We're looking for a team player

>we're looking for a team player

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>diverse team

>multifaceted manor

> we're playing for a team looker

>problem solver

>Salary: Competitive

>we're looking

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>we just fired the last guy for having an opinion

>We think outside the box by doing exactly what everyone else is doing!

>self starter comfortable with ambiguity

>why yes, I am a team player
>How could you tell?

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>team player
>everyone in the office has their headphones on and doesn't speak to anyone else most of the day
>get daily feedback where you nod your head in agreement

>Doctorate degree required

bahaha I'm putting in my two weeks for my job today. It might be a bad idea considering the upcoming economic collapse but fuck it. maybe we will get bailed out

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Kek

You dribbling retard. Now is the time to hold onto your job for dear life.

>Excellent interpersonal skills
>Solution-oriented
>Self-coordinating
>Positive can-do attitude

Too late fren, I've made up my mind

>We are looking for an autistic mumbler incapable of any kind of proactivity. Non-bathers prefered

I am the one you're looking for, someone that can fake all those traits convincingly

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>10 year of experience

>comission only

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>good goy

>Must exhibit high levels of enthusiasm!

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>we're looking for a socially awkward autist
>overtly racist and able to defend their viewpoint
>must be comfortable pissing in the sink
>resourceful, 5+ years NEET experience minimum
>able to work unsupervised
>experience of paint and photoshop essential
>able to identify pajeets and roasties in online discussions quickly and disregard
>experience of contributing and implementing new corporate culture

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I'm the man for your job!

>if you're a self starter with a fantastic can-do attitude and work ethic this is the perfect position for you

kill me

Holy Based!

>isn't afraid to use racial slurs

>leadership skills

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>we're looking for a developer (job description gets changed later to senior developer)

>Tfw grandma is from Spain so white but still 'hispanic'
>Tfw I am white af with a German last name but still count as a diversity hire

All smiles.

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>So user,
>Tell us about a time where you've had to resolve a conflict in the work place.

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I can bet they don't care about the problem or the resolution.
They just want to see if you are self aware and can admit that there were conflicts in your job experience.

uhh so there were two guyse and they were fighting an stuff and I said hey guys don't do that, umm.. heh.. yeah

In other words, it's an autism check.

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I got fired for "being a bad cultural fit" and "seeming uninterested at meetings" . This was a psuedo call center where I was expected to work nights and weekends with no benefits

>We are looking for an obedient drone NPC

Why can't they just be truthful?

lmao

>able to work hard in a competitive, fast paced environment

man this guy is hot

>thrives in a fast paced environment

>SAFe

>You will join our motivated, multicultural team at...

>interview went great, they liked you and you met all of their specific and demanding criteria
>*ghosts you*

that's gay bro

And if you don't want to die for this chitty job, then you can be sure that there are hundreds of asians and pajeets wanting to do the job for half your salary.

>fast paced environment

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>Hey user, just want to make sure we’re aligned with management on our new HR policy. Make sure you stay in your cube and don’t look at anyone, got it? Thanks! See you at the afternoon huddle.

HOLY FUCK THIS
>tell us about a time when you had to resolve a conflict involving policy
I'VE NEVER ENCOUNTERED THAT YOU FUCK
>yeah but can you give us a time
NO
>i need to fill out my checkboxes! why aren't you following the script! RRRRREEEEEEEE

>recruiter who has known me for a while sends me to an interview for a direct hire
>he gets the feedback
>they loved you! they enjoyed the interview and thought you were a great fit and your skills perfectly matched what they need, they really liked you, they think you'd be a great fit for the team and a match for the company culture
>but they went with someone else
>i've never seen this before and i just don't understand wtf
yeah man, welcome to my life, thanks

This shit happened to me and pissed me off

I always say I'm a team player in interviews, but once I get the job I do things on my own.

Same thing happened to me, except they strung me along for a month whittling down salary and then "postponed hiring due to the virus"

Just need one "real" niggerwageslavejob on my resume

>see job i'm perfectly qualified for
>send application
>no response
>they repost the ad a week later

And that's why autistic people should rise up and kill all neurotypicals.

We get fined a day's wages if we are caught looking at our phones how the fuck are you allowed to wear headphones?

>racist
Cringe

Autists are too predictable plus you retards are too preoccupied with model steam trains and Warhammer deep lore