I've just cleaned my ass with a high pressure water jet and I feel great! I feel clean! Why are board owners...

bidets were not designed with american size asses in mind

Post what your toilet looks like after using that fecal redistribution device.

>washes his ass with a water jet
>but no his toilet or bathroom
You're still an animal.

add soap to that

How do you even use one? Do you stand and spray all over the place?

Snake your hand and hose under your balls and blast blindly splattering the tank?

How?

I just tell my gf to lick it clean

The water should be filled up to near the top of the bowl

1. Do a shit
2. Flush
3. With the newly clean water, dip your ass int the bowl water
4. Flush again to clean out the residue

Dont you niggers have to worry about snakes climbing through the pipes and shooting up your asshole when you sit on the toilet?

>spreading shit molecules everywhere instead of containing them to one area and cleaning it up with moist toilet paper
Bidets are as dirty as using dry toilet paper.

>australian toilets
what if deres sneyg? :DDD

i tried this and it blasted the shit off my ass and up between my balls and between my legs all over the wall in front of me in the bathroom

0/10 would not ass blast again

Attached: 1569362232315.gif (480x266, 3.03M)

nothin wrong with a bit of sphincter slithers mate

yes
bbc.com/news/world-australia-46996559

fucking retard
not even I managed to do that when I used it the first time
be careful on the jet, grab your nuts and bend forward to guide the jet

there's only one snake in my toilet bowl

Attached: 1488196386343.jpg (480x325, 19.97K)

>spreading
How?

See? That's what I'm talking about. Toilet paper is a jewish trick.

Have fun with a burning asshole

>not having domestic TP company
those dependant on globalism will suffer this decade

there is no way a bidet is clean, I have used a shower on my arse I have seen the run off and splash zone

there is also no way cold water can scrub your butt oils away, at least with toilet paper it can scrape and absorb

imagine sharing a family shit hose everyone touching it and anus have been splashing back on it

imagine it hitting your balls after someone else used it
imagine other people using it when they come around

room temperature water and shit is a bad idea

Attached: 1579555782413.jpg (525x633, 27.9K)

>imagine other people using it when they come around
my cousin thought it was for administering enemas and shoved it right up his ass. we only know this because he complimented us on the enemy hose in the bathroom and started talking about how he wished more people knew about the benefits of enemas.

we uninstalled it the next day and threw it in the trash.

HAH LOSERS

I use a system that incorporates both paper and water.
>wipe twice with paper to get majority of matter into toilet for flush
>then sit ass over edge of bathtub and manually clean with hot water and soap using hands
>paper check and always comes back spotless
>wash hands with antibacterial soap
There no sprayed shit all over the place from pressure, no skidmarks, no tons of wasted toilet paper. Efficient and clean and doesn't require special hardware and plumbing.

>there is no way a bidet is clean, I have used a shower on my arse I have seen the run off and splash zone
Depends on the angle

>there is also no way cold water can scrub your butt oils away, at least with toilet paper it can scrape and absorb
you use soap you fucking retard, that dissolves the oils

>imagine sharing a family shit hose everyone touching it and anus have been splashing back on it
lmao so you don't wash your hands after taking a shit? You do the same here, retard

>imagine it hitting your balls after someone else used it
GRAB YOUR NUTS AND HOLD THEM UP FAGGOT

>imagine other people using it when they come around
see above

>room temperature water and shit is a bad idea
no

Based
Woman probably liked it

Do you masturbate by injecting water into your bumhole?

>antibacterial soap
user antibacterial soap is well known to kill almost no germs at all, you are walking around with fecal coliform infested hands all day after doing this autistic ritual

It's not a full on shower, idiot. And it sounds like you should try cleaning yourself more often. Clean water hitting you anywhere is usually fine.

I live in a share house so I can imagine what would happen to bidet if I attempted to install one.

>shit
>wipe ass
>its clean
>its going to get the same level of bacteria again from farting or sitting on something then it already has
>get shower at the end of the day

I don't know why you need to bathe your anus in soap everytime when its just going to get oils and crap back when you fart

Eastern block comrades knows another lifehack aswell.

Attached: 5163893-71086.jpg (600x723, 70K)

its going to spray spiders everywhere?

What would happen?

I took the bidet pill but is it normal that it makes me hard??

Attached: 1575320476889.png (433x440, 305.29K)

It would be extremely painful

>There no sprayed shit all over the place from pressure,
that you can see

why would u want a wet ass

corona is a psyop created by the toilet paper industrial complex (TPID) to push up tp sales

Just plan your shits, I always shit at the end of the day after work and after I shit I wipe off with paper then shower. Shooting water up your bum sounds gay to me to be honest.

>>then sit ass over edge of bathtub and manually clean with hot water and soap using hands
you wipe your anus with your bare hands?

For poo.

Imagine if Bane did a runny shit all over the other prisoners when he was climbing up the wall to escape that prison

Chocolate rain haha

i havent used toilet paper in years because unlike amerisharts who cant control the sudden pressure build up and therefore must release immediately i can wash my ass in the comfort of my home

Attached: 1582432649866.jpg (1200x1200, 66.57K)

...because wiping regularly and then cleaning your ass when you shower is just as good and way less of a literal pain in the ass?

would you wash shit off from your hands with just toilet paper?

>I'm scared that being clean will finally pull me out of the closet

Yep. I cup my hand under the bath faucet gather a pool of hot water and splash it up my ass. Then I do it again a few more times, progressively applying contact pressure to the crack and clean the whole thing out. After about 6 splashes I shut it off and do a paper check which always comes back perfectly clean. Been doing this for months and there's residue or matter on my bath basin where I sit. This is what happens when you clean your bathroom with bleach biweekly. You can literally have shit water run down your ass and into your bathtub and not have anything develop. It's so simple.

Imagine shitting more because you’re scared. Low T

I bet you are a queer, why have you got to force anal stuff onto everyone else?

Honestly you people laugh at toilet paper hoarders, but you really dont have enough toilet paper yourselves. The average person uses 1 roll per day. If you have a family of 4, that's 28 rolls a week. Over 100 a month. TP rolls will be worth their weight in gold in a few months, because everyone needs it.

WHAT A SHIT THREAD