/cvg/ - Corona Virus General #2016 - PANDEMIC EDITIONS

fucking kikes

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Trump just saved the world

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>MEASURES TAKEN IN GERMANY (13.03.)

Merkel: "We are willing to do anything needed, to bring Germany through the crisis well."
RKI appeals to all citizens to reduce social contacts.
Minister of transport appeals to all citizens to reduce travel to the absolute necessary.

>Bund:
Federal government to increase ventilator capacity: Medical company Drägerwerk to supply federal government with protective gear and 10000 ventilators during the year.
Ministry of health: hospitals must preapare for more ICU patients and set up teams of specialists for intensive care.
Bundeswehr buys medical supplies: 300000 masks, disinfectant and more protective gear, to supply doctors offices.
Bundeswehr calls reservists to service, reinforcement needed in army clinics.
Bundeswehr will not partake in NATO drill "Defender Europe 20".
Federal Police: Border security increased, stricter controls.

>Länder:
Most public institutions closed, or to be closed soon, until mid of April, when the easter vacation ends.
Most german states close public institutions like schools, universities and day cares on 16.03., Baden-Württemberg and Thüringen on 17.03. and Nordrhein-Westfalen on 18.03.
Other measures taken include restricting public transportation, excluding visitors from hospitals and retirement homes and closing clubs and bars.

Lots of big cities and infected areas took those measures already.

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HERE WE FUCKING GO

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Fresh OC

>Now, this is a story all about how
>My wings got cooked by Chinese gooks
>And I'd like to take a minute
>Just sit right there
>I'll tell you how I sent people into intensive care

>In Hubei province born and raised
>In a dark cave was where I spent most of my days
>Hangin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
>And eating insects like all bats do
>When a couple of chinks who were up to no good
>Started catching batbros in my neighborhood
>They got my little ass and then I got scared
>They said 'You coming with Chang to taste the Wuhan air’

>I begged and pleaded with them day after day
>But they boiled some water and served the bats on a tray
>The chink chopped me up and sold my dick as a trinket.
>I put my Smiling face on and said, 'I might as well kill it'.

>First soup, yo this is bad
>The chinks are enjoying my bat ass.
>Is this what the people of Wuhan eating like?
>Hmmmmm, this is fucked alright

>The chinks starting coughing here and there
>People dropped dead on the street while getting some Wuhan air
>If anything I could say It was their fault I swear
>But chinks thought 'Nah, forget it, I’ll cook myself some bear'

>I pulled up to the airport about 7 or 8
>And I yelled to the chinks 'Yo gooks smell ya later'
>My work here is done
>Killed as many I could
>Ima head out to the rest of the world

youtube.com/watch?v=1nCqRmx3Dnw

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Holy fuck, Trump's propaganda is insane. This is such a massive farce.
>WE'RE TESTING A LOT OF PEOPLE!!!
So fucking what!? SK tested over 200k already. Italy tested over 60k. How many did the US test thus far? Not very many. Do tests cure people of the virus? Fuck not. Jesus fucking Christ, how far behind is the US in all of this? Insane. Absolutely insane. Thank you this, thank you that, thank everyone and everything... my God... this is so stupid. This is empty words. No substance. It's all bullshit and empty promises.

Okay I feel safe now that Walmart, CVS and Target have spoken at the White House podium in the Rose Garden

PRAISE OUR POO
>WE HAVE THE BEST POOS

haha brrrrrr

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Where do you see the world and yourself in one year, lads. How will this all end?

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WOOOO
I GUESS I JUST HAVE THE COLD
I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE
GONNA GO COUGH WHEREVER I PLEASE NOW WOOOO!!!!

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Did they say anything about free testing or nah

toplel

"We don't want everyone taking this test."

Translation: Knowing that +99% of cases are mild won't let them implement Project Zyphr / Pogo.

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youtube.com/watch?v=qQzdAsjWGPg

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Die nigger

NUKE CHINA RETRIBUTION NOW

checked

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Who the fuck elbow bumps the president ffs

If you didn't listen to us, it's too late.
Yas Forums is always right

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I either make it out fine or take Corona-chan on a tour of the states.

This. And think of the discounts we can get using their respective in store cards!

