Sir this doesnt make any sense, sir

>Sir this doesnt make any sense, sir.
>What do you mean Kowasinski?
>He did not leave the house even before the corona virus pandemic. Did he know?

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>Sir, the thread has been up for around 30 minutes and he hasn't gotten a single reply
>Not even one!? Are you shitting me Johnson? This guy sounds like a real fucking loser
>Yes Sir, he is... Should we give his failing thread a courtesy bump so he doesn't feel so bad?
>I like the way you think Johnson, you son of a bitch

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I smiled

>Did you get a trace?
>I did, sir, but it’s not making any sense.
>Talk to me, Pitrewyldonnelski!
>The call’s coming from inside the house! But... but he lives in his car!
>*violently picks up phone* Get me the Mayor! *pause* Then pull him out of the tub!

Is this the /get/ general?

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lets test this bad boy out

get out

>Sir take a look at this, we bugged all his communications and have had him under 24 hour video surveillance. Yet he's still having a full blown conversation with someone as he paces back and forth in his room which he hasn't left.
>That son of a bitch who's he talking to? Do we have any leads
>That's the thing chief we don't even hear anyone else respond when he pauses.
>Good Lord, he must have some tiny home made communication device. Get me the secretary right now!

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based

It saddens me to hear these people in quarantine going on about cooking new things and all the activities they can now do in quarantine, but as an actual NEET I'm lucky if I have the energy to stay out of bed for an entire day or the mental energy to work on pretty much anything.
>t. Woke up after going to bed 11 hours prior and within an hour or two taking more sleep aid to go back to bed for the rest of the day

It's a "only greentext replies get dubs" episode

Have you been watching me agent johnson?

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>S...sir, you're gonna want to see this.
>What is it Bobrovsky?
>Whenever the thinks nobody is watching, look at how he climbs the stairs. On all fours, like some sort of animal. We think he's performing some kind of genetic experiment...on himself.
>Christ, I'm gonna be sick...
>Should I call...her, sir?
>We have no choice.

haha who would do such a silly thing

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>We need to find out more about this guy. Johnson, find me all his past girlfriends.
>Sir, I already tried that. There's noone. The kissing files we keep on all citizens as well as the sex registry all come out empty. Hell, we even tried the hugging database. Nothing.
>He probably changed his identity. Keep him under surveillance.

why do you take meds for sleep

what the fuck is wrong with you people? be normal

I got a hug when I was 13, see you losers.

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My mom doesn't count

>sir, you’re going to want to see this
>what is it?
>we’ve been watching this son of a bitch work as a janitor on a hugely popular website. All day he does it.
>get to the point
>we just got off the phone with the IRS, and PayPal
>well?
>he’s been doing it... for free
>but that’s impossible!

>status update rookie
>he's still at the computer
>scrolling
>no changes at all?
>sometimes he chuckles out of nowhere
>like he's amused at what he's reading
>sick bastard

>We think he's performing some kind of genetic experiment...on himself.
Fucking lost it.

>Sir, we got a lead on him. His steam profile is active
>Steam? What is it?
>It's a platform for playing video games
>Video games!? Isn't he in his 20s?
>Indeed sir... His profile picture is a drawing of a pale white man
>I think we're dealing with a psychopath. Keep digging rookie
>Hmm let's see... there's a tab that show his recent activ- OH DEA GOD!
>WHAT IT IS ROOKIE?
>I-it says 140 hours in the last 2 weeks.

why did your mom hug him? what would make a grown woman hug a 13 year old boy that's not her child?

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>have you checked the held hands registry?
>nothing sir, it’s like he doesn’t exist

Because she's a caring and lovely woman.

>Sir, you need to see this right now!
>What is it Johnson? Better not be another false alarm, I've got a foot massage appointment at 3.
>Well sir, remember how we found out he spends all day browsing some website called "TeeVee"?
>Yes, yes, out with it Johnson
>Sir, you need to sit down... One of the interns typed "TV - Television and Film" into Google. Then she clicked on "images"...
>Well show it to me Johnson. This some sort of code? You told me he was a college drop out that lived with his mom.
>Just a moment sir, let me pull it up... And there we go...
>Jesus Christ Johnson, get the FBI on the line right now. We're in way over our fucking heads...

most these people are attention whores who only "learn" new things for likes and retweets. You should ignore them and get a job, grocery stores are hiring, I myself might go work there too while I'm supposed to be working at home for my real job

you've got to keep in mind that social media is much more about managing your image than being that image
like if they learned about cooking, they probably spent hours learning how to make that 1 thing and then perfectly made that picture and then that's the extent of what they've learned
think about it in terms of "what if people solely perceived me as a person through what I posted on social media?"
for all you know, that person then got stoned and then just masturbated and watched cartoons for the rest of the day after posting their baked bread or whatever

because of my big dick energy