Let's play a game, Yas Forums. Your challenge is to rewrite the Twilight saga so that it is at least watchable. Here are the rules:
1. You can make whatever changes you want to the story
2. You cannot remove any existing characters, but you can change their personalities.
ITT: Rewrite Twilight
Blake Torres
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Angel Gomez
bump
Parker Murphy
Bella and Alice and maybe Anna Kendrick move to Melbourne and have sexual intercourse with me
Edward goes to jail for cunny related charges
Jacob dies idk
Nolan James
Checking those trips also, I'd pretty much just scrap all of the gay vampire shit by Stephanie Meyer and replace it with World of Darkness vampire lore. Edward's family are mostly Toreador except for the doctor guy who is a Ventrue and the big dude who is a brujah.
All the werewolves should stay the same, making Jacob's crew just a bunch of wannabe furries and real werewolves being an absolute threat to any vampire, no matter how old.
Also Bella's child is a cursed child, an abomination in the eyes of YHWH and the precurssor of the Gehenna. This opens up into everyone wanting to kill the child except for a faction who see the kid as a sign for redemption to the vampires.
Oliver Young
Mon Visage actually reading these books
Chase Stewart
>says remove instead of kill
Pussy.
Anthony Peterson
Checked, as for the rewrite:
>Jacob is a vampire hunter who has to keep his identity as one a secret.
>Bella is still the daughter of a police officer, but she now she is not a bitch and actually has common sense.
>Edward is a psychopath who goes to school so that he can prey on young people.
>Plot revolves around Jacob's attempt to stop and Edward and his gang of vampires and to protect Bella, who is trying to discover the truth of what is happening in her town.
Samuel Allen
less plastic overall and more real feelings and conflict with deep passion
Isaac Morgan
Nine hours of hardcore Jacob/Edward anal fucking.
Jordan James
Bump
Jayden Jenkins
- romance plot ditched entirely
- Bella is now an investigative reporter trying to solve disappearances that have happened over the last few months
- Pattinson's character is the suspect
- Jacob is a witness to the crime.
Christian Brown
Pattinson = alucard
Jacob = belmont clan
Bella = belnades
Dominic Baker
Cast two actually attractive guys as Edward and Jacob. Recast Bella with someone who can act.
Jace Reed
>mostly similar story
>objectively better actors, writers, director, etc etc etc
>drop the horrible cgi shit
>change vampire lore to be "cool" instead of fruity
>"werewolves" are now werewolves
Brayden Hernandez
The girl is 11 years old instead. Bam! Instant Yas Forums classic. All threads bound to be deleted on sight from seething jannies too.
Carson Butler
>Focus is on the Billy Burke character, Bellas father.
>finds out a his daughters new bf is a vampire
>goes absolutely mental and stakes / shoots / decapitates him
>locks Bella in the cellar surrounded by crucifixes and garlic and mystic symbols and shit
>goes on the hunt for every last bloodsucker
>makes uneasy alliance with werewolf indians to kill the headvampire
>nearly dies trying to kill him and save his daughter
>once the bossvampire is dead bella goes back to normal
>or so we thought as it turns out she was a vampire all along after being bitten by edward and she was just being kept in check by garlic and jesussticks
>kills her father who just sacrificed everything for her
>cliffhanger montage of her preparing to turn the entire town
Sebastian Scott
6 movies of Anna Kendrick, Ashley Greene and Kristen Stewart getting gangbanged by an array of fantastical creatures
Brayden Sanchez
haha what are you like nobody would be interested in that
Wyatt Watson
x2
Kevin Powell
I bring in the rock as a monster slayer and to take over the film
Hunter Wood
Adam Miller
youtube.com
More baseball, less melodrama
Caleb Richardson
x2
Levi Miller
x3
Christopher Cox
OOOOO
Gavin Barnes
Nicholas Sanders
This, except he finds out that Bella is a vampire before he lets her out. The film ends on a cliffhanger as he begins the search to cure her vampirism.
Lucas Walker
Jacob only fucks Bella as a dog
Brayden Carter
bella kills jacob once she finds out he wants to fuck her baby
Isaac Mitchell
x4
Jose Thomas
Timothee Chalamet as Edward.
Everything is fixed.
David Sanders
>werewolves aren't giant wolves, but the werewolves of the film Van Helsing
>werewolves can murder dozens of vampireniggers without breaking a sweat
>delet everything after New Moon
Mason Gonzalez
edward is a man slipping ever further into the throes of schizophrenia. he believes he’s a vampire and hallucinates that his dad is also a vampire and a successful doctor, when he’s actually a handyman who is totally at a loss as to how to help his son. edward begins stalking a girl he went to high school with based on the belief that they are soulmates. when she rejects him because she already has a boyfriend (jacob, who lives on the nearby rez) edward incorporates the entire tribe into his fantasy, convincing himself they’re werewolves and attaching small explosives to their cars in an attempt to “hunt” them. the tribe spends the rest of the movie trying to find edward, who is completely losing his mind.
directed by the safdie brothers or the guy who made nightcrawler