ALMOST HEAVEN

I'm pretty sure I have it but there's no way to know because I can't get tested.

People will either go to paper towels or start using the shower and soap. TP hoarders are complete retards.

I have yet to see this copypasta get less than 5 responses

Get some rest user

How the fuck are you wiping your ass fat boy?

I don't know what song that's supposed to be

an add-on bidet is about $30 and installs in about 5 minutes even if you are a complete retard. Get one, it will change your life.

Tell me that again in a year.

water stopped working last week

Why WV so based?

>50 deaths in a country of over 300 million
How many have died in car crashes in the same span of time, several thousand? Wow it's nothing.

Paper towels are definitely the smarter investment. Who cares if they hurt your ass a bit more? They can be used for so much more.

This will be over with in a year user so I'll tell you it now

>The average person uses 1 roll per day

Attached: 1398021155784.png (676x660, 61.71K)

go infect some old white people

>he wipes his ass, which is designed to contain the shit naturally between the cheeks anyway
do white people really?

it'll become an annual event like swine flu

They only leave the house to buy opiates

Good thing it only effects people with shitty immune systems and old age

I guess we will need to come up with a vaccine like H1N1

Or some immigrant children

>watching Fox
>posting Fox

Do you really hate yourself&life this much, bro? Read some actual factual news and not madeup fake news (designed to make you miserable&angry) without any sources at all.

that will be you in a few years

Dabbing on whiteys crappy immune system

children are pretty much immune and tend to not even develop any symptoms. I don't think a single person under 20 has died from this thing.

I better live it up while I still have time lol

Attached: says the guy who declared national emergency 3 days later.png (514x511, 34.78K)

Probably the US alone, yes. If not now then by next week. Ohio health officials say they probably have at least 100k+ undiagnosed in their state.

I have a hairy ass so I do use half a roll. Seems like I can wipe forever. Also weak ass muscles. I used to say like someone broke a crayon off at the hole for years and family guy made the joke recently.

Fox is the best least biased

Attached: 1580996795512.jpg (1296x1152, 156.28K)

>believing government officials

It's literally on the pic

liberals hate trump so much they conspired with china to release a deadly virus to stop his reelection

Attached: 1466707445946.png (487x457, 392.3K)

ebola was much worse

Based WV has zero cases

Attached: 1574280439403.jpg (443x455, 31.71K)

Someone post the webm of the Chinese putting stuffing adult body bags full of dead toddlers so this user can call them midgets.

Lel fuck no, as a single guy I go thru maybe two rolls a week

When is the World gonna end?

Same, bro.

imagine only fat people would die
imagine

Take me home, to the place I belong.
youtube.com/watch?v=AmMtCGs5wAc

Attached: NaughtySpryAruanas-size_restricted.gif (250x250, 3.63M)

>filename
There are currently 38 separate state of emergency's active in the United States. I think the oldest is from 1979 or something.
They're really no big deal, just a way to get quick funding, not a sign that the country is about to explode.

just installed a bidet. Ask me anything

and yes it feels like someone is tonguing my butthole

what's with that dude's hair?

children are actually top spreaders bro

At least you're no longer fingering your butthole

brainlet

don't cry when your mommy and daddy gets it

how do you know what a butthole tonguing feels like?

Jokes on you, my mommy and daddy are already dead lol

>2000 known cases in US
>only 50 known deaths
Imagine still being scared of this shit. Unless you're a literal 70 year old boomer it's not a big deal.

DUDE THIS WILL HAPPEN AGAIN NEXT YEAR LOL

>food shops are suddenly being emptied
>I literally cannot buy my weekly food shopping
>the usual transits and deliveries of supplies are in no way currently being affected, there is absolutely no reason for this to be happening, yet it is
I fucking hate people.

I have a sore throat.

Yeah, they spread it a lot because they don't present symptoms... So they just go about their lives spreading death

its like every 3 years.

