BREAKING NEWS ITS HAPENING UNIRONICLY THIS TIME CONGRESS JUST AGREED ON STIMULUS!!!!!!!

Ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh

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back to work wagie

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How much do you anons want to bet they decided it will be distributed by a digital dollar system?

sorry i doubted you fren

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>angry redditor who was suckered into SPY puts by the other dunning-kruger 80 IQ mongoloids over in street-shitter bets

get fucked on, idiot

I'll never doubt you again. Thank you fren.

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>Stimulus passes; all of a sudden barrage of kids dying news ceases like emergency brakes on train.
Oh, we were wrong it was nothing. Back to work!

Checked my account where are my fucking gibs

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Thank Christ.

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Brehs if I put in some orders after hours for SDOW and SQQQ what do?

I showed my boomer boss how to get us designated as an essential service so we can stay open!

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for real? amerifats are the biggest cucks on this planet

If you put in orders after hours, they won't fill until the market opens in the morning. You should still be able to cancel them before the market opens.

BUY BUY BUY

cancel them before they execute even though shit will dip tomorrow

rrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>be wagie
>get fired this week when all the firings are actually going to happen
>oops sorry no gibs 4 u
The wagie knows no end to suffering

Nah, I'm just being a blackpilled dick. I'm having a weird night, bro. Wanna play words with friends with me?

Again, just to clarify. I was only being a miserable asshole.

but seriously when the fuck will I get my trumpbux? Is the $1,200 a settled figure?

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I read you five by five, bucko. Good work, son!

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worldometers.info/coronavirus/country/us/
when will this pass. whats the next two weeks? worse or better.

There... I even deleted it so as not to cause panic. I'm the fake news now.

I think so. No scaling so any tax filers get it.

>washingtonpost.com/us-policy/2020/03/24/trump-coronavirus-congress-economic-stimulus/
>$1200 to most adults
Includes NEETs?

Done. Buy SPY or other alternative?

>futures still red

LMAO ITS OVER

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>Includes NEETs?

think so as long as you filed your taxes in 2019.

it just happened man

It could peak in 6 weeks. It would still be shit in 10 weeks. The Trumpbux are to pay you to stay home and observe quarantine without a job.

I was claimed as a dependent and didnt

We live niggas
>youtube.com/watch?v=jql_n6zJNQM

Nah it's based on income tax liability. So if you don't have liability on your taxes, then it's only $600 anyway.

kikes win again

>The Senate bill would direct payments of $1,200 to most American adults and $500 to most children, create a $500 billion lending program for companies, states, and cities, and extend an additional $367 billion to help small companies deal with payroll problems. It would bolster the unemployment insurance system and pump $150 billion into U.S. hospitals. The bill more than doubled in size in just a few days.

>This pertains to the $500 billion loan and loan guarantee program that the Treasury Department would be tasked with administering for companies, states, and cities. Of that amount, $425 billion is supposed to go to businesses, cities and states. An additional $50 billion would go to passenger airlines, as well as $8 billion for cargo airlines, and $17 billion for firms that are deemed important to national security.

>The legislation would also significantly boost unemployment insurance, expanding eligibility and offering workers an additional $600 a week for four months, on top of what state unemployment programs pay.

The fuck are children going to do with $500?

give it to me when I take it from them and give them a glass of chocolate milk in exchange because stupid fucking kids don't know about value

How bullish is this for the United Nations Dollar AKA UND AKA my ticket out forever.?

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UNEMPLOYED AND FURLOWED GET CONTINUED BENEFITS AND THEIR SALARY RENUMERATED BY FEDERAL GOVERNMENT

So no gibs for everyone? Just corporations and the unemployed?

God bless the bless the soviet states of America and the socialist-corporatist oligarchy for which it stands.

This is what you let them sell you down the river for? A month of gibs after tehy take your jobs away from you on purpose?

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Working from home NEETcuck :)

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It's for families with children. Ex: if you're married and have 2 kids, you get an extra $1000.

Is this the 2 trillion dollars on the feds 4 trillion dollars? Has this passed the house?

Nothings passing without refugee gibs.

they just made a deal, have to write it up then vote wednesday

>feds 4 trillion

its 2 trillion on the feds 6 trillion bucko

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Also is this $1200/month or just 1200 bucks? Because kek, cityfags paying cityrent are fucked. I just want to know if I'm getting my 500 linkies or more.

THIS IS INSANE

we are paying people not to riot, relax

>checks to many Americans
Do neets count?

Looks to be one time unless you are one of the literally millions of people claiming unemployment insurance.

Did they include the 75k to 99k salary roll-off that they had talked about?
My taxable income in 2018 was about 76k ... hopefully I still get something out of this.

That's fucking gay, I'm the sole proprietor of my business and we're out of work. I think all that's offered to me is 1200 bucks and options for debt.

There is no word yet on who qualifies for the $1200

It's okay I love you user

They announced the highlights. That was not detailed

>stupid fucking kids don't know about value

neither does the Fed

Well how much did you spend on lobbying this year and last?

30% unemployment soon, gotta skin the last sheep for everything they're worth now that the herd is thinning :^)

Listen up faggots before you lose all your money:
This needs to pass by unanimous consent in the senate since the house is on recess.
If it is passed by unanimous consent, only 2 members of the house need to be present.

AOC is already rabblerousing on twitter.

When placing your bets tmrw, understand you are not betting on the Senate being filled with mostly reasonable people, you are placing a bet that every single senator will do the right thing and not be a selfish cunt.

I'm not telling you what to do either way, I have both puts and calls in certain areas, but know what game you are playing first.

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Then whoever claimed you will get $500 - and no legal requirement to give it to you.

Womp womp.

I can already see the fraud starting

The kids aren't going to do anything with it, retard. Their parents will use it to house and feed them. Are you that fucking stupid that you think the Federal Gov is gonna cut checks to minors? Jesus fuck, what the hell is wrong with you?

splx if you have nuts to withstand 3x leverage

but what if you are claimed as an adult (older than 24)

>2 trillion
Futures doesn't react, sell the news it is

The best sign the US will collapse is that it's literally 2020 and they don't fucking realize they could call in votes. In a pandemic.

If even one fucker in the House objects to unanimous consent, *all* representatives have to physically show up and vote. And they're doing nothing to change that. They're like NPCs someone forgot to update.

$2T is nothing if total toxic derivatives are in the quadrillion ballpark

wasnt this bill using 2018 taxes? i havent filed my 2019 taxes yet but i'm going to be filed as dependent either way since i finished up school last year. ill see if i can get the money from my parents anyway since they likely will let me have it

Futures just went green, stupid.

I need my $1200 worth of alcohol ASAP. Sooner I get it the sooner I don't see this motherfucking hell anymore.

Luckily, my parents...