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Trump sounds like he has been coofing a lot

>How many did the US test thus far?
we tested 77 people this week
58 of which were part of a niggerball team

I JUST RAN SOME FUCKING NUMBERS Yas Forums. HERE'S THE DATES WE CAN EXPECT MILESTONES BASED ON THE EXPONENTIAL RISE
>March 18: 200 thousand cases
>March 22: 10 thousand deaths
>April 1: 500 thousand cases
>April 6: 25 thousand deaths
>April 15: 1 million cases
>April 22: 50 thousand deaths
>May 11: 2.5 million cases
>May 13: 100 thousand deaths
>June 9: 5 million cases
>June 24: 250 thousand deaths
>July 20: 10 million cases
>August 10: 500 thousand deaths
>October 8: 25 million cases
>October 16: 1 million deaths

Son of a cunt

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Niggers why are you posting so fast
Today I bought some interesting variety of chewing gum that had lots of xylitol when compared to the regular ones. Interesting thing that it was still really cheap only like $0.25 per pack when it's supposed to be closer to $0.5 or more.
When I came home I realized that supermarket fucked me and gum was almost 1 year old, it would expire tommorow. If xylitol doesn't expire, that means you can stock up on that gum. It was still tightly packed.
Xylitol is really good stuff, just ask Finns. Their government funds xylitol gums for them.

>tfw no average korean gf

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trump sounds sick

Racism will be fashionable again.

I thought the dow would crash can someone explain why is spiked up 2000 points ?

JIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM STREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM

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Good afternoon CVG!

HOLY Fuark when did we reach 5,000?! Was Gary happy?

us is kill. We have all accepted this about 500 threads ago. Why can't you accept it?

GIANT CORPORATE CIRCLE JERK FOR:
>a website
>a flow chart
>a parking lot

>private and public forces are coming together to fight the jew virus
IT'S HAPPENING

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they're trying to stop a panic that hasn't even truly begun.

>"Peepee"
>Thank you mister president

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In one year we'll either still be sick and dying or recovering
That or society would have collapsed
Things will not return to normal by one year

>How will this all end?
Just like the Swine flu
It'll never go away but it will kill little to no people

I only hope that society will collapse before 2021

>► Detected: 144,046 ► Died: 5,397
Where are these numbers coming from?

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post time stamped hospital ID
censor what you need

FUD

LARP

HOMO

FAGS

GET

THE

ROPE

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this unironically

he brought out Pence to kiss his ass for five minutes
literally praising him like he's Dear Leader
what the fuck is this reality

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he used this opportunity to buy strategic oil reserves, I can't even believe it. that is such good foresight

I've been waking up with a headache and cough every day for the past week but then I remember I drink a 12 pack every night and smoke two packs a day

youtu.be/9yQF-Pz07fA

Post you prepper hauls and soundtracks.

Prepper tips welcome.

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WTF IT WAS A NOTHINGBURGER ALL ALONG

BILL MITCHELL WAS RIGHT

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This

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Educate yourselves.

Enjoy comfy while it lasts.

Good luck.

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I will have made $300 million, and will be running an AM radio station in east Texas.

This has been the most bizarre thing ever

What in the fuck happened holy shit my sides

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Guys, I just received an audio by a Spanish doctor freaking out because she is saying that there are a bunch of obvious cases that can't be confirmed because they're running out of equipment and that the 'only people older than 70 years and people with problems die' is bullshit, that there are a lot of people in their 20's that are right now dying.

Do you think it's legit? I would show it to you lads, but I don't know how to.

>under...lying health issues
>uuh... so many...uuuhh.. many sports services...

Cmon Donnie get your act together

Well, that is a bit reassuring. Although I do fear for my parents. Now, to find a n95 mask for sale somewhere, I seem to be a bit late though.

When is Yas Forums going to come out and admit that they were emotionally swayed by fake news videos on twitter and hyperbolic death figures from /cvg/tards into thinking this nothingburger was anything significant?

There are what, several thousand corona related threads made up to this point? Embarrassing. Get a life schizos, China, Italy, and all other countries have it under control. There is no need to panic, no need to stock up. The only reason why people here seem to be so obsessed with this nothingburger is probably because they hope this will deliver them from their own misery and give them a sense of meaning in the world that has rejected them for their indolence and parochial mentality.

This is a sad reflection of what this place ultimately constitutes - a pathetic circlejerk filled with crass, petulant manchildren endlessly wallowing in self-pity and desperately hoping for something that's going to lift them from their existential malaise even if it means the rest of the world plunging into pure chaos and anarchy. You're not wholesome people, you're not reasonable people, you, simply put, are monsters. I find it virtually inconceivable some people choose to predicate their entire existence exclusively on schadenfreude and unbridled hatred, this is pure doom porn.

