It's been 9 days since I've wiped my ass...

This guy shits

>tfw the gf and I bought 3 large packages of toilet paper because they were on sale 3 weeks ago

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This, it's literally impossible to wipe your ass clean with a paper, white people are disgusting.

It is quite natural to shower your ass if you had an extra big dump and did not manage to wipe it all out.

Bro go steal some from the gas station or McDonald's.

I shit in the toilet without wiping then the shower cleans my butt up

How the hell can you sit on the toilet while errect? Where does your penis go?

>he doesn't douche his ass in the shower anyway
>he doesn't carry wet wipes in his back pocket when out of the house
>he doesn't only use toilet paper to dry his ass
>he unironically only uses toilet paper to clean up

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what would i be holding a mug for

How the fuck is it not a 100% You fucing stick your finger up there and scoop it all out. Its not even that much. Wtf

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Get yourself a spray bottle and ass rag. Any rag will do. Spray bottle water into asshole after shitting. Once satisfied with water usage, finish with ass rag. Either rinse rag after each use or wash after repeated use.

If I already have one it just is above the bowl, but if I get one while sitting I have to awkwardly stand up a bit and move back.

Poo secrets

What

Sorry to hear that user. I'm sure I'll run out any day now.

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you use your hand

so you don't spill

they use it as stock in their curries once they're done rinsing.

Sorry but how the fuck is a shower less effective than wiping your arse with dry paper?

Are you retarded?

> poo anons
> it's finally time to drop the redpill

I've always wondered how the fuck any self-respecting human-being can use fucking dry paper to wipe their fuckin ass.
I took the baby wipe-pill long ago and life has been a dream ever since.

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So..... what do you do with all the shit water dripping down your legs while you are wiping with your one hand and holding a mug with the other?

Like... having ankles that smell like shit isn't weird?

Very easy solution
>go to store or restaurant bathroom
>steal toilet paper roll in each stall

In times likes these you must use your brain user

"family cloth" is increasingly popular with people who are already familiar with cloth diapers. Just make sure it's rinsed after you are done, store rinsed cloths(random scraps of fabric or old washcloths) in a covered pail, wash and dry on hot. I always buy a couple weeks of tp at a time, but this isn't really a big deal. People claim it's green, maybe even economical idk. Just yet another way to clean your bum. A bidet attachment for the toilet sounds cash too.

>I've been using the shower method as you guys suggested and while it isn't 100%
How does this work exactly?

Are anons really running out of toilet paper? I always keep extra of everything on hand just in case, and made sure I had a few weeks worth as soon as people started panic buying

Shower method is superior, I have a detachable shower head and the highest pressure setting could give me a fuckin enema if I needed, just sit with your knees slightly raised and spread your ass cheeks for a clean as possible shit

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tp shortage is not an issue in here ;)

I can remember the smell of toilet paper. Mmmm.
If I could get some, I would kiss it.

Nice larp faggot

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buy tissues retard

>Office ran out of TP.
>Everyone complaining, turning blue holding shits.
>I walk in, take a dump on the floor, wipe my ass with my own boxers.
>Fling them in the corner.
>No apologies.

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Just use a bidet, you swines. Better than using paper or your bare hands, like the indians suggested.
My ass is always clean and I only use a mininal amount of TP to dry my asshole (or you can use a towel, whatever)

Fun fact: you zoomers might be too young to remember this but before the Great Pandemic of 2020, during Halloween we had so much toilet paper that kids would buy it and throw it at people's houses as a prank pic related. I can't imagine living like that anymore.

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Why not just shit in the shower? It's so satisfying to shove your fingers up your ass searching for any nuggets you may have forgotten about while the hot water pours down your back.

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Oh that means u gay nao

the other day I went to the grocery store(the wal-mart was already out of tp a few days before)- now they were out of both tp and tissues. I'm in a small city, so kind of surprised this is actually happening. yep, finally get a happening- and it's literally shit.

