bought a bidet. I find the resulting splash from the water stream smashing into my anus gets everywhere. Resulting in shit water covering my ass cheeks which does not give me a sense of cleanliness. Need protips here, bros. Stream on lowest setting still causes lots of splashing.

> be me a god fearing American
> Notice tp is not there when I go for a stroll through my local Walmart
> Order the best bidet online the Bidet 9000
> Install it with ease using imperial measurements
> Turn it on high
> A powerful jet of water cuts my arsehole wide open
> Scream and reach for tp to wipe up the blood
> There was no tp
> Try and walk to grab a towel but my pants made me trip and fall causing blood to go everywhere
> Typing this right now as its impossible for me to get up with the slippery blood everywhere
> Don't want to call 911 as I can't afford the treatment
> Thinking about bleeding out here on the bathroom floor....

my girlfriend's pussy?

Fags we've always had it here

What do you dry your ass with if not TP?

Or do you just walk around with a soggy asshole? That might explain the europoor smell

I still need toilet paper. I have sticky poo which I need to first remove with toilet paper, then bidet my ass, then use toilet paper to wipe even more, then bidet for the second time and then wipe my ass dry.
The other option would be to get my fingers pooy.
Either way it's a big job.
It's simply easier to just wipe it at one sitting so that the paper comes off clean.

Why not use wetwipes like babies

Just use your hand with some small water

but dont buy them make them

Attached: Howmakewetwipe.png (612x3360, 945.05K)

I plan to, but
>Needs plumber to fit
>While everyone is locked down self-isolating

Real asian bidets have a drying mode too u heathen

honestly been considering getting one of these homosexual european toilets after the depression ends

Just installed one of the adapters on the toilet I use at work. The butt sprayer is life changing.

If water goes up my asshole then I'm gay. I'm no faggot.

I'm not interested in spraying my shit across my cheeks, what's wrong with a wet wipe?

the toilet seat adapters don't need a plumber, unless you have weird plumbing.

they got a toilet seat on amazon that has a warm air dryer, a heated seat, AND a nightlight

ok but does it comb my asshair after drying it

but you need an outlet next to your toilet, which my bathroom definitely doesn't have. And I really don't feel like doing any wiring.

what an absolute cunt of a day

How do you not spray liquid shit all over that?

Spemt my fair share of time sitting atop top of the line gook shitters over there and let's be honest all that does is gently blow some rank weird smelling air over your moist anus for a bit and not really dry anything

I presume you don't wash your ass either?

The tip is not to use fucking bidets. Shit water splashing all over everything & your ass isn't my idea of clean.

>Like, bro just wipe it off with some..toilet paper

Exactly. Worthless.

Chinese scam.

fuck off eurofag. America has plenty of trees to make paper. My ass is clean and dry. You can rim me without fear.

a button you press extends the nozzle, sprays, then you press the button again and it goes back under

Water in my ass sounds awful, won’t I have to wipe it anyway to dry it off?

> Get your anus tickled by a little watter stream goy.

I eat a good diet so my shits are solid and I have trained myself to shit before my morning shower because I am efficient.

Yurofags LOVE the sensation of things going up their ass.

How do people dry off afterwards?

Buy a better bidet

Plebian gook pooper then

I wash it with disinfectant soap which kills toxins and germs. A bidet has no soap, it just shoots dirty water straight into your butthole.

Will it stimulate my prostate?

farting violently until the water flies off.

commie capitalist scam
rabbinical studies look like a wizard cult and don't you be talking shit on wizards bitch

Reminder that you still need tp or else you now have a dripping wet ass leaving round soaked spots everywhere you sit (still some shit as well).

After using a bidet, even a expensive Japanese one, there is still shit on you asshole.

Best is to wipe, then bidet.

Just use a tabo, bros

Attached: tabo.jpg (523x328, 30.22K)

>I can't poop all at once, so I go through multiple stages of pooping out a little nugget
What's your diet like?

other way around. Bidet then wipe. The water takes care of the bulk.

One of the bathrooms at my college had a bidet. I tried it one time. The water was ice cold and it made my ass sting. It was horrible.

What the hell are you fantasizing about?

>imagine being this much of a pleb

I wipe with some paper to get the bulk, and then switch over to my bidet with warm water and soap followed by a hairddryer on hot directed straight into my butthole.

why the fuck are so many bidet shills in here all of a sudden ?
>you have to dry your ass after you sprayed water on it, making this shit redundant
>if your fingers are that fucking weak that you cant clean wet shit from your asshole with TP, you arent allowed to post in here and have to give away your balls to someone who might be able to use them

there

thats not a bidet
this one is

Attached: esa1.jpg (1500x1500, 198.24K)

yeah, nah

i actually have an old toothbrush that i use. when i shit i wipe ass much as i can. i then switch to the brush, ill dip it into the toilet to wet it and then i proceed to scrub just like i was brushing my teeth. takes a while to get used to it but it leaves your ass surprisingly clean

>> A powerful jet of water cuts my arsehole wide open
youtube.com/watch?v=DEUZLEmFUgA

>buy and use bidet
>water spreading all over your ass cheeks
>whole ass is wet, what to do
>use toilet paper to dry your ass and clean it from shit water

Op tried to act all snobby but him implying that if you have A bidet you don't need toilet paper anymore proves he is just as swamp assed as the Americans.

The irony is that squatting toilets sound like a third world thing but they are actually better for your bowels

The lack of culture and general hygene from these dirty yanks is deep.

use a 20x40 towel

Merican smell like pajeet. Imagine you have to shit !!! Would you pick them up with toilet paper or wash it away with water? Yet merican choose dry wipe with toilet paper. Ewwe fucking disgusting.

Mon 23 Apr 2007

"All I wanna do is have some fun," sang Sheryl Crow once, but it appears her desires have since changed. Now all she wants to do is limit the use of toilet paper to one sheet per visit.

The singer made her declaration in an article for the Huffington Post to help promote her Stop Global Warming College Tour, an 11-date tour explaining the perils of global warming to Americans. Accompanied by Laurie David, activist and wife of comedian Larry David, the pair have been criss-crossing the country in a biodiesel-powered bus spreading the word on the bathroom hygiene of the future.

According to Crow's new strictures, the average person should use "only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required". Further details were not offered as to the precise nature of these "pesky occasions", though "we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work", she insists.

Awareness of climate change has been growing steadily in the US since Vice President Al Gore's movie, An Inconvenient Truth, began to generate publicity for the subject. Crow and David showed clips from Gore's documentary on their tour

theguardian.com/environment/2007/apr/23/musicnews.music

Somewhat similar to how ancient Rome did it. They used a sponge on a stick.

based and bidetpilled
i havent used more than 2 rolls of pape in a year