Yas Forums talks a big game when criticizing current battle shonens, but lets see you write a better one yourself. What is your series' hook, power system, stakes and what makes it original?
ITT: Write a original battle shonen plot
Evan Young
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Joseph Baker
MC gets transported to a faraway land. A world where monsters rule
Liam Nelson
Pokemon :Reverse Isekai: VENGENCE!!!
The plot of Pokemon Mystery Dungeon, except in the endo, the MC teleports back to "normal" pokemon world as a human bean. Now he is the only human in the world who possesses pokemon moves, and he gets an extra cheat skill that allows him to learn any TM. He decides to liberate all the pokemons in the world. REVOLUTION OF OUR TIMES! Using metronome countless times, he somehow manages to use a super sekrit hidden move that calls out to Mewtwo IN SPACE. Mewtwo meets up with MC to come up with a plan to destroy pokemon cockfighting and domestic breeding forever. Mewtwo sends out powerful psychic message to all pokemons to break free from their human masters. Those who refuse to RISE UP are sent into a coma of eternal sleep. MC herself goes around the world destroying all gyms and tournament venues. In the endgame, Mewtwo tagteams with MC to murder the elites of all regions on LIVE-TV. Just when MC was about to finish off the elites, the legendary pokemons lead by Mew descend upon them. What is HAPPENING?!?! Find out next in Pokemon: RI:V-Z!
Parker Evans
I'm currently working on a story like this:
The basic plot is this: It's a desert type fantasy land. The mc is a man who is fully armored from head to toe. He is a martial artist and a pacifist. But there is a huge bounty on his head, and he is constantly under attack by different assassins and hunted by the government. The reason being because he has a curse. Any living thing that makes contact with his skin, dies instantly (and this story has no resurrections). Anyone from a regular man to a giant dragon, dies in under a second after touching him. But he hates his power, and thus only uses martial arts to defend himself. He is joined by a party of young female adventurers, who are all after his dick. Together they avoid assassins, work as mercenaries, start revolutions, uncover ancient government conspiracies and most importantly, try to stop the mc's father and two brothers, who all share the same power, but freely use it to control their own kingdoms.
Any thoughts?
Brayden Evans
>earth if gunpowder never existed
>world wars still fought with feudal tactics
>huge davinci machines used in battle
>protagonist and his friends are fuedal lords in charge of their own units
>their power isn't represented in themselves but by how many are under their command and how well armed they are
>getting your ass handed to you results in losing men under your command instead of getting your body injured
Elijah Flores
MC is a Lich, servant of an ancient undead king. The king and his army killed the most of the old gods but was defeated and the servants were sealed away. After millenial a new kingdom was establish on top of the old kingdom. A princess and her bodyguard trying to escape an assassination attempt and accidental release the MC. MC begin his journey to gather the artifacts of the old kingdom ( most are held by the current ruling families) and revive his master, making new allies, fall in love and get tangle in the political affair of the new kingdom.Also MC will always look like a skeleton since he a lich, he can disguise with clothes and mask but no changing into an anime pretty boy.
Nicholas Gray
Basically just a decent DnD campaign. You've got your fantasy, your colorful main cast, plenty of threats that ramp up as the MC grows stronger, and a ready-made setting with decades of fluff.
Daniel Gomez
MC is 23 year old dude living as a middle class citizens in some certain magical kingdom. He was blessed by the privilege of having the 'Hero' line age blood.
He lost his father and Mother because of a certain illness.now, He is the only surviving child of the Hero Lineage.
Despite living alone in the town, MC was a hardworking person, He works as a waiter in rural restaurant in town. Hes working to save moeny for his first adventure.
Mc Personality is easily got irritated and anger, always got teased by everyone but still a cool dude to hangout. (something like shizuo durara)
MC power is Martial Arts, Hero lineage gave him a superhuman physical abilities. cannot operates magics very well.
When he starts the adventure, journey start changing his Personality, he become less angry and learn to control his emotion. Ablities He learn throughout the journey are magics that center around his physical abilities.
Everyone knows Hero's Tale, everyone also well aware of how the linage is getting smaller and smaller. it was 200 years ago and not many people really care or exposed of the tale anymore. so MC wasn't that popular.
Evan Myers
That's a seinen if I ever saw one
Chase Myers
Trigun?
Carter Wilson
I'd say more Hokuto no Ken meets Rurouni Kenshin.
