Kramer: well *slams door* I got corona
*audience laughs*
Jerry: you what?
Kramer: yeah yeah I got it Jerry, the big C, the killer bat flu I got it all baby!
*audience laughs*
Jerry: my god are you sure?! how did you find out?!
Kramer: well I rushed over to the doctor after a chinese man SPIT on me after I took an entire case of toilet paper from his shopping cart
*audience laughs*
Jerry: why are you taking toilet paper out of people's carts?
*audience laughs*
Kramer: Oh Jerry it's a madhouse out there! I mean don't you watch the news?! Half the countries gone berserk trying to get supplies to survive we're like...like..caged birds pecking at each other *imitates pecking birds with both his hands* YAAAH YAAHH
*audience laughs*
Jerry: but toilet paper I mean why that specifically? I could maybe see...canned food or instant noodle soup but toilet paper?
Kramer: well you know….
Jerry: what?
Kramer: geh *montions his head towards his butt*
Jerry: what what what is it?
Kramer: eh..poo poo
*audience laughs*
*Jerry rolls his eyes*
Jerry: oh come on
Kramer: no jerry don't you see? they set us up…!
Jerry: who?
Kramer: *looks around ominously as he gets closer to Jerry's face* the toilet paper industry *tck*
*audience laughs*
Jerry:....what?
Kramer: yeah see they planned it all out from the start..the virus, the paranoia, the media frenzy, see they caused it all to make a couple of bucks oh they conned us Jerry they conned us real good..OOOOH YEAH!!
*audience laughs*
Jerry: are you done?
*audience laughs*
Kramer: what what you don't believe me?
Jerry: well I don't know I mean going to all that trouble it seems highly unlikely-
Kramer: o-alright alright you blind yourself from the truth like the rest of the cattle, but you're only hurting yourself Jerry and when there's a dirty bum that needs wiping and there's no more paper to clean it with you'll know who to thank!!
*audience laughs*
Kramer: well *slams door* I got corona
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holy shit im still reading but it's good
Are you the actual scriptwriter?
This just proves how generic jewish humor is, some user could literally have been a writer for seinfeld
BADADADAP, BADAP
I liked the parts when the audience laughed.
That's like a good piece of Seinfeld shtick if I've seen one. Good on you, OP.
Can we have more shtick in here?
Based and NPCpilled
>George starts living in his hazmat suit
>"Are you kidding? This suit is the best thing that ever happened to me"
>"You can't be comfortable in that."
>"Oh I'm comfortable, hey do me a favor plug this tube into that sack."
>"What sack? This sack?"
>"That's right plug it in."
>sack starts inflating
>"Whaaat is thiiis?"
>"Let's just say I don't have to wait for commercials anymore."
>"Oh no no no get it out of here I don't want it near me"
>Elaine comes in
>"Oh suit huh that's cute."
>"We'll see how cute it is when you're choking on your own breath."
>"The only one choking will be you choking on those words cause I found a bunker buddy."
>"Wait....Bill has a bunker?"
>"Bunker Bill."
>"The bunker boyfriend"
>"No no I'm not committed past bunker buddy, there will be bunk beds."
>"Guy lets you in his bunker and you won't let him inside,"
>"That's enough outta you, what did I tell you about that thing?"
>"Is this a capri sun?"
>"Elaine no!"
>door bursts open
>"Giddyup!
OP you either lived during Must See TV or you're on a Corona Binge. That was spot on. I hope you are working on a bit for Elaine.
I think I remember that episode now.
posting in unusually high quality thread
Good shtick, man. Good shtick.
it shows u a true fan of the show, hope we could make it through this virus, we the only one worth living tbquitehonest.
this guy watches
Oh yeah this ones going to get upboated on r/Yas Forums.
>costanza swings through the door, flustered and impatient
"YOU GOT THE WU-FLU???"
>jerry swings in his direction, semi-smiling in reaction to the thunderous laughter sounding from the audience
"Wu-flu???" he exclaims with that trademark Seinfeld sarcasm, trying to beg some level of amazement or confusion from his poorly-acted expression
>the audience's laughter has turned into a collective, rumbling cackle. audible gasps for air fill the droning. the sound technician fails to moderate the extreme levels of bass and the audio begins to distort.
"WU-FLU!", costanza exclaims, over-exaggeratingly flailing his arms in the air, a look of shock and defeat in his eyes.
>costanza, seinfeld and kramer all spin towards the audience's direction; the non-existent wall for the viewer at home. the level of laughter has turned gutteral and satanic, with a loudness that collapses the ear drums of every actor and crew on stage. the stand collapses, sending a frenzy of crazed fans into the studio, thrashing and convulsing with pure entertainment and happiness. the whole Seinfeld ensemble are crushed to death in mere seconds.
Seinfeld gets a pass for making out during Schindler's Shoah
Thread Theme: youtube.com
I miss bazinga posting.
made me wonder for a minute if this was a real episode
exquisite
Ha ha, Kramer is a moron, just like Americans.