True, my XFL is undefeated and they canceled my season reeeeee

>Unless you're a literal 70 year old boomer it's not a big deal.
I'm going to put an idea in your mind

What if

Hold on

What if people...cared about someone who is over 60?

Whoa, wtf

It's still early. Everyone falls for it the first time.

Guys, you really should start using bidets, they're great

based zoomers genociding boomers

RIP IN PEACE

shouldn't have throated all those dicks yesterday my dude

ohnononononono

>0.000625% of the population infected

Attached: 1418228156215.jpg (306x306, 19.83K)

I’m gonna enjoy thinking about you stupid smug fuckers in the coming weeks lmao.

go back to r*ddit

BURN IT WITH FIRE

Stop hanging out with geezers user and make friends your own age!

Glad to be a Muslim and save money

Lalala
Hey Hey
Lalala
Hey Hey
Lalala
Lalala

>go to big store
>no toilet paper
>go down the street to pajeets food mart
>stacks galore, walk out with 2 bundles, some hand soap, and lysol

Dumb fucks

Attached: da3[1].png (1036x1154, 244.05K)

remember the six gorillions

Retarded estimate. China's numbers are obviously downplayed but there's no way one US state has more than all of China's declared.

What's happening in the coming weeks?

guys my nose has been acting up today.....

Attached: 1.png (540x778, 767.08K)

>have a job where I just sit at a computer all day
>interact with coworkers maybe once a day, sometimes only a couple times a week

I hope to god this reaches full of pandemic and I get to work from home and they never bring me back in.

I have never wanted to punch someone in the face more than you right now.

Then the last problem is if you have enough toilet paper rolls. Get a source of drinking water retard.

You realizing that the regular transits and delivering of supplies will not continue to be unaffected LMAO.

hopefully millions die. but i doubt it. reminder:
nothing.
ever.
happens.

>add-on bidet
As a frequent user of this device, let me just chime and agree that it should be built-into every single toilet on earth.

When will the world end?

Thank god my grandparents are dead.

How the fuck? I might go through one every two weeks maybe. Granted I also work and shit there.

It's spring. Pollen is everywhere. Seasonal allergies are totally normal.

It doesnt start in your nose anyways. It first manifests as a cough or fever and body aches and for a lot of people that's all it is.

You do know that most toilets on earth are squat toilets right?

Can I ask why?

Ooh, my little infective one, my infective one
When you gonna give me some cough, Corona
Ooh, you make my fever run, my fever run
Got it coming off o' the line, Corona

I’m laughing already just thinking about your life!

it takes me like 10 minutes to wipe. i'm a messy shitter and it sucks.

You laugh easily

don't worry, we have more important things to do than to kick you out of the country again right now

It cleans your ass easy peasy and all you have to use toilet paper for is drying.

>dad is 60 and has athsma

Attached: 673[1].jpg (1000x1000, 156.53K)

I had chinese food twice in the last 3 weeks, I'm immune

Attached: 1575022132615.jpg (415x567, 78.23K)

t.

Attached: 1566205941622.png (785x1000, 261.41K)

how about Richard Spencer?

Everybody needs to kill themselves. It's the only way we can stop the spread of this deadly flu.

I’m having a full on giggle fit rn! You’re so fucked?

pluck out your hemorrhoids and it'll be a lot less messy

It's so based because it's not. From 1940 to the present, the American population tripled, but West Virginia actually lost population. There is a major brain drain - anyone with potential leaves for places with more potential. Mountains are in general terrible places for civilization and commerce. This has resulted in West Virginia being very insular, which actually protects it from a virus like this.

imagine being a Yas Forumstard

you got some granny poon going lad?

he's had a good run

>tfw perfect poos where the tp is still white as snow after a wipe

Attached: 34232324.jpg (499x499, 52.38K)

that's the case half the time for me

You're a meanie!! Say sorry :-(

he's one of the Prune Brothers

i envy you both more than you could possibly imagine.