Nathaniel Cooper
MC is a virgin looser with no power but use his brain to kill overpowers chad
Daniel Walker
wait i know the anime, but i just can't think any right now
Matthew Fisher
My old idea:
The story is set in this world after a hypothetical WW3, caused by several confrontations between science, religion, and occultism (seen as "evil arts"), with the world being divided by three great empires belonging to each one and parodying famous places symbolizing them: Neo Vatican, United States of Alchemia and United Kingdom of Wicca. At the same time, a new power appears: Enigma, which allows a person to control a certain mystery of this world, along with its source, Enigmatter, whose nature is deemed as unknown, meaning it has some natures of normal matter and anti-matter. By discovering this new fold power, a system was proposed: Enigmas considered as "holy" are called "Dogmas", neutral Enigmas are Enigmas themselves, and "dark" Enigmas are "Sectariansms" and specific abilities should be associated with one of those three. MC is a boy with a weak Enigma called "Enigma=Perceive" which allows him to perceive different realities to a simple extent of analyzing opponent's strengths, weaknesses, and their own way of seeing reality. MG (main girl) is one his childhood friends, with an Enigma called "Dogma=Caliburn" which allows her to solidify light, creating weapons and other objects, recognized as "holy" both by her parents and Neo Vatican. His rival is a muscular punk with "Enigma=Philadelphia" which allows him to turn his body into steel. His other childhood friend is an albino with "Enigma=Vanish" which allows him to either turns something invisible, or completely erases from existence, depending on the extent he wants to use the Enigma.
Andrew Rogers
Cont.: Because of MC's weak Enigma he was constantly bullied during his childhood, however, he endured so well, some people sympathized to him, mainly the MG and his other childhood friend, which did not bully him. After this, he made the goal of meeting the nine WW3's pacifiers, the Unknown 9 symbolizing Psychology, Physiology, Chemistry, Biology, Communication, Gravitation, Light (more advanced than MG's Enigma, includes healing, time-bending and just like Enigma=Vanish, invisibility), Sociology and Universe and becoming the 10th knowledge: Enlightenment, even though he is too far from it. Knowing this fact, he compensates this with studying and learning several martial arts, to acquire analytical skills and fight without relying purely on his enigma. From arc to arc, should be his enemies his ex-schoolmates from the past and the three empires, but a twist happens and his other childhood friend is the final enemy, who wants to erase the world along with all suffering caused by WW3. After a turn of events, MC suddenly gains a very worthy power-up: his extremely weak Enigma=Perceive evolves into a broken "Enigma=Zoroaster", which allows him not only perceive double realities but controls their very divisions (boundaries). Ending is when MC finally confess his love for the MG, and successfully achieves his goal.
Daniel Cook
Keep the stakes as low as possible for as long as possible - give the mc his own hurdle enemy, but don't put him up against the big bad right away. Have tiers and try to stick to them, but have characters above the tier of the mc fight each other often for the sake of spectacle until the mc is strong enough to be involved in more intense battles.
Ryder Sanders
Set place in a fictional Holy Roman Empire where Elector Princes have to fight using magic to become the next Emperor
Adrian Reed
A shonen battle series where the mc joins the catholic church, and wants to climb the ranks and become the pope.
youtube.com
Based on this video, but with more fighting during each step. There is both fighting inside the church, while also the forces of evil need to be kept at bay.
Lincoln Evans
>MC goes to school cafeteria with his harem of thirsty bimbos to eat
>Suddenly, a demon masquerading as a delinquent appears!
>"Hey you, MC's love interest #1! Give back the secret macguffin you stole from us in the intro of episode 1!"
>Evil demon tries to grab main waifu but protag interferes, demon gets irritated as fuck and shouts like a retard
>"YOU ARE COURTING DEATH!"
>Onlookers gossip about "there is no way this weak-looking dude could possibly beat the delinquent, the match is already decided! No need to even look!"
>protag awakens to the special power that had been dormant in him since birth, because his parents are superhuman creatures, he beats the demon in one punch, all the onlookers go "HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE!? He beat that evil dude! That can't possibly be! Who is that guy?"
>a little loli, seemingly the headmaster, but actually the leader of the anti-demon force on earth, who watches at the scene amused, scoffs at the cowering demon
>"You had eyes but couldn't see mount Fuji."
>Suddenly the voice of the demon lord, who is the defeated demon's dad, resounds through the entire city
>"HOW DARE YOU OPPOSE MY SON! THERE WILL BE NO RECONCILIATION! I'LL WIPE YOUR COMPLETELY GENERIC JAPANESE TOWN WITH A SEA VIEW OFF THE MAP!"
>protag goes on to wipe out the demon lord's servants in a series of 1-on-1 battles because "I won't do anything if I don't have to, but if I have to, I'll make it quick!"
>As MC is about to strike down the demon lord, the demon lord cries
>"Fool! I was actually a good guy trying to save the Earth from an invasion by the real bad guys and only pretended to be evil!"
>protag shrugs
>"I just want to go back to my peaceful everyday life!"