No, China is not responsible for releasing a bioweapon. No, nobody is covering up anything. No, elites haven't set out to reduce human population. No, nobody is out there to get you. All of this is just a reflection of your coarse, primitive personality and your morbid yearning for mayhem and omnipresent destruction with no regard for morals or tolerance. Frankly speaking, I feel sorry for your pathetic lot and your lamentable condition. Stop spreading panic and wreaking havoc through your contemptible fearmongering.

It's okay to admit you were wrong. Come to terms with the nature of your fallibility and move on with your lives.

new website meets the diversity quota

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That and oil jumped when he said he’s gonna top the tank off for the strategic oil reserves

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DO IT JIM

Mike Pence is more of a fucking President then trump

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is that number calculated assuming everyone gets medical care and the system doesn't collapse under pressure?

Loince to go out in Italy

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brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

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And once they are let out of their houses, everything begins anew.

>CORPORATIONZ BAD DOOOD!
the absolute state of COPING /cvg/

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It is 423 deaths today already you retarded Kike.

> AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
AMERICA BTFO, LOOK WHO'S LAUGHING NOW BURGERS
> are you still happy you built that wall?!

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Add Uruguay already reeee

FUUUUUCK ME I DON'T WANT TO DIE SAVE ME JESUS MOHAMMED

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Trump reassured the big tech is involved in screening + he said they will start stocking oil so the oil price spiked a whole bunch

good luck burgerbro

Trump saves the world

>He sold?
>Buy it
hahahaHaHaHaHAHAHAHAHA

this is public knowledge
testing restrictions for normal people are still super tight here

Zion Don can't pass up a chance to give jews money.

Who else is watching this infomercial?

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>nytimes.com/2020/03/11/business/media/tom-hanks-in-coma-covid.html

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Get fukt I live in Boston and it is gay.
At least Emerson College had a nig nog infected in its gym lmao

BIZ IS SAVED?

Trump is a genius

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WHERE'S THE MANDATORY ASIAN
I'M CALLING HR

Fed sniped the market like a fucking eBay auction.
Well played, Fed. Well played

Kek but it's too late

Those are public stats, the team he's referring to is the Utah Jazz

Worldometer.info
John Hopkins lags

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AMERICANS CONFIRMED FOR STRONGEST RACE,REST OF THE WORLD BTFO

Donnie's ego is so fragile, that he actually coordinated the fed repo buys with his press conference

Marketing

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>tfw when you are dead and you turn over in your grave

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IT COULD GET WORSE
>IT COULD GET WORSE
IT COULD GET WORSE
>IT COULD GET WORSE
IT COULD GET WORSE
>IT COULD GET WORSE
IT COULD GET WORSE
>IT COULD GET WORSE

>It will flow trough in a few weeks
lol

Build the wall Mexico or I am coming. We are coming. Build the wall.

>americans are the strongest and most resilient people on earth

I was not prepared for that sudden burst of laughter

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Well, that is a win situation IMHO

the hopkins map is updated near the end of the day check bno

Print baby print

Bird flu was a flu. Nobody on the planet gave a FUCK about it.

fuck

>Mad cow disease
You ded.

>Yes, dump it

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>who would win:
>A once in a lifetime global pandemic
>some rambling boomer

>maganiggers orgasming with praise for trump and corporations on this board right now

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Here it is: vocaroo.com/9r7QCvStNYh

Judge it yourselves

LOOKS LIKE I QUIT MY SHITTY HOTEL JOB JUST IN TIME

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This. Happening canceled.

fake and gay

Suuuuuuure
Pic related

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I'm really happy to see someone using that pic.

FEDERAL GOVERNMENT WILL UNLEASH

>government sponsored dead cat bounce

LOL

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and it will

literally made in 30 seconds in MSPaint

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very alone after my parents die

>trusting the chinese

After we cross 6mln deaths Corona-Chan will rake material form and become the ruler of humanity

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based
youtube.com/watch?v=Kas0tIxDvrg

I wonder how my government is going to spin this. They desperately want to paint Trump in a bad light.

they're talking about closing the border here too. feds are taking some unexpectedly strong actions.

Pence sounds like he is breathing manually

Q ND A

WE NEED YOU NOW JIM, WE NEED THE WEATHER FORECAST
STREEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Somebody please translate

Centuria 3, quatrain 75 of Nostradamus
Centuria 3, quatrain 75 of Nostradamus
Centuria 3, quatrain 75 of Nostradamus
Centuria 3, quatrain 75 of Nostradamus
Centuria 3, quatrain 75 of Nostradamus

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PPT pumping another 1.5 trillion dollars. Nothing to see here.