Bro just stick your middle finger in as deep as you can
pull out
and wash it
I'm from Yas Forums that's how we do it

witnessed

Op, we used our TP ration to dress wounds in Kandahar province Afghanistan.

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nice get

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Ready to kill for the thrill, if need be.
>Ready to die for two-ply to wipe my B
What a fucking time to be alive!
Quarantine Day 3 and cozy af.

Wtf...

why the fuck dont you use a bidet ? splash that asshole into oblivion until it get crystal clean.

I'm selling these and signature safeway packs of 9 if anyone is interested.

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youtube.com/watch?v=7qDgCmzh5ao

You missed the joke user a week ago. Keep up

Honestly you people laugh at toilet paper hoarders, but you really dont have enough toilet paper yourselves. The average person uses 1 roll per day. If you have a family of 4, that's 28 rolls a week. Over 100 a month. TP rolls will be worth their weight in gold in a few months, because everyone needs it.

How the fuck do you use 1 roll a day? Do you eat fiber?

Tonight at target

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It's copypasta tard

TOILET PAPER STILL OUT QUICK HOARD MORE CUS IT STILL OUT

what a fucking pleb

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SOMEONE POST THE PASTA

Piles

american poop is, thanks to the dairy and hormone riddled diet full of meat and low on fiber, very greasy.

it takes on average around 7 sheets per wipe, or more - balled up into a sponge so as to scrape off as much as is possible. to describe a greasy shit, picture that every pass of toilet paper is dragging over heavy mud that has about the consistency of refrigerated butter - lots of fat, lots of oil, lots of smearing. usually orange or yellowish brown to tan brown, and sticky. extremely fucking sticky. it sticks to your skin, it sticks to your fingers, it sticks to your arm hairs, it sticks your hairs together and makes them rip out of your cheeks to the point that you get infections. tiny fecal particulate clogs rectal hair follicles and americans are very prone to folliculitis, this is exacerbated by our oily shits.

it passes through the gut very slowly - over the course of two to three days, and rots steadily throughout the digestive tract. the smell of fecal plumes/flatulence is nigh unbearable, similar to burning garbage or canine feces. once the bowel movement is finally passed, one can wipe and wipe and wipe and still not be clean for up to a half hour of constant wiping with moist toilet paper. the moistening of toilet paper in the sink is also a common practice, which lends itself well to the balled up seven sheet approach. more common than counting is to simply pull on the toilet paper roll as if revving up a lawn mower to grab as much as is possible. even cleaning the anus is difficult, as the rectal vault will often be backed up with feces, so when the american farts you will smell the scent of the trapped feces. you will often have to use both knuckles to reach it all.

an american shit is very unpleasant. it is the price we pay for enjoying such a robust and hearty diet of meat and fat and salt. however, my diet has moved on to less processed foods and since then my shits have been very pleasant experiences with very little cleanup.

seriously you guys laugh at toilet paper hoarders but on average a person uses 1 role in a day that's 48 in a week for a family of 4 and 112 rolls in a month toilet paper rolls will be worth their weight in gold in a few months because everyone will require

This

Based and self-sodomized

Is this a pasta

Because it’s god-tier

according to 4plebs it was posted for the first time ever just a few hours ago

>based indian

wash down with water x2
use soapy hands to wash butthole
wash it down again x2
wash hands with water and soap for 30 seconds
smell to see if no poop smell on hands

Why not just use a wet cloth?

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I couldn't imagine doing that to my washing machine over and over again. That is vile.

I wipe a couple of times with paper and then use a wet cloth usually.
Just use one side for the starting wipes and the other side when you think it's clean.

Here

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That's fucking disgusting dude. Wipe and then get in the shower. Even way cleaner than a disgusting bidet splashing shit water everywhere and making shit vapor float around landing on all the surfaces.

Did you already started pissing in mason jars and boiling the piss to get clean water?