We're looking for a rockstar developer

You have anger mgmt issues due to low emotional intelligence, it checks out

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>Do you know java, react, mongo, COBOL, javascript, windows 95-10, linux,mac, templeOS, PHP, have a diamond rank in SFV, a girlfriend (bonus for side Hoe), and soft skills in customer service?

Replace SFV with Tekken, remove everything else, and that's ironically me. Where do I apply.

Are most developers autistic? Everyone we have brought in for an interview was fucked. I thought other electrical engineers were bad, but these guys take the cake.

$20,000 starting salary

kekekekekekekkekeekkekekekdddddd

>>must be willing to work in a diverse, supportive team working environment

Will be doing all the work because we have too many quota hires. Office filled with pajeets, trannys, women, and blacks.

rockstar and ninja are code words that mean, "we want you to carry this project, but can't pay you a fair market rate."

this. why must it all be true

>teamplayer

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So dye your hair blue for the interview

>we’re looking for the bosses nephew

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Also means you'll get paid the same as your glue sniffing coworkers

>SYNERGY!!!

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We have a ping pong table and beer in the fridge!!!!*

>Ping Pong table is under surveillance 24/7, any attempts to utilize said table comes with a verbal warning, followed by a written, and then you're fired.

>Able to work to open ended goals in a results driven manner, and always keep the customers needs in mind.

>We have a product manager but they have no idea what the fuck they are doing so can't plan 4 weeks ahead. As a result of this, the success or failure of the business rest on your ability to invent a product from behind your desk. If you listen to what we say, you'll get the blame when the business goes under. If you ignore what we say and build good product, we'll take the credit and reinforce our bad behaviour. We also don't know how to say no to customers as our CEO is high on the prestige of actually having customers. We advise that you get the fuck out after 1 yr as this is when all the hacks will come back in a tsunami and wash the sinners away. Be sure to hire an inexperienced dev to fill your shoes right before you leave.

what I hear when companies talk about all the cool stuff they have at the office
>we have tried to make it comfy here because you will be expected to work a lot. don't think of it as an office, think of it as your second home.

>we're moving to an open office concept, to allow better synergy between different team members
-results in a big loud office where it's impossible to concentrate without hearing buffoon coworkers guffawing over bullshit

I am a data rock star
Where's my $400K a year?

>LETS CIRCLE BACK TO UNPACK THAT

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>You have anger mgmt issues due to low emotional intelligence, it checks out

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>yes I have a strong emotional intelligence
>get hired, work remotely drinking beer and smoking weed and no pants is mandatory dress code

Not if you bring soï milk with you

> we're looking for a rockstar developer
> we only want to pay pajeet tier wages

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