CHECKED
JIM STREAM, TRIPS HAVE SPOKEN

I hope you make it, lad. You're alright.

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DA MAHKET JIIM, TALK ABOT DA MAHKET JIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM, IT'S RED JIIIIIIM

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This too is a flu. You and the rest got your dicks in a knot about it.

I bet you call yourselves redpilled, too. Pathetic

i'm going to shop rite at 11:30 PM tonight to minimize contact with people and buying ALL THE DEENZ REMAINING.

and soups.

WHAT OTHER PROTECTION CAN I TAKE?
i do not have a mask or gloves (i have snow gloves though)

>waving interest from student loans
lol, Bernie BTFO

Checkem

I can tell

Please hit africa
please hit africa
please hit africa

>denmark shuts down borders tomorrow at noon
>sister goes into a hissy fit over it
>shes literally crying and shaking cause she wont get to see her boyfriend from belgium for ages
>he books a flight to denmark that arrives early morning tomorrow
>now we have to take care of his ass for months until this shit blows over all cause my sister is fucking retarded

honestly i hope he gets stopped and forced on a return flight on arrival. noone in my family is taking this serious and now we got another cunt that can potentially infect us coming straight from the corona infested airport.

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> OH NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
EVEN MEXICANS THINK IT'S A NOTHINGBURGER

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BRAZIL WITH THE REAL Q'S

It's one of the best bits of OC
The fear in her eyes is palpable

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Am I understanding this correctly, do we have to register with Google to get tested for this? Cause once they check my browser history, they're going to deny me treatment.

CORONA-CHAN TAKE MY ENERGY
CORONA-CHAN PLEASE ACCELERATE
CORONA-CHAN PLEASE INFECT MORE PEOPLE

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It’s a nothing burger. Cope

> UKfag here

The government's plan is LITERALLY just to sacrifice half a million of you. Minimum. Angela Merkel also said 60-70 percent of Germans will get it. Meanwhile India and Africa are almost totally unaffected because the virus seems to only affect this yellow latitude band of climate.
Meanwhile turkey has opened it's borders to flood Europe with a migrant population.

You know why?

You know how the super rich own everything and we're all kinda poorish now? Guess what people from the third world make an even cheaper labour source. It's not planned, but it sped up their fucking plans quite a bit.

You're literally just a sacrificial lamb so some elites can get even richer. Fuck it I know this is far too woke for some of you but you're just going to see it first hand.

>Senate takes the day off
>"IT'S THE DEMS FAULT WE AREN'T PASSING ANYTHING RIGHT NOW"

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use condoms as gloves and put one over your head for protection

For this, this isn't good at all, is scary as fuck, if the weekend put the thing worst, the down of the markets will be massive, Dax only managed to win 0,77% when it was like 10% in the morning.

This has to be the prelude of something very bad, i can't shake my guts on that.

STOP
THE
HAPPENING
NOW
FUCKING STOOOOOOOOOOOOOP IT

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Pau, Verona, Vicenza, Saragossa,
From distant swords lands wet with blood:
Very great plague will come with the great shell,
Relief near, and the remedies very far.

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As long as you cover mucus membrane areas of your body (eyes & mouth most of all) you're better off than most. Further, just don't grope your fucking face until you've washed up after shopping.

it already did

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YES.
YOU HAVE TO GO TO GOOGLE TO GET THE LAB RESULTS AS WELL.

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Its 423 today already.

Where's that user?

basado

those curtains in the back make it look like colombia tho

STOP HOARDING
THINK OF THE POOR WAGIES

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Fake

Lmao no.
That's just your emotions talking you dumb faggot.
Virus has a fatality rate of 5-7% and every estimate shows this infecting 60-70% of the global population
That's hundreds of millions dead
And that's only considering the virus
Not things Like starvation, lack of clean water, other issues related to not having access to regular variety of foods
This isn't going away and it isn't the same as anything before

This

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>Colombian flag
>Mexico

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Digits and Vienna is shut down in a week

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>Broken link

That's weird, I thought it only affected humans.

>I seem to be a bit late though.
Yes, maybe find a halfmask used for painting, add proper filters and some sort of protective glasses, both found in hardware store, if you live rural, you might still find something like that.

He will bring gorona to your place :DDDD

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GRANTING HER MY STRENGTH
WE MUST ESCALATE

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No confirmed cases in my province. College is already preparing to shut down.

No official calls made yet, but instructors are already uploading more materials online.

One instructor said today that there was supposed to be a meeting this afternoon of the Provincial Government to discuss it.

I wanna stay home. So please make the call.

kek

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MANLET

post a sauce