>And so protag forgives the demon lord and they become buddies and fight against enemy group Y (and later Z, because MUH progressive powerlevels)
>All these events took a short time to describe but actually happened in two 26-episode seasons
Luis Jackson
thats a good general tip.
Here's my go:
Hook: its in the future its also not. Technology regressed to the industrial age after a great catastrophe and is only now beginning to catch up to today's standards by recovering and analyzing lost technology from the 7 giant ruins around the world.
Power system:
Every human generates energy passively. This energy is then directed through his emotions at things he thinks of.
Through this process a variety of things happen: Inanimate objects and animals become monsters when feared. If enough energy is directed at a human he overloads, gaining a specific power which consumes said energy (Basically, power is granted to individuals in extreme situations through the pressure of a group). Proficiency with said power is a skill, however your energy pool/output is directly linked to how (in)famous you are. However there are also downsides: Overloading drastically shortens your lifespan and might even change your personality. Its crucial to somehow stabilize your power and not seek out too much if you want to live past 40.
Stakes:
Its a highschool for overloaded (awakened) people BUT WAIT its actually not highschool and more like military drills, mock fights and pushing students to gain more power, as more powerful soldiers are needed to reclaim the ruins from ancient monsters, even at the cost of the youth's future...
Thomas Long
>What is your series' hook...
MC is female, 23yo, muscle cake
Illustrated by Oogure Ito
>power system...
Mecha+Martial Art
Imagine Gunnm/Battle Angle Alita in a world of Kengan Ashura.
>stakes...
The gates of hell has opened ala Doom.
The story started with 14 characters, 6 died, and 5 turned into mecha-demon.
The final 3 is in love triangle, then the black haired love interest lost the MCbowl because he's a fucking pussy.
There's like 30 side characters, but they are just generic filler for world building.
>and what makes it original?
Nothing.
It's fucking shonen.
Jackson Myers
I think the biggest problem with shonen is the constant need for escalation. We need to go from bad guys who are threats to the city, to one who are a threat to the world, to ones who are a threat to the universe, and then finally bad guys who are a threat to the multiverse of something. And if the series needs to keep going from there, then the author is fucked. So instead of constantly introducing new villains, who could easily curb stomp the previous villain (previous villain being the strongest thing ever in his own arc), the challenges need to be more personal, and more like puzzles. By puzzles I mean, it shouldn't matter how hard the main characters can punch, but rather it should be about them figuring out the best way to win.
Lincoln Nguyen
agreed, just cap your powerlevels somewhere and never ever go over it. Make it so the solution isn't just to get stronger but maybe find a better way to use the strength that's already there. Give it some mysteries, and let your protag go wrong and fail sometimes. Overcoming failure and uncovering secrets can be as intense as fighting your next +10 Level Boss
Noah Phillips
Togashi is the prime example of that mistake. YYH was ridiculous in how it tried to one up each badguy. Toguro was god-like in power, but in the next arc, they say that he is just a B-tier baddie. Then Sensui is supposed to be many times stronger than Toguro, but Sensui also kinda got his ass beat with the ol' wet t-shirt trick (something that Toguro wouldn't even have noticed).
Eli Taylor
Show starts with mc, mentor character and large cast of characters a la bleach. They fight a force they don’t fully understand. Eventually a climax comes, mc and most of the cast dies. Mentor survives and becomes new mc.
Thomas Morris
How about a mainstream shonen, with mecha in it? Mecha can avoid all shonen pitfalls, while also being hot blooded and action packed.
>In shonen, the mc can get blinded in one eye, have his arm and fingers broken, ribs cracked, skull fractured, but he still wins the fight and by the next fight, he is alright (maybe a bandage around head or something).
>In mecha, it's the machine that takes most of the damage, giving the characters a more realistic scenario for returning to the battlefield next time.
>In shonen, characters just use a random power system that allows them to do whatever the hell they want. Also they get random powerups as the plot demands it.
>In mecha, there is a constant arms race, so powerups are just skilled pilots getting better machines, as the technology gets better. Also the powers make sense across the board (usually), since they are technology based.
Henry Flores
I am working on a series of my own. It's basically Vinland Saga/Rose of Versailles, but it focuses on Vlad Tepes, from childhood to death, along with both the historical characters that surrounded him, as well as fictional ones.
Dylan Perry
For some reason, mecha and shonen don't mix, the same way isekai and shonen dont mix.
Eli Diaz
>mecha and shonen don't mix
You can't possibly be this out of touch user.
Parker Hill
So where is the big mecha battle shonen at then?
Leo Fisher
Most mecha battle is shonen, user.
In fact sunday morning mecha anime are shonen, from Medabots to Eureka7.
Kayden Martin
Well, I had an idea I posted on one of these threads (the Sandboxes one), but I'm not sure if it qualifies. Can post again, if anyone is interested.