Spot on and actually funny. I have a feeling you did this for a living.
Do some more.
this show was unwatchable unfunny bullshit and i told faggots that back when everyone loved it and i still stand by that
Kramer: *looks around ominously as he gets closer to Jerry's face* the toilet paper industry
*tck*
>*Tck*
Fuck that triggered my memory
that was a great read OP
okay dude fine chill you win
George: Do you know what Wu-Flu is?
Kramer: Wu-Flu?
George: Yeah Wu-Flu do you know what Wu-Flu is?
Kramer: No I don't know what Wu-Flu is
George: Wu-Flu's nothing, it's like the common cold
Kramer: Well I'm still gonna prep for the Chinese Wu-Flu
no, he just took actual show material and rewrote it to fit corona.
it sound so real since a lot of the dialog not directly related is ripped
good job though, ejoyed it
needs some coofs but very good start
Of course it's a leaf.
Based Poster
Hahahaha holy fucking kek, I literally pictured that entire thing as a real episode. I could totally see it. Good job user, I hope you survive.
larry david is on Yas Forums????
i just want to watch endless sienfeld these days
Ok George we get it, you don't like the show
They were better days.
>watched seinfeld so much it just plays out like a real scene in my head.
This is very good. Someone should animate these in short episodes while we bunker down.
>reeee!! people like things i dont like!!!!!
I am very good at the writings
>Kramer: *busts in*
>Kramer: well *slams door* I got it...I got corona
>*audience laughs*
>Jerry: huh?
>Kramer: yeah yeah I got it Jerry, the OTHER big C, the killer bat bug, OH YEAH I got it all baby! It's in there!
>*audience laughs*
>Jerry: Oh my Jewish god... are you sure?! how did you know?!
>Kramer: well I rushed over to the doctor after a Chinese KISSED me after I helped her get an entire case of toilet paper in her shopping cart!
>*audience laughs*
>Jerry: wait wait, Kramer, isn't this virus highly contagious, if you have it WHY are you here?
>*audience laughs*
>Kramer: Oh Jerry....
>*audience laughs*
>Jerry: No, no, KRAMER, you're GOING TO GIVE IT TO ME.
>Kramer: That's right.
>Jerry: what?
>Kramer: I want to Jerry. *looks around ominously* I'm giving it to all of you
>Jerry: what what?
>Kramer: OH YEAH, IM A ONE MAN HOLOCAUST JERRY
>*audience laughs*
>*Jerry rolls his eyes*
>Jerry: Oy fucking vey Kramer. I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS
>Kramer: Oh we were Jerry...we were. Until I found out about what the crimes of the Jew. What you people are doing.
>Jerry: BUT HOW....*grits teeth and turns his head*....NEWMAN...
>Kramer: *looks around ominously as he gets closer to Jerry's face, coughing loudly*
>Jerry: You think you have won...You think all is well...but you can kiss my Jew ass, I'll see you in HELL!
>*audience laughs*
>Jerry: *Jerry pulls out a gigantic cell phone, dialing furiously.* I'll SHUT IT DOWN
>*audience laughs*
>Kramer: Not so fast buddy! I'm Cosmo Kramer, the Assman! *knocking the phone from Jerry's shekel clutchers*
>*Newman busts through the door wearing a Hazmat suit*
>Kramer: ..OOOOH YEAH!!
>Jerry: NEWMAN!
>Newman: JERRY!
>*audience laughs*
How do I stop being anti-semitic so I can have a crush on Elaine Benes again?
Will binge-watching Seifeld cure my anti-semitism?
the coofing starts in next weeks episode
It’s so Jewish.
Froggot pic
>not being both an anti-semite and crushing on Elaine Benes
You can have both user. She's not even technically Jewish as her mother was a goy.
Well done anons, these are great.
Elaine isn't Jewish, did you even watch the show?
Would anyone be kind enough to save this? I would but I'm on my phone at work atm
good shit OP
God i miss these 90's sitcoms.
Any user know of any good contemporary sitcoms like these?
90s nyc wasn't perfect but it sure seemed comfier and full of character
>oh I'm comfortable
Thats the line 100%
>Somebody wrote this and thought it was funny.
I don’t know how possible it is anymore but there was a time when people could parlay less than this into an actual legitimate screenwriting career
There are famous examples like a writer who got hired to write sitcoms based on a fake I Love Lucy script where Lucy gets an abortion or something
Nice
disgusting
Thank you user
No but watching Curb Your Enthusiasm will make you realize that it's totally justified BUT that Larry David is one of the good ones (because he spills all their secrets).
i chuckled
No
So the Bizarro Jerry episode, is that Supposed to be anti-Semitic?
one day you will be able to feed something like this into a computer and it will use cg and machine learning to pump out a full episode. im saving this for that
hey man it’s okay you can admit seinfeld is good and larry david is based
By the way this was already posted on Yas Forums
Yas Forums always get the scraps of the OC
good script OP
I chortled
you're welcome bro