Fox News is unironically the best cable news network, excluding CSPAN. That's not saying much, but it's obvious if you've ever left the different news channels on in the background.

This honestly. Completely disregarding the opinion people of course, who are supposed to be biased. NBC, CNN, WSJ and the NYT have been nothing but bullshit since Trump's election. NYT was caught last summer trying to start a race war in fact.

>tfw just discovered 12 rolls of toilet paper hiding in a closet in my place

Attached: D9919220-6593-4FDB-B1E4-5011B8D20EC1.jpg (1440x1012, 290.9K)

how? it's like once a month for me

They'll all kill themselves after their retirement funds and pension explode into nothing. Don't you care about old people bro?

I eat no more than 10g of fiber a day

this doesnt ever happen, its more likely you arent putting enough effort into reaching around and wiping properly to actually touch the poo

>Do you really hate yourself&life this much, bro? Read some actual factual news and not madeup fake news (designed to make you miserable&angry) without any sources at all.

Attached: 1576887417127.jpg (654x900, 103.79K)

Houston Roughnecks?

>have chronic allergies, required to take antihistamines daily
>skipping even one day of them and I'll have pouring itchy eyes and constant sneezing, I'll survive but it's a living hell
>stores are all sold out of antihistamines
For what possible purpose
what stupid fuckers are stockpiling allergy medications in what they think is an apocalypse? shit

In my house (3 people) one roll lasts for a bout 4-5 days.

Use few pieces to wipe most shit, and use water for the rest. It would be cleaner and healthier for the skin.

Well, it doesnt work for those who dont have water and that sucks. Thanks god i dont live in USA.

Hope he's been paying those life insurance premiums, buddy.

COVID-19 IN US TONIIGHT

Attached: 4NB4beBBYs-10.png (300x250, 23.57K)

Yeah I love spraying the shit from my crack all over my back, toilet seat, wall and floor

Fuckin’ pajeets I swear

>caring about the boomers who fucked the world for every other generation
no

Attached: 1584140992498.jpg (584x1024, 96.4K)

Yes!!

wtf i love the nyt now.

Toothless Hicks: 1
Liberal Degenerates: 0

t. pooplet

no, it is possible, if the shit is slimy but quite solid, it slides out like a dildo and leaves barely a trace
good luck getting that perfect consistency though

They had a Q&A on Sky News yesterday and someone sent in a question about using them. Something to do with the immune system. It seems to be a normie meme.

Trying to start a race war won't result in a race war, just the end of social harmony and a ton of unhappy people.

All fresh pastas get (you)'s thats how they become pastas in the first place

i think about these numbers.

Gonna be 10+ mlns by the end of the next week if orange man will continue to be a vegetable.

those 2000+ case tells literally nothing besides the fact that there are corona positive patients.

if there were 400 mln tests, i bet the numbers would be multiplied by 100.

SEETHING SLOWPOKE. you spent your precious time laughing at people for stocking up instead of buying that thibgg you need, and now you’re so vewwy vewwy angwy! I love it!

lmao faggot mods

urbanfags got too cocky. in the end, the rural and suburban retards will have the last laugh

But why the fucking toilet paper of all things?

What the fuck is up with the flags? Pol has that "glowniggers are messing with us" feeling right now.

Haven't bought a roll of toilet paper in years.

T. Bidet user.

There's a supernatural episode where they go to the post-apocalyptic future and toilet paper is literally worth more than gold.

It was more influential than you think.

>Moving this thread to this cesspool

This thread just got moved here from Yas Forums because jannies are under the mistaken assumption anyone goes to Yas Forums to talk about tv or movies.

where it belongs

do you not dry your ass after?

So you just let shit-water run down your leg? Jesus Christ you should still wipe with a bidet, it's just a stream of water.

Future generations will be saying the same thing about zoomers and millenials